We’ve been loving “Mama, is it summer yet” by McClure – it is so timely as we feel the heat coming on strong and the gardens coming up tall.

Here are some pictures of our last week, when things got a little closer to feeling like summer is almost upon us… though, not quite yet.

sharing a raw/cultured cheesecake and frozen blueberries on a blanket with some books

Hosing off in the heat

“The caterpillar trusts his maker that all is well. He does not cling to his old garment and thus is transformed into a magnificent butterfly. There is no pain, it is a natural transmutation. So it is with us. As the chrysalis is the bridge between caterpillar and butterfly, so is True perception the bridge between separation and Oneness. We are transmuting into a new state of being. Clinging to our caterpillar stage, our old ways of judgement, we shall never learn to fly into the dawn of a new day.” – Peter Erbe

While planting today, a truly majestic butterfly joined Ethan and I to steal a quick drink from my soaker hose on a warm sunny day. I was grateful for the moment to awe over his company.

We planted tomatoes (black prince, persimmon, green zebra, yellow pear, and whopper) and peppers ( red bell, yellow bell, and aneheim) surrounded by seedlings of carrots and lettuces. The small raised bed was then lined with marigolds and chives. Companion planting, yeah baby! Many of the starts I got from a local farm at the farmer’s market; a very sweet and helpful farmer who I was proud to support just a bit with my Mother’s Day moolah

Over on the other side of the front yard, a pumpkin patch is underway. We’ve seeded carving pumpkins, white pumpkins, and sugar pumpkins (for pie), along with a few varieties of ornamental gourds. Can’t wait for Fall!!!

This week’s homeschooling has been about beans We’ve read Jack and the Beanstalk and planted pole beans, dragon tongue beans, sugar peas, and some melon varieties. These will go in the backyard raised bed, a long 20′ x 4′ which will feature more stuff I’ve learned about companion planting. From what I’ve heard, growing your own food in the Ozarks is a lot different from the “plant it, it will grow” Oregon climate and soil I have only ever gardened in. I’ve had to learn about rocky, clay soil and nasty bug infestations and dry, hot summers – so companion planting helps with some of that, along with a proper composting system and lots of soaker hoses – which will eventually be hooked up to rain barrles. For more info on companion planting, check out the classic on the subject: Carrots Love Tomatoes. As for my backyard bed, I’ll be trying out the three-sisters method: the beans will be trained up corn stalks while the ground is kept moist by a covering vines — squash/melons/cucumbers. On the other end of the bed will be a large patch of strawberries (to collect fruit from next year) and kale. Little natural insect repellents will be distributed around the main veggies – mainly marigolds and some herbs.

The chicken coop is coming along, but I’ll show pics when we get the roof and the painting fine tuned. The three musketeers (Chris and his two new boyfriends : Trevor and Cheyne) were working on it last night while the women and kids enjoyed each others company amongst the backdrop of an Ortecho-style Cinco de Mayo celebration (make your own tacos and fried ice cream with Mariachi in the air).

May the music move you…

*First, a little business: Sarah- you were the winner of “Families, Festivals and Food”! Get me your address and I’ll get it in the mail!*

Life is mysterious. I know – how profound. But for real. And irony sure seems an ever present element in the journey. The criss crossy topsy turvy Oh-The-Places-You-Will-Go-Dr.Suess-ish-ness… I don’t even try to figure it out much anymore. The last 2 years of my life have defied or exceeded all of my former constructs. I am more convinced of the creative brilliance of the Creator of the Universe and less of the textbook, Sunday school “god” than ever before. I also get more angry and confused about it all. Sometimes it’s as absurd as growing and shrinking upon a bite of this and a sip of that down in that hurried little rabbit’s hole.

Some of you are nodding and the rest of you, if you are still reading, have glazed over eyes. I guess my mind has been full as of late. We’ve gone through a lot of changes and more are to come. For me, I’m trying to make decisions about what to focus on for awhile, even if that means sacrificing financial security. As I type, Chris is out applying at a new “green” home building retail store that just opened here in Fayetteville. The hours are perfect and his experience is so well matched, so yes, we are really crossing our fingers and saying our prayers. But he has lots of applications on lots of desks right now and who knows what the right thing will be at the right time. So we are playing a bit of the waiting game, while my own aptitude for pressing on as a work-at-home-mother with two young children in my care full time dwindles. My prayer right now is for a period of refreshing and refocusing to come, and soon!

Ok, I digress with a slideshow from Earth Day with my parents here in Fayetteville with us (sooo nice!):

Things were a little busy last week – we spent a lot of time with new friends, helped build a really cool barn style chicken coop (ours is going up next!), had a lovely day in the country (Ethan skinny dipped for the first time!), had my first Arkansas tick experience (ew!), then went immediately into prep for Chris’ big spanish style birthday shindig. We made 20 pounds of pulled pork, slow cooked for 2 days in a crock pot with lots and lots of garlic, limes and adobo. We had about 4 gallons of slow cooked black beans and rice, along with a big beautiful salad, fresh bread, lots of plaintains and even mofongo! The event was a great excuse to spend time with family and food!

Here’s some pictures of the event and other happenings this week (along with some fun pics of my dreads, now 3 months old )

So speaking of family, festivals, and food: This is the title of one of my very favorite books. I picked it up when Ethan was about 2 years old and began to gravitate right away to what I learned about Waldorf celebrations. Lately I’ve been reading more and more books and listening to training workshops, all in preparation for something I have yet to tell you guys about but when I do I’ll be so happy to share with you all!

