Today is my birthday! Becoming twenty-er-something is not a huge milestone, but the reminder to celebrate life (side note – my name means “full of life” ) and appreciate all that I have is a welcomed one any day of the year.

These last few weeks I’ve been trying to reduce my intake of grains, and have noticed that I may actually be very gluten-sensitive, but this has only been since a stomach bug I had in January so I believe my gut has been left depleted and wacky. In the meantime, I am enjoying eating and cooking nourishing foods, and this morning as a birthday treat I made myself (and indirectly, my family) some gluten-free cream cheese coffee cake. It’s divine, especially with a little extra maple syrup on the top

I am feeling like celebrating today, despite any concerns or inconveniences that are inevitably part of life on this rock. My husband, darling man that he is, brought me home the most delightful assortment of houseplants for my birthday, from nearby Brick Street Botanicals, a natural florist/nursery in downtown Rogers. I especially love the driftwood and old fruit crate used as planters – how lovely!

My sweet toothy-grinned child woke up before me this morning and made me THREE cards and several drawings, excited to show me what he made for me for my birthday. Here is one, where he is phonetically spelling out Happy Birthday and drew me a little cake with candles I also heard him trying to get Verity to practice saying “Happy Birthday, Mama” – it just brings tears to my eyes to be so loved by such beautiful creatures.

Tonight I’m planning a fun gluten-free dinner: coconut baked shrimp, baked potatoes, and glazed carrots. Afterwards, I’m crossing my fingers that I can pull off this amazing looking Deep Dark Chocolate Tart (gluten, dairy, and refined sugar free!) for my birthday cake. (Every one needs something baked and chocolate for their birthday, I don’t care how old you are!)

I was tickled to find so many birthday wishes when I woke up and checked my email and facebook. What a life to have lived only 27 years and have so many dear friends, family, and acquaintances. I am so truly blessed.

One message this morning was so sweet and thoughtful. My beautiful friend from middle/high school wrote me and included some snippets from a book I had made her of birthday quotes for her birthday – must have been around 14(?). Some were original quotes from me, which really made me grin at my younger self:

“Doing God’s Will is like being employed for a job you love with lots of benefits.” – Vivian Rose Melody
“Love until the day you die and you will never really die.” – vrm

Ha! Too cute.

So tomorrow, very very early, we are heading back up to Columbia, MO. Have a few things to scope out and will tell you more about that as things pan out. In the meantime, I wish you all a day worth celebrating

“We can only be me!”
shouted Little Girl,
anxious arms raised overhead,
a frantic octopus showing off stress.

“We can only let it be,”
answered back the Small Woman,
(half) bluffing wisdom, (half) self-assured.

“Look –
sometimes we will nail it,”
she went on.
“The flavors will mix together and – viola! —
a blend of strict rules with flexible rhythms,
both learned and innate.”

“Other times, frankly – a misstep will lead us
a direction we never planned
and all we are left with is
bacon in green curry.”

Little Girl put her head in her hands,
at once thrilled and exhausted by these prospects.

“Bacon in green curry, you say?”
After a quick pause, she lifted her face,
and as though accepting her fate, resolved,
“I guess there are worse things.”

In this late afternoon I am watching the snow continuing to come down in drifts and flurries, as it has been since I was sleeping soundly yesterday evening. The yard is completely covered and we are completely content inside in the warmth. I have a candle going today, a reminder to pray for a sweet friend on this very special day. I’ll tell you more about that later

We read “The Big Snow ” and placed some seeds, blueberries, and puffed rice cereal outside for the birds, hoping the snow would let up long enough for them to find it before it too was enveloped in this white blanket. We have plans to make some coconut snowball cupcakes later and read more favorite snow books: “The Story of the Snow Children” and “Snowy Day“.

Sooooo white and fluffy – I have never seen anything like this. The perfect condition for a day of snow and more snow – this Florida-raised gal is impressed.

We just finished devouring some empanadas and I thought I should take this opportunity to tell you about them. Puerto Rican empanadas are a meat filled pastry of tasty goodness. In a pinch last month, Chris needed to bring a hispanic dish to a work party and we had to use what we had on hand. I decided to try my hand at these little half-moons of flavor, using this recipe as a guide. We took a bite. We swooned. Oh yeah, this is it. Chris declares it his favorite home-made meal to date, 9 years into our relationship. I promise to make Empanada night a staple, for my sweetheart and very bestest friend.

