Friday series inspired by SouleMama

“{this moment}: A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.”

“I’m homeschooling because I know in my heart it is RIGHT.”

This type of statement can be heard/seen pretty frequently in the homeschooling community, I’ve probably said it myself, almost unconsciously, as a reason for what we’re doing (as if you really owe some one an explanation, lol).

I think there is some error in that. The first is in assuming that hefty word: RIGHT.

It’s not that I don’t believe some things are inherently right and wrong. But many things wrong are done with good intentions, and I think that is often the result of a duality viewpoint. For example, “if sending kids to traditional “school” is wrong, then I am “right”". Some think time outs are “wrong” (”love withdrawel” we like to rename it – the Alfie Kohn er’s perhaps?) and others don’t (Nanny 911 crowd, cheer!); scheduled meals/bedtimes is wrong and others right (unschoolers vs Waldorfers, anyone???); circumcision wrong and others right (attachment parenters vs. Babywisers, holler!); you get the idea. (ohhhh, I just thought about some even more challenging ones for me: SUGAR, CONSUMPTION, and BREASTFEEDING! Aghst!)

Speaking internally, as well; inside myself, I wrestle daily with “that is the wrong thought. That is the wrong emotion” – assigning virtues to emotions that are so much more simple than all that I give them credit for. Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book Anger, says it well:

The foundation of our practice is the insight of non-duality, the insight of non-violence. This insight teaches us how to treat our body with tenderness. We must treat our anger and our despair with tenderness. Anger has roots in non-anger elements. It has roots in the way we live our daily life. If we take good care of everything in us, without discrimination, we prevent our negative energies from dominating. We reduce the strength of our negative seeds so that they don’t overwhelm us.

As I said, I do believe some things are truly right and wrong, in a universal kind of way. But there are very, very few things I think probably fit that bill. The rest is sooooo subjective. And certainly no parenting or schooling technique is so “right” that it ensures happy, well-adjusted, peaceful kids who excel at whatever they put their hands on and grow up to live a life of the utmost value (college, jobs, artistic or altruistic endeavors- whatever it is YOU the parent think is the utmost value, lol!).

I’m learning this, ever so slowly. The more life broadens the range of my community, I find folks and families who simply defy my stereotypes, who teach me something from a new perspective, and the more I recognize the importance of non-duality. All these opinions and choices exist in the same spirit of parents trying to do the best for their children, (often royally screwing much of it up – whether they know it or not, ha!) and by all different means and methods.

Practically speaking, I was just at my Radical Homemakers group on Tuesday and the subject of homeschooling came up. In the book, the author challenges some typical American assumptions, and one of them is this statement: “Education is not a fixed-cost”, i.e. deep, good learning can happen anywhere, in many ways, at all times, and does not have to be purchased (eg private schools, college, etc).

The group was about evenly divided on the public schooling moms and homeschooling moms, and of course I shared why even on the worst days when I feel like a total failure, and the best public elementary school (maybe in the whole state?) is a stone throw away from my house, I still talk myself down from enrolling Ethan in kindergarten.

And when you share such strong choices rooted in strong values with the world, it is so very important to love – always always love. And with that love for the people around you, you speak with respect for their different viewpoints and try your best to think through what your going to say before using words like “because I know what I’m doing is RIGHT”. Sometimes I do a good job with that, other times I totally fail and come off like the self-righteous hippie (you didn’t think I was aware of that, did ya?). But the truth is that I don’t think WHAT I AM DOING is RIGHT. I don’t. At all.

(I also don’t happen to think it’s wrong, of course. )

It, my friends, is JUST A DECISION. We humans make decisions based on many insights, influences, and factors, and then we do our best. And sometimes we change our mind. Move. Quit a job. Leave a relationship. Just choices. Period. End of story. (No arguing necessary.) Some seem right or wrong, only in hindsight we may appreciate the experience for all it was worth and have grace on ourselves and others who brought turmoil to life because of their choices. In the end, I believe God is the Author of our story and the Forgiver of our mistakes. Mistakes that might cause problems but often get us right where we need to be anyway. (amen and amen?!)

How I feel about homeschooling is deeply rooted in my experiences and knowledge and desires, and while I don’t mean it is “just a decision” to say that I take the choice of my child’s learning lightly (because believe you me, I don’t!). I know that successes and failures (poster children for every argument!) come out BOTH sides of the coin, so the less I concern myself with what every one else is doing, wants to do, or has done, and just focus on my home, MY space, those in MY family, the more I feel ready to make a choice, even when there are tensions (embrace them — they are all part of it, this little time here).

