The path I am on has recently taken quite a turn. Or maybe I just see it up ahead, but haven’t ACTUALLY changed course yet. Perhaps I’ve been on whatever trail this has been for so long that I have to keep rubbing my eyes as I approach the upcoming crossroads. Is that a mirage I see?!

These are some findings:

Life is very peculiar. There is so much to be suffered. So much heartache and confusion. Especially since moving to Portland, I have realized just how essential community is to overall mental and emotional health. There are times, seasons even, where being out here has felt poignantly lonely. But for the most part, we have found relationships of support, investment, respect, generosity and love. For that I am so grateful. For SO many things I have found on our most recent leg of the “path” here in Portland: I am grateful.

Life also contains so much joy, surprises, and sweet, simple moments of surrender and worship. What a trip!

And now, change is on the horizon. Life and decisions and freedom, too.

I have a vision of our family a few years from now: homesteading a little urban bungalow somewhere; me- getting slightly better at being energetic and patient as a work-at-home, homeschooling mom; Chris graduating – and more importantly, finding his passion; our children enjoying life and learning and play; our home a place of solace and rest balanced with joy and production, with our hens in the backyard, most of our property covered in food producing gardens, Ethan and Verity’s paintings scattered across the walls. The vision rocks me to sleep at night and soothes the hardest of times. I believe it is a gift from God to catch for yourself a vision for the future and feel even slightly hopeful about life not ALWAYS being how it is now

Very exciting.

Curious about Urban Homesteading? Here’s a great article. Gives me chills just reading it!

In the meantime, enjoy some recent snapshots of our family… there is never a dull moment:

Our Puerto Rican style Christmas Eve was a great idea this year. We began baking the 21 pound turkey we didn’t get around to at Thanksgiving, along with a 5 pound pork, on Tuesday night. I can’t tell you how many garlic cloves I used that night. At least 30. Anyway, once all the good saucey Adobo mess was slathered on, the meats began slow cooking overnight while I finished some handmade gifts. Christmas Eve morning we saw a smattering of snow on the ground and again began cooking, this time to the groove of a salsa Christmas CD. The pernil asado was to die for – nice and salty and garlicy and limey, mmmm… And the turkey came out great too – falling off the bone to reveal the slivers of garlic shoved into the meat, the stuffing of ripe plaintains/rum/dates/cinnamon, and studded with olives. I also made arroz con gandules but had to come up with an old school method for achiote ( sauteing the annato seeds in oil) for yellow seasoning, so that came out kinda bland and not very yellow. I also couldn’t get the thawed (because they weren’t supposed to be!) alcapurias to stay together, lol, however the pasteles Chris’ aunt made were boiled to perfection. I also fried tostones (green plantains, fried, flattened with a plate, fried again and dashed in salt) and maduros (very ripe plantains sliced thick and fried for juicy sweetness). Chris made homemade Coquito which was, well, I had way too much anyway!

We had a great time relaxing with friends over our Christmas Eve meal (Christmas Eve meal is the big one for Ricans, traditionally – that’s what Chris said anyway!) We also have TONS of leftovers that we keep picking at.

After Christmas Eve early dinner we headed to Evergreen Christmas Eve service. Ethan sat intently the whole time, very interested in this gathering. He also was a total STAR (I’m his mama, I can brag) of the “I Saw Three Ships” children’s “choir” – oh he was a riot and had all the moves down pat. Later we drove (yes, our own little christmas miracle- a couple went out of town for 10 days and left us use of their vehicle! thankyoujeebus!) through Peacock Lane to look at lights.

Back home we read some books and left out Santa’s snack, while Ethan hurried to bed. I had the notion that I’d stay up again to 1am like I have been for weeks to get the last minute gifts done- I need to knit something for the waldorf doll I made him and stuff and sew up the knitted gnomes. That didn’t happen. lol I gave up and knew he would be just as happy to watch me knit “Coby” a sweater this week — (that’s what he has named the doll – who he’s carried with him all day and slept with and made best friends with his favorite stuffed animal, the dragon “Scorch” – I can’t tell you how sweet it is when they love the toys you actually MADE with your own bare hands. It’s so special!)

