Next week we will celebrate our THIRD Thanksgiving in Portland. It’s crazy to think about where I was then and where I am now. So many things have happened and the person I am is so different… yet learning so many of the same ol’ lessons too.

But before I get started on a rant about milestones and the fleeting years of my children’s early life, a tribute to my lovely Portland — because only in Portland would the sign at a roach coach (delicious strand of food carts lining the streets downtown) I am grabbing lunch from have a sign that reads: “Tip: Tasty protein shot without any oil which is dynamite”!!! Yep, this is Vivian’s town, fo’ sho’.

Back to the rant: As you all remember from a few weeks ago, Verity began crawling. Well it has taken her no time at all to enjoy pulling herself up to standing and begin cruising around the furniture. And today I felt her gnaw on my finger and low and behold- she has TWO TEETH!

She’s stinkin’ cute, isn’t she?!

I am NOT ready for this. Just yesterday Ethan was my squishy little baby boy. I didn’t know if I ever wanted another. He was my angel. We sang “Santa Baby” the book to bed every night and his sweet 3 year old voice knew all the words. I relished his last year before he turned into a “kid”. Where did the time go? There are times I wish I could just do nothing all day but get to know my children. I envy the moms who can do so, (though I realize the grass is always greener too). Ethan and I don’t have the bond we used to have. Slowly we are differentiating as he, miraculously, grows into an independent little guy – well-adjusted, opinionated, and strong-willed.

Thankfully, I know our time of practically breathing in rhythm as he breastfed wasn’t meant to last forever. The night’s I could spend 30-45 minutes with him in his bed, reading 3 books and singing 5 songs, have turned into rushed busy night’s that he is often tucked in by his dad while we can only spare the time for 1 book and 1 song. Sigh. What is a work-at-home-mom with a 6 month old baby to do?

I want to recapture all that lost time and get back in sync with my child, but sometimes I don’t know where to begin. The amount of things I seem to actually be able to get done in a day are remarkably minuscule – I often must stay up until 1am just to get to SOME of them.

I’m ranting, but its bittersweet. I know this is all natural but I just wish I could spend more time with my kids while they are this little. There will always be time to work in the future. I have got to come up with a plan to be more fully present during family time. It’s flying by soooo fast, and its NOT OKAY WITH ME!!!

Okay. Whew.

It’s that crazy time when I start rearranging furniture every week and feeling as though some how my life will with it be rearranged and work better.

Can’t some one just write me a check every month for being a mother so that I can pay my bills? Is that too much to ask? lol

Ok, I am going straight to pictures from here on out because otherwise I will be revealing on way too vulnerable a level just how bonkers I feel today about the neverending work-at-home-mother saga.

Verity standing up everywhere, plus a video of her bath time (for grandparents, lol).

My hand knit wool yoga socks (hopefully on sale soon):

Ethan, my way-too-quickly-growing-up boy, hiding out with his friend Paz who he has adorned with pearls.

Tomorrow we are doing a waldorfy Lantern Walk through the woods. Saturday is a big home school family-wide potluck. I’ve been pretty busy and trying to get back in the swing of things since being sick, but its all good. Just gotta figure out how to be a mom who works from home and isn’t constantly bitter about how to make it all work out for myself, my children, and my clients! Arg…

Busy in some ways, not busy in others… restless mind today and lots of outings these past few days. Trying to remain in the present and not get too overwhelmed and/or hopeless about various situations in life. Note to self: So many wonderful things to notice about the here and now!!! My prayer is for gratitude and contentment…

Enjoy recent pics:

Well, I’ve done it again.

Blame it on the illness. Blame it on the rain outside. Blame it on the lack of work today. Who knows. But I decided to whip out my next project and learn to make…

THAI FISHERMAN YOGA PANTS!

I’ve been a fan of these pants for awhile, my roommate Lacey had a few and I kept thinking how comfy and forgiving they look but I didn’t want to pay for them. They are all OVER Etsy but I just didn’t want to dish out the dough.

So what does mama do instead? Makes them herself!

I found this pattern (3/4 down the page) and marked up some pattern fabric (see how much I DON’T know? I don’t even know the proper name for that stuff!). I fired up my 20 or 30 year old free Kenmore sewing machine. And, well, the rest is history.

They turned out great! I’m so glad I took the time (ahem 5 hours) to make my first ones properly. I made the first in dark green organic cotton. Delicious! I plan to make a stencil painting on the legs too!

