It was one of those clear, sharp, mustless days
That summer and man delight in.
Never had Heaven seemed quite so high,
Never had earth seemed quite so green,
Never had the world seemed quite so clean
Or sky so nigh.
And I heard the Deity’s voice in

The sun’s warm rays,
And the white cloud’s intricate maze,
And the blue sky’s beautiful sheen.

-e.e.cummings, “The Eagle”

The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.

Carl Jung (1875 – 1961)

42 heirloom tomato have sprouted!

I remember reading about Carl Jung in my Theories of Personality class in college; his contribution to the concept of individuation played an integral role in my development at that time. When I came across that reading, it struck me. Wiki defines this concept as “the process through which a person becomes his/her ‘true self’” and further explains Jung’s belief that “Individuation has a holistic healing effect on the person, both mentally and physically. Besides achieving physical and mental health, people who have advanced towards individuation tend to be harmonious, mature and responsible. They embody humane values such as freedom and justice and have a good understanding about the workings of human nature and the universe.”

Along these lines, it was notable for me to learn about Jung’s idea of artistic expression as a healing outlet; “art therapy”. He spoke of creative expression as a means to becoming whole.

Ideas that, for me, rang very true. Since as far back as I can remember my life, I have sought to express myself creatively. This doesn’t mean I was ever a master at a particular art form, no. But the countless drawings, books, and poems collected throughout my childhood reflect my desire to be constantly creating something.

Being a creative being is, I believe, at the very heart of being human. It is partaking in something divine – the way in which we were created in God’s image. We are compelled to be co-creators with Him, even when we are completely unaware of it.

There is a harmony I feel when I am creating. It doesn’t matter if I am painting, writing, decorating a room, gardening, tending animals, cooking a meal, laying out a flyer, designing a website project, knitting, sewing, singing, strumming an instrument, taking pictures, building a fairy house with the kids – the medium is not what is important. What is important is that what I am doing is tapping into that limitless part of me that constantly accepts the challenge of a new creation, despite the time, energy or frustration involved, simply because the activity makes me feel more alive. And having children – rearing a family – what more glorious display of our co-creating privilege can we find? I am in awe of this often.

Creating is a spiritual act – one I can feel more acutely when working with natural materials – and without it in my life I begin to get all backwards.

At times I chastise myself for not having a more practical work ethic. For not being able to clock in – clock out at a job, regardless of the ease or pointlessness of the daily tasks, for the sheer result of a paycheck. Believe it or not, I admire those with that ability. Even in the most dire pinch, such work feels like madness to me (this is not an exaggeration – I believe I literally begin to lose my mind!). Without some element of creating happening, I feel panicky, straight-jacketed, and desperate for distraction.

Our family is at a shift, (life is so full of those, isn’t it?) and I find myself drawn to make some changes in my work life and load. While I await the unfolding of Chris’ next path, as he looks for work here in Fayetteville, I know this is an opportunity to fine-tune and adjust many of my personal goals and our goals and values as a family.

As always, I want to work with great flexibility for the sake of being my children’s full-time caregiver. But as Ethan enters Kindergarten age as a homeschooler and Verity is a walking almost-toddler, I am finding the need to revamp my priority of them, much more so than in previous years. This is a very high-need phase of their lives, one that will be over in the blink of an eye, and this fact weighs on me every single day. I don’t want to miss out on their childhood because I was stuck behind a laptop or too tired from a late work night to engage life with them. It breaks my heart, actually.

This shift will entail getting creative (there is that word again!) about how I co-support our family financially, how we make and spend and save money, and what our priorities are. From getting more self-sustainable, to finding ways I can cut back my “laptop” hours in favor of more holistic, integrated work-from-home-mom ventures. I am so eager to share my ideas, but for now I will continue to work them out and see how things shape up over the rest of the Spring. In the meantime, I am trying to stay the course with various jobs that have begun to dry out creatively, as the economy forces more and more companies to budget down to the nitty gritty tasks with little room for initiatives and creative projects. Luckily, I have amazing colleagues which help make the grind worth it. And on the side, I am getting my “fix” for creative expression through hobbies, knitting Verity’s birthday sweater, taking a photography course (will be starting a separate photoblog soon!), starting a nature journal, pen and paper journaling (something I haven’t done in years and years), and dreaming of the day I’ll finally write that book.