This morning felt very lackluster for me. For one thing, my cold took a turn for the worst (sugar and lack of sleep will do that to ya!), so we didn’t make it to the christmas morning brunch we had planned with some friends. However, Ethan was very excited to open his gifts from us: a ton of new wooden “people” and accessories, a waldorf doll with a hammock, pillow and sheet, thai yoga/lounge pants, an old fashioned locally made wooden Top in his stocking with a large all natural candy cane, a few colors of wool roving and a needle felting kit, a kids’ first knitting needles set, and some new chapter books; Charlotte’s Web, Mary Poppins, and Little House in the Big Woods. From grandma he got a cd player with a cd story book of Little Bear, and from an aunt/uncle he got a Go Fishing game. Verity made out with her new blocks we made her and a wooden rattle and BabyLegs from grandma.

While we were trying to find room on the camcorder to record this morning’s happenings, we came across Ethan’s first Christmas – piles and piles of wrapped presents and battery operated whats its. He was 5 months old! It was crazy to see that in comparison with how simple and even elegant Christmas has become for us: good food, good people, a few special gifts under the tree. Very sweet times.

Despite that this morning I was tired and cranky and felt no spark of magical Christmastime that I always have on previous Christmas mornings, I’m still delighted to see the kids enjoy this day. We had our traditional cajun beignets and mimosas (just OJ for the little guy – another novelty), and all three of us took a nap through the afternoon! Right now Ethan and dad are curled up on the couch watching Polar Express and he is sucking away at his candy cane. We are stuffed from leftover turkey and pasteles and eager to get back into bed on this chilly night.

Well, my matcha tea is calling, along with MY Christmas present – the book “Heaven on Earth” which I can’t wait to dig into! So I will bid you adeiu.

Merry Christmas, my friends. Let the Epiphany festivity preparations begin!

“I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December
A magical thing
And sweet to remember.

‘We are nearer to Spring
Than we were in September,’
I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December.”
- Oliver Herford, I Heard a Bird Sing

Ethan and Caleb gaze at the flames from their handmade beeswax candles

Verity’s Christmas present: blocks cut and sanded by dada, polished with beeswax and emollients by Ethan and mama

Ethan snapped this picture of me knitting Chris a hat in church on Sunday

Despite that I managed to blow up a blender today and send homemade carrot babyfood and glass flying all over the kitchen, (while my 4 year old bolted towards the living room screaming like a lobster in a pot of boiling water… ohhhh, the chaos that is my life at times…):

I am listening now to Sting’s introspective Christmas album (thank you, Maw Maw) and sipping my holiday tonic tea blend and, what can I say? All is well.

Peace, grace, tranquility and surrender: find them. Keep them close.

In our local home school group we are fortunate to have a healthy dose of diversity. We have families from all different religious/cultural backgrounds, including Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish and Agnostic. Personally, I celebrate that. I have found some really amazing mom friends in the group, people I would have never met had I only invested in my church community that is, for the most part, largely homogeneous (composed of mainly white, low-to-mid income, anti-mass church, fairly liberal, trendy, pipe smoking, wine drinking postmodernists and wanna-be-postmodernists and post-post-totally-over-it-modernists).

Family Art Night; Making Watercolor Wrapping Paper (baby asleep in background

Last week I went to a Hanukkah Party with our homeschool group during the day, and then celebrated Christmas with my church community that night. Ethan asked some interested questions about the two celebrations, questions that were, as usual, centered around Jesus and what He means to us, to others, etc. I am SO grateful to be having these conversations, to let his amazing little mind see the world as fluid and open and evolving.

Verity asleep by the electric fireplace in our room (yeah, it doesn’t get much chintzier than that!)

At the same time, I am grateful for my experience with God’s love, for the belief that Jesus is His son, yet one-in-the-same, and that through Him this crazy world that doesn’t make sense to me is comforted. When I listen to Christmas music this time of year, I’m not too jaded and cynical that I can’t still relish the words of adoration and praise. It resonates with my soul on the deepest level, deeper than anything else could possibly dare to reach.

