Category — Work-at-Home-Motherdom

In just over 24 hours, the year 2011 will be behind us. All of the events, thoughts, choices, growth, moves, meetings, struggles and successes will be closed up in a place reserved for “that year when…”

2011 was, for me, completely packed with changes. New: state, job, house, plot of soil, goals, community, school, and the minute details that are involved in each. It was very ebb and flow; for example, a long and lazy Summer, deeply experienced and meditatively approached, was followed up quickly by a fast-paced Fall with a vigorous work schedule and the re-awakening of driven choices.

One major choice was that of returning to further my education. As I wrote about recently, my first choice was giving me pause and I stopped to listen to that pause. I listened long enough to hear a gentle nudge in another direction, and discovered a Waldorf Teacher Training program in Wisconsin that partners with a local accredited college to allow students to also receive federal funding for most of the courses as well as eligibility towards a Masters in Education with Waldorf Emphasis. Being “only” 8 hours away, this solution was gloriously ideal.

I applied to the schools (the training institute and the college) and found out that Foundation Studies begin in 3 weeks! My head was spinning a bit, trying to merge all the logistical details into one semi-organized spot in my brain before brainstorming ways in which it could work for me to start on such short notice. Armed with the strength of hope, I got passed my fears and uncertainty about asking for help and sent out a “campaign” of sorts to raise the funds by taking pre-orders on my handmade goods through the Fall. Within 2 days I had enough orders to pay the registration fee, and within a week a few other generous donations towards other logistical costs (car rental, gas, food, babysitter, books). I was at once humbled and enthralled! The support of my community, both financial as well as emotional/spiritual, was opening a door for me that seems improbable if not impossible a year ago.

Next Friday night I will be sleeping (hopefully!) in a dorm in Milwaukee, having begun the first course that evening in my Waldorf teacher training. To say that I am overwhelmed would end 2011 with the understatement of the year!

The course itself, guided by the texts How to Know Higher Worlds (Steiner) and Meditation as Contemplative Inquiry (Zajonc), is definitely right up my alley and a part of my life that greatly needs more focus to bring my whole self into balance. To slow down and live consciously and mindfully has rarely been my strong point. My will and ambition often bites off a bit more than I can chew, and my fear of failing other people too often drives me to complete whatever I’ve set out to do — even when my health, home, and family are the sacrifice. If I am to become a teacher within a Waldorf model, then this is a wonderful place for me to begin — at perhaps my greatest personal struggle.

I have been repeating a Steiner verse to myself and to the kids often these last few weeks. I gravitate to the very thing I find so hard to do at times: find my Inner Quiet, my Silent Self… Christ in me.

Quiet I bear within me,
I bear within myself,
forces to make me strong.
Now will I be imbued with
their glowing warmth,
Now will I fill myself with
my own will’s resolve.
And I will feel the quiet
pouring through my being,
When by my steadfast striving
I become strong,
To find within myself
the source of strength,
The strength of Inner Quiet.
–Rudolf Steiner

2012 will quickly find me GOING – off to start this next adventure, trying not to be insanely worried about my kids back home! (aahhhhhh!) But my intention for the next year is not to be GOING so much. I want to become more of a human being, and less of a human doing. I want to have more time to notice what is right in front of me: when my garden needs water, or my kids’ need some cuddling, or my kombucha needs to be fed, or my sister needs a phone call, … or my body needs to rest.

Simply put, my sole New Year’s resolve is to better live in the present.

Happy New Year, friends.

My car troubles have been mentioned in almost every post for some time now, which is slightly redundant and ridiculous. But allow me to do it again…

After the flat and all that earlier this week, we got “new” used tires on Friday and then on Saturday the same one was flat again. Me thinks the rim is bent. Ouch.

And of course, like the wonderfully zen mama that I am, I got all bent out of shape about my second flat tire for the week and through a nice little inner fit. My mind went everywhere – including the ever present question, “should we just sell the car and go back to Portland?!”

