MEAT, DAIRY, HONEY
2 whole free range chickens (8-10 pounds of chicken total)
8 .25 lb lean free range ground beef (hamburger) patties
1.5 pounds of local raw wildflower honey
2 pounds hand-crafted olive oil pasta (1 speghetti, 1 rottini)
1 half pound fresh goat cheese
2 dozen free range eggs

PRODUCE (all were purchased from organic, local booths):
1 green onion bunch
2 pounds assorted summer squash and zuchinni
1 pound of beets
2 pounds red potatoes
2 pounds heirloom tomatoes
1 small red cabbage
6 corn on the cob
1 head of lettuce
__________________________
TOTAL: an $80 value

I can officially call our fridge full

These next 3 days Chris is off work, as most of the Uprise/RagTag/9th St Video employees head off on a 3 day retreat/float trip. With many pressing financial things to think about, we weren’t able to swing the trip this year, but we are going to make the best of our “stay-cation” anyway. In the plans are a free folk band concert tomorrow, a state park day with a grill-out of hamburgers and corn cobs, and a blueberry picking excursion to a no-spray u-pick blueberry farm where blueberries are just $2/pound!

How are you all spending your Summer vacations? Any other stay-cationer’s have ideas on how to make the most of your retreat-at-home?

(quick aside- I have mixed feelings about being on food stamps, and there’s something even more off-putting about sharing this info about us via the WWW, but for now my family needs it and we are doing what we can to be self-sufficient without government aid. But I do believe there is value in sharing our journey with others, so that the barriers of shame will not limit folks who are desiring a more integrated, ethical, “simple living” lifestyle. So – let’s just put a pin in that for a moment and let me get back to my joy about this program’s benefits!)

Okay, so basically I go purchase “tokens” with my EBT card (like a debit card for food stamps (technically now called SNAPS benefits), if you’re not familiar) at the market booth on Saturday morning, and whatever I use ($20 bucks, let’s say) is DOUBLED in value (I am given $40 in tokens, only using up the $20 of my allotted food stamps). This is already quite a Wow, awesome! But it wasn’t until I actually went grocery shopping Saturday that it hit me just how phenomenal this is. Another way to think about it is everything I get there is now 50% less!

A quick back-story of sorts: Most of you know that our family strives to eat nourishing, local, organic foods (weston price/ traditional foods – based). We try to eat mainly local, pastured meats and dairy products, and local, no-spray produce. (If we do eat grains and legumes, they tend to be used in moderation and purchased as dry bulk goods, then properly soaked and prepared to make them more of a usable food by the human body. If you’re lost by now, don’t worry – I’ll try to circle back around to that topic some other time, or you can read a bit about it yourself — try here or here…)

At first glance, this may seem like quite a luxury for folks on food stamps, right? Well, we don’t do this by going to a store like Whole Foods and leaving with bags and bags of expensive prepared and imported foods (though, in the interest of full disclosure — been there, done that. We all start somewhere!). Instead, I get most of the above items from the farmer’s market, a bulk food order we place each month from Azure Standard for things like peanut butter, etc, our backyard laying hens, and a local dairy farm delivery. (Aside – I do garden at home but at this point raising/growing our own food hasn’t been as much of an option as we hope it will one day be, since we have been renting inside city limits and moving often through all our homesteading adventures).

We do limit prepared foods, canned or boxed items are only utilized in a real “pinch”, so it goes without saying that I cook most everything from scratch, at home. If you aren’t in this habit and think that is impossible, this gets more effortless over time, with practice, I promise. Perhaps start with one meal per week, gradually getting more comfortable and organized. Even now, a few years into it, I manage only about 3 main-course-type dinners this way each week, the other days it’s quick veggie roasts or leftovers or (fill in the blank/ free-for-all). I think as the kids get older and require slightly less attention (this DOES happen, right?! and without utilizing any media or a babysitter?!), I will be able to work more on having a home cooked meal every day, 3 times a day. *crosses fingers* (one can have goals…leave me to my delusions, will ya?)

Eggs: Our backyard chickens give us 2 free-range eggs each day but it isn’t enough (we currently have 2 laying hens and 4 hens that should start giving another egg per day in a couple of months – at that point the half-dozen a day will be closer to our actual needs!). We supplement right now with 18 additional eggs for $3.75 each week from a local farm run by 2 boys who began their business as a 4-H project. We support them, bring them back their egg crates, and get lots of affordable “perfect food” protein, which we use in many ways (traditional breakfast dishes, hard-boiled eggs for snacks, baking, homemade custards, egg yolk in smoothies, etc — you name it, we probably throw an egg in it!). This allows us to get the essential fats and cholesterol we need without having prime meat cuttings at every meal.