Ethan painting a freezer paper stencil of his ladybug drawing onto his shirt

Again, for that I am grateful. I have had seasons of darkness and doubt, confusion and mistrust. Seasons where my “god” was deconstructed along with the pathetic portrayal of a life I had. Where I thought I had memories of life, (in my own denial), I was awakened to the contrast of death that was below the surface. Things I didn’t choose or deserve, yet there they were, in glaring reality that goes well beyond technicolor or high-def. Even in the confusion and anger at Him, I knew that He was a vital part of all that was happening. He’s in the Truth, He’s in the new found marital intimacy, He’s in the freedom and reality of husband’s (and mine’s) surrender. He’s in the miracle of my daughter’s birth, He’s the Protector of my little boy’s emotional development. The fact of our experiences with Jesus lead me to view this time of year with great, great joy.

Third Sunday of Advent

Growing up, I didn’t have Currier and Ives holidays with extended family and a house bubbling with merriment and myrrh. I admit, I would love to experience this picturesque holiday, and I might have come close a few times, but I think I’ve come to the point where I can also do without it.

Being in Portland has enriched our experience of times set apart for celebration and reflection with family. Striving to create a special experience for ourselves, particularly for Ethan, when extended family and friends with whom we have a rich history are 3,000 miles away has been really difficult but the challenge has been good.

Sweet happy boy

We’ve learned that Christmas can come and go without any visits to the mall or Target or whatever. We’ve dug in our heels with handmade Christmas, (Make Something Day, Advent Conspiracy, etc etc) and its producing a wonderful thing: an entire season of crafts and handwork and simplicity. This is our third Christmas in Portland, (and could in fact be our last if the economy here continues to make housing expensive and jobs scarce), so I am bittersweetly enjoying it. As always, we miss family and friends this time of year the most. Even in a place like Portland, and in a COMMUNITY house for goodness sakes, things are very quiet and lonely. Gotta keep the Christmas movies and music going to keep spirit’s high!

Ethan waking up from nap: hot cocoa and a painting session in mama/dada’s room!

Today, through coughs and illness, we are continuing our preparations. We have beeswax polish for Verity’s blocks and beeswax candles on the to do list, along with some decoupage. You can see some of our morning activities in the slideshow below – making scones and breads for soup!

Ethan and Chris christmas caroling in the rain

Later this week we’ll have ice skating and more crafts and knitting and sewing to finish up Christmas gifts. We also have very light homesteading duties this time of year: thawing the chicken’s water each morning and covering their run with a tarp at night — which is much easier than shelling out money for Paz’s (cat) vet visit this Friday. I am also placing an order with a new produce supplier to get organic produce directly from the distributor, with an average savings of 35% from the local grocery store (and hopefully our delivery bin as well). I’m crossing my fingers that the new method is cost effective and worth my extra time!

So, that’s an update, and hopefully more of a picture of how we view the holidays and happenings of Christmastime as a slightly unconventional Christian family:)

Here is a slideshow of still MORE pictures…

Today is Dec. 6th, St. Nicholas Day, and as a family new to celebrating all of these wonderful Waldorf festivals, our day was quite an unconventional “festival”.

We awoke to make pancakes and playdough/cookie cutter ornaments for gifts and our own tree. Then we got out the Christmas boxes and adorned the tree, which Ethan was finally just old enough to be very excited about. He was so happy to put the star at the top when we were all done.

After our “exhale” of rest for quiet time, Ethan awoke to a snack and watercoloring images of St Nicholas while I sat with him and made a St. Nicholas doll out of wool felt, white wool roving, and a walnut (for the head).

Then it was dinner time, and we needed to FEAST! So Chris and I got busy in the kitchen and made up a new tradition and recipe for St. Nicholas Stew which we’ll look forward to every year because it was FANTASTIC!

And here it is for you:

1 onion, chopped and sauteed in plenty of butter and/or coconut oil, with spices: pinch of cinnamon, curry, cloves and nutmeg. Stir on low heat until onions are transparent.