I came home, still having an internal fit, which of course is all too apparent to the kids, and in a huff sat down on the couch and opened “The Imitation of Christ” (Thomas a Kempis) which I picked up for a whopping .25 cents at the Salvation Army a few days ago.

Curiously, there was a bookmark already in it, so I flipped to that page. The chapter it opened to was called, “Of the Consideration of Human Misery”. Awesome, I thought in my self-induced pity party. How apropos.

And then I got a nice kick in the pants from Mr. a Kempis. Here’s what I wrote down in my journal, as I laughed at myself for the incredible immaturity I had been displaying over a flippin’ automobile (and bank account balance):

“Why are you so troubled when things do not go as you wish or desire? Who is there that has all things according to his will? Neither I, nor you, nor any man upon the earth.

There is no man in the world without some trouble or affliction, be he King or Pope.

… you see that all these temporary things are nothing; in fact they are most uncertain, and rather a heavy burden…

Man’s happiness is not the having of temporal goods in abundance; but a moderate portion is sufficient for him.

… for there are some who cling [to this perishable life] so closely (though even by laboring or by begging they hardly have bare necessities)… oh senseless people! and unbelieving heart, to lie buried so deep in earthly things…

Oh how great is human frailty, which is ever prone to vice!

… now you purpose to be on your gaurd, and an hour after you are acting as if you had made no resolution.

Justly then may we humble ourselves, and never think anything great of ourselves, since we are so unstable.

And even what we have at last just acquired through grace and with great labour, may soon be lost through negligence.” [um, like a new tire gone flat again... doh!]

Anyway, this is my great insight for the day… nothing new, I know, but a good reminder. This world and its things are uncertain, and a heavy burden — would that I could do without them completely! — but even when what I have and/or think I need faulters, the reality is that my hope should be fixed on something far bigger, more eternal, more stable, with no burden but an easy and light yoke.

Practically speaking, I don’t know what we’ll do about this car. It’s far more money to fix a rim than a tire, so we’ll have to see how it goes. I’m going to look into the bus system here better and see if we might be able to do without a car, but I worry about cold winter months spent at the bus stop in the morning to get Ethan to kindergarten…

Two things I know – far worse things could happen (and are happening in the lives of people I love every day). AND… God is still good.

The life season I am in is uncharted territory. I like it. But its strange at the same time.

I am living in a city not far from where I originally planned on going to college, (as a teen still living in Florida, I had Missouri on my mind, and visited this area twice, even stayed a weekend only 30 minutes away in Moberly,) and finding myself here again is strangely like putting on an old shoe and realizing that not only does it still fit, it’s also conveniently back in style.

I am also not working. Now, I laugh at that statement because anyone who cares for children full-time knows that it is possibly more work than any other job on the face of the earth. But I’m not working-from-home AND parenting/homeschooling/homemaking and this is a first for me. It takes some getting used to, the lack of anxiety about deadlines and getting back to people, the replaced anxiety about budgeting and bills (which, to be honest, was there whether I was bringing home the bacon or not).

I have this memory: I was sitting in duplex in Portland 3 years ago, working a 12 hour day, and dreaming. Something struck me as I looked out over the lush backyard, full with lilies and tulips and cherry blossoms and apple trees and raspberries… and I was inside, on the laptop, working, while my son watched PBS next to me. This notion came into my head: I wish I could just be a farmer! While I don’t desire the actual life of being a farmer (not yet, anyway), what I was recognizing then was that there was something in me that knew how unhealthy this lifestyle was for me, that itched to get out in that yard as often as possible, and to learn skills that would increase my self-sufficiency and decrease my need for ever increasing amounts of income. It seemed such a crazy hack-kneed thought back then, even as I shared it with my husband we laughed at the absurdity, the out-of-reachness, of such an idea. Yet things did sorta begin to change, slowly my intention was towards increasing self-sufficiency and living on less. Then around a year ago, I remember breaking down into sobs, (many times), lamenting that I will never be able to JUST be a mom, JUST care for my home and focus on my children, especially while they are so young and need my attention so much.

