Category — Relatives

Today is birth control day! Might be extra crampy after this. If all goes well, this will have been a really great option for “closin up shop” in my womb for awhile! My heart holds the dream of a third child in the future. I’m excited to see who that little person might be, but for now, we are working on the marriage and two little people we already have with us

Interesting side note: in my circle of siblings, there will have been born FIVE new babies in a one year period of March 09 – March 10. Us Cajuns have always been kinda good at reproducin’, heh? But, sisters, seriously, SLOW DOWN! I can’t keep up with my knitting for all these new babies! LOL

There’s been some talk amongst the family lately, of course with Verity’s arrival, that resembles the fun guessing-the-features-game: “Oh, he/she looks JUST LIKE your great uncle Chester, but he/she totally has Grandma’s pinkie toes!!!”

Which got me thinking, so I pulled out some photos and threw together this fun little comparison for us to smile over

(FYI – Betsy is Chris’ mom, and Ian is my brother- or as I like to call him, Ethan-Number-One because, folks, that’s just scary.)

Happy fathers day!!!

Don’t have time to write much but lots of pics to share! Enjoy the slideshow!
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So it has been a while since I have posted anything on this site. While sitting here at work on my lunch break and most likely after, I have some time on my hands. This life has given me plenty of..too many actually..times to choose the wrong choice. So I sit here now thinking about how to make the best decisions with this second chance at life, with my family, since having chosen a different path exactly one year ago.

Things have been looking up for me and oddly enough I have been pretty blessed. I have been considering going back to school and it just so happens that I will finally be getting my diploma and transcripts from the university I graduated from in 2007! Woohoo! All I need to do is figure out what to go back to school for. I have been thinking about Sociology..maybe a masters in that. Strangely enough I am excited at the possibility of learning in school instead of just getting it over with. I am very interested in seeing how I view education now that I am seeing things with a new set of eyes. Anyway, that is something that I have to decide with Vivian. Unfortunately, getting your post graduate degree is expensive. I am still paying for my undergraduate degree.

So back to my gratitude list:

1. God has been there for me even when I did not want Him. I have fought with Him for years. Self was my god. When I went back to Him, I felt unworthy to say His name. I could not gather the courage to be someone that could ask Him for help. But after my life came to a crossroads..I was left with no choice. He was all I had. And of course, He was what I needed. So I am here only because of Him.

2. Vivian is amazing. When I think of strength, courage, patience, joy, love, and especially grace, my wife is that. My wife has the ability to, taking it day by day of course, let me show her love. She shows me love back more than I deserve. I don’t know how she is able to show it as much especially with Verity and Ethan who are needing some as well. So that to say, Vivian is my love.

3. Ethan and Verity..what can I say. I am grateful that they are in my life, but sometimes I don’t know if they will feel the same of me. Ethan unfortunately had the father who was selfish for most of his life. I am trying to be the father he needs now. Let me tell you, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Thank God for books that help with being a better parent. I swear when I read these books, and they give an example about the parent who withholds love, who loves conditionally, they might as well have used my name. Besides, I would have loved a percentage from the copies sold. I am gaga over Verity. I am hoping she can get a head start with a father who is trying to change into a better man unlike Ethan did. Those are just some things I think about all the time.

4.Family is important to me. When I say family, I mean of course parents, aunts, etc.., but I also mean housemates, friends, church, and other support groups. All of these are gifts from God that have brought me to where I am now. Every interaction has helped me get to where I am now. I used to think of family as “blood” relatives. I have grown enough to love everyone as if they are my brothers or sisters. This goes for anyone I have had any resentment towards and vice versa. I am learning to love!

5. Portland is something that I am grateful for as well. I can’t say how blessed I am to have moved here. Being in this city of imperfection is encouraging. Our community house is great! I think of when it was just our family in an apartment and realize that it was lonely. It is much better with another family. Portland is where we found our current church. This city has the best food too which always hits home for me. But you know..the city has tons of needs as well. Especially the people that are homeless. Whenever I get the chance, I like volunteering at the Portland Rescue Mission. For me it is very personal when I get a chance to be selfless like this. I see people that have been through things that make me realize that I am never too far from being there. Most people there are results of addictions taking over their lives. I can see myself and my future if I stayed on the wrong path when I look into their eyes. So that said, this imperfect city is home.

Well, it might be another month before I can reflect and have something to write about. The future is uncertain. There are alot more things I am grateful for but I will save them for later. Mostly I hold on to the first since without it, nothing else can follow. It is nice being able to share on this. I guess I am grateful for that as well!