Add:
4 cups organic free range chicken brothe
2 cans of diced tomatoes in garlic
4 pressed garlic cloves
1 tbsp of fresh diced ginger
2 large tbsps of natural peanut butter
(And give or take a nice selection of the following chopped vegetables:)
3 carrots
1 sweet potato
1 rutabaga
1 leek

Simmer until soft (20 minutes?)
Add (chopped):
1 cup kale (we used red russian- but whatever you have on hand. The red helps maintain a red/orange look to the soup)
1 cup cabbage (again, we used red. We just happened to have all these veggies in the fridge and needed to use them up, lol)

While that is simmering, add 1 can of Coconut Milk (not light) and salt and pepper to taste

The result is almost like an asian panang curry which was delicious and hearty on it’s own but could also be poured over soft brown rice! MMMmmmm… (optional: we also used half a slice of a very spicy pepper while simmering, but be sure to take it out before you serve!)

Tonight’s bedtime story will be the story of Saint Nicholas, a man who brought nuts and candies to hungry boys and girls in the night.

This week we’ll be making hand dipped beeswax candles to store up for the Solstice celebration, as well as beeswax polish for Ethan to finish off some natural “branch” blocks Chris will be chopping up as a Christmas gift to Verity.

I’m loving the holidays as a time of preparation and anticipation of the returning light, as well as craftiness and quality family time. I continue to work in the evenings when I get spare time on the kids’ Christmas gifts, including wool waldorf knitted gnomes, floor puppet waldorf dolls (for the nature table) and a larger waldorf baby doll (12″ probably), a waldorf hammock for the doll, as well as pj pants for both kids. Then there’s so much to do for gifts for others, some freezer paper printing and we need to ship – however will I finish it all? (Psst… it’s okay- I’m having too much fun with it anyway!)

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

There’s something to be said for the many different ways to celebrate this beautiful time of year. Having a symbolic evergreen inside the home, adorned with tiny memories on little metal hooks and ribbons, is one that it would pain me to skip!

The evergreen shows us that even in the dark, cold winter, there is much life, (and spiritually speaking, EVERLASTING life!)

This morning we loaded up in our friends big ol’ blue VW van and headed out to Corner Crest Natural Farm, where a simple little family (of unschoolers!) handed us a saw and let us wander their natural acreage to find our unsprayed, unshaped, naturally perfected Christmas Noble. I’m so looking forward to spending time decorating this tree with handmade meaning this year.

Beauty.

If we bring an awareness of Advent to the home it still brings light and warmth to winter days. A wreathe, or simply the attractive arrangement of four candles on the table with red ribbon, a bit of evergreen, or pine cones, is a symbolic centre piece… Advent is a time of preparation. Children can busy themselves making cards and gifts… – from Festivals, Family and Food, by Diana Carey and Judy Large

Christianity stands as the external mystical fact for the birth of the light. Christ brought to the earth what had existed from the beginning, although it was hidden from mankind throughout the ages we have been speaking of. Now, however, a new climax was reached. Even as the light is born anew at the winter solstice, so in the fourth post-Atlantean period the Savior of Mankind, the Christ, was born. He is the new Sun Hero who was not only initiated in the depths of the Mystery temples, but who also appeared before all the world so that it could be said, “Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29). When it was recognized that the Divine could descend into a personality, the festival celebrating the birth of the Sun Hero, the Christ, came to replace the festival celebrating the birth of the light.
…
All the great teachers of wisdom — the Egyptian Hermes, the ancient Indian Rishis, Confucius, the Persian Zarathustra — have spoken the Divine Word. In Jesus the Christ, however, the Divine Word Itself walked on earth in a living shape for the first time. Before this time there was on earth only the Path and the Truth. Now we have the Path, the Truth and the Life. The great difference between earlier religions and Christianity consists in the fact that Christianity is the fulfillment of the previous religions, that in Christ we are not concerned with a great teacher of wisdom — teachers of wisdom were present in all other religions — but with a human personality who at the same time must be revered as a Divine Personality. Herein is to be found the importance of the disciples’ message, “We have laid our hand into His wounds, we have heard His message.” The emphasis is placed on the appearance, on the direct impression. It does not merely listen to the word but considers the personality. The conviction prevailed that Christ was, in a unique fashion, the Cosmic Sun Hero.