Oh, you want to know the best part? These pants are one size fits all. Hubby looks FANTASTIC in them and now has some pants to wear to Couples Yoga!

Okay, so these are the second pair in cotton with a pretty pattern. These only took about an hour, maybe less actually…

They start like this. (No, this is not my “I’ve lost 60 pounds” Subway shot )

Then you fold one side. Then the other, and you tie the belt in the front.

Then you fold over the top.

Then you strike a pose.

Then you do a Napoleon Dynamite. (round house kick to the face.)

You like?

Life this week has been slightly run of the mill. We had a really good conversation on HOPE in our packed living room for Home Group on Tuesday night, which was probably the highlight thus far. I’ve been able to do a little more with Ethan these last few days and work more at night, which is good in some ways. We took a walk and collected some branches and holly and rosemary and have plans to do some sort of seasonal “tree” along with a wreath of holly and herbs and pine cones and so on. But then its been too rainy to work on it so our treasure pile is sitting outside in the drizzle

I worked on making him a wall cozy from scrap fabric and one pine branch I found with a few pinecones still attached as the bar. It’s pretty cool! It holds his doodle pads, chalk board and white board, colored pencils flash cards, etc. I got the idea from my new copy of Amanda Soule’s Handmade Home (which I heart (almost) as much as The Creative Family.) I painted a little fall tree for kicks.

We also moved the rocking “couch” to his room, under his bed, as a place to snuggle on rainy days. I think these new additions to his room prepare us more to hunker down in there through an unschooling winter Right now we are somewhat learning about cowboys and indians, as we continue to work on reading skills.

The minute October heads out, winter begins to head in. It’s chilly, but not overly so. Right now the November wind is really picking up outside and with a cracked window in the living room I am listening to our wooden wind chimes. Verity is sucking on wooden blocks on the carpet and Ethan is screaming, “I’M DOOOOOOONE!” from the bathroom (still wants some one else to wipe his rear end.)

My throat is swollen and my sinuses are funkdyfied — I’m praying I get over the start of this cold fast, but something in my body says I should gear up for my first flu rather than be too hopeful. I’m forcing down water with Wellness Fizz (homeopathics), Lacey’s AMAZING raw honey cough syrup (raw honey, essential oils, and herbs), and citrus Kombucha, and Kefir (probiotics), and warming spices and antioxidant rich fruit salads and trying to do a little yoga here and there to flush out toxins. I’ve got a light day tomorrow so I’m hoping I can just recover rather than get worse.

Immune Boost Tea is brewin:

Homemade Chicken Stock is simmerin:

We also just picked up our monthly azure order tonight and I thought it would be fun to show you guys what the fridge of an 8 person household looks like. With 4.5 dozen eggs, 5 pounds of dates, several gallons of raw milk and kefir, 1 gallon of raw apple cider vinegar, a large assortment of produce stuffed in the bottom bins, lots of soup left overs from dinners, a freezer stuffed with frozen fruit for smoothies, frozen local meats that were on sale, so on and so forth- things get a *little* full in there.

The interesting thing is that we don’t really have a pantry. We have several shelves in the cabinets for smaller containers of our bulk ingredients (whole wheat flour, nuts, yeast, what have you), but very little “consume NOW” foods. I try to get things like that from Trader Joe’s. I recently discovered 2 products from TJ’s that I am a huge fan of: Glutein-free brownie mix that is delicious and only 2.99. It is made with organic brown rice flour, organic evaporated cane juice, cocoa and pretty much nothing else, lol. Awesome! The other thing is Ay Say (I need to check on the spelling) but they are crackers made with very simple, all natural ingredients. They are delicious and only 1.29 a box (so suffice it to say we get like 10 at a time). These are both great alternatives to healthier brownie mixes and crackers at places like New Seasons, where one tiny bag of groceries is $60! lol

Anyhoo. So…yeah. Until next time!

Sometimes I feel like the Grinch. A grumpy, cranky, irritated, impatient, selfish, angry old Grinch. Oh wait, that’s not just sometimes.

But, you see… it’s not Christmas that I despise. It’s not the noise of all the Who’s down in Whoville. It’s the noise of my life. The constant barrage of noise. Some of the noises aren’t even audible.

Yesterday we had the house to ourselves for the afternoon, the housemates out at their parents for the day to celebrate Halloween. I felt really excited about Halloween and very grateful for my family.

