It’s no secret that one of my biggest struggles is getting ahead of myself. I worry about the future, I worry and that spurs me to ACT NOW. One of the sayings I keep remember lately is the opposite of the common saying “Don’t just sit there, DO something.” Rather, for people like me, we need to learn to “Don’t just DO something – SIT THERE!”
There are so many variables and things I could be concerned about – that all of us could find to be concerned about. But it doesn’t add one day to our lives, does it? What a hard lesson to learn.
Lately I’ve felt extraordinarily tired and restless at the same time, but today I made a decision to take care of myself for a few hours and that has allowed me to emerge back into my life with a little more energy and perspective. I am so grateful for this and I feel almost elated as the day progresses with a new sense of present moment contentment.
Chris has almost finished our “Mystery Purple” porch railings and swing, along with a long window box on the other side of the front of the house (you guess it, “Mystery Purple” as well). The daffodils have emerged with their fierce yellow, declaring what the Sun has been trying to tell us for weeks: Seasons Change!
We hung a bird feeder yesterday just a few feet from our window bench and have enjoyed bird watching with our guide book open. So far nothing too crazy – a Chicadee, Robin, and bright red Cardinal are our most frequent guests. While driving in the country yesterday, however, Chris and I watched a Purple Martin fly across us and it was so magical. I had never seen that shiny purple bird before – almost like a flash of silk gliding through the air in front of us. Beautiful.
Tonight marks one week in our new home and things are going really well. The house smells like food. It’s warm. It’s home.
We spend a lot of time in the front yard, on blankets with cards and boardgames and buckets of sand and seashells. We’ll have two types of tree swings out there by the week’s end. These are the neat things that happen when you stay off the computer and TV during the day!
We’ve hung our clothes lines in the back and will start putting together the raised beds this weekend. We’ll be getting 4 chicks this weekend as well, and I can’t wait to get an Americauna or two so that our backyard eggs basket is sprinkled with those sweet easter blue eggs.
The church we’ve been attending is having an urban “grow your own food” meeting on Saturday, so I’m going to take that first step in reaching out and participating. I’ve also found some great resources lately – some free aged horse manure for my veg beds, raw milk on the “down low” for only $3 a gallon, a Weston A. Price local chapter, and frozen organic, pastured chickens from the monastery for just 3.75/lb. I hear I can get even lower than that if I buy 7 at a time, but I’ll need to wait on my freezer chest for that kind of commitment
Anyway… this day was a blessing to me. When I step back and go easier on myself, I realize just how well we are doing and how we have more than we need FOR TODAY. Delicious meals, wonderful music, inspiring books, colorful flowers, fun and games, birds, serenity, a gracious God and of course, family and friends. What more could I possibly need?
My cup is overflowing.

My last post might have been a little premature. Because, well… I think I’m falling in love – with Fayetteville!

So yesterday, following a tip from my future landlord, we headed out to downtown Prairie Grove. Here we come across the best vintage flea market I have personally ever seen. Oh my. Ohhhh… my. I picked up some locally made lye soap, some hook rugs, a skin rug, local wool yarn for a knitting project, a step ladder for the kitchen, and then I look ahead and THERE. IT. WAS. :: Here I found my dream dining room table.-It is a looooong (12-15 seater) and thin wood table painted and distressed in a light blue/teal color. I mean, ya’ll – it is the table I have dreamed about for years. Once I pick up cheap, odd chairs I can’t live without at garage sales, and top with vases and buckets of fresh plants and candles, this table will complete a vision I have held for some time. It’s ideal for the long hardwood dining room, with bright orange walls and large old windows… ahhhhhh. Daisies and Olives has found a fan in me!!!

So today, again on the tip of my future landlord, we went down to N. Block St. It was like I stepped onto N. Denver in Portland, (pre-renovation), but with 5 of the best stores from Hawthorne and Alberta on it.

First up – the knit store! Yay! A local knit shop with open knit nights on Thursdays and a Pub Knit Night every other Tuesday at the bar next door. Cocktails and knitting – um, what? I’m SO there.

Next: Cross the street and walk into a local bead shop but with some funky hippie bags, clothes, incense, so on. I got a mustard yellow dread sized bead for .75 cents and met the owner – who happens to say, “You aren’t the family who is looking at a house my friend So and So is renting, are you?” Yep! That’s us! There’s that small town thing again! Turns out this woman has owned the bead shop for something like 18 years now. The place had some seriously cool stuff.