If we comprehend this, we also understand that the ancient festival of the winter solstice signified something different from the present Christmas festival. In Egypt we find Horus, Isis and Osiris, the archetypal image of what also lives in Christianity. In ancient India we have the birth of Krishna by the holy virgin. We find echoes of this myth everywhere, but what is important in Christianity is what I have just expressed. … The most important event for the men of this age is the fact that the Christmas festival, which always represented the birth of an initiate, now represents the birth of the greatest Sun Hero, of Christ Himself. Thus these two facts of necessity sound together in the world’s course.”
- Rudolf Steiner, 1904, Signs and Symbols of the Christmas Festival: Part 1: The Birth of Light

Ethan creating advent candles from sheets of beeswax for the dinner table Advent celebrations this month

The official Advent dates for 2009 are:

* First Sunday of Advent (Sunday, November 29, 2009)

* Feast of Saint Nicholas (Sunday, December 6, 2009)

* Second Sunday of Advent (Sunday, December 6, 2009)

* Immaculate Conception (Tuesday, December 8, 2009)
Holy Day of Obligation

* Our Lady of Guadalupe (Saturday, December 12, 2009)

* Feast of Saint Lucy (Sunday, December 13, 2009)

* Third Sunday of Advent (Gaudete Sunday) (Sunday, December 13, 2009)

* Fourth Sunday of Advent (Sunday, December 20, 2009)

* Christmas Eve (Thursday, December 24, 2009)

* Christmas (Friday, December 25, 2009)
Holy Day of Obligation

Here is a wonderful article outlining the winter festivals within the Waldorf home school.

This weekend marks the Feast of Saint Nicholas and the coming post will talk a little more about that! Stay tuned…

Enjoy recent pics:

Ethan and I ice skating this week

I awoke to find Ethan’s morning alone time activity: building a bonfire for his “friends”

Just off the needles: slouchy beanie for mama

Ethan helped me with gourmet homemade pizza on family movie night tonight

My first waldorf doll, a floor puppet

Verity in her cutie vintage thrift store bonnet

Ethan’s playtime activity- his nature arrangement of winter elements

I feel this week as though so much has changed. A simple, yet profound, shift has taken place. Will it last? Dear God, I hope so.

First of all, I have home schooled. Really home schooled. It’s been a long time. Since before we moved into the community house nearly, what, 10 months ago. Does this mean we did worksheets, flashcards, field trips and quizzes? No.

This week: Ethan made bread. He made Advent candles. He started ice skating lessons. He watercolored his heart out. He played with his nature table for HOURS each day. He didn’t watch TV and stopped asking for movies. He started taking 1 hour naps at the same time each day. He started whining less. He started reasoning with himself rather than arguing with us for the heck of it. He didn’t fight much at bedtime. He used his imagination. He learned new songs. He played outdoor games. He fell more in love with his sister. He fell more attached to his stuffed dragon, Scorch (who now comes everywhere, even ice skating.) He also enjoyed mama’s raw milk hot cocoa every day after his nap. His low point was a boy fight with a friend on Monday – the next time he saw him, however, I heard him say, “Let’s not fight anymore, okay? I really want to play good with you.”

Another endearing thing he said: “Mama, wow. God gave you really special eyes. They are beautiful. Like the inside of kiwi berries.”

He’s ran up and hugged me out of sheer excitement and joy several times a day. We’ve bowed a namaste to each other to share a moment of appreciation, a new “bit” we share.

This week: I spent time with my son. I gave him my attention. I mustered up more energy. I took two yoga classes. I didn’t work much (sigh. the tradeoff? I hope not…). I knitted two waldorf wool gnomes and made one floor puppet waldorf doll for Christmas presents, purchased an amazing wooden kitchen set made just this week by a local grandpa woodcraftsman to gift my children with for Advent/Christmas morning, made lots of soup, made lots of simple oatmeal cookies, made my FIRST loaf of bread in the oven, finally ordered a copy of All Year Round, ice skated with my son for an hour, and oh so much more. When I wasn’t with the family I was either working or feverishly crafting for the holidays. It’s been a tad glorious.