Come on, you know you want one:

I use local pasture raised ground beef, organic ingredients where applicable, and I don’t skimp on the seasoning. I use extra cilantro and tomato sauce, and throw some Adobe seasoning in as well. Also, I toss in a finely diced fresh jalapeno.

Rolling out the dough, folding over and pricking with a fork is becoming a rhythmic therapy, linking me in some small way to all the strong homemakers who have come before…

We do fry these, because the hubster wants authentic PR cuisine, but I believe a healthier version could be achieved from baking these little pies with a basting of extra virgin olive oil, too

The result is a hot pocket made for divinity.

Enjoy with a jug glass of rum, cranberry-blueberry juice, and you guess it – more cilantro! My original recipe

Where ever you are, whatever your weather, keep that kitchen rockin’!

I’ve been drawn to winter trees lately, if you couldn’t tell from the blogs current redesign. Something about their skyline tops contrast against a crimson and violet sunset, their naked branches reaching outward and upward to grab the sun with all their little paths, and paths of paths, that are hidden in high summer. Now exposed, they showcase the most intricate designs, unique at each intrigued gaze, new distance and fresh perspective. I can’t stop pointing my camera at them, hoping to spot a bird or two, who are usually far too quick for my slow trigger finger.

Enjoy this set from an early evening family walk in the park yesterday…

“The wet dawn inks are doing their blue dissolve.
On their blotter of fog the trees
Seem a botanical drawing –
Memories growing, ring on ring,
A series of weddings.

Knowing neither abortions nor bitchery,
Truer than women,
They seed so effortlessly!
Tasting the winds, that are footless,
Waist-deep in history –

Full of wings, otherworldliness.
In this, they are Ledas.
O mother of leaves and sweetness
Who are these pietàs?
The shadows of ringdoves chanting, but chasing nothing.”

-Sylvia Plath

Today was a simple day. Lately, there seem to be more and more of them. I am constantly having to remind myself to keep it that way – to not destroy the method by tacking on extra to-do’s, and to just “be” as often as possible.

A day like this, with no one down from the latest viruses that float around this great green and blue earth, has been few and far between. Linens were hung outside in the sunny 40 degree mid-day, chickens stayed out from dawn til dusk soaking it up, Ethan climbed a tree while the baby slept. And today was a day of learning. Ethan was very productive with all the things he got done, his reading and history and math and language lessons. I even let him do a computer game (Magic School Bus explores the Rainforest!), which is not exactly in our typical “way” to homeschool, but it seemed like a nice treat after a day spent on books and rulered paper and chalkboards…

Ethan. He is something else. In the quiet of our own home, he has truly begun to make changes in the way he relates to me, his respect and empathy and self-control. He is still incredibly energetic around new people, and continues to have a difficult time waiting his turn to speak, but the way in which he has been maturing these last few weeks has been truly a blessing to me. It has made our days much more enjoyable, our relationship much more sustainable, and even his dad and sister are relating better to him as he takes on the “air” of a 6 year old (who even lost his first tooth recently!!!). There are successes and failures, learning experiences, for us both. Parenting 24/7 is a colorful journey of ups and downs, to say the least.

And I’m not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg, but I’m also feeling — in general — much calmer, less rushed, more playful and quiet-toned, than I have in years. Giving up on devoting a major chunk of my day to income generating work has been a long-time coming, but I can still hardly believe how good it feels to flow about my day managing my household, attempting to catch up on the constant stream of childrens’ needs and wants, without the demands and pressures of an outside job zapping my reserves of time, energy, and patience out from under me. On top of not devoting major hours each day to working from home, I have also not been drinking caffeine, replaced now for THREE weeks with calming handcrafted herbal tea, high quality foods and supplements of vitamins and minerals that support my weak liver, foggy brain, and wacky hormonal glands. It’s been an interesting time, despite catching colds and this and that, because I have a very distinct mood elevation these last few weeks and I must say — I rather like feeling happy