Milk: (This isn’t part of the program I’ve mentioned, but it falls into this category of how we eat farm-fresh foods so I’ll tell you a bit about our milk too). Our milk man literally leaves farm fresh raw milk on our porch every Monday, in beautiful glowing glass jars (okay, maybe I took some liberties with the beautiful, glowing bit!) But seriously, it’s awesome. His cows are raised on pasture (meaning they roam fresh soil and grass/weeds/meadow, raise their calves, etc), never given meds or hormones, and visits to his farm are welcome. His price is awesome too – $3.80 per gallon. We are currently doing 2 gallons a week of whole, raw milk, straight from the teet . Since we literally feel ill if we drink pasteurized dairy (organic or not – it is heat processed and void of the essential enzymes and bacteria needed to digest it properly) and we avoid highly-processed “fake” dairy (rice, soy, etc), this is a real huge part of our sustenance. (Raw milk is perfect and delicious, but don’t let me stay on my soap box for too long!) In our state, raw milk is legal so long as it is purchased directly from the farm. We turn this milk into kefir regularly for smoothies, and sometimes make cheeses, custards, etc, depending on what kind of free time I can find in my week!

Chicken Meat and Broth: The farmer’s market here is really great for local pastured meats. There is a booth that sells fryer chickens (I buy the whole chicken, organs and all – which have a lot of additional nutrients, and cook slow over low temps to render lots of nourishing meat and bone broth which typically extends for 3 separate dinners). The whole frozen chicken is $10 bucks, for about a 4 lb bird that is, again, raised on pasture (not simply “cage free” – the birds literally have the life and diet of a farm chicken, which makes for healthy, tasty, nutritional meat). We typically try to do a chicken (remember, 3 “meals” come out of one purchase) every other week (2 per month), to keep our food bill low.

Fish Meat and Broth: the market also has a booth that sells fresh caught wild trout, which I bake in tinfoil with celtic sea salt and DEVOUR (this coastal girl really craves fresh seafood living here in the Midwest!). I believe the price was about $6 a fish, some where about that. 2 fish is divided up between our family of 4 and then I use the bones, heads, tails, etc to make broth for another meal. Being on a budget, we aim to get this once a month as it is not the cheapest meat option for us.

Beef Meat and Broth: I found a great way to get pastured beef in our diet on a dime, by getting “stew bones” from the local pastured meat stand. These bones have meat around them still and sell for $2.00 a pound. About 4 bones makes for a delicious stew and then I can cut the meat off and add it back for stew meat.

Other meats: For ground meats, the cheapest I have found is a local goat farm, which sells ground goat meat for about $3.75. Sometimes beef is cheaper, but I like to have some variety and goat meat makes really great meatballs for gyros, etc. Sometimes I get local pastured ground turkey or pork as well, as it makes good sausage (and is cheaper than buying sausage already seasoned and linked).

Of course, there are times funds are slightly higher and we splurge on bacon or something, but this is a list of our basic meat and dairy “staples”. I find that most people assume eating this way MUST cost us an arm and a leg; that abiding by our local/pasture-raised ethical and nutritional choice is an oxymoron for low-income families. This simply isn’t the case, and people on a budget do not have to eat fast food and cheap corn-syrup and processed soy-laden grocery store products and factory-farmed meat products. But it does take forethought, and commitment, and an attempt to look beyond the total “price” at the end of the bill, into food politics and all the various sectors (and living creatures, people groups included) that are hurting in our nation and in our world because of the way we eat (malnourishment, diseases, exploitation of workers, widespread loss of fertile farm lands, etc etc). This isn’t just about being posh, green, or any other catchy buzz word – it’s about caring about our health and the health of our planet in real, actionable ways.

Though we are new to this area, the basic methods and means of getting these staples into our diet have been the same where ever we’ve been, minus the learning curve required to find local sources (esp if the farmer’s market was mainly crocheted hats and cut flowers – hey, it happens!) and meal planning and preparation with these methods. We’re getting there… those things take time.

So let me go back now to the start of this post: all the meats I have listed above I, for now, can get 50% cheaper! A whole, pastured fryer chicken – FIVE DOLLARS. Stew bones with meat – ONE DOLLAR per pound. Freshly caught trout: $3 dollars. You get the idea. And this isn’t even factoring in produce at the moment, which is often (local, no-spray) somewhere about an average of #2-3 dollars per pound, so it’s now half that price.

