After thinking about doing so for a few weeks now, I’ve decided this evening to take some time away from social networks and blogs for awhile, perhaps the month of August, maybe longer. I need to focus on my work, my writing, and Ethan’s kindergarten home school curriculum. I feel the “bustle” of the WWW is zapping too much of my precious mental and emotional resources for these things.

I also hope to do some soul-searching this month, learn a few new skills, gain some peaceful center and find the wisdom to deal with difficult situations I find myself in. That and just kinda… be present.

From a heart overflowing,

“mama”

so much to say after this two week hiatus – not sure where to begin.

There’s pics to display, stories of success and failure to share, news to report.

These weeks have included:

- lots of wrestling with the same ol’ life lessons we are too hard headed to “get”

- Ethan turned 5 years old.

- I realized he is a “spirited extrovert” as described in the book “Raising a Spirited Child”. With a sigh of relief I felt more equipped to handle our differences and celebrate who is he is.

- A sweet visit from my sister and her fam

- A heat wave

- Lots of bugs on my vegetable beds that have brought me much frustration. Gardening is supposed to be fun, isn’t it??? I have a nice huge bowl of cayenne/garlic tea I plan to spray all over them tomorrow, so we’ll see if that helps.

- The decision that we want to leave AR when we “get our ducks in a row” to do so. Either back to OR, our “soul home”, and then eventually a village in Burgundy France

- A new show we enjoy together in the after hours of parenting : DEXTER!

- A wee-hours-of-the-morning, spontaneous prayer combustion, awesome girls night with the “Radical Homemaking” group

- Three days of fatigue to recover from the wee-hours-of-the-morning girl night.

- Two of my chickens were killed, leaving a lone Daffodil.

- We trapped the likely culprit, a raccoon, only to accidentally kill it by leaving the cage in the sun during a heat wave for a few hours. Also, it left behind some family members in the attic, which has Ethan terrified and a very light sleeper – a bummer.

- Laughter, tears, prayers, meals, talks, books… life.

I guess that about wraps it up. Until next time…

“I’m homeschooling because I know in my heart it is RIGHT.”

This type of statement can be heard/seen pretty frequently in the homeschooling community, I’ve probably said it myself, almost unconsciously, as a reason for what we’re doing (as if you really owe some one an explanation, lol).

I think there is some error in that. The first is in assuming that hefty word: RIGHT.

It’s not that I don’t believe some things are inherently right and wrong. But many things wrong are done with good intentions, and I think that is often the result of a duality viewpoint. For example, “if sending kids to traditional “school” is wrong, then I am “right”". Some think time outs are “wrong” (”love withdrawel” we like to rename it – the Alfie Kohn er’s perhaps?) and others don’t (Nanny 911 crowd, cheer!); scheduled meals/bedtimes is wrong and others right (unschoolers vs Waldorfers, anyone???); circumcision wrong and others right (attachment parenters vs. Babywisers, holler!); you get the idea. (ohhhh, I just thought about some even more challenging ones for me: SUGAR, CONSUMPTION, and BREASTFEEDING! Aghst!)

Speaking internally, as well; inside myself, I wrestle daily with “that is the wrong thought. That is the wrong emotion” – assigning virtues to emotions that are so much more simple than all that I give them credit for. Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book Anger, says it well:

The foundation of our practice is the insight of non-duality, the insight of non-violence. This insight teaches us how to treat our body with tenderness. We must treat our anger and our despair with tenderness. Anger has roots in non-anger elements. It has roots in the way we live our daily life. If we take good care of everything in us, without discrimination, we prevent our negative energies from dominating. We reduce the strength of our negative seeds so that they don’t overwhelm us.

As I said, I do believe some things are truly right and wrong, in a universal kind of way. But there are very, very few things I think probably fit that bill. The rest is sooooo subjective. And certainly no parenting or schooling technique is so “right” that it ensures happy, well-adjusted, peaceful kids who excel at whatever they put their hands on and grow up to live a life of the utmost value (college, jobs, artistic or altruistic endeavors- whatever it is YOU the parent think is the utmost value, lol!).

I’m learning this, ever so slowly. The more life broadens the range of my community, I find folks and families who simply defy my stereotypes, who teach me something from a new perspective, and the more I recognize the importance of non-duality. All these opinions and choices exist in the same spirit of parents trying to do the best for their children, (often royally screwing much of it up – whether they know it or not, ha!) and by all different means and methods.