So there ya go. My courageous share…

Here I begin a new ritual at Mama Seasons: sharing, in photos, a few special things, a few special words, from my week:

Good morning, my little wild flower sprouts. So glad you survived the snow.

A sweet addition for Ethan’s table: beeswax egg candles. They warm our hearts.

Our new family pet: “Kiwi” is an all natural, genuine sheepskin/leather kiwi bird stuffed animal made in New Zealand. He was looking at me longingly as I perused the church yard sale. Finally, I caved and dolled out the .25 cents to bring him home with me. We all love him so. (For the sake of sharing my discoveries, I also got away with some wool sweaters (for felting), a soaker hose (for the rain barrels we are building), and an old Rodale’s “Naturally Delicious Desserts and Snacks” book. I think my bill was $2.)

I finished a simple wool shrug to keep Verity’s shoulders warm in the chilly Spring days. This will go with a little pillowcase dress I’m making for her birthday this month (more on that another time.)

Finally finished this sweet sundress I knitted/sewed for my niece’s 1st birthday (which was now almost a month ago, doh!) It’s gonna be put in the mail this week, guys, I promise!

That’s it for my week in photos. May you all have small moments to capture your heart this week…

The path I am on has recently taken quite a turn. Or maybe I just see it up ahead, but haven’t ACTUALLY changed course yet. Perhaps I’ve been on whatever trail this has been for so long that I have to keep rubbing my eyes as I approach the upcoming crossroads. Is that a mirage I see?!

These are some findings:

Life is very peculiar. There is so much to be suffered. So much heartache and confusion. Especially since moving to Portland, I have realized just how essential community is to overall mental and emotional health. There are times, seasons even, where being out here has felt poignantly lonely. But for the most part, we have found relationships of support, investment, respect, generosity and love. For that I am so grateful. For SO many things I have found on our most recent leg of the “path” here in Portland: I am grateful.

Life also contains so much joy, surprises, and sweet, simple moments of surrender and worship. What a trip!

And now, change is on the horizon. Life and decisions and freedom, too.

I have a vision of our family a few years from now: homesteading a little urban bungalow somewhere; me- getting slightly better at being energetic and patient as a work-at-home, homeschooling mom; Chris graduating – and more importantly, finding his passion; our children enjoying life and learning and play; our home a place of solace and rest balanced with joy and production, with our hens in the backyard, most of our property covered in food producing gardens, Ethan and Verity’s paintings scattered across the walls. The vision rocks me to sleep at night and soothes the hardest of times. I believe it is a gift from God to catch for yourself a vision for the future and feel even slightly hopeful about life not ALWAYS being how it is now

Very exciting.

Curious about Urban Homesteading? Here’s a great article. Gives me chills just reading it!

In the meantime, enjoy some recent snapshots of our family… there is never a dull moment:

If we bring an awareness of Advent to the home it still brings light and warmth to winter days. A wreathe, or simply the attractive arrangement of four candles on the table with red ribbon, a bit of evergreen, or pine cones, is a symbolic centre piece… Advent is a time of preparation. Children can busy themselves making cards and gifts… – from Festivals, Family and Food, by Diana Carey and Judy Large