THEN…
The following took place within 5 minutes:

I sat down, happy as a clam, to start knitting a new project. The cast on was “provisional cast on” method, something new to me. I clicked on a little video to view the demonstration and I was a little baffled. Frustrated, I turned up the volume a bit and tried to concentrate a little harder. I had finally gotten Verity to sleep just minutes before and I could feel the familiar sense of impatience with myself creep up, knowing I had only so long to “myself” before she would wake up again, or Ethan would need something, or a chore would need to be done, or food would need to be made, or an event would need to be prepared for, … etc.

Ethan was watching a movie and apparently not so happy about things the fact that he could hear my 2 minute tutorial video from my laptop across the room. He started raising his voice asking me to turn it down so he could hear his movie. I was engrossed and determined to steal a few minutes for myself to learn something new, so I didn’t even register WHAT he was saying. All I could register was a whiney, demanding voice that was ruining my thought process (and what else is new?)!

To make sure he was heard, he got up from his spot and got right in my face, abrasively coming directly between my video and I, repeating like a broken record something about my video interrupting HIM!? (The nerve!!!) In a frustrated, Grinchy instant, I snapped. White flashed before my eyes and I stood up, raised my face to the sky like a wolf and SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAACHED. An octave away from a dog whistle, let me tell you.

The baby woke up, of course. Ethan started crying and ran off to his room, of course. I felt like a total failure, of course. Chris looked at me like I was a wild woman, of course.

Emotional exhaustion is all that follows my Grinchy moments. It’s the pits. The worst feeling. I have to go back and smooth things over, explain, apologize, take responsibilty and make amends. Try to move on, try to start anew. And I’m always ten times harder on myself about it than anyone else is. The kids seem to have bounced back within seconds, while I am still realing over my mistake.

It seems only full-time, stay-at-home parents seem to be able to relate to the truly grueling job of 24/7 noise and needs. Those days that you have to take as long of a shower as possible because that is literally the only time you will have to yourself all day (or in a couple of days!!!) I can’t even begin to imagine the HOURS that other adults have to themselves. HOURS?!?!?!?! Um, am I green with envy yet?!?!?! You mean you can watch a movie without interruption? You mean you can drive somewhere and just listen to music? You mean you can read a book for more than 5 minutes? What is this life you speak of – IS IT REAL? Will I ever have it again?

It has been FOUR. LONG. YEARS. Four years of being around at least one young child for all or the vast majority of EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Folks, I can’t even poop in peace. He will be barging in if I forget to lock the door or BANGING on the door if I remember.

Where are my boundaries, you might ask? Right where they should be, thankyouverymuch. I do tell him when I’m tired or when I’m angry. I walk away when I can take no more. I tell him I need space when I need a moments peace. I institute a “quiet time” every afternoon and on good days, he actually takes it willingly!

But then you throw a baby in the mix. Boundaries with a baby? LOL

And then you throw in a full-time work load FROM HOME.

And then you throw in chores, and meals, and counseling, and homeschooling, and outings, and… ???

The noise is constant. And in my worst moments, my response is utter Grinchyness. Suck. And the worst and best part is that I KNOW BETTER. I know I can choose my response, I know I can manage my feelings better. But practicing inner peace despite the crazy demands around you is an entirely different matter.

But let’s digress and move on to a related topic:

Today Chris and I got three GLORIOUS hours away from the kids, (whom we love so much and never want to leave them BUT boy are the breaks refreshing with a capital R!!!)

We signed up for a co-ed spa day at MamaZen. Three hours. Granted, the way there was stressful. We were late, trying to leave the babysitter with everything she would need for 4 hours with a nursing infant and 4 year old. We got on the bikes and raced the 4 miles or so to the yoga studio. It was hilly. I was out of breath, my thighs were screaming at me, and I was disgruntled and cold and pissed that I’m always late to things. Then Chris’ reflector broke and spewed out at me behind him. Everything took too long. I felt like a total idiot for the life I lead on my freaking flipping bicycle. F-bombs were murmered. Tears even escaped my eyes. Yep, lovely bike ride to spa day.

But don’t worry, it gets better.

Hour one: a yoga practice of extended, gentle poses and guided meditation, meant only to increase awareness and release tension, deepening into relaxation. The yogi had wonderful, beautiful things to say, things that seemed so poignantly related to my life. At one point he said, “We are always assuming that the harder we try, the better we are doing. But what about trying SOFT?” I wanted to cry. What am I paying a counselor for – this freakin’ yoga class was therapy!!!

Hour two: Tea service, complete with sandwiches and tea and mimosas. I cuddled up in my blanket in a chair next to Chris on the porch and zoned out, silent almost the entire hour.