And when you make a choice, OWN IT. And when it seems obvious that you need to make a new choice, ADMIT IT. Be flexible, be tender with yourself and those around you, and be very careful to assume what you are doing is “RIGHT”. (hmmm, am I speaking to YOU or myself?!)

Until next time…

Got the funk these days, primarily with homeschooling and parenting. Such a whirlwind we have been through this last month or so and all that rhythm we were starting to create got sideswiped, yet again.

I’m out searching for some new (and/or old) info and thoughts and inspirations so I can get motivated towards SOMETHING besides grumpiness and fatigue and that familiar listless feeling that comes during times of recovery from life’s major upheavals.

It is really, really, really hard to be a full-time parent. I am missing the fun parts that seemed to come easier when Ethan was 0-3 years old. I capture the few seconds in a picture here and there, but they are way too few and far between lately and I feel abnormally guilty about that. So if you are the praying kind, I sure could use some. I’m seeking out support and encouragement as well. My motherhood journey feels overwhelming and my confidence dwindling.

I’ll close with this inspirational quote from the unschooling site:

“If you think you can’t provide a rich, stimulating environment for your kids, maybe they *are* better off in school. Send them.

But if you know that the whole wide world is rich and stimulating, then GET OUT THERE! DO things, BE with your kids. Find cool places to go. Bring new things home. Quit bitchin’!

If you knew you only had a year more with that child, what would you expose him to? Where would you go? What would you eat? What would you watch? What would you do?

If you had only ONE year—and then it was all over, what would you do? Four seasons. Twelve months. 365 days.

Do that THIS year. And the next.”

For the last month I have had my doubts about staying in the Ozarks. With the change of seasons, I’ve felt driven in my search for a “next place” that would have less Summer heat, humidity, and mosquitoes, (and with better soil). You know where all my research landed me? Right back where I started.

All the places I thought I might like better, upon further inspection, turned up similar or worse heats, humidities, and mosquito counts in the summer. And those that didn’t, well then your facing deep, long winters or some other trade-off – at the very least, land that is not in our price range (at. all.)

So many things to think about when your dream is to operate a sustainable mini-farm for the rest of your life

The Ozarks feature, among other things, beautiful rolling hills– very green this time of year. Driving out to Cave Springs to get my mother-in-law from the airport reminded me of that. There are many, many natural spaces we have yet to find time to go explore – so many rocks unturned. It would be silly of me to think we’ve been there, done that, with regard to NWA only 4 months in! Surely I have more sticktoitness than that?

I do miss the city life of Portland sometimes – the tea houses, yoga studios, parks, libraries, biking over the Broadway Bridge (PURE BLISS), or catching the MAX (though I always forget to think about the times I sat at a bus stop in tears of frustration and shivering from the cold because I missed the bus! lol) I also, of course, miss some dear friends I made there and the general vibe of the peer group and inner neighborhoods one could find community in.

Adjusting to a new place is hard, as we anticipated. Things don’t always go as smoothly as we hoped (like opening the waldorf-inspired playschool and having a less than idyllic relationship with my landlord as a result). But there’s a lot to be said for sticking things out, for staying put, and for making the best of where you are.

Sometimes the very things I am moaning about are the things bringing another person joy. The Ozark Homesteader was just writing about gardening in this heat, seeing it as a sort of detoxing season for sweating out impurities. I often come across, in my research for a “better place”, folks dreaming of a place with rolling hills, lakes and fireflies, and I’m reminded that indeed where I am can be any one’s “little slice of heaven” given a positive perspective (maybe even Pollyanna attitude) towards it (just as I did so love the misty rain of Portland that others not from there thought would be a major bummer). That’s why some love Maine, others Montana, others Georgia, others Alaska – I think you gotta soak up the good from where you are and find sustainable workarounds for the rest!

I think the bottom line, or a few of them, is that the region we are in offers the community of family and friends we were hoping for when sitting at our lonely Thanksgiving table in Portland, as well as the affordable land and scenic views we’ve dreamed about. The rest is just not that important.

Our mini-farm (my retirement plan, to be implemented within the next 9 years) is something I continue to learn more about and adjust to my particular area more and more as we recognize the need to stay put to realize our goals.