6. Mamaneedjava.com for a place to share my thoughts.

Parenting has been slightly easier this week. Lil’ E and I don’t seem to have pushed eachother and ourselves to our limits so much, and there’s been a pretty good balance of outings for what we call “getting our wiggles out” with quiet moments to relax at home as well. My lingo for this is truly how we talk about it between us, as Ethan makes friends at the park and tells them, “Wait, why are you here? Because I am just here to get my wiggles out.” Matter of factly. Like its a real thing we need to “get out”. Love it. He also, just a minute ago no less, comes in to show me the book he is reading for his “quiet time” in his room before bedtime and then he says, “Well I’m going to go back to my room now for super relaxation with my eyes open, okay?”

Anyhow, I’m finding more humor and less control is a good basic method for me. In the meantime we continue to read Unconditional Parenting

HOWEVER, today Chris tried to take a picture of Ethan before he was finished saying something, and Ethan screamed at him right as the camera shot. The result was this CLASSIC Ethan-melt-down-face, along with a CLASSIC Vivian-”what’s-the-damn-problem?”-face:

Aren’t family outings GRAND???

Moving on.

Ethan has been speaking lately of what he will be when he grows up. Interesting, to say the least. I have two personal favorites, one practical career and another, well, more of a side job. By day, if you will, he plans to become a pediatrician because, according to his 4 year old self-assessment, he “loves school and babies”. In his downtime? Well, I’ll let him use his own words: “When there is danger in the house, or scary, or monsters, I will rescue them super fast — when I grow up and I’m the same age as Spiderman!”

Speaking of spiderman, he had fun playing dress up today. When he said he was going to wear the spiderman outfit forever all the time, even to sleep, I had to explain that EVEN Spidey takes his suit off and wears PJ’s to bed. That seemed to convince him.

Zoom in on the sleeping babe in the foreground

No matter what this kid does, he truly holds my heart!

Later, we were walking downtown/the Pearl and every pose he took was a spidey pose, so I joined him:

In other news, I have a bad allergy/cold reaction and have been blowing, sneezing, coughing since Friday morning. Verity has a bit of it too. It’s not too bad though, all things considered, and it should pass in the next few days. Chris’ parents are out this week, staying at a timeshare in the mountains, so we plan to be spending some quality time with family and they meet their granddaughter for the first time (and we get a babysitter for Ethan for awhile! )

Okay well I’m gonna get back to my knitting project! I’ll upload pics when it’s complete.

My mother-in-law recently shared with me this artilce by Peggy Noonan called There’s No Pill For This Kind of Depression. She believes it sums up the feeling of people her age with regards to our current economic state in America and asked me to reflect on the article a bit and speak for my generation on whether or not this article resonates with us as well.

After some thought, I rambled a bit (you know me!) and then decided to share with you all as well since it’s already in the forefront of my mind.

While I can’t speak for all 20-somethings, I think I’ve got a handle on how many, or even most, folks my age are “adjusting” to the crash of Wall Street, of varying degrees I’m sure. I’d love to hear your thoughts too — all ages welcome to chime in!

I think that what people my age are feeling is almost the opposite of what people your age are feeling.

This part of the article struck me: “We are worried, he said, ‘about a way of life, about the loss of upward trajectory.’” You see, we had not yet the opportunity to grasp at the “upward trajectory” you had. We didn’t have jobs for 25 years, savings accounts and investments. We were used to being “poor”, and had little desire for a bigger home, or even to own a home at all. We didn’t have much to lose: no wills or life insurance or car payments or mortgages- most people in their twenties don’t even know what exactly is the difference between a CD or a Roth IRA, lol. They never had enough money to utilize America’s prosperous years anyway!

Most of the people I know had already assumed that the values of the last 10-20 years of American prosperity were overrated and on their way out. It didn’t take the economic decline to tell us this. We could see our older generations clinging to their American Dream and we weren’t sure we wanted that.

This is in many ways what I have been studying for several years – this postmodern, millennial generation that tends towards a kind of intangible life where meaning and mystical experiences replace the security of their trust fund. For example, young Christians didn’t want large mega churches void of religious symbolism, or as some coin them “seeker friendly”- but the older generations really, really thought these “campus-model” churches were THE answer for attracting youth. After all, they had grown accustom to affluence and wanted ever more of it – why wouldn’t we follow suit?