Practically speaking, I was just at my Radical Homemakers group on Tuesday and the subject of homeschooling came up. In the book, the author challenges some typical American assumptions, and one of them is this statement: “Education is not a fixed-cost”, i.e. deep, good learning can happen anywhere, in many ways, at all times, and does not have to be purchased (eg private schools, college, etc).

The group was about evenly divided on the public schooling moms and homeschooling moms, and of course I shared why even on the worst days when I feel like a total failure, and the best public elementary school (maybe in the whole state?) is a stone throw away from my house, I still talk myself down from enrolling Ethan in kindergarten.

And when you share such strong choices rooted in strong values with the world, it is so very important to love – always always love. And with that love for the people around you, you speak with respect for their different viewpoints and try your best to think through what your going to say before using words like “because I know what I’m doing is RIGHT”. Sometimes I do a good job with that, other times I totally fail and come off like the self-righteous hippie (you didn’t think I was aware of that, did ya?). But the truth is that I don’t think WHAT I AM DOING is RIGHT. I don’t. At all.

(I also don’t happen to think it’s wrong, of course. )

It, my friends, is JUST A DECISION. We humans make decisions based on many insights, influences, and factors, and then we do our best. And sometimes we change our mind. Move. Quit a job. Leave a relationship. Just choices. Period. End of story. (No arguing necessary.) Some seem right or wrong, only in hindsight we may appreciate the experience for all it was worth and have grace on ourselves and others who brought turmoil to life because of their choices. In the end, I believe God is the Author of our story and the Forgiver of our mistakes. Mistakes that might cause problems but often get us right where we need to be anyway. (amen and amen?!)

How I feel about homeschooling is deeply rooted in my experiences and knowledge and desires, and while I don’t mean it is “just a decision” to say that I take the choice of my child’s learning lightly (because believe you me, I don’t!). I know that successes and failures (poster children for every argument!) come out BOTH sides of the coin, so the less I concern myself with what every one else is doing, wants to do, or has done, and just focus on my home, MY space, those in MY family, the more I feel ready to make a choice, even when there are tensions (embrace them — they are all part of it, this little time here).

And when you make a choice, OWN IT. And when it seems obvious that you need to make a new choice, ADMIT IT. Be flexible, be tender with yourself and those around you, and be very careful to assume what you are doing is “RIGHT”. (hmmm, am I speaking to YOU or myself?!)

Until next time…

Got the funk these days, primarily with homeschooling and parenting. Such a whirlwind we have been through this last month or so and all that rhythm we were starting to create got sideswiped, yet again.

I’m out searching for some new (and/or old) info and thoughts and inspirations so I can get motivated towards SOMETHING besides grumpiness and fatigue and that familiar listless feeling that comes during times of recovery from life’s major upheavals.

It is really, really, really hard to be a full-time parent. I am missing the fun parts that seemed to come easier when Ethan was 0-3 years old. I capture the few seconds in a picture here and there, but they are way too few and far between lately and I feel abnormally guilty about that. So if you are the praying kind, I sure could use some. I’m seeking out support and encouragement as well. My motherhood journey feels overwhelming and my confidence dwindling.

I’ll close with this inspirational quote from the unschooling site:

“If you think you can’t provide a rich, stimulating environment for your kids, maybe they *are* better off in school. Send them.

But if you know that the whole wide world is rich and stimulating, then GET OUT THERE! DO things, BE with your kids. Find cool places to go. Bring new things home. Quit bitchin’!

If you knew you only had a year more with that child, what would you expose him to? Where would you go? What would you eat? What would you watch? What would you do?

If you had only ONE year—and then it was all over, what would you do? Four seasons. Twelve months. 365 days.

Do that THIS year. And the next.”

I’ve been keeping track of my time a bit this last week or so, trying to estimate what percentages of my time is devoted to what.

Here’s what I have found, currently:

- sleep an average of 6 hours a night and nurse about 2-3 times during those 6 hours.

- (spend an average of) 4 hours a day on meal prep, eating and meal cleanup.

- 4 hours a day on house chores and yard work (and still my laundry is piled up!)

- 3 hours a day on direct involvement with the kids (reading, crafts, outings, bathtime, bedtime, etc)

- 3 hours a day on my work-at-home business (no wonder I have so little time for this!)