So you’ll forgive me if I just can’t contain my enthusiasm about this blessing! This means a lot to our family and our health right now, and I applaud organizations like this who are seeking to help those who need food assistance to make healthier choices (and not just cramming USDA propaganda down their throats at sign up time and turning them away to go buy gum/chips/breakfast-cereal/cookies/soda with their food stamps! But I digress – that’s another post for another day…).

I won’t always need the help, but I am darn grateful at the moment that I can extend our food budget via this aid, towards hard-working, ethical, quality local farms and in turn our family can eat more abundantly of the nourishing foods they have to offer! Just makes me wanna jump up and do a little jig… oh wait, I’ll have the move the laptop off my lap…

{{Before I go on, let me take a moment to apologize for the wordy length of this post. Sorry. Also, you will be rewarded with pictures at the end. But don’t skip ahead just because I told you that, because the content explains the pictures. (gotcha!) }}

I began reading some really excellent financial books that have given me some valuable ideas and resources, but most importantly the validation that living a life of frugality is indeed a freeing and valid choice (however un-American it feels at first!). The topic is exhaustive so I won’t go into all the details, but some resources for me have been primarily Radical Homemakers (my go-to!), Your Money or Your Life, and recently The Scavenger’s Manifesto, Made from Scratch and the Tightwad Gazette (check these out at your library!). There is so much about it that fascinates me as a subject matter and lifestyle choice, as it takes a certain amount of confidence to transcend the idea that voluntary simplicity (and foraging/scavenging/bartering/waiting/and often going without) is a deprived, resource-less, bohemian (though this word might actually be appropriate) life of poverty (or worse – laziness).

I can acutely feel the pressure, on many fronts, to just forget this whole business of living simply and just get a job job, put Ethan in public school, and force myself onto that hamster wheel because what I’m faced with if I do not do so seems too exhausting, lonely, challenging, and doomed-from-the-start. But I have never been one to unquestionably accept the status quot solution without at least researching and utilizing some alternatives that don’t compromise my heart’s values and desires.

To view the lifestyle instead as a challenge in resourcefulness and ingenuity and invention (the daughter of necessity?), a call to radically reject the consumer cycle (as the Scavenger Manifesto calls it, the “Want-Get” mentality) of materialism and waste and the myth of “choices”, and to capitalize on the lack of excess as a catalyst for gaining increased self-sufficiency and experience.

It’s been heavy at times, as I sit with the reality of compulsive choices I have made, the “treats” I wanted to “deserve” over the years and the financial pressures we have incurred both from our own choices or those of the “down economy”. While I have never had what I would have called affluence, often forgoing large things like extra vehicles or a house with more space than I need or vacations or store-bought clothes, I had to recognize that we had made choices with where what little money we had fell between the cracks (where did it go?!) on silly things like convenience food (i.e. “oh, we are going to the library, we’ll stop and grab bagels first”), expensive cheeses (next I need to learn how to be a foodie on a budget!), library fines, shipping fees, so on.

Our plan to move to Columbia and for Chris to take this flexible, enjoyable, sustainably-minded, locally-owned job was a calculated risk and I am in no way making it work without flaws just 4 weeks into this venture… *yet*. For our entire marriage I have worked (I’ve held a job since I was 14, for that matter), I financed over 90% of my private-education undergrad degree with grants/scholarships and work credits, and since having children I have been the main earner generating income from my own at-home business. Yet, for a variety of reasons I have shared in the past on this blog, we have been taking steps to switch these roles for sometime now, as continuing down that path left me stressed, strapped, unorganized, unhappy, and unable to homeschool. So I knew there would be sacrifices, but the idea that I could creatively figure this out was incredibly motivating for me and continues to be as I think of new ways to live and think about the choices we can make to realize this “dream” of living simply, learning more, feeling more enriched and fulfilled by a life of time and resources to live generously — while making as a household income less than we have EVER earned before, even while in college.

So rather than recount the unexpected bills and financial upsets to our last 4 weeks (though there have indeed been those too!), I want to move on to the fun stuff, the things that I am finding just slap-knee exciting about learning to be a tight-wad!

First of all, I think being frugal is a lot easier if you live amongst other frugals; in community with swappers, food growers, barterers, pickers, foragers, forgoers, and coupon-clippers. It kinda validates the lifestyle, which is definitely counter-cultural otherwise. I think these folks exist just about everywhere, you just gotta find them — and be willing to be their equal.