Today I suppose I am just so grateful. It seems like Someone heard my cries, wiped my tears, and worked consistently in the background to orchestrate a situation in which I find myself exactly where I wanted to be, even when I didn’t want to let go, when I wouldn’t willfully walk towards the way life is now (Chris working at a local service job, me not working at all, etc). I would have never been able to paint the picture before me; I lack the imagination and sheer unearthly genius that the Creator has. But here I am, partially from an imposed trajectory of purpose and goals, but mainly due to the gracious hand of a loving Father who knows how to care for His children.

Today Chris went to his first day of work at the bakery. He rode his bike, he comped a yummy local meal and beer, and he thoroughly enjoyed himself. He came home from his shift by 3pm, invigorated with plenty of energy left for the second half of his day. It has been a looooooong time since he has been in a job that is agreeable to him on so many levels. Seeing him this way made my heart glad. Glad that I trusted his instinct to leave Fayetteville for Columbia despite my fears of how it would work, and glad that I embraced the challenge of yet another move for the sake of much needed changes in our family’s lifestyle.

My verdict thus far on my home is very positive. It’s tight, tidy, clean, and well laid out. I find pleasure in nesting into its corners and decorating it with special items I’ve collected over the years that mean something to me. It’s what I would call a “Vivian-sized house”: petite, yet strong. And so quick to clean! In addition, the city is so sweet – just enough of the crunch of a good ol’ granola-y college town, mixed with some of that “weird” eclectic, youthful vibe we enjoyed about Portland. It has lots of nearby farms/local food movement, very bikable, a good amount of mom-n-pops (locally owned shops, cafes, etc), and a relatively nice climate as well.

Our budget is blowing my mind a bit, too. I was fairly unsure about how it would all work, taking a job for less pay, etc. But then we got this great little rental for $500 a month with a nice sized yard for my chickens and gardens, and only blocks from the farmer’s market. As I blogged about last week, we don’t need to pay for internet anymore. So far, this has worked out nicely. I blog offline and hop on only to quickly communicate with friends/family. Chris’ smart phone works as a wifi spot we can use to hop on, and for bigger things we can go to the library or his work. Plus, Chris’ job has perks that ease the tightness of a small income, like good tips, free video rentals and movie tickets from 9th St Video and Rag Tag Cinema, free day old artisan breads from the bakery, and half off on bottles of wine. It amazes me how much we “needed” to “live” just 4 years ago compared to today. These days it seems like so long as we have God, each other, fresh food, interesting books, and plenty of yarn, I’m a very happy camper

In other news, the kids have been fighting a stomach bug since Saturday, which has kept us quarantined a bit this week since landing in Columbia on Saturday. This is probably a good thing, however. It’s forced us to move slowly, get to know our home, and spend less money going out and about. The kids seem to be finally on the mend and now I’m just crossing my fingers and taking my vitamins and praying I’m not next!

I guess I don’t know what else to share. I just feel like… a weight has been lifted, some prayers have been answered, and a calm has come over our family. I can sense the release as I learn to live on less income, no longer feeling the extreme pressure of needing to work, and seeing how a family can have everything it needs – heck, to even “afford” luxuries like time to garden, write, knit, read, etc – to be a Radical Homemaker, a Thrifter, a Scavenger’s Manifesto, a semi-Freegan… to continue the journey of simplifying and living well with less.

Today was a simple day. Lately, there seem to be more and more of them. I am constantly having to remind myself to keep it that way – to not destroy the method by tacking on extra to-do’s, and to just “be” as often as possible.