As I blogged about recently, Chris and I ventured up through the snow to Columbia, MO this last weekend. The drive was wonderful, both times, and allowed us a great time of conversation we’ve been needing to catch up on. Our friends we stayed with were marvelous hosts in the most charming of homes, and the time we spent with them was lovely. Even though I caught Ver’s stomach bug of last week and spent most of the day Saturday feeling queasy, I am still very glad to have made the trip. Ethan, too, caught the bug, and that is my one regret that the poor guy was staying here in Arkansas with family when it hit him Friday night, leaving them to clean up the “mess” that comes along with a stomach virus. Thumbs down for that, but otherwise a good report. There is nothing concrete about us moving up there, but we can definitely see our family and lifestyle fitting in well with the area, and most importantly that the flexibility of a job at the bakery there for Chris would allow our family more quality time together and a better quality of life in general. Beyond that, though, it is too early to make any certain announcements. Definitely a neat little city with a great “vibe”, which we enjoyed if even just for a weekend.

Now we are faced with a few impending decisions – the first one being to give our notice and not renew our lease beyond next month (yikes!). I am finding this part difficult, despite all the complaints I have against this house, because in the end I came to this house to really make it my own and be here awhile. As I was cleaning these old wood floors and remember Ethan and I mopping together once and he said, “I know! It’s like we are giving the house a bath!” I sat on the front porch swing knitting and remember the first few weeks when Chris built and painted those “Mystery Purple” railings. Ethan and I always talked about blessing our house by keeping her clean, and when some one would get hurt because they were acting up we would joke that the old house was reminding us to be gentle on her and slow down. I have memories here in just one year, and in the end, as of right now, this old drafty moldy house is all I got. Transition and limbo and unknown are so much more difficult states of being to embrace than grounded, rooted, and established. I know that the roof over my head is NOT my home, in fact I was not even MADE for this world, but my insecurities cling to what’s familiar and has found it really hard to bite the bullet and actually leave this house, esp not knowing exactly when and to where. I know I need to dig in deep and gain some wisdom and perspective, and trust that when I Let Go, I will be carried in His Will.

1. Food. Food plays such an integral role in my life. Sometimes I have to pinch myself at the luxury, the vast riches, of the simple life. And yeah, I’m fairly ahem-poor-ahem, but I seriously and passionately believe you can’t put a price tag good solid nutrition or the health and life it brings, not to mention the good it puts into the world. (huzzah for food justice!) We continue to use the bulk buying club method and our local natural food co-op to try to make creative, affordable meals that are nourishing. Not always easy, but well worth the extra effort. Just one example: this morning I was making blueberry muffins (soaked whole wheat pastry flour, rapidura sugar, fat wild blueberries, organic oats = sweeeeeetness). I sprinkled the buttery chunks of streusel topping over the top of the muffin pan. Washing off in warm water, my hands felt the luxurious treat of a raw sugar, cinnamon, pastured butter, oat scrub no spa could replicate

2. The sun. Oh mister sun, sun, mister golden sun… The sun came out to play today, giving me time to hang two loads of laundry amidst a little crunch crunch from the lingering icy snow on the ground. The chickens couldn’t be happier to have water that didn’t freeze right away and plenty of fresh kitchen scraps to scratch around in. They even blessed us with 6 eggs this week (way to push through tough times, girls!) The kids, however, still deemed it too cold to hang in the yard with me, (those weak willed ruffians.)

3. Garlic. This may well have its own category because this little miracle bulb has really been helpful to me lately. You see, I get chronic sinus infections as well as a host of other inflammatory symptoms like itchy red patches of skin. I began drinking raw garlic tea and noticed how much quicker the sinus infection went dormant again. Then I read that in countries where they consume 10-12 raw cloves a day, garlic has been linked to reduced risk of cancer and a host of other diseases. I’ve since crushed a few cloves here and there through out the day, but my favorite is still that soothing tea. Now, before you go “GAHG!” let me walk you through the how-to and let you see for yourself how mellow this tea actually is: press 3 whole cloves of raw garlic in a mug. Wait 10-15 minutes for the good stuff to extract. Meanwhile, gently boil non-chlorinated water. Pour water over the garlic and add plenty of raw honey and fresh squeezed lemon. Once it cools enough to drink, sip it all and be sure to eat up the bits of garlic at the bottom. They are surprisingly delightful, not at all to pungent, this way. I’ve been able to stay on top of my sinus problems and my skin has been getting smoother each day. (I’ve also given up caffeine — yes, the former blogger of MamaNEEDJava! — and am watching things like alcohol and refined flours and sugars even more carefully – but that’s another post for another day).