Instead, we flocked to small, intimate places of worship where we sensed something sacred – and there were major growths towards religions which are known for simplistic living, such as Buddhism and monastic communities. This all PRIOR to the “great crash”. The great crash, then, had less effect on us. Basically, all it means is that it’s harder to find jobs, and those of us with credit card debt are learning a hard lesson, that’s for sure. But we still have hopes for America, ideals that span beyond being the strongest empire of the West. (We are secretly HAPPY that the foundation of affluence has been shaken. Now you’re all in the same boat as us! LOL)

Another example: I keep seeing on the news this feature story that the older generations are wondering how to keep up the “green” trend as cost of such products don’t fit the paychecks of the economic recession. We keep hearing reports that families of, say, 35-55 year old adults who are eating more fast food and cheap, mass-produced ingredients. But I look around and those of us in our 20’s are doing just the opposite. And we aren’t buying Seventh Generation All-Purpose Cleaner and eco-diapers either – we’re doing what our grandparents did and returning to traditional, gentle cleaners like baking soda, or simple, healthy meals from local sources, or cloth diapers. We don’t want to buy cheaper shoes or cook wear that we’ll have to replace each year, we’d rather buy wooden toys or USA made high quality shoes, or cast iron skillets – things that we can rely on for 25 years! We’re apt to learn to sew up the holes in our socks rather than perpetuate our previously wasteful attitude about possessions. Again, the economic “crash” of Wall-street is far removed from us- if anything it only proved our thoughts of scaling BACK were right on!

The depression, if any, that we suffer is very short term. It’s easier to let go of that (false) vision of unending prosperity when you haven’t had it — or have only had it for a short time. Most folks in their 20’s, young families like mine, can come away rather unscathed- and not the least bit surprised!

And we don’t want Obama to come in and take us back the Clinton era. (God, that would be awful!) We want to work on the long-haul, deeper issues of America and create a country that is balanced and sustainable for the long run – so our children can grow up in a place where people care about each other and the land flourishes, where people are idealistic and educated at the same time, so they can lead the nation into a future that doesn’t look like the 30’s — but doesn’t look like the 90’s either!

I’m officially pointing readers in the direction of my “virtual baby shower“, which you may or may not have noticed in the upper left hand corner of this page in the last month.

I explained yesterday how little we need for our upcoming baby, how simple we are approaching this experience, but because the cost of giving birth is so significant, we are primarily asking for support, prayers, and donations towards that end. I know this economic time is rough, and I really believe that the way American’s will get through it is through community vs individuality. We have been blessed with so many loving friends and family members who are there for us in times of need and who we can return the favor in ways that God allows us to do so.

To be honest, I feel rather cheesy asking for help with the birth costs, but we are truly seeking an affordable way to cover the medical expenses during a time in which Hubby’s hours have been cut back and I will be taking a (hopefully very short) unpaid leave when the baby is born. With this in mind, we ask for prayers and support during the upcoming months.

For those of you who know us personally: you will never know the depth of our gratitude, and the joy I have in sharing my life with you.

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We got back in town late Thursday night (or early Friday morning, to be precise!). We’ve since been trying to recuperate, get adjusted, get unpacked, get some work done, make some major decisions, and get ready for a regular week tomorrow. I woke up this morning to a white snow laden back yard view out of my kitchen window (it’s about 35-40 degrees but a little snow). I laughed to myself at how every one, and I do mean every one, we spoke with in Florida asked us if it’s cold in Portland (and complained about how cold it was there, in the 50’s and 60’s with not a cloud in the sky).

It’s good to be back. It’s a bit like visiting another planet, or at least, another life. Some things were harder for me than I expected, being in the places where Hubby and I first met and dated… the dreams I had for us then and how differently things have turned out. I spent the majority of my time on Marco Island trying to soak up time with family I haven’t seen in almost 2 years, where we did lots of field trips to Florida wildlife reserves and the beach. We ate tons of food, laughed a lot, and every one played a hearty, loud game of Apples to Apples while I sat in a tub with a tummy ache, lol. By the time we got to Naples mid-trip I kinda “crashed”, so I spent most of my time zoned out, knitting or painting or otherwise in my own world observing what was happening around me. We slept in a lot and rested, got to see a lot of family members (Hubby’s side) that we haven’t seen in a long time, including Hubby’s grandma who flew up from Puerto Rico and his aunt who flew in from NYC. We had an “Obama Inauguration Party” that grew in size spontaneously which was also a lot of fun.

I got to see dear friends Steph/Tim and Karina/Kubby, which was so much fun. Steph/Tim decked out their place in LOST paraphernalia for the premiere last Wednesday (which rocked my world, btw), and many new memories were created by the “colorful” older couple who invited themselves over and talked during the commercials about the UFO’s they have seen. No, I’m not kidding.