Secondly, there are a lot of hidden perks to being frugal that, if you can let go of the concept of “Want-Get” mentality, are pretty rad. Clothing swaps with stylishly-dressed donators are fun and easy. Garage sales and “free bins” amaze me. Bartering goods and services is highly effective. Learning a new skill so you don’t have to pay some one to do it for you is way more satisfying. Paying only a quarter of your previous monthly vehicle gasoline budget when every one on the news is lamenting the climbing gas prices is reassuring. Having even just a few bucks left over at the end of the week, rather than going into more debt, is rewarding. Learning to wait for something you would have just ran out to get as soon as you “needed” it, like a washer/bike/freezer/radio/whatever until you have saved for it and found the right deal (hopefully free!) fosters a feeling of contentment and relaxation, a mindfulness about accumulating goods. Keeping track of receipts, organizing bills, and forgoing “treats” is, well, it’s growing up, (and it also reducing a BUTTLOAD of anxiety at the end of a pay cycle! who knew? )

I will be posting again a weekly series I call Simple Pleasures – a record of things that were bartered, gifted, thrifted, made, grown, saved for, or given away that brought pleasure to my life each week:

Things like…

A family walk to the public library (which boasts NO limits and NO late fees!), where we forage for edible dandelions and violets, sight a groundhog, and work off belly fat – who needs a gym membership when you have legs?!). Our ten dollar weekly budget that gets us 2 gallons of raw milk and 2 pints of raw cream (homemade cream cheese!) every Monday on our neighbor’s doorstep. The bags FULL of amazing books, music and documentaries we bring back from the library. The free use of internet around town. The free movies we rent for family movie night at 9th Street Video because Chris works at Uprise. The free (local) coffee both Chris and I get from Uprise while renting the free movies at 9th street, on our way to getting the free books from the library. The knitted gifts to trade for babysitting. The free movie tickets on our date night and the $5 (total) we spent for the organic wine and beer we enjoyed while watching the movie. The outings of packed lunches at the park and nature trails just outside the city. The Easter baskets filled with sprouted wheat grass (seeds a gift from a friend) and sales on the organic bulk bin candy which filled saved egg shells from breakfast. The downright gourmet meals that can be made with a friends’ surplus garden grub and bulk natural foods from Azure Standard. The upcoming “Columbia’s Really Really Free Market” and the free backyard chicken processing workshop I will attend in the coming weeks (bringing home the bird for dinner!). The fishing I will take up this summer to catch a good supply of trout and the harvest I will reap and keep from my garden beds, whose compost was generously gifted to us in exchange for a half dozen of our chicken eggs and the tomato and pepper starts donated to us from the local urban farms surplus, (thank you Luke!)

… you get the idea. SIMPLE pleasures that offset some of the difficulties we have faced, and brought meaning and blessing to my life in often surprising ways.

It’s really quite fun to get even crazier!

This little home economics notebook from 1917 that I found at a thrift store was really inspiring. I’m fascinated with homemakers of the bygone era, who made due with as little as 1,200 yearly salary. Had to take a picture (but not buy! lol)

A virtually free (did have to spend a little money on the sweets), hand-made Easter tradition…

Easter brunch of whatever is on hand – quail eggs (a gift from sweet friend Natalie), fruit, plain yogurt with raw honey…

A simple park outing can be entertaining, fun, and even a bit of a break… at no cost at all!

Who needs a mall playground (without actually intending it, we haven’t stepped foot in a shopping mall in over 2 years and counting!) when you have nature trails, dandelions to blow, rocks to throw in a creek, and bridges to run across?!

I typically walk out of the library with armloads of books, as there are no limits, no late fees, and a great selection. This week’s focus was homeschooling resources…

Free meals during his shift, Chris enjoys free freshly made artisan sandwiches with locally raised meat sources, along with a glass of organic beer, 5-6 times per week. I have been impressed with how this has reduced the amount of groceries we go through each week! (gosh, his job sure sounds terrible, doesn’t it? )

Family dance jams are a nice way to pass the time…

Foraged edibles from the front yard – violets, dandelion flowers and leaves – beautiful, free nourishment

Diggin in dirt rarely gets old… finding worms, black beetles, grubs and cicada’s is just too fun!

“new” used books from the library used book sale

Tire swings from the tires just replaced on the car – endless hours of entertainment (I’ve lovingly nicknamed this swing Jenna the Babysitter)

This old suitcase ($1) and milk glass saucer (.25) from the end of a garage sale now serves as my undergarment storage and homemade salad dressing dispenser (respectively)

Big pile of great Spring sweaters (free from a clothing swap)

$1 garage sale vintage lamp base that just whispers my name…

Doll clothes found in a “free” basket!