- 1 hour a day with Chris

- 1 hour a day on email/blog/facebook to catch up with friends and family

- 30 minutes a day on personal needs (shower, brush teeth, get dressed.)

- leaving me with 1.5 hours a day for something to surprise me

For me, this list is somewhat revealing. I have found that I spend a lot of my day on a lifestyle of “simplicity” that is really quite a bit of hard work but very good for me too. I eat well and I move a lot, (which saves me the time and money going to a gym – or having any healthcare needs!), and my kids are happy and healthy, which contributes to my quality of life a lot. And I suppose the house/yard is somewhat maintained, lol. I would like more sleep, me time, and husband time, but I suspect so does every mom! Perhaps when I “retire” (I’ve told you I plan to retire by 35, right? It’s my ten year plan. Yeah. I have lots of those.)

I also get time to watch a movie or knit here and there (though usually only when multi-tasking or coinciding with husband-time). I don’t have much time to call people back or reply to emails, and I get chided for that from friends and family members at least once a day

As I bend down, 30 pound baby on my back as usual, to sweep the mornings crumbs and sticky oatmeal from under the table, summer ants scattering away, I admit to having mixed feelings about how much of my day is spent just keeping us from being under a foot of garbage. Within 20 minutes the sink will be full again with kefir smoothie (our morning snack) remains. The table and floor I just cleaned will have sticky spills of smoothie everywhere and the kids’ hands and faces will need to be cleaned again. And when I finish all that, I’ll have about 20 minutes until I need to start thinking about lunch. Nobody said this job was easy!

I’m blessed to have a husband who comes in from a 10 hour work day and goes directly to the sink to do dishes, then outside to care for the chickens, then inside to eat dinner and do the dishes AGAIN, then help put the 5 year old to bed, then fold clothes while watching a show. Literally, he does this Every.Single.Day. His help is probably why I even get those precious 6 hours of sleep!

Life on the homestead, I suppose?

More posts coming your way this week – much going on up in this noggin’ of mine…

Until next time.

On Father’s Day, I see a lot of acolades given to dads and husbands who no doubt deserve such honor.

But there is a flip side to this, as with any holiday. There are men who struggle with fatherhood from the moment they wake up each day to the draining energy of a child’s constant needs. Men whose own fathers weren’t there for them, who have no road map and whose own love tank seems to consistently run low. Men who battle ridiculous amounts of personal obstacles to muster up the courage and capacity to share a quick hug with their children; who, despite their deep commitment, love, and appreciation, have great difficulty expressing such sentiment.

I can imagine on a day like today, seeing all the men who make that job look easy recognized feels a little bit disheartening. I experience a bit of this on Mother’s Day – always have. Growing up without a mom, making cards in class to honor them was one group activity I did not look forward to. Now a mom, this day sometimes reminds me
of my own failures in this area of my life and indeed how hard the role is at times.

The truth of the matter is that all of us are broken and bruised. The ideals associated with words like “family”, “mother”, and “father” may bring on feelings of nostalgia and gratitude — or heartbreak and disappointment — or all of the above. (We are beautifully complex creatures.)

It may be that, for you, feeling any sort of personal pride on a day like Father’s Day is totally remiss.

So let me be a different voice today, to tell you that no family is without mess and struggle. That we all have our ups and downs, our hurts to heal and our ideals to live up to.

Take a deep breath and know that God is intimately involved in the business of recovering and redeeming, and personally showing us who the only truly Great Father is. It is in worship that we become our true selves.

Peace and comfort to you this Father’s Day.

To my sweet: I love you more than words. Thank you for every moment that you seek Truth and try harder to rise above the past.

I’ve been hoping to find time to blog again soon, but even when time was found I was unsure where to begin. A lot has happened in such a short amount of time and I’m still processing much of it. Some things are just so all consuming that the rest of life must very stubbornly seep through, eventually.

And that is one of the things I so admire about life. You can try to dam it back, close your eyes and pretend your floating in a lazy river, but we all know that nothing stops the current. It is defiant it its attempts to keep us moving. Thank God.