4. Knitting. I know, I know, you can totally call my “duh” on this one but a list of my happy things would be not be complete without the noble mention of my favorite hobby. I’ve been feverishly finishing a layette for a good friend of mine’s baby shower tomorrow and the smooth organic cotton yarn has been a nice, effortless companion amongst a hard week of frigid temps, sick babies, and cabin fever. I’ll post pics soon (don’t want to spoil the surprise )

5. Damien Rice. Ohhhhhhh the Damien love is pumpin through my veins this week. The soulful harmonies with string and acoustic accompaniments – ugh- I… I’m without words, but not without tears. It’s moving, I tell ya.

6. Portlandia. The new show cracks me up and renews my heart for all things Portland. PDX love.

7. Beta fish. The re-homing and loss of our widdle kitty Paz last year has left a deep void that only owning another pet can fill. Alas, we are in way too much of a transitional phase in our lives to bring a furry critter along for the ride. But this week we got two beta fish (homed separately, of course) who floats their purdy wittle fins in graceful waves above natural river rock and spin circles around the living bamboo in their jar. Periodically they call a happy “Howdy” to the snails we bought to live with them (for real, its almost audible.) Not cuddle worthy, no, but entertaining and low-maintenance, yes. For now, that little space inside that longs for something alive to share our home with, (besides the constant stream of pests that try to take up residents here – the family of raccoons and the TWO venomous shrews we’ve captured), feels satiated.

8. A job. Today hubby finally moved from “temp” to a real bonafide job job within the company he’s been assigned to since September. While it’s not the career launching thing he is passionate about, it is slightly more security and slightly more pay, both of which contribute to slightly more peace of mind

9. Road trip plans. Chris and I are getting out of dodge next weekend for a quick trip up to Columbia, MO. We are scoping out the scene up there, seeing if we get that “home” feeling, and visiting with some sweet friends. Ver will come with, while Ethan will spend the weekend with his doting aunt, in the bliss of his older cousins full attention To say I CAN’T WAIT would be an enormous understatement. I’m already compiling playlists for our 5 hour drive… sooooo excited!

10. Annie Dilliard. Reading The Writing Life again. It always inspires me to dig deep and start the work of being a serious writer. Meh… we’ll see. Still, love her prose.

I leave you with a few more sweet moments this week: impression ornaments with homemade clay and rock photo/card holders, both inspired by GardenMama.

This winter has been good and hard at the same time. Garlic has helped. And I gave up coffee for New Year’s… we’ll see how that goes.

It is tough work, this life. Hanging up clothes on the line in the winter and staring down that pile of dishes that seems to magically transplant itself BACK in the sink every time I walk away from the kitchen. Sometimes I think, enough! there must be more to life than this! And indeed there is. But it’s there all the time, in the relationships, in the growth, in the stretch that burns. It’s in the clothes and the dishes and midnight nursing and the stir-crazy-lack-of-car thing and the oh-my-gosh-how-are-we-going-to-pay-the-bills thing.

It’s the endurance, the perseverance, the surrender, the trust in what you cannot see. Hard times come and hard times go. What else can I say? At least I haven’t been struck in the head by a dead bird

Instead, I bring you winter images that capture the heart of my life; the good, precious bucket fulls of grace and beauty all around me.

As you can see, I’ve been away from this blog space for awhile. This season has been particularly full of colds here at our home and it has taken about the last of the energy and resources I would otherwise have for keeping up with folks and/or creative juiciness.

Just thought I’d let ya know

I hope to write more in the coming weeks, get some pictures on here and share a bit.

In the meantime, warmest holidays and treasured memories to you,

mama

I’m a woman of few words these days. There is so much going on that by the time I have anything to share my own life has outdated it. Perhaps this has a lot to do with the fact that transitions and changes are about and all around, and never really seem to let up much in my life. My energy and efforts are best spent staying present and introverted, looking towards my winter hibernation and picking up some knitting needles while my brain plays out scenarios even in it’s sleep.