A frugal “pantry” of bulk foods, collected eggs, and home brews…

A vintage typewriter for my prose (free in exchange for me learning to tinker with it and get a new ribbon)

For those of you who are yet to be informed, I’ll try to backtrack quickly and sum things up: back in January we took a trip up there at the leading of some sweet friends whose family we know from church here in Fayetteville. A fun, flexible full-time job for Chris opened up in the coming weeks at a bakery downtown that focuses on sustainable and local ingredients. We went back up a couple of weeks ago to look for rentals and found an older, small (750 sq ft I believe), 2/1 house (but to be fair, also has a basement, shed, fenced backyard, and hardwood floors) in our price range (to my knowledge, the lowest rent I have ever lived in, even as a child), located just over 2 miles from his work (so he can bike most days and I can have the car for me and the kids again, woo hoo!), just under 2 miles from the main library and the waldorf preschool, and 2 blocks from the farmer’s market. Oh, and we can have 6 urban backyard hens – enlarging our flock

So we are preparing not only via packing, cleaning etc, but also by going over some possible challenges and adjustments we’d like to take this opportunity to make.

For one thing, our current house this passed year is the first single family dwelling we’ve ever had (previously duplexes and co-housing were our residence), and it is also the most square feet we have ever lived in (a 3rd bedroom). It hasn’t been all that great, to be honest. It’s a lot to clean and most of it goes unused. I couldn’t help but feeling like, so long as I wasn’t needing the extra space for childcare income, it really wasn’t part of our “living simple” plan. The old Less is More, thing. I have, as you may know from reading this blog any amount of time, been attracted to the “tiny house” movement and peruse my copy of “Little House on a Small Planet” often dreaming of the day we can move into a yurt in the pacific NW or a derelict cottage in rural France SO – while one perspective might be that I’m moving into a drafty tiny house in mid-Missouri, I’m looking at the upside; a cozy space with less to clean and more in line with our values of living small and treading light on the planet. In addition, it meets our requirement for affordability, which allows us to find work that doesn’t compromise those values. (Aside: like the Radical Homemaker 4 tenets: community, family, social justice and ecology – any job outside the home must honor these, which is a lot of the reason we felt we should take the slight paycut for Chris to take a job at the bakery close to home, rather than his current job in AR which is 40 minutes away in a cubicle in the logistics industry.)

Okay, so we are all caught up now and I’ll try to get back to my point.

This transition is in some ways another phase of our journey towards sustainable, simple, intentional living, and with that step we are considering our lifestyle choices, and how we use our time and money is one of the main concerns. With a small single-earner income, no health insurance, all credit cards closed (our plastic-free 3 year anniversary is almost here!), every little bit counts.

One decision we’ve made is to not have internet when we move. Our average bill for highspeed internet is currently around $70 a month, which will be about 6% of our spendable income. Since I currently plan to not work from home any substantial part of my day, we no longer NEED high speed internet for my business, and the only thing we do use it for beyond that is watching shows on Hulu after the kids go to bed, or streaming movies on Netflix (we don’t have cable). Basically, for entertainment, mixed with a little educational documentaries here and there, (as well as my favorite internet uses: browsing recipe sites, blogs I like, and checking my email and facebook, all of which I can do quickly with routine visits through wifi cafes or the library with my i-touch).

I must admit, I’m not sure how it will work (!). I won’t see the finale of the few shows I watch until they are available next season to rent on Netflix (I know, I know, boo hoo – but ya know, its an adjustment!) And if I have a sick day, snow day, rainy day, etc in which movies becomes my only aid in entertaining the kids, we won’t have the internet (which we currently hook up to via HDMI to our tv as a second monitor) at our fingertips. Hmmm… am I talking myself out of this? lol

No. I know it will be good for us, and what’s more, we are reallocating a portion of that money towards something more valuable – a family membership to the ARC (columbia’s recreation and activity center) that is conveniently located 2 blocks from our house. With the remaining 20 bucks we’ll put towards an outing once a month (like the Missouri Botanical Gardens, zoo, museums, etc).

I know this will be a challenge for our family, and we are not big TV viewers as it is, but having it for a few hours a week is one of the few “luxuries” we can afford and I’m wondering how we will adjust to being without it, particularly Ethan who is majorly into on-screen entertainment and games.

But as I was saying, we’ll have the ARC – the classes and indoor track and pool will be great escapes that are much healthier for us than a few hours of tv a week! Next, I’m sure we’ll get even more into our weekly library visit where we haul 50 or so books out at each trip. And finally, I think we’ll have more time to spend in our hobbies and crafts, gardening, reading, as well as keeping up with chores. When I think about the money AND time we will be saving, I admit I get pretty excited!