I also moved to a new blog, but kept the archive for mamaneedjava. In many ways I had outgrown that skin. And staying in it was holding me back creatively. The theme was too scattered and it wasn’t growing with me as I’d hoped. The audience was scattered, too. As delicately as I can put this, I must admit that I am now writing for an audience of peers, not extended family members simply looking for an update on the kiddos.

You see, MamaNeedJava began as an experiment in three things: 1. to exercise my writing, 2. to record mine and my childrens’ happenings, and 3. to integrate all of the various aspects of myself, the different “parts” I show and play for different people in my life, into one open-book, transparent, what-you-see-is-what-you-get-Vivian. And I’m so glad I did; It was a great experiment. It DID do all of those things for me. It totally fulfilled its purpose.

But now its time to scale back. Now its time to be vulnerable and transparent, but with more freedom and purpose. I can send photos and updates via email, but here, at Mama Seasons, is where I journal. Here is where I explore my limits, reflect, and set intentions. I want Mama Seasons to be for me another yoga mat; a place all my own, where I can feel weighted as well as the weightless, where I can feel as small as a child and as strong as a warrior in a matter of moments, where I can even doze off if I want to. I want this blog to be a safe place for me to do all this. A place where insecurities of others isn’t blasted into my comments nor the concerns of well-meaning parents show up in my inbox. This isn’t the place for that anymore. This is more intimate, more private. Please respect.

This is the place where I walk the path, and where ever I am is okay. This is the place where I spot “findings” on the side of the trail and bring them here to share with the walkers beside me, in mutual appreciation for this journey’s highs and lows.

As I continue to format and update the new blog, enjoy old entries of MamaNeedJava (with a grain of salt ), and look forward to picturesque moments caught on camera, Advent thoughts and ideas, and other Mama Seasons findings for the month of December.

Homeschooling and I have had quite a year. We began strong, though somewhat unsure. Being new to homeschooling can feel a lot like arriving in a supermarket out of boredom… what to look at, what to buy, … not sure what I’m even doing here!

Then moving at 7 months pregnant and having Verity last Spring side-swiped our family routine quite a bit. So we took our “summer break” and started back up in July. Since I gravitate towards the unschooling philosophy/practice of homeschooling (which is, for me, essentially just real world learning as opposed to worksheets and stuff), it was easy to kinda just “go at it” and figure things out along the way. Yet this way of doing our day around “real world” learning only really happened when we were in the real world. The problem is that I work anywhere from 3-8 hours a day on my laptop, which doesn’t really lend itself to a natural learning environment for Ethan. It’s really hard!!! I think what is so hard about it is the actual switching off and on of different aspects of my brain and personality.

Like there’s supposed to be some “ON SWITCH” for creative, motherly, curious, playful, cooking, crafty, outdoorsy Vivian and another “ON SWITCH” for detail-oriented, techie, responsible, dependable, professional Vivian — yet I must confess that I am groping around in the dark basement for the circuit breaker box and CANNOT FIND IT! There are no switches; No easy way to go back and forth CONSTANTLY throughout my day.

Like other mother’s I battle the “mom brain”: I point at something and try to say “Put this over under the………….. thing…….ugh, you know……. um…….. the! ……. CHAIR! The chair! Can you put this under the chair?!”

This whole process of motherhood; the glaring limitations of knowledge, experience, intellect and energy, is exceedingly difficult when combined with the work-at-home-THANG. I’ll never candy coat it for ya- it’s damn hard!

But GOSH! I am so grateful. I am so grateful to be able to pay rent in a lovely house in metro Portland and afford to eat a large variety of incredible foods, all while being around my kids. The sheer fact that I can sleep in with Verity and nurse her all day – I will never take that for granted. And that I can find 30 minutes several times a day to go on a walk with Ethan or read books or whatever — that the vast majority of his rhythm and learning and life is being witnessed by his parents and not a stranger — MAN, I could (and do!) cry at the privilege of being home for these things.