Lil’ E was 99% angelic for the entire trip, even on the long ride back when he slept through our landing in (who knows where?) where we didn’t switch planes, so it was perfect. (He has not, however, been angelic since our return, so it’s been a long few days!) I got lots of knitting done while there, esp once Steph demonstrated what I was doing wrong when switching from knit to purl so I could do the ribbing on a hat pattern. I finished a wool bib and two wool “pixie” hats. I started on booties but after I did the first one I could tell they were much too small for a normal sized baby so I’m looking for a new pattern!

Well, I guess that’s the update for now. It could take me a while to get back in the swing of things with so much I am processing right now, but at least I’ve spit some of it out before it gets lost in the far reaches of my memory. I’ve got a work day ahead of me and hopefully finish the unpacking, readjusting process along with it.

P.S. No funky kitty smells while we were gone so, thus far, Paz gets to stick around now, that he has been de-maled .

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I’ll be honest – today seemed to be dominated largely by a surprise notification from our corporate bank, U.S. Bank, (as opposed to ING Direct, whom we LOVE to pieces) who charged us over $400 in overdrafts fees yesterday. While, granted, it’s obvious to us at this point that most, if not all, are a mistake, but this notice in the mail came not 5 minutes after I got on my knees (literally!) to pray that God would help me find the money to make it to Florida to see my family whom I have not seen in 1.5 years. It was so disheartening to have to deal with a financial mess just minutes after believing that if I just surrendered and asked for God’s help, I would find a way to see them. What followed was a long day of tears and considering bankruptcy (again) and all those not-so-fun things that I am not-so-thankful for, frankly.

This time last year was particularly difficult for me, having Thanksgiving and holidays without family or friends around, no “surrogate” family here in Portland to take us in. I kept up hope that by this time this year, I would have found a way down there, but at this point that looks less and less likely, as I am not advised to travel such a long trip after mid-January, and we have no extra moolah for tickets anytime soon. Anything that does come in above paying bills is going directly to fund the impending birth in April, that thus far our insurance will not cover.

But while I start this post with a bit of sadness and complaining, I don’t want to leave it there. Before the money woes, I had a wonderful morning with Lil’ E, making a native american headband and smock and doing some dancing to a children’s cajun cd I got from the library last week. I’m ending the day with warm cookies and hot cocoa, flipping through recipe books and reading some poetry.

The point? It’s not the end of the world. In my experience, it never is.

So, I don’t have a big table to serve tomorrow, but I do have the ingredients on hand to make a few special things: beignets for breakfast, our tradition these past 3 years, followed by golden lentil stew with butternut squash risotto and kale souffle (recipe looks better than it’s title sounds!). And the company I will host will be none other than two of my favorite people in the whole world: my wonder-child son and wonder-love husband. Had anyone told me that this family unit would be doing so well 5 months ago, I would have fallen out of my chair laughing at them satirically.

Later, we do plan to help out at the Portland Rescue Mission to serve meals, which is something I have had on my heart to do as a family since I can remember calling us a “family”, so this will in many ways be a very fulfilling experience.

After fighting the crowds and catching the Macy’s Parade downtown on Friday morning, we’ll sort out the banking mess and open an account at a small local bank who actually deserves our support

So I will say adieu with a few interesting readings:

“Thanksgiving is that time of year
when people come from far and near.
The family grows from three or four
to five or six or ten or more.
The table may be large or small,
but room is made for one and all!”
- My First Thanksgiving Book, Jane Belk Moncure (Lil’ E’s book which made me sad this morning!)

dim
i
nu
tiv

e this park is e
mpty(everyb
ody’s elsewher
e except me 6 e

nglish sparrow
s)a
utumn & t
he rai

n
th
e
raintherain
-e.e.cummings

now(more near ourselves than we)
is a bird singing in a tree,
who never sings the same thing twice
and still that singing’s always his

eyes can feel but ears may see
there never lived a gayer he;
if earth and sky should break in two
he’d make them one (his song’s so true)

who sings for us for you for me
for each leaf newer than can be;
and for his own (his love) his dear
he sings till everywhere is here
-e.e.cummings

“While you are walking in this darkness and in these empty places of spiritual poverty you think that everything and everyone are failing you; but that is not surprising, for at these times it seems to you that God too is failing you. But nothing is failing you, nor have you any need to consult me about anything, nor have you any reason to do so, nor do you know one, nor will you find one: this is merely suspicion without cause. He that seeks naught but God walks not in darkness, in whatever darkness and poverty he may find himself; and he that harbors no presumptuousness and desires not his own satisfaction either as to God or as to the creatures, and works his own will in naught soever, has no need to stumble or to worry about anything. You are progressing well: remain in quietness and rejoice…”
-St. John of the Cross, Letter xviii to Dona Juana de Pedraza