Head next door for lunch at my new favorite place to eat: The Little Bread Company. HUGE fans. My seared tuna sandwich was fantastic, as was my birthday slice of cheesecake. They bake everything fresh each day, in this little funky shop with a great atmostphere. The cashier was from Portland, lol. The owner came over and crouched down at our table and talked to us about all the places we need to check out here, giving me tips on a facebook group for progressive parents of fayetteville, etc. She told us about Terra Tots (cool natural children’s shop), Greenhouse Grille (local, sustainable restaurant), and some coffee shops. One of which is that whole in the wall drive through I told you all about yesterday. This place happens to be like .5 mile from our “future” rental so we decide we must check this out today (more on that coming later)…

But first: next door we enter Good Things Boutique- a shop for local, handmade, recycled, fair trade, etc fashions. Woo hoo! I hit a February sale and snatched up an adorable mustard yellow scarf (what is with me and mustard yellow lately?) with ruffles on the end! Oh, and a locally made feather hair clip – way cute. The owner again talked to me for a long time and gave me all these insider tips on things like food, yoga, etc. It was awesome!

We head out of N. Block to drive through Baba Boudan’s, the coffee shop we keep hearing could be right up our alley. So we’re waiting in the drive through and the young patron comes right out to our window to introduce himself. We tell him its our first time here and he gives us the shmeal: with pride he recounts that this is the first Fayetteville coffee shop ever, that his family has owned it for like 17 years and he began working there when he was 9! He was hilarious. He also tells us they roast their own coffee, about 60 some varieties!, most roasted by his mom! Music to our ears! We order our drinks and were not disappointed – this is the true coffee experience. Baba Boudan’s – who knew?!

From there we stopped into two other new favorites: Handmade and a Seafood Market. At Handmade the patron chats with me, tells me where to find the local leathersmith, tips me off to a great italian restaurant, showcases her new stock of pickled green beans and sends me on my way. But not before hinting to me that I need change the way I am saying things: “You aren’t finding a little bit of Portland in Fayetteville – you are finding Fayetteville in Fayetteville.” I blush. Sorry!

Maudi’s Seafood Market is another gem. Not super impressive upon first entrance, BUT get to talking with Maudi and you know you’re in the right place. The owner expresses her excitement in providing me with environmentally friendly seafood options and we chit chat about the documentary Food, Inc. and the book An Uncertain Peril. She stocked me up on crawfish tails, sushi grade tuna, and nori rolls. She STOPS me from buying pickled ginger from her: “They sent me the kind with Aspartame in it even though I asked them not to – but I can’t let you eat that!” LOL

What an adventure! And what a GREAT birthday! Even in the chilly February of the Ozark foothills, we are turning up rocks and finding treasures.

What impresses me about this town is the community. The owners are so happy to talk to you, to give you pointers, to welcome you. Every one shakes hands, introduces themselves, wants to be on a first name basis. They talk about the economy, the history of their shop, the history of the small city on the whole. They drop names: “Oh, come in for coffee in the mornings and I’ll introduce you to So and So, another mom you’ll LOVE and she can talk your ear off” or “Ask around about So and So, she does yoga classes out of her home and doesn’t charge as much as these other places”. They were all such interesting people and so warm, too.

This is more than a town with a dominate Walmart and chicken farm culture, that’s for sure. And those who are working hard to keep it “funky” are darn proud of it. They don’t want any yuppie Portlanders waltzing in like they know everything about everything (ha!). They take pride in their local roasters, breweries, sustainable farms, and farmers market (which I was told is impressive for a city of this size – I am now REALLY excited about the market that is returning to the city in just over a month). I am so pleased to have met so many local business owners and get a fresh taste of the local flavor – very sweet indeed.

We’ll have to check out that Terra Tots and Greenhouse Grille soon, along with a green building supply store we heard about for environmentally paint so we can get started on making the new rental feel like “home”

I have a feeling we are going to be learning a lot from this town…

Though it is really quite chilly, the sun is out over the Ozarks today my spirit is a little lifted. After a lovely weekend spent with family, cousins running around with Ethan and mulling over plans with trailblazers much wiser than we, we decided to stick around Fayetteville and continue to dig in to what God has in store for us here.

Here’s my recap of the last 4 days and my initial impression of our new location:

First, the bad news. Cons:
1. Coffee shops. There are like… 3? I liked a mayan mocha I got at one place but the ambiance was a bit corporate looking (when compared to the thrift store furnished bungalow coffee shops or trendy mom cafe’s of Portland). Plus, I think I had more coffee shops within 2 miles from my last place as I do within the whole city of Fayetteville. The pastry/food offerings at one place was seriously lacking variety and the scones and breads were really too sweet. The other place, supposedly the trendy one on Dickson St., was actually fairly hoyty towty, with a full liquor bar and lunch menu – it was really more of a restuarant and not a family friendly one at that. Not to mention that our 3 coffee drinks and 3 desserts ran a bill of just under $40! Needless to say, I’m not returning there again! There is one more I need to try, or so I’ve heard. It’s more of a hole in the wall place with a drive through – which could mean is amazing, or terrible, lol. I haven’t come across a tea shop or a knitting store yet, though I’ve heard they exist.