One of the markers of passing time in life’s great current is the seasons change. This Father’s Day weekend we’ll kiss Spring goodbye (is it REALLY still Spring?) and embrace full fledged Summer. Currently, the mosquitoes surrounding my home are holding us hostage indoors (and if you know us, that means WE ARE GOING PLUMB MAD!) and has me dreaming of Portland bug-free sunny months of bliss. But a few things make up for it, gently reaffirming that we ARE where we need to be (in no particular order):

For one, the fire flies. Oh, what I would give to be able to capture in photographs these creatures dance outside my window at night. I can hardly close my eyes when I lay in bed waiting for the next one to surprise me with its electrical body outside my window and drift this way and that. There are dozens of them floating outside at any given moment, lighting up the darkness like evening fairies worshiping the moon. Last night I even dreamed I went outside and scouted some glow worms. I’m downright enchanted with them!

For another, the community. The network of family and friends we have been welcomed into in just 4 short months (is that ALL?) is everything I hoped it would be and more. When breaking bread with loved ones, it often feels as if we have never NOT been here. I am so grateful for such a vibrant, loving, healthy community of adults and children to bring up my own in. The more I plug into the good people I have come to know here, the more impressed I am with their hearts and lives – all so very, very different from one another. What a colorful tapestry of folks!

Allow me to paint you a picture of my neighborhood alone: I have been befriended by a neighbor on one side, a nursery worker, single mom to two young boys – the kinda lady who will talk your ear off about Irises and give you the shirt off your back if you asked her (or even if you don’t!). Our lives collide with theirs in ways only nature could orchestrate: rescuing a young tortoise from the street, climbing trees together, or exchanging plants and seeds.

Across the street I am greeted by three friendly neighbors in a row, all of whom I see and speak with pretty much daily. One is a warm, funky grandma with a major green thumb whose home features a set of prayer flags (as does ours). She walks and rides her bike passed our home frequently, often with her two young grandchildren and dog accompanying her.

Next to her is the areas Rabbi with his family of adopted toddlers. He pulls up to his on-street parking several times a day blasting talk radio, mows his lawn shirtless (my, what a healthy sense of self you have!), and is another brilliant botanist. He can name you just about any plant you have and tell you more about it than you really needed to know. We made a greater connection recently, as he prepares to head out of town he showed us an area where he wants us to remove and keep LOTS of yellow lillies off his property, which just so happen to be underneath an apricot tree spilling ripe fruit that we are also welcome to collect. Yippee!

And of course, our sweet friends next to him are a writer and her partner, the kinda gals so genuine that they welcome being knocked to their feet by my 4 year old’s hugs when we run into each other at the Farmer’s Market. We’ve found deeper support from these neighbors than the rest and I have a feeling as I get the courage to join their writing group that we will become closer as time goes on.

Down the way are more families speckling the neighborhood with color and charm, some we know by name and others we don’t. Many who, like us, seem to strive to make their front yard their “Third Place” where community happens.

As I type, Ethan wakes up and without even asking for breakfast declares, “I’m going to the front yard!” His tree swing turns him into a super hero for awhile, and when that loses its novelty there are endless bugs to search for under rocks. I have to coax him back inside for eating, eventually. This morning might be harder than others, however: he has found himself a tortoise.

One of the nice things about living in the city is the walks through neighborhoods like mine. But then, the country walks – spotting bugs, flowers, and deer, presents a networking community as well. Yes, we dream of our little plot of land. A lot.

But more on that later.

In the meantime, some pictures of our in-town life this Summer:

Ver in the garden…

Pole beans reaching up!

Swiss chard, a colorful and tasty addition to our backyard veg bed

A new Summertime tradition: a Marigold Bath!

Ants rummage a strawberry blossom

Peek-a-booing amongst the trees…

{simple pleasures}

a new weekend Mama Seasons series about finding pleasure in something inexpensive or free in search of :The Good Life:

Farmers market: a $3 sun hat, as well as the usual locally grown veggies to eat and plants to grow. And an ice cold latte
A turnip man (free)
Bubbles (free)

Library finds:
In and Out of the Garden, Sara Midda
Taming the Truffle; The History, Lore and Science of the Ultimate Mushroom, Hall, Brown, and Zambonelli
Time of Wonder, Robert McClosky

Thrifted (vintage):
a pully for tree climbing adventures
tablecloth, bright and Summery
OJ pitcher for Saturday morning fresh squeezed orange juice
(pictures to come)

Gifted:
Lilly’s in bloom from a neighbor

Bartered:
Possibility of website work for a local bookstore in exchange for books!