Christianity stands as the external mystical fact for the birth of the light. Christ brought to the earth what had existed from the beginning, although it was hidden from mankind throughout the ages we have been speaking of. Now, however, a new climax was reached. Even as the light is born anew at the winter solstice, so in the fourth post-Atlantean period the Savior of Mankind, the Christ, was born. He is the new Sun Hero who was not only initiated in the depths of the Mystery temples, but who also appeared before all the world so that it could be said, “Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29). When it was recognized that the Divine could descend into a personality, the festival celebrating the birth of the Sun Hero, the Christ, came to replace the festival celebrating the birth of the light.
…
All the great teachers of wisdom — the Egyptian Hermes, the ancient Indian Rishis, Confucius, the Persian Zarathustra — have spoken the Divine Word. In Jesus the Christ, however, the Divine Word Itself walked on earth in a living shape for the first time. Before this time there was on earth only the Path and the Truth. Now we have the Path, the Truth and the Life. The great difference between earlier religions and Christianity consists in the fact that Christianity is the fulfillment of the previous religions, that in Christ we are not concerned with a great teacher of wisdom — teachers of wisdom were present in all other religions — but with a human personality who at the same time must be revered as a Divine Personality. Herein is to be found the importance of the disciples’ message, “We have laid our hand into His wounds, we have heard His message.” The emphasis is placed on the appearance, on the direct impression. It does not merely listen to the word but considers the personality. The conviction prevailed that Christ was, in a unique fashion, the Cosmic Sun Hero.

If we comprehend this, we also understand that the ancient festival of the winter solstice signified something different from the present Christmas festival. In Egypt we find Horus, Isis and Osiris, the archetypal image of what also lives in Christianity. In ancient India we have the birth of Krishna by the holy virgin. We find echoes of this myth everywhere, but what is important in Christianity is what I have just expressed. … The most important event for the men of this age is the fact that the Christmas festival, which always represented the birth of an initiate, now represents the birth of the greatest Sun Hero, of Christ Himself. Thus these two facts of necessity sound together in the world’s course.”
- Rudolf Steiner, 1904, Signs and Symbols of the Christmas Festival: Part 1: The Birth of Light

Ethan creating advent candles from sheets of beeswax for the dinner table Advent celebrations this month

The official Advent dates for 2009 are:

* First Sunday of Advent (Sunday, November 29, 2009)

* Feast of Saint Nicholas (Sunday, December 6, 2009)

* Second Sunday of Advent (Sunday, December 6, 2009)

* Immaculate Conception (Tuesday, December 8, 2009)
Holy Day of Obligation

* Our Lady of Guadalupe (Saturday, December 12, 2009)

* Feast of Saint Lucy (Sunday, December 13, 2009)

* Third Sunday of Advent (Gaudete Sunday) (Sunday, December 13, 2009)

* Fourth Sunday of Advent (Sunday, December 20, 2009)

* Christmas Eve (Thursday, December 24, 2009)

* Christmas (Friday, December 25, 2009)
Holy Day of Obligation

Here is a wonderful article outlining the winter festivals within the Waldorf home school.

This weekend marks the Feast of Saint Nicholas and the coming post will talk a little more about that! Stay tuned…

Enjoy recent pics:

Ethan and I ice skating this week

I awoke to find Ethan’s morning alone time activity: building a bonfire for his “friends”

Just off the needles: slouchy beanie for mama

Ethan helped me with gourmet homemade pizza on family movie night tonight

My first waldorf doll, a floor puppet

Verity in her cutie vintage thrift store bonnet

Ethan’s playtime activity- his nature arrangement of winter elements

Next week we will celebrate our THIRD Thanksgiving in Portland. It’s crazy to think about where I was then and where I am now. So many things have happened and the person I am is so different… yet learning so many of the same ol’ lessons too.

But before I get started on a rant about milestones and the fleeting years of my children’s early life, a tribute to my lovely Portland — because only in Portland would the sign at a roach coach (delicious strand of food carts lining the streets downtown) I am grabbing lunch from have a sign that reads: “Tip: Tasty protein shot without any oil which is dynamite”!!! Yep, this is Vivian’s town, fo’ sho’.

Back to the rant: As you all remember from a few weeks ago, Verity began crawling. Well it has taken her no time at all to enjoy pulling herself up to standing and begin cruising around the furniture. And today I felt her gnaw on my finger and low and behold- she has TWO TEETH!