Hour three: Seated in some kind of crazy ergonomic reclining chairs, we were covered with blankets in a circle in the room, a lavender eye pillow on our faces, hot peppermint tea refilled constantly on the night stand beside us. A LIVE HARPIST played soothing music and I just ZONED some more. I saw myself as a strong tree in the fall, allowing and accepting the autumn winds which would rid me of my weight, as the leaves fluttered effortlessly to the ground in time with the harpest’s music. I went deep into my thoughts for the first time in maybe 7 or 8 months. During this time we received hand and feet massages, and our time ended in upright position with hot salt mineral foot bath in a private bowl of pebbles and floating flowers. Nice…

Yes, it was back into the harsh reality of our life – hitting the bikes in the dark; very cold, to trek home. It was invigorating and I tried to welcome that, but my life is so stimulated and invigorating ENOUGH that it was hard to really embrace a cold bike ride home, even through beautiful neighborhoods and silent streets.

I sit here having a bowl of popcorn and a glass of red wine, trying for the first time in far too long to write out my feelings. But this post is pushing 1,200 words and I feel I must leave it here. I’ve recorded a little of my life and the rest will come, in time.

Chris and I dressed up for the Home School Party as Bunty aur Babli (Bollywood movie characters). Ethan went as an alien and the next day as a pirate for Trick-or-Treating around the Kenton Neighborhood and sharing coffee and snacks with some neighbors from Evergreen.

Enjoy the pics:

I LOVE FALL! (Is it THAT obvious?)

And I’ve heard so many in the southern states lament that they don’t have any fall leaves to collect and relish in. Well, you are in luck, my friends!

Today we collected leaves Just.For.You.

And then do you know what I did?

I dipped them all in unfiltered beeswax.

The result is a preserved leaf in delicate, delicious smelling beeswax.

And I’d like to send one of you a beautiful variety of 20 leaves!

SO- comment about why you want them, and I’ll choose one person at the end of the week to mail a little taste of Fall to

I can feel the Winter season slowly creeping up in the background of this beautiful Fall. In about a month, this crispy colorful leaves will be dry and cracklin’, the wind will whip through the bare branches, the jack o lantern will be dilapidated. Okay, okay, am I giving you early onset seasonal depression?

And with that seasonal depression might come some life stress, and the next thing you know you’ve binged on sugar, fallen asleep, and WHAM! You’re up with a full blown sinus cold (or worse!)

Either you’ve been there, you ARE there, or you WILL be there.

So here we go, a little mama herbal wisdom:

Prevention is the best medicine. Balance, balance, balance. But sometimes, despite you’re best efforts, you get kinda “high”. You’re in the zone, fillin’ up that calendar, working hard and before you know it, you see all those red flags going up. For me it’s a chatterbox brain (and mouth), a listlessness and off kilter energy. I wake up with a little sore throat, I yawn all day, I feel my exhaustion catching up with me and the only thing that sounds good is SLEEP.

Sleep is SO important. The body does most of its cellular rebuilding during sleep, while dreams blow off mental steam and unresolved tensions of the day. I find it SO hard to get to bed at a decent hour. The wee hours of the morning are when my brain is most productive for work, yet I don’t have the luxury of sleeping all day because, alas, I have 2 young kids! If you are like me, your sleep “issues” vary; maybe sometimes its GETTING to sleep, maybe its STAYING asleep, maybe its the QUALITY and DEPTH of your sleep (like nursing all night?!)

Herbs can play a significant role in supporting the body’s need for sleep. The “sleep aid” herbs work gently, not like a tranquilizer, and have been used since FOREVER. They don’t have side effects, are not addictive, and work differently for different people. It’s important to really look at your symptoms and pick the right herb to support your needs. And let’s not forget- fresher is ALWAYS better. Fresh, organically grown whole herbs (leaves, flowers, roots — as opposed to capsules) are powerful when used as either nourishment or medicine. All of the herbs in my list below can be found at Mountain Rose Herbs where you can purchase the fresh, organic herbs in bulk (4 oz, 8oz, even 1 lb). Second to growing/harvesting them yourself, you will benefit much more from theirs than stagnant bagged teas or conventionally grown herbs from many grocers (a little pesticide spray with your chamomile tea before bed? Mmmm….) (You can read more about their guiding principles here.)