And this brings me to some broader reflections I’ve had of late. One of the things about trying to live more simply that I’ve enjoyed over the last, oh, 4 years or so, is the challenge of my personal comforts and the sense of accomplishment over realizing I can do without things I once couldn’t have imagined. Choosing to be without a car (when we have access to PDX mass transit), or sharing 1 (living in a small city as we do now), or learning to cook from scratch, or figuring out how to allocate money from eating out/entertainment towards whole foods and self-made fun, or learn skills we would have needed other people to do for us in the past. We’ve had to get creative with buying from furniture, clothes, and decor from thrift stores and craigslist so we could avoid cheap products at the cost of unethical labor at Big Box stores. I’ve taken on coordinating the local natural food bulk buying drop so I would have access to warehouse direct prices on “real food”. I have been more committed to the tenets of attached parenting and home learning because I have to take a closer look at why I feel like “giving up” when things get tough and increasing my knowledge and network so I don’t burn out.

But briefly, in the interest of full disclosure and lest I mislead with some ideological and euphoric description of what I have experienced thus far: sometimes this journey SUCKS. Somethings work and somethings don’t, and working through the stress of being financially strapped (not always by choice! -and losing a job/clients is never fun, btw) or the piles of wet clothes in the living room or the whiny kids on a rainy day with no escape from the house, or missing out on things I would have liked to do because of no vehicle, or worrying about how to the funds to get my kid’s cavity filled – oh yeah, its not always “simple” and definitely not always a breezy summer day of homemade bread and sippin tea!

But somethings are simple, and more importantly, everything is meaningful. I’m learning a lot, I feel more equipped, and I am looking forward to the next phase… the unplugged (internet-less) tiny house in Columbia

These last few weeks I’ve been trying to reduce my intake of grains, and have noticed that I may actually be very gluten-sensitive, but this has only been since a stomach bug I had in January so I believe my gut has been left depleted and wacky. In the meantime, I am enjoying eating and cooking nourishing foods, and this morning as a birthday treat I made myself (and indirectly, my family) some gluten-free cream cheese coffee cake. It’s divine, especially with a little extra maple syrup on the top

I am feeling like celebrating today, despite any concerns or inconveniences that are inevitably part of life on this rock. My husband, darling man that he is, brought me home the most delightful assortment of houseplants for my birthday, from nearby Brick Street Botanicals, a natural florist/nursery in downtown Rogers. I especially love the driftwood and old fruit crate used as planters – how lovely!

My sweet toothy-grinned child woke up before me this morning and made me THREE cards and several drawings, excited to show me what he made for me for my birthday. Here is one, where he is phonetically spelling out Happy Birthday and drew me a little cake with candles I also heard him trying to get Verity to practice saying “Happy Birthday, Mama” – it just brings tears to my eyes to be so loved by such beautiful creatures.

Tonight I’m planning a fun gluten-free dinner: coconut baked shrimp, baked potatoes, and glazed carrots. Afterwards, I’m crossing my fingers that I can pull off this amazing looking Deep Dark Chocolate Tart (gluten, dairy, and refined sugar free!) for my birthday cake. (Every one needs something baked and chocolate for their birthday, I don’t care how old you are!)

I was tickled to find so many birthday wishes when I woke up and checked my email and facebook. What a life to have lived only 27 years and have so many dear friends, family, and acquaintances. I am so truly blessed.

One message this morning was so sweet and thoughtful. My beautiful friend from middle/high school wrote me and included some snippets from a book I had made her of birthday quotes for her birthday – must have been around 14(?). Some were original quotes from me, which really made me grin at my younger self:

“Doing God’s Will is like being employed for a job you love with lots of benefits.” – Vivian Rose Melody
“Love until the day you die and you will never really die.” – vrm

Ha! Too cute.

So tomorrow, very very early, we are heading back up to Columbia, MO. Have a few things to scope out and will tell you more about that as things pan out. In the meantime, I wish you all a day worth celebrating

A day like this, with no one down from the latest viruses that float around this great green and blue earth, has been few and far between. Linens were hung outside in the sunny 40 degree mid-day, chickens stayed out from dawn til dusk soaking it up, Ethan climbed a tree while the baby slept. And today was a day of learning. Ethan was very productive with all the things he got done, his reading and history and math and language lessons. I even let him do a computer game (Magic School Bus explores the Rainforest!), which is not exactly in our typical “way” to homeschool, but it seemed like a nice treat after a day spent on books and rulered paper and chalkboards…

Ethan. He is something else. In the quiet of our own home, he has truly begun to make changes in the way he relates to me, his respect and empathy and self-control. He is still incredibly energetic around new people, and continues to have a difficult time waiting his turn to speak, but the way in which he has been maturing these last few weeks has been truly a blessing to me. It has made our days much more enjoyable, our relationship much more sustainable, and even his dad and sister are relating better to him as he takes on the “air” of a 6 year old (who even lost his first tooth recently!!!). There are successes and failures, learning experiences, for us both. Parenting 24/7 is a colorful journey of ups and downs, to say the least.