2. Vintage stores. There are a few I still need to check out but they are in surrounding towns. The main one I’ve looked into in Fayetteville is decently priced and had a good assortment of vendors (I got a cute old metal trash can, a throw pillow and a book about edible gardening there for just a few dollars). Rather than one or two decent vintage stores in every neighborhood, there is like one in each city here – which makes it hard for a gal who adores “old” things to refurnish her new home Also, craigslist isn’t being used much here and people NEVER seem to delete postings once something is sold! Arg… Isn’t there a “Craigslist Best Practices” guide somewhere???

3. Food. Well, this isn’t a complete “Con”: I tried one restaurant and I really liked it – The Hog Haus Brewery. I had a good “Moldy Fungus” burger with mushrooms and blue cheese, as well as very tasty sweet potato fries. Decent prices too. They are one of the only (or only?) microbreweries in town and I found a few in the sampler that I really liked. Chris didn’t, though, since he is a Bitters fan and they don’t brew that variety. BUT aside from restaurants I am really shocked at how few natural grocery options there are. There is one, to be exact. And its actually good, I mean for a Co-op it has a good variety (though not so much on meats, from others I have seen) and I certainly would want to support a local co-op so we did join up right away. However, the prices. Oh my. A 5 lb bag of organic apples is over 5 dollars! So, as you can imagine, I’m putting in a VERY big order from Azure Standard next week so I can stock up on stuff for the month (or 6 months!) and reduce my need for expensive apples (they must have seeds made of gold or some hidden toy inside…)

4. Corporate chains. Wow… it’s been a long time since I’ve seen so many corporate chains on one 3 mile stretch of a road. I am grateful that this is balanced with a few “city center” streets that seem to be thriving, with many locally owned restaurants and shops (including a used bookstore or two). If I stick to those streets, I start to feel like I’m in my element again and get inspired by the LIFE that surrounds me.

And now for some good news – Pro’s:
1. Church. We did visit Vintage Fellowship on Sunday and by and large we felt welcomed and among friends. We will continue to check it out and get involved in a small group soon too.

2. Family. It sure is different to have extended family around! This is practically a first for us and so far so good!

3. Sights. We’ve barely begun to get around and view “The Natural State” (aka Arkansas) but some things even on our drive to and from town are really pretty. Being at my aunts, on the top of a hill on a wooded 30?40? acre lot offers us the opportunity to open up the windows on the second floor in the morning and let the sun in, look out over a peaceful setting of rolling hills. We’ve been up close and personal with a family of deers that live in these acres, as well as an armadillo that Chris tried his very hardest to catch. We plan to visit Devil’s Den state park and Wedington Lake state park in the coming weeks for caves, fishing, trail and creek walking…

4. A new rental home. We are pretty certain about a new rental home we found (landlord just needs to get utilities turned on to check that pipes didn’t freeze during a stow storm 2 weeks ago, then we sign). It is an old (100 or more?) craftsman home with original wood floors in 2 of the 3 bedrooms and the long living room/dining room. Many large, original windows with original trim line the living room – lots of light and character. The kitchen is roomy as well, albeit cheaper tile, old original cabinets, and small, outdated appliances (but hey – its just a rental). The main perks to the place is that it does offer a 3rd small bedroom, carpeted, which overlooks the backyard with a large window. It is a perfect office and craft room. The older, big living room is darling and even features an entire wall with built in cabinets and bookshelves on either side of a storage bench/seating area, all built around the street facing window. I can picture afternoons spent on cushions people watching, knitting and reading from that window nook. There is a small, (tiny) front porch too. In the back, there is a fenced backyard that is looooong and holds lots of potential, including a storage shed with shelves, lights and electricity that is ideal for my bulk food storage, as well as an old city ally way on the property that is built up with old mason stones and filled in with topsoil for a long raised garden bed. The landlord is also a perk: a self-proclaimed “old hippie” who gave us the thumbs up on 4 backyard hens, raised vegetable beds in the front and back yard, AND the a-okay if I decide to do a waldorf-inspired playschool from the home as side income. We also get to pick out new paint colors and get to work making the house “ours”. We currently have no pets in this home but something tells me it won’t take long before we do… we are going to give a lot of thought to this, however, since we have family members who suffer dander allergies. Anyway, we’ll know about all of that this week once the pipes are checked and we sign the lease. We’ll likely begin going over there with our stuff from the storage pod next week and begin painting and building the beds, compost, and chicken tractor. Also, the neighborhood looks really darling. It’s pretty much a historic neighborhood – lots of old characteristic homes and the mark of “young families” such as wagons on the front porch, etc. It’s only one mile from Wilson Park and walkable/bikable to Dickson St. The end of our road even has two expensive cutesy antique stores on it. Oh, did I mention that the monthly rent is exactly what we budgeted for? 650 a month! Yay! SO – our plan is to stay in this home until we have saved up more and established good credit again, so that in the coming year or two (or 3?), we will be in a better place to find a more permanent “home” plan.