A day like this, with no one down from the latest viruses that float around this great green and blue earth, has been few and far between. Linens were hung outside in the sunny 40 degree mid-day, chickens stayed out from dawn til dusk soaking it up, Ethan climbed a tree while the baby slept. And today was a day of learning. Ethan was very productive with all the things he got done, his reading and history and math and language lessons. I even let him do a computer game (Magic School Bus explores the Rainforest!), which is not exactly in our typical “way” to homeschool, but it seemed like a nice treat after a day spent on books and rulered paper and chalkboards…

Ethan. He is something else. In the quiet of our own home, he has truly begun to make changes in the way he relates to me, his respect and empathy and self-control. He is still incredibly energetic around new people, and continues to have a difficult time waiting his turn to speak, but the way in which he has been maturing these last few weeks has been truly a blessing to me. It has made our days much more enjoyable, our relationship much more sustainable, and even his dad and sister are relating better to him as he takes on the “air” of a 6 year old (who even lost his first tooth recently!!!). There are successes and failures, learning experiences, for us both. Parenting 24/7 is a colorful journey of ups and downs, to say the least.

And I’m not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg, but I’m also feeling — in general — much calmer, less rushed, more playful and quiet-toned, than I have in years. Giving up on devoting a major chunk of my day to income generating work has been a long-time coming, but I can still hardly believe how good it feels to flow about my day managing my household, attempting to catch up on the constant stream of childrens’ needs and wants, without the demands and pressures of an outside job zapping my reserves of time, energy, and patience out from under me. On top of not devoting major hours each day to working from home, I have also not been drinking caffeine, replaced now for THREE weeks with calming handcrafted herbal tea, high quality foods and supplements of vitamins and minerals that support my weak liver, foggy brain, and wacky hormonal glands. It’s been an interesting time, despite catching colds and this and that, because I have a very distinct mood elevation these last few weeks and I must say — I rather like feeling happy

As I blogged about recently, Chris and I ventured up through the snow to Columbia, MO this last weekend. The drive was wonderful, both times, and allowed us a great time of conversation we’ve been needing to catch up on. Our friends we stayed with were marvelous hosts in the most charming of homes, and the time we spent with them was lovely. Even though I caught Ver’s stomach bug of last week and spent most of the day Saturday feeling queasy, I am still very glad to have made the trip. Ethan, too, caught the bug, and that is my one regret that the poor guy was staying here in Arkansas with family when it hit him Friday night, leaving them to clean up the “mess” that comes along with a stomach virus. Thumbs down for that, but otherwise a good report. There is nothing concrete about us moving up there, but we can definitely see our family and lifestyle fitting in well with the area, and most importantly that the flexibility of a job at the bakery there for Chris would allow our family more quality time together and a better quality of life in general. Beyond that, though, it is too early to make any certain announcements. Definitely a neat little city with a great “vibe”, which we enjoyed if even just for a weekend.

Now we are faced with a few impending decisions – the first one being to give our notice and not renew our lease beyond next month (yikes!). I am finding this part difficult, despite all the complaints I have against this house, because in the end I came to this house to really make it my own and be here awhile. As I was cleaning these old wood floors and remember Ethan and I mopping together once and he said, “I know! It’s like we are giving the house a bath!” I sat on the front porch swing knitting and remember the first few weeks when Chris built and painted those “Mystery Purple” railings. Ethan and I always talked about blessing our house by keeping her clean, and when some one would get hurt because they were acting up we would joke that the old house was reminding us to be gentle on her and slow down. I have memories here in just one year, and in the end, as of right now, this old drafty moldy house is all I got. Transition and limbo and unknown are so much more difficult states of being to embrace than grounded, rooted, and established. I know that the roof over my head is NOT my home, in fact I was not even MADE for this world, but my insecurities cling to what’s familiar and has found it really hard to bite the bullet and actually leave this house, esp not knowing exactly when and to where. I know I need to dig in deep and gain some wisdom and perspective, and trust that when I Let Go, I will be carried in His Will.