I’m even MORE blessed that my husband is home with me! What a dynamic duo his presence here creates, as he does all the laundry and shares in diapers, dishes, and meals. I am so grateful for the help he gives me while I work, and so proud of him for his recent decision to go back to school to get an online masters degree while helping me at home.

In the meantime, I have been evaluating our days at home, analyzing (and sometimes agonizing!) over the precious and fleeting time we have — how to use it wisely, creatively and positively. It’s so hard to do this when I spend time on my laptop during the day. So hard that…

I’ve come to the conclusion that integrating my work life with my mother life all day long is not working for us, for now. I constantly feel that I am here — but not present. I spend too much time simply questioning my priorities and making the tough decision to figure out what to do next (that report waiting on me OR preparing lunch, painting with Ethan, going to the library…)

I know enough about myself to know that strict schedules and compartmentalizing my life don’t work either. So what is the happy balance? I don’t know. I know I just have to keep workin’ at it until something feels right. And maybe it will never feel PERFECT, but hopefully a little easier than this.

I want to try setting aside 2 days that are Chris’ days with Ethan, which means I can work all day. I plan to have these days be Tuesdays and Saturdays. Sundays will still be family day. But M, W, R and F will be for homeschooling during the day and working at night. That means I probably won’t even crack open the laptop during the day, because it always starts with 10 minutes and the next thing I know, 3 hours have gone by!

Because my personality leans towards sanguine and choleric, I tend to get very motivated and task oriented, yet easily diverted from one task to another and distracted with accomplishing something all the way to its end. I will walk into the bedroom to find a pair of scissors and the frame will catch my eye and I’ll decide it needs a new photo and then when I start looking at photos I decide I need to really scan these in and make back ups, and when I go to scan them in I decide I need to download better photo editing software, and then when I go online to search for the photo editing software I realize I need to … (this is a hypothetical but STRONGLY based on every day life!)

I know this. And I have to just laugh at myself and say, come on’, ol’ girl, get your act together!

All of these things play into how I spend my day as a work-at-home-mom. And when I try to let things happen naturally and have no plans or goals for my home life (i.e. what unschooling tends to look like for me since I have so much work to do), the energy just gets THAT MUCH MORE scattered. And then I’m not at all surprised when Ethan’s energy is that much more scattered!

So I need to get some discipline. Just a little. (Cause that word scares me from back in my legalistic conventional fundamentalist Christian days.)

To help me have a plan, a goal, a rhythm to our days (the days I am to home school as a stay-at-home-mom and not open my laptop), I have decided to bite the bullet and erg, eh, AGST, drats…

get some curricula. DUM DUMT DAH.

I think Ethan has long since been “ready” intellectually and socially for a kindergarten curricula… but here I must tread very, very carefully.

Because I believe that the best way kids learn is through play and narrative and natural every day learning. So I’m not getting workbooks, no. But SOME sort of guide for a year of kindergarten learning, nonetheless, for which we will begin after the Thanksgiving holidays.

What I’ll be doing is purchasing resources/lesson plans/etc within two of my favorite fields of homeschooling: Waldorf and Charlotte Mason.

Through the Waldorf curricula I hope to accomplish a weekly, monthly and yearly rhythm. Every Monday we bake bread, every Wednesday is painting day, so on… I also want to pick out and utilize the natural materials idea, which will help me get rid of a lot of “stuff” sucking up space in Ethan’s room. Because the Waldorf school believes children need simple, all natural materals, anything that is not wool, silk, wood, etc is not used, including polyester stuffed animals, so on. That is hard – even in Ethan’s room which is like 80% waldorf approved, lol. But I won’t go nuts. I believe there’s a lot of good stuff with Waldorf curricula, but I also believe reading is HUGE for Ethan — and so is some electronic mediums such as educational library videos or background music to set the tone for the activity. So Waldorf curricula, with its natural materials, beautiful daily rhythm, handwork and festivals is AWESOME – and I’ll use what I like and not beat myself up for not using what I don’t like! lol

With this new Kindergarten year (again, which I’m beginning for Ethan after Thanksgiving) I will also supplement with Charlotte Mason curricula, which sets the bar high for “living books” and emphasis on character building, reading, so on.