Borrowed:
Rodales Successful Gardening Organic Herbs

Created:
A fort on an enchanted island, where the prince asks nicely for the fairy godmother to bake him magical cookies so he has the energy to escape the green aliens with big ears and bumpy toes that taste like bananas and regrow when they are bitten off.

Since the start of tree pollen season here in NW Arkansas, I have been feeling way more drained and tired than usual. It didn’t help that this coincided with a week or two long teething spell for Verity! I was so sleep-deprived and discombobulated – it felt as though I had just had my wee one, only I couldn’t rest all day because I had two to run after and jobs to keep!

Towards this last weekend, I felt in despair. I thought something must be wrong with me – I have had no energy or attention span to work for more than about 2 hours a day, and I couldn’t focus on the kids very well either. Combined with dizziness while gardening and a few other things, I finally checked in with myself and began to get a regimen for getting back up to “speed”

With the help of some great advice from friends as well as a few chapters of The Fourfold Path to Healing; Working with the Laws of Nutrition, Therapeutics, Movement and Meditation in the Art of Medicine, I realized I need to revamp my dietary laziness. I’m following the recommendation in the book now, as much as possible: 40% animal source, 40% vegetable source, 20% grain source. The animal source must be raw as often as possible (raw butter, raw milk, etc) or pasture-raised fresh meats not cooked at too high a temperature (and bone broths, etc), the vegetable source can be only steamed or raw, and the grain source (and legumes, nuts, etc) must be properly soaked or sprouted.

What does that all have to do with sleep, you ask? Well, you’ll have to get the book or begin following Weston Price literature to get the nitty gritty. In the nutshell, however; eating this way means you are giving you digestive system foods it can properly break down, leaving your body with more energy for the other systems and functions (including brain — hormone! — function). I already eat only organic produce, pasture-raised meat, and unrefined foods. But what I don’t do enough is soak and sprout. Maybe once a week for a split pea soup or black bean side, but otherwise I bake with whole wheat pastry flour, etc. I do get sprouted sandwich bread and sourdough artisan bread, however, because I already had a gist for the logic behind it. What I didn’t understand is was how much I needed to eat, what percentages, and how those 2 or 3 days of eating a muffin and a coffee or something similar was contributing to my low energy level and moods. Man, you slack off just a bit and WHAM, teething, allergies, illnesses – (”I get knocked down, but I get up again!”)

Moving on!

Another thing I changed a few days ago was my sleep pattern. I never take naps, and I rarely fall asleep before 1am. I also can’t fall asleep for at least 30 minutes. Then I nurse a few times in the night and wake up around 8am feeling like I just went to bed. I am not a morning person, never have been. I feel cranky and ethereal for a few hours and can barely function until I have some protein in my breakfast (bowl of cereal = raving lunatic. poached egg on steamed kale = happy mama.)

On Mother’s Day, I took for myself a rare treat. A nap. What was odd, to me, was that I felt tired again early that night and crashed about an hour earlier than usual. Then Chris let me sleep in on Monday morning and do you know when I woke up? 10 o’clock! This was more sleep than I have had in a span of DAYS this year. And finally, I didn’t feel guilty about it – I didn’t fret over all the things I didn’t get done because I was asleep. Instead, I felt calm (no! getting sleep helps you feel calm! Say it isn’t so!) and trusted that this is what my body needed to do to recuperate. If that means I get behind on a few things, maybe those things weren’t that important. Also, maybe I’ll have the attention span and energy to finish them better and faster once I’m rested. For a few days now, I’ve taken naps (which, according to this article, DOES make folks learn better and increases memory function) and getting to bed before midnight. Already, the quality of my waking is more alert and energized. Halle-flippin-lujah!

I should add that I’ve also been more conscientious about taking my fermented cod liver oil (SO important, esp for pregnant/nursing mama’s!) and adding to it a range of therapeutic essential oils to support my immune and digestive system. Also back on the bandwagon is my use of lacto-fermented beverages. I’ve been drinking my homebrewed kombucha daily but slacked off on my kefir smoothies. Until I read that the recommendation for me to fight fatigue is also to drink less water (flushes gut with water – not letting stomach vile do its job in digesting the food) and more lacto-fermented liquids instead (kefir smoothies, yum!)