I was recently at one of those big chain craft stores for some unfinished wood supplies and noticed how nearly half the store has been recently turned into a seasonal craft section filled floor to ceiling with unnatural materials made to look like shiny, durable versions of their real counterparts (i.e. leaves, pumpkins, spiders, cats, snowmen, reindeer, poinsettias, you get the idea). I recall many years ago, living in a climate with virtually no noticeable change in seasons, how I loved when the store began carrying the seasonal items. One could drop hundreds of dollars on seasonal home decor meant to create an atmosphere of something we have, as a culture, abandoned: the bygone era, Little-House-in-the-Big-Woods-style simplicity celebrating nature, inspiration, creativity, and homeyness.

Clever marketing tells us to go out and spend money on these things to fill what is missing, to make our homes feel like something called life is happening in them. Genuine experiences have been replaced by photo ops at consumer venues (ice skating rinks, Santa’s lap at the mall, pumpkin patches in church lawns). These aren’t all together “bad”, and certainly lovely family memories can be had there, but there is always something our souls know is missing – like we are replacing something whole with something inherently broken and lacking. When we step back and look at the mirage of consumerist seasonal products and manufactured experiences, we know that deep down, it just ain’t the real deal.

I don’t believe the answer is to opt out of seasonal celebrations, to turn a nose up at the consumerism in defiance and solidarity, but rather to strive to reclaim the natural and simple ways we can celebrate holidays and changing seasons with an acute sense of responsibility to the earth and its inhabitants.

To do this, simply look around. Use your senses to take in what is happening in the less manicured spaces where you live (a preserve? natural forest? perhaps the wild corners of your own backyard!) and think outside the box about ways to bring those observations with you indoors, particularly through activities that the kids will enjoy doing with you. Allow the colors to inspire you; are they bright and lively Spring crocuses or the total simplicity of silent white snow?

Think about experiential ways to celebrate: learn a new seasonal song as a family, or start a seasonal garden. If you anticipate cooler weather this winter, don’t forget to make provisions for the birds and squirrels that will be coming through your property in search of a winter meal and fresh water. The memories you and your children will have from these non-consumerist activities will honor them throughout their lives.

A few things we have done in our home and at the playschool this month include:

1. Pine cone bird feeders: cover pine cones with peanut butter and sprinkle on bird seeds – even the youngest children love this! Hang from a tree branch near your window for some bird watching in the coming weeks.

2. Fall leaf prints: on your nature walk, collect fallen leaves and flat seeds, feathers, etc, and bring home to place under thin paper – even fall colored tissue paper – and rub with the side of a crayon — a beeswax block crayon works particularly well for this. The result, Ethan says, “is like magic!” You can hang these as is, or cut them out and glue to construction paper and laminate with contact paper to make Fall place mats. Or hang the tissue paper cut outs in the windows for the sun to shine through and illuminate the leaf prints. So many things you can do with them and they are truly a beautiful way to preserve Fall leaves.

3. Tissue paper window stars: So versatile, so pretty, and so simple. Bring nature’s palette into your home with these window stars you can create with the kids. There are a variety of tutorials online, simply google “Waldorf window star tutorial” to find some.

4. A Nature Mobile: Hang a branch wreathe with yarn or string and from it attach items you collect outside. This ever evolving chandelier is a simple and inspiring conversation piece through out the year.

5. A Nature Table: No waldorf home could be complete without one, but these should really be found in every home. Any small table or shelf will do, and the only rule of thumb is to again keep it simple and natural. We hang silk clothes of colors we see outdoors, decorate with found or made items to reflect what is happening seasonally. Our Fall table currently features a moss covered window sill (real harvested moss was found at the craft store!) with needle felted and wooden mushrooms popping out. The seasonal tree is adorned with Fall leaves we collected last year in Portland and dipped in all natural melted beeswax to preserve them. They are just as beautiful as ever and look great on the seasonal table without getting crinkly and brown. There are so many ways to “do” a nature table, just let nature inspire you and you are well on your way!