5. The town. It certainly does have that “where everybody knows your name” Cheers feel. For example, a girl who was in my group at church (they broke us up into groups for a little prayer time) bumped into me the next day at the brewery for lunch. She was so sweet and gave me her card with her contact info. A new friend? Then, when checking out at the Co-op, I discovered that my cashier had just moved to Fayetteville from Portland in December! She told me that while she misses the THINGS in Portland, she likes LIVING here. She also gave me her contact info, as well as a lead on a volvo mechanic her parents swear by named Gary. Well, low and behold, today we purchased a 98 Volvo Wagon and looked up a volvo mechanic in Fayetteville – who pops up but Gary’s Volvo. Ha! THEN, I was asking our new/future landlord about vintage shops and she tells me about a place in Prairie Grove I should check out. I mention that I need to get out that way anyhow, as I had found a family farm on a website that is out that way who cited that they use Weston Price nutrition principles at their farm (i.e. “Nourishing Traditions”). My landlord says, “You aren’t talking about So and So, are you?” YES! The very one. She knew them because she lives in Lincoln and this family has a booth in the Lincoln Farmers Market. She gave me their father’s phone number and said we’d “love them”. It’s just too funny to be in a town small enough for these things to happen, that even towns 45 minutes away, every body seems to know every body. It’s pretty cool.

6. Potential mom friends. I joined a yahoo group for NWA Natural Parenting and already there is a fermentation class in the works, to be more or less demonstrated by Yours Truly. Folks already scramblin’ for my kefir grains and kombucha scobies, lol. In addition, one mom gave me a tip on some local natural whole frozen chickens purchased for a few bucks a pound through the local monastery. AND, one mom posted today asking for some one to split a gallon of raw coconut oil in her next order of Mountain Rose Herbs! What’s so neat about all of that is that knowing such like-minded folks are here is helping me feel more like I am in the right place. It isn’t prolific like it is in Portland, which does make you take it for granted less and work harder to find those “gems” of places and foods to support nearby. It’s valuable to be in new places, to learn new things, to be in a less homogeneous area and stretch your own notions and ideals and bla bla bla. I’m looking forward to the brown grass turning green and for color and life to return to these foothills, though. When I start seeing bulbed flowers, hummingbirds and honeybees, (the world around me all prettied up for Spring), I’m sure things will only get better.

In conclusion: in all of FOUR days we have been here, we have already felt welcomed and a part of this community. We are putting down roots to hold us here awhile, but look forward to visiting friends and family across states in the year to come.

In the meantime, I just might have to open my own coffee shop and bakery to feed my habit

Enjoys long walks in the woods… gardens… long wood tables… a fireplace…

I’ve read almost THREE (well, really 4 but one is mostly pictures ) books in the last week or so, (I guess that’s what happens when my knitting is packed away? lol) and they’ve been so wonderful for my soul.

From Heaven on Earth; A Handbook for Parents of Young Children, I continue my journey through homeschooling and parenting my favorite little people in the whole world. Sometimes this book creates in me a feeling of, I don’t know, maybe discouragement. The daily life and home structure described seem so simple and yet so unattainable in a world of media, playdates, financial responsibilities, suburbs, etc. But it also gives me something to aspire to, and in the very least, ideas I can put into practice or tuck in my pocket. You never know when they’ll come in handy.

From Little House on a Small Planet, I have again gained inspiration and ideas. My thoughts have certainly been provoked by the idea of never borrowing on a loan you can’t pay back in 7 years (like a mortgage) or living with less square footage than you might *think* you need. Good stuff!

From Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames, Thich Nhat Hanh has reminded me about vulnerability, being a peace-maker, restoring relationships. All very appropriate right now as I work out some relational tensions that weigh heavy on my heart. He also reiterates the need for practicing mindfulness, a long post I’d best save for another day.