But one thought came to me today, and I want to share it before the moment passes by and drifts off into the land of Thoughts I Had Once.

Returning home from a large Thanksgiving gathering with family, groggy and exhausted with kids already asleep in the back, Chris squeezes my hand and makes conversation, “What was your favorite food today?”

I thought about this a bit. There was SO much food and a huge variety of styles. Finally I said, “Actually, I really liked the cornbread.”

He smiled. “Yep, that was my favorite too.”

We kept on driving in sleepy silence, passing the rolling hills of this area of the Ozarks that were wet and icy from this morning’s rains. My thoughts drifted to how nice it is to be in sync with another person. It doesn’t happen often, but even the littlest thing like favoring the same random side dish is a sweet reminder that companionship has it’s rewards.

This Fall we endured a marital crisis and once again decided to brave the hard road of trekking ahead together. Now we face exciting and frightening possibilities with Chris’ future career choices, and the endless possibilities and unknowns it brings with it. These decisions are already stretching me in many ways, showing me where I lack trust and vision, where I DON’T lack pride — but should, and how little if any good comes of my need to control the outcomes.

But mostly, I’m learning anew how very important it is that no matter what happens, we make the most of and cherish those we love.

I am grateful for a husband who gives the best foot rubs in the universe and whose heart burns with a desire to take care of his family. I am grateful for a sensitive, excitable, imaginative young boy whose presence humbles me every day, in every way, because he deserves only the best nurturing, support, and respect and I fall short in providing that every day, in every way. I am grateful for a loud independent daughter who tells you just what she wants when she wants it — but whose quiet secret is that she is indeed a sweetheart and in her shy smile she tells you of how very much she needs you and how very small she really is.

For a God who doesn’t give up, whose aim is to fix all that is broken and twisted in my heart so I can finally see how very deeply He loves me. For a God who is big enough to incorporate ALL of the broken and twisted hearts in this world in his plan.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Last weekend my maternal grandma, Maw Maw Rose, passed on to the next phase of her life. We gathered with others in the family for services on Saturday in little Breaux Bridge, Louisiana where she was remembered, mourned, celebrated, and experienced in the lives of those she shared hers with.

I had the pleasure of spending a few days with Maw Maw when Ethan was little, and had not been able to make it back to see her since. I valued the talks with her, as she shared with me her vivid memories of the early romance and motherhood years of her life. She was, above all, so quiet and humble in her natural beauty and talents, always more eager to serve others rather than be served: “What you need, shâ?”

She raised 7 children in the little 2 bedroom home her husband obtained from family (and made additions to slowly, including a bathroom,) and remained in that home until her last day on earth.

The backyard of this little home features a shed, inside which is covered with murals my mother, middle of the seven, painted on the walls. There’s an old cast iron swing my grandpa made with his own hands (a man who taught himself to play three instruments, another humble talent). Their children and children’s children have countless memories at this home.

Over this shed there is a huge pecan tree, which graciously drops its nuts each Autumn. Maw Maw’s children remember collecting the pecans to raise a little Christmas money each year.

The day Maw Maw passed, she commented that the pecan tree was dropping. At her post-funeral gathering, a few of us noticed the rich bounty of pecans under our feet and began to collect in the cool evening air. We plan to make our two bags worth into pecan pie at Thanksgiving from Maw Maw’s tree, a small tribute to her legacy of baking for her family.

I am honored with the legacy of both my grandma’s, my namesakes: Vivian Savoy and Rose Mae Melancon, both now deceased in recent years. Vivian, my paternal grandmother, was another natural beauty as well as a brilliant mathematician with a very keen knack for just about everything from gardening, to art, to writing and story-telling. She too raised seven children, managing to get her masters and become a professor to boot! Before Alzheimer’s began to set in, she had traveled and seen more adventure than most people ever do.

Today is All Soul’s Day, a day to remember those who have passed. We have created a little table with their pictures and momentos, including a painting of Vivian’s, and covered with the last of our fading marigolds. We are weaving in a little Hispanic “Dio de los Muertos” into our tradition with these and some decorated skull masks. Later we’ll be making Shropshire Soul Cakes and singing the Soul Cake Song, recipe and lyrics can be found in “Festivals, Family and Food”.

In honor of those who came before us, today we designate in their memory and keep their stories alive for the next generation.