And I’m not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg, but I’m also feeling — in general — much calmer, less rushed, more playful and quiet-toned, than I have in years. Giving up on devoting a major chunk of my day to income generating work has been a long-time coming, but I can still hardly believe how good it feels to flow about my day managing my household, attempting to catch up on the constant stream of childrens’ needs and wants, without the demands and pressures of an outside job zapping my reserves of time, energy, and patience out from under me. On top of not devoting major hours each day to working from home, I have also not been drinking caffeine, replaced now for THREE weeks with calming handcrafted herbal tea, high quality foods and supplements of vitamins and minerals that support my weak liver, foggy brain, and wacky hormonal glands. It’s been an interesting time, despite catching colds and this and that, because I have a very distinct mood elevation these last few weeks and I must say — I rather like feeling happy

As I blogged about recently, Chris and I ventured up through the snow to Columbia, MO this last weekend. The drive was wonderful, both times, and allowed us a great time of conversation we’ve been needing to catch up on. Our friends we stayed with were marvelous hosts in the most charming of homes, and the time we spent with them was lovely. Even though I caught Ver’s stomach bug of last week and spent most of the day Saturday feeling queasy, I am still very glad to have made the trip. Ethan, too, caught the bug, and that is my one regret that the poor guy was staying here in Arkansas with family when it hit him Friday night, leaving them to clean up the “mess” that comes along with a stomach virus. Thumbs down for that, but otherwise a good report. There is nothing concrete about us moving up there, but we can definitely see our family and lifestyle fitting in well with the area, and most importantly that the flexibility of a job at the bakery there for Chris would allow our family more quality time together and a better quality of life in general. Beyond that, though, it is too early to make any certain announcements. Definitely a neat little city with a great “vibe”, which we enjoyed if even just for a weekend.

Now we are faced with a few impending decisions – the first one being to give our notice and not renew our lease beyond next month (yikes!). I am finding this part difficult, despite all the complaints I have against this house, because in the end I came to this house to really make it my own and be here awhile. As I was cleaning these old wood floors and remember Ethan and I mopping together once and he said, “I know! It’s like we are giving the house a bath!” I sat on the front porch swing knitting and remember the first few weeks when Chris built and painted those “Mystery Purple” railings. Ethan and I always talked about blessing our house by keeping her clean, and when some one would get hurt because they were acting up we would joke that the old house was reminding us to be gentle on her and slow down. I have memories here in just one year, and in the end, as of right now, this old drafty moldy house is all I got. Transition and limbo and unknown are so much more difficult states of being to embrace than grounded, rooted, and established. I know that the roof over my head is NOT my home, in fact I was not even MADE for this world, but my insecurities cling to what’s familiar and has found it really hard to bite the bullet and actually leave this house, esp not knowing exactly when and to where. I know I need to dig in deep and gain some wisdom and perspective, and trust that when I Let Go, I will be carried in His Will.

2. The sun. Oh mister sun, sun, mister golden sun… The sun came out to play today, giving me time to hang two loads of laundry amidst a little crunch crunch from the lingering icy snow on the ground. The chickens couldn’t be happier to have water that didn’t freeze right away and plenty of fresh kitchen scraps to scratch around in. They even blessed us with 6 eggs this week (way to push through tough times, girls!) The kids, however, still deemed it too cold to hang in the yard with me, (those weak willed ruffians.)