And lastly, and perhaps my most fun read right now, is A Natural Sense of Wonder. I didn’t think I would love reading this book as much as I do, but its memoir-like account of a father who tries to reconnect his children with the natural world through the seasons is really well-written (he is an english teacher, after all) and charming.

I particularly liked reading about his “affairs” of home searching in his twenties, a tale he accounts as a metaphor for dating relationships. He moved a lot when the kids were young and he and his wife were working and finishing school – all over the country and taking jobs in all kinds of industries it seems. He writes of their desire for some romantic, old-world charm farm with natural land and an abundance of outdoor “wild” play space for his children. I can’t help but find this story incredibly timely for me, as I’ve been dreaming about eventually finding The Place and happily making it Home.

Here the writer retells their house hunt:

My wife and I imagine our kids growing up in some high valley, their spirits fostered by the creases of ragged mountains, their bodies strengthened by exploring spines of nearby ridges, and their thirst slaked by some cascading stream. This reverie calls us away to some land on Sinking Creek with a barn and twenty acres of organic hay, but it’s too pricey for us. Here’s one in the Catawba Valley, on a feeder stream, but it looks a little small, and is that a … confederate flag at the neighbor’s house? We are a little like Goldilocks: this one is too big, this one is too small, still looking for the place that is just right.
Perhaps my desire is stirred by the very writers I’m drawn to: Muir in the Sierras, Abbey in the Arches, Lopez in the Arctic, and Thoreau in the Walden Woods. They’ve each carved out their niche in a place I am seeking mine, but they are a monastic bunch (except for Abbey), eloquent on the need for wild places but silent on the subject of raising children. Besides, we can’t all move there and enjoy it too.

As we are now 1.5 weeks from M-Day, we are doing the usual: cleaning out rooms, packing up, craigslisting furniture, trying to see enough people to say goodbye. We are also doing a “Greatest Hits” of the Portland area and soaking in the Pac NW while we can. We aren’t too overwhelmed with the packing process: We’ve moved *just* twice in the last 6 years, but since one of them was a cross-country move, and the second was just a year ago, it has helped us travel light (well, that and being broke ). Our bought-used items fill up two small bedrooms and a small living room, with very little need for extra storage. IF we had a 3 bedroom plus garage, we’d likely NEED a 3 bedroom plus garage, lol, but we’ve been blessed with “just enough bread for today” – in times like these, we’re grateful we have less sh** to ship.

More soon…

For the most part, neither Chris nor I have ever lived in a rural area. Urban or suburban, even a retirement island in the Gulf of Mexico, yes, but not rural. Not the country.

This new move to the Fayetteville area has us considering a rural homestead for the first time (Fayetteville would be the “urban” option while a surrounding rural town could also be an option), and in doing so it’s brought a lot of things to the forefront of my mind.

For one thing, I was thinking about how limited I might be in a rural setting to find a “emerging conversation” type of church. Of course, I assume we’ll drive into the city on Sundays if we do settle down outside of “town”. And I got to thinking, But Why?

As I know it, the emerging church has been a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stagnant (among other things) conventional church I had been a part of (where adding drums to “Lord I Lift Your Name on High” was “edgy”). We had some like-minded folks in Lakeland, FL that we could have plugged into, but I don’t believe that we, as a family, were ready to do so. Of course, one isn’t hard pressed to find an “emerging” church in Portland, where you can actually be picky about which emerging church to go to based on who approves of female elders or not! *amused at self*

Let’s get back to my thoughts, which are kinda new and I’m not really sure I can articulate this well, but…

You see, the books I read in college about the emerging church seemed to boast that this new “conversation” was one that would engage culture and participate with deep involvement at the community level. I think I took this to mean, based on all the examples given to me, that this meant that the emerging conversation could now take place with a glass of wine in hand or a clever pipe stuck between the lips of a goateed young pastor. Engaging culture seemed to be limited to POP culture, or in the very least, URBAN culture.

As I began to imagine our family in a rural area outside of the city, my knee-jerk reaction was, I admit, that the part of me that feels its a missional mandate to engage my culture would have to die, lol. Which, I began to realize is so odd because I’m basically saying that the rural setting offers no culture with which to engage. No community? No change is needed or wanted?

Is that really true?

I wonder why all the homestead books and emerging church books speak of the lofty goals of reaching inner city and revitalizing forgotten bungalows without offering the alternate scenario: that small towns could also use brave folks who love Jesus and also care about social issues and environmental issues, who are (gasp!) democrat and also read their Bible? Could we go so far as to engage culture by having an emerging cohort meet at Denny’s (parish the thought! lol) or the Waffle House? Or maybe starting or finding a home church out in an area predominantly occupied by chicken farms just seems like too much of a juxtaposition. I don’t know. But doesn’t it beg the question???