Our seasonal tree with beeswax dipped Fall leaves amongst the Michelaemus angel we made and a found blue jay feather

Needle felting wool into seasonal items is a fun and easy way to add nature-inspired figurines to your nature displays. Our squirrel, who we named Klickitat, loves to munch on our found acorns and tucks himself into his cozy pumpkin home each night

6. Log Boats: A favorite year round, log boats can be extra pretty when adorned with a sail of Fall leaves. Be sure to schedule a trip to a creek or water source to watch your ships set sail

7. Plant a Fall Garden: Now is the time, if you haven’t already, to turn over the spent late Summer garden, empty that compost, and get those Fall plants growing! Last week the play school kids helped me work the soil of our pole bean raised bed and planted two heirloom varieties of lettuce along with some red russian kale. If you live in milder climates, Fall is a great time to grow just about anything! Check your local nursery for tips on what to plant in your area, and when. Get those hands dirty!

8. Nature People: Use found items on your nature walks such as nuts, leaves, and moss, to put together little arrangements of nature people for your Fall displays and play time. The possibilities are endless!

9. Learn seasonal songs together: This month our circle time includes two new seasonal songs, October and Autumn Leaves are a Falling. Other resources include books like The Singing Year and CD’s such as Come Follow Me. We can’t get enough!

10. Go outside! Nothing can replace the magic and wonders found outside, particularly in wild spaces. Go on nature walks, visit state parks and local farms – whatever you do, just GO OUT and OBSERVE! You never know what will happen (If you’re feeling particularly nature handicapped and need help introducing your family to the outdoors, a few books I really enjoyed are Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder, I Love Dirt!: 52 Activities to Help You and Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature, and A Natural Sense of Wonder: Connecting Kids with Nature through the Seasons. Remember: Consume Less, Share More — check out your local library!)

HAPPY CELEBRATING!

Well, let’s catch up a bit, shall we???

I began watching kiddos for the play school (Home Grown Playschool, a.k.a. my little brain child) these last two weeks — which is a like, well, a whole other story. (in a nutshell – finally got the OK when I least expected it but when I really needed to make decisions about staying in this house or leaving, and so far it has felt really good to put my creative energy towards this and to spend my mornings and early afternoons singing, eating, crafting, and playing with a table full of kids!)

Simultaneously, Chris has also landed another temp job, one that pays the same but is a little further away, which isn’t ideal but definitely better than no income, amen?! We are quickly finding our rhythm again as a family and taking each day, each moment, with as much graceful stride as we can muster

October brought us some chilly weather which was AWWWsome, but this weekend looks like the mid-80’s again. I’m kind of in shock that this area has seen zero leaf change at this point, and I’m itching to wrap my dreads up in a wool tam and not let them out until Spring Alas, some mornings this week it sure did feel like Fall!

During homeschool and/or play school, we’ve been learning about trees and nuts, St. Francis (and generosity to animals in general), Michaelamus, etc etc (can one realllllllly list all that you do in a home school in 3 weeks?) for the last few weeks in the play school. We’ve crafted silk and feather Michaelamus angels, gathered nut people (mine was a wizard bird, see below), pine cone bird feeders, a fall wreath, so on. So much fun stuff this time of year!

Ethan’s been in a World Dance class with about 20 other kids ages 4-11 or so, and he’s having a blast. They have a recital in December so for now its mainly about learning some moves and following directions, and for Ethan the concept of paying attention and giving respect to the teacher while also learning to be comfortable in his body and movements (which I’m beginning to delve more into as I start learning about the waldorf/steiner “Eurythmy” concept and how to integrate that into our daily circle time).

This week my highlight was going (for the first time) to the Botanical Gardens of the Ozarks, which was so very well done — I was totally impressed. The children’s garden was so cool and we ended up staying for a couple of hours after the “Little Sprouts” preschool program just to play and walk around. Some pictures of that:

We have also emptied our compost and added it with some straw to the empty patches in the raised beds where we retired the dried up corn and squash and beans. The kids and I worked the soil for a few days before planting some kale and lettuce as the summer garden transforms into a Fall garden.

May the season find you all warm, healthy and rested – inside and out!