In addition, I’m considering registering Ethan (when he turns 5) for AllPrep. A friend has told me about this program, which is essentially homeschooling under the umbrella of a free charter school, but which scarcely involves itself in your homeschooling aside from supplying you with lots of resources which you can choose to use or not. One of which is a $500 credit to use at Village Home and another is FREE Rosetta Stone (language learning software that is really expensive!). For the Rosetta Stone stuff alone, I am seriously considering doing this next year, so we would be able to own the awesome resource (we would pick Spanish, of course, but many languages are available).

Ok, wow, I guess I could write about this stuff forever, heh? My little angel baby is awake now, very fussy from her teething ailments. Now that I’ve relieved my brain of some of these highly flammable thoughts, I better skiddaddle. Until next time…

Next week we will celebrate our THIRD Thanksgiving in Portland. It’s crazy to think about where I was then and where I am now. So many things have happened and the person I am is so different… yet learning so many of the same ol’ lessons too.

But before I get started on a rant about milestones and the fleeting years of my children’s early life, a tribute to my lovely Portland — because only in Portland would the sign at a roach coach (delicious strand of food carts lining the streets downtown) I am grabbing lunch from have a sign that reads: “Tip: Tasty protein shot without any oil which is dynamite”!!! Yep, this is Vivian’s town, fo’ sho’.

Back to the rant: As you all remember from a few weeks ago, Verity began crawling. Well it has taken her no time at all to enjoy pulling herself up to standing and begin cruising around the furniture. And today I felt her gnaw on my finger and low and behold- she has TWO TEETH!

She’s stinkin’ cute, isn’t she?!

I am NOT ready for this. Just yesterday Ethan was my squishy little baby boy. I didn’t know if I ever wanted another. He was my angel. We sang “Santa Baby” the book to bed every night and his sweet 3 year old voice knew all the words. I relished his last year before he turned into a “kid”. Where did the time go? There are times I wish I could just do nothing all day but get to know my children. I envy the moms who can do so, (though I realize the grass is always greener too). Ethan and I don’t have the bond we used to have. Slowly we are differentiating as he, miraculously, grows into an independent little guy – well-adjusted, opinionated, and strong-willed.

Thankfully, I know our time of practically breathing in rhythm as he breastfed wasn’t meant to last forever. The night’s I could spend 30-45 minutes with him in his bed, reading 3 books and singing 5 songs, have turned into rushed busy night’s that he is often tucked in by his dad while we can only spare the time for 1 book and 1 song. Sigh. What is a work-at-home-mom with a 6 month old baby to do?

I want to recapture all that lost time and get back in sync with my child, but sometimes I don’t know where to begin. The amount of things I seem to actually be able to get done in a day are remarkably minuscule – I often must stay up until 1am just to get to SOME of them.

I’m ranting, but its bittersweet. I know this is all natural but I just wish I could spend more time with my kids while they are this little. There will always be time to work in the future. I have got to come up with a plan to be more fully present during family time. It’s flying by soooo fast, and its NOT OKAY WITH ME!!!

Okay. Whew.

It’s that crazy time when I start rearranging furniture every week and feeling as though some how my life will with it be rearranged and work better.

Can’t some one just write me a check every month for being a mother so that I can pay my bills? Is that too much to ask? lol

Ok, I am going straight to pictures from here on out because otherwise I will be revealing on way too vulnerable a level just how bonkers I feel today about the neverending work-at-home-mother saga.

Verity standing up everywhere, plus a video of her bath time (for grandparents, lol).

My hand knit wool yoga socks (hopefully on sale soon):

Ethan, my way-too-quickly-growing-up boy, hiding out with his friend Paz who he has adorned with pearls.

Tomorrow we are doing a waldorfy Lantern Walk through the woods. Saturday is a big home school family-wide potluck. I’ve been pretty busy and trying to get back in the swing of things since being sick, but its all good. Just gotta figure out how to be a mom who works from home and isn’t constantly bitter about how to make it all work out for myself, my children, and my clients! Arg…