I found this article when I googled this question and I really love this part:

I refuse to believe, as I’m betting many reading this do, that the emerging church is, or can be, only a big-city phenomenon. In fact, I and many others need to refuse this notion because many more of us than are known serve churches that are located on county roads, in the midst of cornfields, or in places with populations under 10,000 people. These local cultures of small-town sports and NASCAR and Harley-Davidson, of garden clubs and heritage festivals and factories and depressed neighborhoods next to new subdivisions, yearn for and are able to receive a genuine incarnation of God’s kingdom just as much as the punk rock kids and ravers in downtown Chicago or Minneapolis.

So let’s hear about the emerging Texas pastor who preaches in cowboy boots. Let’s hear about the group of young people ministering to others in their trailer park. Let’s hear about the church that gathers next to the lakeside cabin in the woods for baptisms. Let’s hear about the work being done with factory workers, miners, and farmers. Let’s hear about relating to attendees of bluegrass festivals and county fairs, of churches started in barns and storefronts, of conversations in taverns and greasy spoon diners and truck stops.

Let’s hear about pastors whose hearts burn for these types of places where postmodernism isn’t the label used, but where people may wonder every bit as much whether Jesus has anything worthwhile to say to them. These are places where there may be less competition by other religious worldviews and more by economics, local or national politics, or “this is just the way it is.”

The opportunity to broaden perceptions about this movement is there. The stories and examples exist.

One doesn’t need a big city to do what emerging churches do. But in these smaller places, we still need to do it.

I don’t know whether we’ll end up in town or outside of town, at this point there are many variables. But I think this has put a little fire in my belly about viewing rural areas with more understanding and desire for ALL people to have a living, loving relationship with Jesus and their community.

Anyway, more of this as things unfold, I’m sure. I might even start a separate blog to continue this journey, as there are SO many things I have to share. This year one of my priorities is to deepen my spiritual life and get to know God better. Anyone ever read any Thich Nhat Hanh?

I planned to write an in-depth memoir about what I’ve called, for as long as I can remember, “My Curls”.

But instead I will sum it up because if I wait until I have ample time I just might never get around to this, so: they’ve been with me since before I knew what it was to look in a mirror. I learned to cut them and layer my straight hair over them when I was about 8 years old after being teased on the playground one too many times. They are My Curls; helplessly frizzy curly hair on the very top of my head of straight hair.

They looked like this:

I never felt like any one quite understood how odd this little facet of my tresses was, until I was reading Anne Lamott’s book Traveling Mercies about 5 years ago and jealously read about her transition from untamed locks to DREADLOCKS. It would take several more years and lots more courage for me to actually try them myself…

I began to stop cutting my hair about 1.5 years ago, as well as going “No Poo” to help my scalp and hair make the transition to healthy natural oils and no harsh chemical shampoo. Instead I do the baking soda scrub, apple cider rinse every so often, and other times scrub a little with Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap.

I felt more ready at the turn of 2010, when all these crazy changes began to happen to us and I felt like I was shedding another layer of baggage and identity. So I took the dive!

Here I am getting the backcomb/twist method done. I opted for the no wax method based on this site, which I love. Verity and Ethan got a kick out of the process, which lasted about 4 hours. The result was the most fluffy crazy dreads EVER! For the first week or two I was totally freaked out by my hair.

I kept it under wraps (literally) and continued to care for them with palm rolls. I also decided to comb out the ends so I would still have soft, feminine tips I could style if I really wanted to. It didn’t take long for them to lose some volume. It’s interesting to watch the process, as they lose shape before the actually “lock up”, which takes from 6 months to YEARS to truly mature. Styling dreads is so far really simple and versatile. I don’t think mine are even very obvious. Dressing them up with hand felted wool beads I found on Etsy has been a fun thing too. When I wonder what the heck I am doing, I browse dread photos like THIS GALS and get all inspired.

All in all, I have finally made peace with my curls, as they wind their way into an existing dread and find themselves at home

One more step towards simplicity. But let’s not attribute TOO much weight to the experience- it is JUST HAIR, after all!

Here we are a few days ago feeding ducks under the St. John’s Bridge. I have more pictures to show of this event and all the other things we are doing in Portland before we leave. But I’ll save that for another post.

When I give a whistle, here me shout!

Phew, does any one else feel like the compression in their brain is reaching the “red” territory and sirens are going off with weird “Lost” voice WARNING alarms??? Or — is that just me?