After thinking about doing so for a few weeks now, I’ve decided this evening to take some time away from social networks and blogs for awhile, perhaps the month of August, maybe longer. I need to focus on my work, my writing, and Ethan’s kindergarten home school curriculum. I feel the “bustle” of the WWW is zapping too much of my precious mental and emotional resources for these things.

I also hope to do some soul-searching this month, learn a few new skills, gain some peaceful center and find the wisdom to deal with difficult situations I find myself in. That and just kinda… be present.

From a heart overflowing,

“mama”

We all have one of those days. Probably often.

It’s not that something tragic happens or anything actually “bad”, really. It’s just that, even when you are feeling groovy, things around you just are sorta … not flowing?

Maybe I am posting this because it is August. August is, I admit, my least favorite month of the year. I love love love the Fall, Winter and Spring, but Summer has a few highlights and then by August I just want to fast forward to late September, Harvest Festivals and cool nights…

There is truly so much beauty and inspiration in life, but there are times that you have to look a lot harder than normal to see it. I can show you pictures of the kids and the garden, of tea cups and candles and butterflies — but what is beyond the frame of the camera lens? Do I have bad days? A messy house? Longings unfulfilled? Bugs in my garden?

Well, folks, I DO! And despite that I do deem my life magical and charming (thanks mainly to my sweet children, with little help from me!) – there ARE things outside the frame.

So today, instead of the usual Friday “This Moment” of cherished memories, I will let you see beyond the frame into the everyday not-so-quaint parts of my life.

I have dishes that pile up in just 6 hours:

and clothes that have been sitting in the washing machine for several days because I haven’t had time to hang them on the line:

kids who strew their clothes all over their room after you just put them away:

These bugs:

Who do this to all my beautiful corn:

A whole jar full of these bugs:

Who do this to my pumpkin patch:

Flowers that fade much too soon:

And kids who pick their nose:

Not to mention, of course, the AWESOME fact that I hear a litter of raccoons in my attic at midnight:

So, dears, take heart — and I will try too. Maybe if we can embrace life’s messiness and disappointments we can be truly grateful for all we have.

Last week we had a few days of cookie making, movies, and mud pies that come along with rain. The kids and I LOVE the rain…

There is something very crucial about experiencing rain – up close and personal, not always tucked away inside cars and houses. Like knowing the warmth on your face from a live fire, or sticking your toes deep down in the wet sand at the water’s edge and “sinking”; your body touching the elements, making you more real, more alive…

it’s invigorating. We soaked it up, as did the gardens, knowing July and August will likely not bless us with so much wet abundance from here on out!

And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.
Gilbert K. Chesterton

Got the funk these days, primarily with homeschooling and parenting. Such a whirlwind we have been through this last month or so and all that rhythm we were starting to create got sideswiped, yet again.

I’m out searching for some new (and/or old) info and thoughts and inspirations so I can get motivated towards SOMETHING besides grumpiness and fatigue and that familiar listless feeling that comes during times of recovery from life’s major upheavals.

It is really, really, really hard to be a full-time parent. I am missing the fun parts that seemed to come easier when Ethan was 0-3 years old. I capture the few seconds in a picture here and there, but they are way too few and far between lately and I feel abnormally guilty about that. So if you are the praying kind, I sure could use some. I’m seeking out support and encouragement as well. My motherhood journey feels overwhelming and my confidence dwindling.

I’ll close with this inspirational quote from the unschooling site:

“If you think you can’t provide a rich, stimulating environment for your kids, maybe they *are* better off in school. Send them.

But if you know that the whole wide world is rich and stimulating, then GET OUT THERE! DO things, BE with your kids. Find cool places to go. Bring new things home. Quit bitchin’!

If you knew you only had a year more with that child, what would you expose him to? Where would you go? What would you eat? What would you watch? What would you do?

If you had only ONE year—and then it was all over, what would you do? Four seasons. Twelve months. 365 days.

Do that THIS year. And the next.”