She’s stinkin’ cute, isn’t she?!

I am NOT ready for this. Just yesterday Ethan was my squishy little baby boy. I didn’t know if I ever wanted another. He was my angel. We sang “Santa Baby” the book to bed every night and his sweet 3 year old voice knew all the words. I relished his last year before he turned into a “kid”. Where did the time go? There are times I wish I could just do nothing all day but get to know my children. I envy the moms who can do so, (though I realize the grass is always greener too). Ethan and I don’t have the bond we used to have. Slowly we are differentiating as he, miraculously, grows into an independent little guy – well-adjusted, opinionated, and strong-willed.

Thankfully, I know our time of practically breathing in rhythm as he breastfed wasn’t meant to last forever. The night’s I could spend 30-45 minutes with him in his bed, reading 3 books and singing 5 songs, have turned into rushed busy night’s that he is often tucked in by his dad while we can only spare the time for 1 book and 1 song. Sigh. What is a work-at-home-mom with a 6 month old baby to do?

I want to recapture all that lost time and get back in sync with my child, but sometimes I don’t know where to begin. The amount of things I seem to actually be able to get done in a day are remarkably minuscule – I often must stay up until 1am just to get to SOME of them.

I’m ranting, but its bittersweet. I know this is all natural but I just wish I could spend more time with my kids while they are this little. There will always be time to work in the future. I have got to come up with a plan to be more fully present during family time. It’s flying by soooo fast, and its NOT OKAY WITH ME!!!

Okay. Whew.

It’s that crazy time when I start rearranging furniture every week and feeling as though some how my life will with it be rearranged and work better.

Can’t some one just write me a check every month for being a mother so that I can pay my bills? Is that too much to ask? lol

Ok, I am going straight to pictures from here on out because otherwise I will be revealing on way too vulnerable a level just how bonkers I feel today about the neverending work-at-home-mother saga.

Verity standing up everywhere, plus a video of her bath time (for grandparents, lol).

My hand knit wool yoga socks (hopefully on sale soon):

Ethan, my way-too-quickly-growing-up boy, hiding out with his friend Paz who he has adorned with pearls.

Tomorrow we are doing a waldorfy Lantern Walk through the woods. Saturday is a big home school family-wide potluck. I’ve been pretty busy and trying to get back in the swing of things since being sick, but its all good. Just gotta figure out how to be a mom who works from home and isn’t constantly bitter about how to make it all work out for myself, my children, and my clients! Arg…

Well, I’ve done it again.

Blame it on the illness. Blame it on the rain outside. Blame it on the lack of work today. Who knows. But I decided to whip out my next project and learn to make…

THAI FISHERMAN YOGA PANTS!

I’ve been a fan of these pants for awhile, my roommate Lacey had a few and I kept thinking how comfy and forgiving they look but I didn’t want to pay for them. They are all OVER Etsy but I just didn’t want to dish out the dough.

So what does mama do instead? Makes them herself!

I found this pattern (3/4 down the page) and marked up some pattern fabric (see how much I DON’T know? I don’t even know the proper name for that stuff!). I fired up my 20 or 30 year old free Kenmore sewing machine. And, well, the rest is history.

They turned out great! I’m so glad I took the time (ahem 5 hours) to make my first ones properly. I made the first in dark green organic cotton. Delicious! I plan to make a stencil painting on the legs too!

Oh, you want to know the best part? These pants are one size fits all. Hubby looks FANTASTIC in them and now has some pants to wear to Couples Yoga!

Okay, so these are the second pair in cotton with a pretty pattern. These only took about an hour, maybe less actually…

They start like this. (No, this is not my “I’ve lost 60 pounds” Subway shot )

Then you fold one side. Then the other, and you tie the belt in the front.

Then you fold over the top.

Then you strike a pose.

Then you do a Napoleon Dynamite. (round house kick to the face.)

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