3. Garlic. This may well have its own category because this little miracle bulb has really been helpful to me lately. You see, I get chronic sinus infections as well as a host of other inflammatory symptoms like itchy red patches of skin. I began drinking raw garlic tea and noticed how much quicker the sinus infection went dormant again. Then I read that in countries where they consume 10-12 raw cloves a day, garlic has been linked to reduced risk of cancer and a host of other diseases. I’ve since crushed a few cloves here and there through out the day, but my favorite is still that soothing tea. Now, before you go “GAHG!” let me walk you through the how-to and let you see for yourself how mellow this tea actually is: press 3 whole cloves of raw garlic in a mug. Wait 10-15 minutes for the good stuff to extract. Meanwhile, gently boil non-chlorinated water. Pour water over the garlic and add plenty of raw honey and fresh squeezed lemon. Once it cools enough to drink, sip it all and be sure to eat up the bits of garlic at the bottom. They are surprisingly delightful, not at all to pungent, this way. I’ve been able to stay on top of my sinus problems and my skin has been getting smoother each day. (I’ve also given up caffeine — yes, the former blogger of MamaNEEDJava! — and am watching things like alcohol and refined flours and sugars even more carefully – but that’s another post for another day).

4. Knitting. I know, I know, you can totally call my “duh” on this one but a list of my happy things would be not be complete without the noble mention of my favorite hobby. I’ve been feverishly finishing a layette for a good friend of mine’s baby shower tomorrow and the smooth organic cotton yarn has been a nice, effortless companion amongst a hard week of frigid temps, sick babies, and cabin fever. I’ll post pics soon (don’t want to spoil the surprise )

5. Damien Rice. Ohhhhhhh the Damien love is pumpin through my veins this week. The soulful harmonies with string and acoustic accompaniments – ugh- I… I’m without words, but not without tears. It’s moving, I tell ya.

6. Portlandia. The new show cracks me up and renews my heart for all things Portland. PDX love.

7. Beta fish. The re-homing and loss of our widdle kitty Paz last year has left a deep void that only owning another pet can fill. Alas, we are in way too much of a transitional phase in our lives to bring a furry critter along for the ride. But this week we got two beta fish (homed separately, of course) who floats their purdy wittle fins in graceful waves above natural river rock and spin circles around the living bamboo in their jar. Periodically they call a happy “Howdy” to the snails we bought to live with them (for real, its almost audible.) Not cuddle worthy, no, but entertaining and low-maintenance, yes. For now, that little space inside that longs for something alive to share our home with, (besides the constant stream of pests that try to take up residents here – the family of raccoons and the TWO venomous shrews we’ve captured), feels satiated.

8. A job. Today hubby finally moved from “temp” to a real bonafide job job within the company he’s been assigned to since September. While it’s not the career launching thing he is passionate about, it is slightly more security and slightly more pay, both of which contribute to slightly more peace of mind

9. Road trip plans. Chris and I are getting out of dodge next weekend for a quick trip up to Columbia, MO. We are scoping out the scene up there, seeing if we get that “home” feeling, and visiting with some sweet friends. Ver will come with, while Ethan will spend the weekend with his doting aunt, in the bliss of his older cousins full attention To say I CAN’T WAIT would be an enormous understatement. I’m already compiling playlists for our 5 hour drive… sooooo excited!

10. Annie Dilliard. Reading The Writing Life again. It always inspires me to dig deep and start the work of being a serious writer. Meh… we’ll see. Still, love her prose.

I leave you with a few more sweet moments this week: impression ornaments with homemade clay and rock photo/card holders, both inspired by GardenMama.

It is tough work, this life. Hanging up clothes on the line in the winter and staring down that pile of dishes that seems to magically transplant itself BACK in the sink every time I walk away from the kitchen. Sometimes I think, enough! there must be more to life than this! And indeed there is. But it’s there all the time, in the relationships, in the growth, in the stretch that burns. It’s in the clothes and the dishes and midnight nursing and the stir-crazy-lack-of-car thing and the oh-my-gosh-how-are-we-going-to-pay-the-bills thing.

It’s the endurance, the perseverance, the surrender, the trust in what you cannot see. Hard times come and hard times go. What else can I say? At least I haven’t been struck in the head by a dead bird

Instead, I bring you winter images that capture the heart of my life; the good, precious bucket fulls of grace and beauty all around me.

There is something very crucial about experiencing rain – up close and personal, not always tucked away inside cars and houses. Like knowing the warmth on your face from a live fire, or sticking your toes deep down in the wet sand at the water’s edge and “sinking”; your body touching the elements, making you more real, more alive…

it’s invigorating. We soaked it up, as did the gardens, knowing July and August will likely not bless us with so much wet abundance from here on out!

And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.
Gilbert K. Chesterton

It was one of those clear, sharp, mustless days
That summer and man delight in.
Never had Heaven seemed quite so high,
Never had earth seemed quite so green,
Never had the world seemed quite so clean
Or sky so nigh.
And I heard the Deity’s voice in

The sun’s warm rays,
And the white cloud’s intricate maze,
And the blue sky’s beautiful sheen.

-e.e.cummings, “The Eagle”