And many of you are like me – dreaming of the Someday House in the Someday Place living the Someday Life. And that’s all well and good, but know that so much can be done right where you are. From backyard gardens, chickens and beehives; to spending more time with family, writing, drawing, or singing; or learning to knit, make bread, or ferment Mead: many a learning experiences can be had before you are ever on that Someday Land.

Here’s to dreams and good ol’ fashioned contentment!

It was one of those clear, sharp, mustless days
That summer and man delight in.
Never had Heaven seemed quite so high,
Never had earth seemed quite so green,
Never had the world seemed quite so clean
Or sky so nigh.
And I heard the Deity’s voice in

The sun’s warm rays,
And the white cloud’s intricate maze,
And the blue sky’s beautiful sheen.

-e.e.cummings, “The Eagle”

Friday series inspired by SouleMama

“{this moment}: A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.”

:: fun ::

Friday series inspired by SouleMama

“{this moment}: A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.”

I’ve been keeping track of my time a bit this last week or so, trying to estimate what percentages of my time is devoted to what.

Here’s what I have found, currently:

- sleep an average of 6 hours a night and nurse about 2-3 times during those 6 hours.

- (spend an average of) 4 hours a day on meal prep, eating and meal cleanup.

- 4 hours a day on house chores and yard work (and still my laundry is piled up!)

- 3 hours a day on direct involvement with the kids (reading, crafts, outings, bathtime, bedtime, etc)

- 3 hours a day on my work-at-home business (no wonder I have so little time for this!)

- 1 hour a day with Chris

- 1 hour a day on email/blog/facebook to catch up with friends and family

- 30 minutes a day on personal needs (shower, brush teeth, get dressed.)

- leaving me with 1.5 hours a day for something to surprise me

For me, this list is somewhat revealing. I have found that I spend a lot of my day on a lifestyle of “simplicity” that is really quite a bit of hard work but very good for me too. I eat well and I move a lot, (which saves me the time and money going to a gym – or having any healthcare needs!), and my kids are happy and healthy, which contributes to my quality of life a lot. And I suppose the house/yard is somewhat maintained, lol. I would like more sleep, me time, and husband time, but I suspect so does every mom! Perhaps when I “retire” (I’ve told you I plan to retire by 35, right? It’s my ten year plan. Yeah. I have lots of those.)

I also get time to watch a movie or knit here and there (though usually only when multi-tasking or coinciding with husband-time). I don’t have much time to call people back or reply to emails, and I get chided for that from friends and family members at least once a day

As I bend down, 30 pound baby on my back as usual, to sweep the mornings crumbs and sticky oatmeal from under the table, summer ants scattering away, I admit to having mixed feelings about how much of my day is spent just keeping us from being under a foot of garbage. Within 20 minutes the sink will be full again with kefir smoothie (our morning snack) remains. The table and floor I just cleaned will have sticky spills of smoothie everywhere and the kids’ hands and faces will need to be cleaned again. And when I finish all that, I’ll have about 20 minutes until I need to start thinking about lunch. Nobody said this job was easy!

I’m blessed to have a husband who comes in from a 10 hour work day and goes directly to the sink to do dishes, then outside to care for the chickens, then inside to eat dinner and do the dishes AGAIN, then help put the 5 year old to bed, then fold clothes while watching a show. Literally, he does this Every.Single.Day. His help is probably why I even get those precious 6 hours of sleep!

Life on the homestead, I suppose?

More posts coming your way this week – much going on up in this noggin’ of mine…

Until next time.

Happy Summer Solstice, friends!

Yesterday we celebrated with friends, bringing in the season to the light of a bonfire in the country (the kind of location that calls for directions such as “turn left at the wooden heart shaped house number sign” and “turn right at the sign that says “WOAH”. Luv it.)

We marshed us some mallows and splashed in a pool of pond water underneath a moonlit sky. The dogs chased fireflies and the Neverland tribe (10 or so?) of children were foot loose and fancy free. It was marvelous. We rolled in just before midnight, in time to shower off and hit our inviting beds as Summer declared itself HERE.

Needless to say, the husband had to be up at 6am for work today while the rest of us laid in bed until close to 9. As I come in now from hanging clothes on the line mid-day (usually the heat is so bad you just HAVE to do this chore early in the AM – sleeping in on a homestead is NOT a good option!) the sweat beads on my red forehead can attest: Ye’Sir, it’s Summer!