For now, I don’t know how to catch up this blog and it’s readers because I am still not at liberty to reveal the details of the journey I am on. In fact, I won’t be “in the clear” to do so for several months! Kinda agonizing for me to not get this out there for processing, actually — but I’m trying to see it as a lessons in keeping some things private

Suffice it to say, we have lots of decisions to make. I am having to learn all kinds of stuff right now, like a crash course in the grown-up-world (which I have in many ways been too stuck on “survive” to take part in for many years!) Arg, again, I would like to say more about that but trust me, the time will come.

I can feel myself being propelled forward by necessity and desire, yet at the same time that Still Small Voice and many wise friends/family remind me to take this slooooowwwwwwww. I can’t even describe what mixture of feelings and thoughts run through me in the course of a single day lately. I am burdened for they heavy, heart-breaking circumstances happening in the lives of people I love right now. I am struggling to stay present in my own life, (work, homeschooling, marriage, cooking, laundry) while at the same time doing the very real and necessary steps of future planning. As a plan unfolds before me, I feel at first relieved that it is there and then quickly that relief is replaced by the uncertainty of still more unanswered details. (You can relate, heh, Maw Maw?!)

Staying present is SUCH a practice in surrender — and I for one SUCK. AT. IT. Choice is at once liberating and a weighty responsibility — which must make me sound like such a preteen, lol, but it’s true.

Will my family flow gracefully into this next chapter? What hiccups will interrupt our song? What fallen trees will litter our road? Can we “let go and let God”? Can we trust that He is holding on to our loved ones during a time when we are helpless to be of any practical service to them?

Oh, I am just not cut out for life on earth!

And now I am going to spout off words to let off mental steam (tip me over and pour me OUT!):

settling, creditors, SEP, liability, CD, HSA, taxes, jobs, unemployment extension, wagon, reliability, mileage, towing, u-haul, Upstate, budget, giving, saving, credit score, lease, waiting, goals, waldorfing, masters degree, FAFSA, 2 hour yoga class from which EVERYTHING HURTS, fermented, bulk buying clubs, homeschool group let downs, postpartum, mental health, new mexico, job loss, unusable ankle, recovery, counseling, identity, homesteading, solar powered, first time homebuyers programs, dreads, new city, new friends, new neighbors, new church, new farms, new home, new yard, new chickens, new beds, new life — old habits?, JESUS!, decisions, liver and egg yolks.

The path I am on has recently taken quite a turn. Or maybe I just see it up ahead, but haven’t ACTUALLY changed course yet. Perhaps I’ve been on whatever trail this has been for so long that I have to keep rubbing my eyes as I approach the upcoming crossroads. Is that a mirage I see?!

These are some findings:

Life is very peculiar. There is so much to be suffered. So much heartache and confusion. Especially since moving to Portland, I have realized just how essential community is to overall mental and emotional health. There are times, seasons even, where being out here has felt poignantly lonely. But for the most part, we have found relationships of support, investment, respect, generosity and love. For that I am so grateful. For SO many things I have found on our most recent leg of the “path” here in Portland: I am grateful.

Life also contains so much joy, surprises, and sweet, simple moments of surrender and worship. What a trip!

And now, change is on the horizon. Life and decisions and freedom, too.

I have a vision of our family a few years from now: homesteading a little urban bungalow somewhere; me- getting slightly better at being energetic and patient as a work-at-home, homeschooling mom; Chris graduating – and more importantly, finding his passion; our children enjoying life and learning and play; our home a place of solace and rest balanced with joy and production, with our hens in the backyard, most of our property covered in food producing gardens, Ethan and Verity’s paintings scattered across the walls. The vision rocks me to sleep at night and soothes the hardest of times. I believe it is a gift from God to catch for yourself a vision for the future and feel even slightly hopeful about life not ALWAYS being how it is now

Very exciting.

Curious about Urban Homesteading? Here’s a great article. Gives me chills just reading it!

In the meantime, enjoy some recent snapshots of our family… there is never a dull moment:

Our Puerto Rican style Christmas Eve was a great idea this year. We began baking the 21 pound turkey we didn’t get around to at Thanksgiving, along with a 5 pound pork, on Tuesday night. I can’t tell you how many garlic cloves I used that night. At least 30. Anyway, once all the good saucey Adobo mess was slathered on, the meats began slow cooking overnight while I finished some handmade gifts. Christmas Eve morning we saw a smattering of snow on the ground and again began cooking, this time to the groove of a salsa Christmas CD. The pernil asado was to die for – nice and salty and garlicy and limey, mmmm… And the turkey came out great too – falling off the bone to reveal the slivers of garlic shoved into the meat, the stuffing of ripe plaintains/rum/dates/cinnamon, and studded with olives. I also made arroz con gandules but had to come up with an old school method for achiote ( sauteing the annato seeds in oil) for yellow seasoning, so that came out kinda bland and not very yellow. I also couldn’t get the thawed (because they weren’t supposed to be!) alcapurias to stay together, lol, however the pasteles Chris’ aunt made were boiled to perfection. I also fried tostones (green plantains, fried, flattened with a plate, fried again and dashed in salt) and maduros (very ripe plantains sliced thick and fried for juicy sweetness). Chris made homemade Coquito which was, well, I had way too much anyway!