That said, here is a quick overview of some herbs for sleep (and/or stress!):

SKULLCAP: Skullcap really became my best friend at the end of my pregnancy. Sleep was hard to come by, and with the heart burn and discomfort I had I really needed something to KNOCK me out. Skullcap is said to be the closest thing to a mild sedative. It doesn’t work that way for everyone, but its definitely worth a try. (Bonus: It is also anti-inflammatory and antispasmodic.) Take as a tincture or even a medicinal tea (15 minutes steep) 30 minutes before you plan to go to bed. Awake from a deep sleep refreshed, not groggy.

CHAMOMILE: Another popular sleepy time tea, and often used for children to promote a calm, restful spirit. Either drink as a beverage tea (3-5 minutes steep time) or add to a warm bath! (Be careful if you have a yellow flower pollen allergy – chamomile tea could make you irritated if you do, the opposite of restful! If you have an allergy to ragweed, chamomile may even cause an anaphylactic shock.)

LAVENDER: I ADORE lavender as a relaxing herb. I have had great success using lavendar as an essential oil from Young Living, (it is useful for many things, relaxation is only one of them!) A drop under my pillow and rubbed into the soles of my feet before bed helps signal my body to relax and often helps me attain a deeper sleep than usual. BUT- it can sometimes be more of a stimulate for some people, so the important thing to remember here is that lavender works to support and strengthen the nervous system, so it could work differently for you depending on your body’s needs. It works for me because the nervous system strengthening helps alleviate any worry or depression I have when going to bed. Once that is liften, sleep is easier to come by, and keep.

Here are some perhaps lesser known herbs that could be your ticket to better sleep:

LEMON BALM: Like lavender, lemon balm strengthens nervous system to help nerves relax. Another thing lemon balm is GREAT for is a decongestant, not only for the body but for the mind as well. Lemon balm grows like weeds around here, so if you find this herb useful you should plant some in the corner of your yard and harvest yourself!

VALERIAN ROOT: Valerian root can really help relieve anxiety. If also repopulates easily, so buying one plant and harvesting yourself is a good idea. Note: it is not the most tasty herb as a tincture or tea, but one tip I learned in my herbs class is to make Mead with it (honey wine). I am very excited to give this a try in the coming months, (I think I’ll start by making a kombucha with it, however).

PASSIONVINE (flower): Useful for mental stimulation and nervous energy, use as tea or tincture.

CALIFORNIA POPPY: Useful and SAFE FOR CHILDREN TOO, a relaxant and pain reliever. It can also be found wild in Oregon. If you find some, you can make tea from the flowers, or use the whole plant in your tincture form.

HOPS: Many folks claim that fresh hops can help them with sleep problems. It is often used in sleep pillows (and it’s easy to make these yourself!). Another tip from herb class: hops can have opposite effect on those who are clinically depressed, so if that is you, hops might not be your friend.

CATNIP: I love catnip, it’s one of my favorite herbs. I tried it for the first time to break fever, and within minutes I was deeply asleep. When I awoke, I looked up more info about it and found out some great stuff: Catnip is wonderful for hyper kids and colic babies, AND it’s an anti-spasmadic (which helps my IBS problems). I drink before bed to pass through breastmilk for Verity to sleep well. Another thing to note is that catnip herb can be great for really bad, spasmodic coughs, but we’ll get more into that in Part 2, when we talk about what to do once you ARE sick. (Tincture fresh leaves).

OATSTRAW: This nerve strengthening herb is a great all over tonic (and its known as an aphrodisiac too! (there certainly are LOTS of nerves, ya know, DOWN THERE )

St. JOHNS WORT: Anti-depressant, moves things through the liver quickly (so does not work in conjuction with prescription drugs) and treats sore overworked muscles.

LINDEN FLOWERS: Relaxant and headache reliever.

Lastly, there are many herbs in their therapeutic grade essential oil form that can aid in your sleep, balance, and prevention of winter time (or any time!) blues and colds. For one, a blend called RutaVaLa includes: Ruta graveolens (rue), lavender, and valerian essential oils.

Coming up next… Herbs for Rest and Inner Defense – Part 2. I’ll tell you about what to do when it’s seems too late. Your are or are getting sick and you need SUPPORT, asap. Before you head out for over the counter medicine or antibiotics that will only mask your symptoms and leave your body weak and more vulnerable to the next attack, remember that nature has supplied us with some amazing herbs to aid your body’s immune (and other) systems to fight off the bad germs itself – leaving you healthy and resilient instead! So stay tuned…

Tree-Tice
By:Douglas Florian

One leaf fell,
Then two,
Then three.
Such is autumn industree.
Four leaves fell,
Then five,
Then six.
A tree-tice on
Arithmetics.