So I’m going to continue this super nourishing diet, extra sleep to support that I nurse all night still (attachment parenting, respond respond respond! ), and cod liver and essential oils supplements. Besides being a little more energized, calm, and alert, my skin is less red and rashy (woo hoo!). I’ll touch back after a few weeks and let you know if anything else is changing.

THIS is what I love about allowing negative emotions to come to the surface, yet having the perspective that they are not evil or wrong or stupid, but just a message. A message to make a change and shift your priorities. The few weeks of fatigue and restlessness and worry prompted me to take the time to do some soul searching. I journaled about some things I need to do, including getting alone and girl time each week, starting yoga again, along with the diet change and more sleep. I prayed about some of these things, in particular that I would find a good Vinyasa yoga class in Fayetteville, and low and behold, today I was at the co-op and saw a flyer on the bulletin about a new 6 week series for Vinyasa flow. It’s on Sunday afternoons, a great open time block for me, and not very expensive either. I’m soooo relieved!

After a good night’s sleep, I also emerged with some answers to things that were bothering me. Career changes/ timing, Chris’ joblessness, the kids, so many things. What was clear to me when I awoke was this: I need to focus on my faith, writing, art, and family. Period. The financial situation will iron itself out, likely in a way that I can’t even foresee right now. But having mini-breakdowns every week because there is no time for the things my heart and mind is needing more of is making me less productive and less joyful, more tired and more stressed out.

The blog, something I was ready to give up for lack of time to commit to it, might end up sticking around, if only for a place to share my thoughts. I’ll be taking a writing course with my neighbor soon (who actually named herself Ryder – cause she is a writer – which I think is so bold it’s cute). Next I want to take some watercolor courses. I’ve always felt really dyslexic when it comes to watercolor as a medium, and I want to remedy that.

Oh! And I’ll be hosting a summer reading group (through Vintage) to discuss the book “Radical Homemakers; Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture“. Can you see a theme here? Doing things good for my soul, learning to let go of roles I don’t need to cling to anymore, taking a leap of faith – eventually hoping to be more generous and infectiously joyful in a world so riddled with greed, fret, and hopelessness. Wish me luck

Well, I won’t go on – this is getting rather long. And I have a playdate, so…

Be the Light,

Mama

Ethan has recently begun wearing ties when we leave the house. He informed me that this is what men do. Oh, do they now?

Often he picks out one of the ties he comes across in his collection and slaps it on and the result is totally charming. What mother doesn’t want to walk around the farmer’s market with a handsome little boy wearing a polka dot tie over his t-shirt?

Here’s the thing, though. This morning he came out dressed for church, all by himself as usual, with TWO ties clipped to his t-shirt. And two mismatching socks under his sandals. This moment was fairly conflicting for me. Part of me, I’ll call her the “good mommy”, wanted to high five the kid for a job well-done and beam that her son is confident, unique, and creative. I glanced at Chris, who muttered his disapproval with the words “geeky, but … that’s okay I guess” under his breath, and my heart sank. Shoot. He’s right, he looks a little geeky. Without further thought, that other part of me, we’ll call her “bad mommy”, instructed Ethan that people just don’t wear two ties and that he needs to pick one. And while he is at it, find some matching socks.

Can you feel how big my cringe is right now? Ouch. Maybe the worst part is that I didn’t really honor this moment all day, but I felt guilty about letting my control-freak tendency come out and do its damage. And I felt ashamed that I let the opinion of others dictate how I would relate to my sweet kid. Maybe I am over-thinking it, but I just really hate moments like that.

In a nutshell, they are failures. And motherhood is more full of them than I ever anticipated, often in way more technicolor brilliance than the above example. Boy, when I was childless, how I thought I had so much figured out! Each year I am less and less the mother I thought I would be, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It is sobering and humbling; I never knew this role would have such capacity to expose my vulnerabilities, insecurities, weaknesses and selfishness. There are times when the exposure is so acute, so revealing, that I have a hard time facing myself. When all of your ideals and values don’t line up with your actions and the ability to change course seems surprisingly sluggish and blocked. Inertia.

As I grapple with what to do about myself, I try to remember to be merciful in my self-talk. To have the wisdom to know what the difference is between a healthy commitment to high standards and being my own (and everyone else’s) worst critic. To have the energy and sense of freedom to laugh, dance, sing, play and be silly. To truly love them for who they are, two ties and all.