We had a great time relaxing with friends over our Christmas Eve meal (Christmas Eve meal is the big one for Ricans, traditionally – that’s what Chris said anyway!) We also have TONS of leftovers that we keep picking at.

After Christmas Eve early dinner we headed to Evergreen Christmas Eve service. Ethan sat intently the whole time, very interested in this gathering. He also was a total STAR (I’m his mama, I can brag) of the “I Saw Three Ships” children’s “choir” – oh he was a riot and had all the moves down pat. Later we drove (yes, our own little christmas miracle- a couple went out of town for 10 days and left us use of their vehicle! thankyoujeebus!) through Peacock Lane to look at lights.

Back home we read some books and left out Santa’s snack, while Ethan hurried to bed. I had the notion that I’d stay up again to 1am like I have been for weeks to get the last minute gifts done- I need to knit something for the waldorf doll I made him and stuff and sew up the knitted gnomes. That didn’t happen. lol I gave up and knew he would be just as happy to watch me knit “Coby” a sweater this week — (that’s what he has named the doll – who he’s carried with him all day and slept with and made best friends with his favorite stuffed animal, the dragon “Scorch” – I can’t tell you how sweet it is when they love the toys you actually MADE with your own bare hands. It’s so special!)

This morning felt very lackluster for me. For one thing, my cold took a turn for the worst (sugar and lack of sleep will do that to ya!), so we didn’t make it to the christmas morning brunch we had planned with some friends. However, Ethan was very excited to open his gifts from us: a ton of new wooden “people” and accessories, a waldorf doll with a hammock, pillow and sheet, thai yoga/lounge pants, an old fashioned locally made wooden Top in his stocking with a large all natural candy cane, a few colors of wool roving and a needle felting kit, a kids’ first knitting needles set, and some new chapter books; Charlotte’s Web, Mary Poppins, and Little House in the Big Woods. From grandma he got a cd player with a cd story book of Little Bear, and from an aunt/uncle he got a Go Fishing game. Verity made out with her new blocks we made her and a wooden rattle and BabyLegs from grandma.

While we were trying to find room on the camcorder to record this morning’s happenings, we came across Ethan’s first Christmas – piles and piles of wrapped presents and battery operated whats its. He was 5 months old! It was crazy to see that in comparison with how simple and even elegant Christmas has become for us: good food, good people, a few special gifts under the tree. Very sweet times.

Despite that this morning I was tired and cranky and felt no spark of magical Christmastime that I always have on previous Christmas mornings, I’m still delighted to see the kids enjoy this day. We had our traditional cajun beignets and mimosas (just OJ for the little guy – another novelty), and all three of us took a nap through the afternoon! Right now Ethan and dad are curled up on the couch watching Polar Express and he is sucking away at his candy cane. We are stuffed from leftover turkey and pasteles and eager to get back into bed on this chilly night.

Well, my matcha tea is calling, along with MY Christmas present – the book “Heaven on Earth” which I can’t wait to dig into! So I will bid you adeiu.

Merry Christmas, my friends. Let the Epiphany festivity preparations begin!

“I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December
A magical thing
And sweet to remember.

‘We are nearer to Spring
Than we were in September,’
I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December.”
- Oliver Herford, I Heard a Bird Sing

Ethan and Caleb gaze at the flames from their handmade beeswax candles

Verity’s Christmas present: blocks cut and sanded by dada, polished with beeswax and emollients by Ethan and mama

Ethan snapped this picture of me knitting Chris a hat in church on Sunday

Despite that I managed to blow up a blender today and send homemade carrot babyfood and glass flying all over the kitchen, (while my 4 year old bolted towards the living room screaming like a lobster in a pot of boiling water… ohhhh, the chaos that is my life at times…):

I am listening now to Sting’s introspective Christmas album (thank you, Maw Maw) and sipping my holiday tonic tea blend and, what can I say? All is well.

Peace, grace, tranquility and surrender: find them. Keep them close.