So, today was a rough day. I am fighting a cold, Chris and I are both very tired, Ethan and Verity are both incredibly high needs and the noise level is constant! Not to mention that I have lots and lots of work to make up and I highly doubt I will finish it all. With sore throat and ears ringing, I felt impatient and unnerved today – two things I really don’t like about myself, I must admit. I remember seeing this video recently of a Waldorf home-based educator who said that when she notices the energy of the children getting really rowdy, she first checks her own breathing. That came to mind today, as I strove to check myself as a potential contributor to the wild pent-up rainy day boredom energy of the kids.

So instead of raising my voice for the umpteenth time (working on it!), I told Ethan to be still and silent as much as he could while Chris took Verity off on a drive to fall asleep. While this was happening I made a pot of “Quiet Child” tea from Mountain Rose Herbs and the “Best Oatmeal Cookies” from that well-loved go-to book: Family, Festivals, and Food!

What you can’t experience over this screen is just how tasty and warm these simple little things are. Things are feeling cozier and quieter already…

Well, if you’d like to try them, leave a comment about something you use to help ground yourself or the kids on an everything-is-going-wrong kinda day. Next week, I’ll pick a winner randomly and mail you my extra copy of this book! In it you will find seasonal activities, recipes, verses and songs, and stories for your family to celebrate the year.

My intention: to release. When my palms are aching from holding too tight, and my neck is sore from the tension of the load – put it down, drop the line, just release it all.

The expectations. The fears. The anxiety. The selfishness. The opinions. The consumption. The pain. Just let it go.

Embrace, instead, the reality of true freedom to Just Be. The reality of Love Incarnate.

Here are some pictures from this week:

A discarded robin’s egg found in the backyard reminds us: hippity, hoppity, Easter is on it’s way!

The office is very much a greenhouse at the moment. along with 42 heirloom tomato plants, we’ve got oodles of sprouts already from herbs, peppers, lettuce, melons, gourds, and more. Along with a huge assortment of sprouts from a tray Ethan plated all by himself for his flower garden: foxglove, sunflowers, columbine, california poppy, chinese lantern, money plant, marigolds, zinnia – the list goes on! It’s going to be so beautiful this summer!

Verity and I were on the news Saturday night! Talking about the farmers market (I was a total dweeb. I didn’t even realize this was for the local news, I said something like “good luck on your project!” to the young man as we parted ways- for some reason I thought he was a university student, lol! Then my landlord called to tell me it was good to see me on the 5 o’clock news! Ha…)

Finished Verity’s “pixie” easter bonnet

Ethan got a handmade easter basket at the farmer’s market. I admired the flowers, pottery, amazing bluegrass musicians, and handspun yarns. I purchased a huge local smoked ham (which a portion of is currently crocking for split pea soup dinner!)

My knitting and laptop are never safe from Verity’s curious little hands…

I’ve been spending ample time in the backyard, enjoying the new blooms while the kids play in their sandbox. We’ve been doing more garden bed prep, and have put up a nice clothes line set. Also found a $25 picnic table to put out there, above which is strung white christmas lights. Can’t wait for outdoor dining again!

It’s certainly getting green out there…

Easter baskets lined with sprouts (real grass!) holding hardboiled eggs, yogurt covered raisins and pretzels, a coconut bar, and a few gifts: a dragon bubble wand, beeswax modeling clay, and beeswax block crayons (for Ver), all courtesy of Bella Luna Toys. Ethan also got a “Milo” to play with his “Otis”, and a replacement “Scorch” for the one he lost and still couldn’t live without.

Ethan playing with new neighborhood friends: a sweet polish family who lives a few doors down who we bump into on our evening walks.

I guess that about does it!

Today: enjoy the release.

The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.

Carl Jung (1875 – 1961)

42 heirloom tomato have sprouted!

I remember reading about Carl Jung in my Theories of Personality class in college; his contribution to the concept of individuation played an integral role in my development at that time. When I came across that reading, it struck me. Wiki defines this concept as “the process through which a person becomes his/her ‘true self’” and further explains Jung’s belief that “Individuation has a holistic healing effect on the person, both mentally and physically. Besides achieving physical and mental health, people who have advanced towards individuation tend to be harmonious, mature and responsible. They embody humane values such as freedom and justice and have a good understanding about the workings of human nature and the universe.”

Along these lines, it was notable for me to learn about Jung’s idea of artistic expression as a healing outlet; “art therapy”. He spoke of creative expression as a means to becoming whole.

Ideas that, for me, rang very true. Since as far back as I can remember my life, I have sought to express myself creatively. This doesn’t mean I was ever a master at a particular art form, no. But the countless drawings, books, and poems collected throughout my childhood reflect my desire to be constantly creating something.

Being a creative being is, I believe, at the very heart of being human. It is partaking in something divine – the way in which we were created in God’s image. We are compelled to be co-creators with Him, even when we are completely unaware of it.

There is a harmony I feel when I am creating. It doesn’t matter if I am painting, writing, decorating a room, gardening, tending animals, cooking a meal, laying out a flyer, designing a website project, knitting, sewing, singing, strumming an instrument, taking pictures, building a fairy house with the kids – the medium is not what is important. What is important is that what I am doing is tapping into that limitless part of me that constantly accepts the challenge of a new creation, despite the time, energy or frustration involved, simply because the activity makes me feel more alive. And having children – rearing a family – what more glorious display of our co-creating privilege can we find? I am in awe of this often.

Creating is a spiritual act – one I can feel more acutely when working with natural materials – and without it in my life I begin to get all backwards.

At times I chastise myself for not having a more practical work ethic. For not being able to clock in – clock out at a job, regardless of the ease or pointlessness of the daily tasks, for the sheer result of a paycheck. Believe it or not, I admire those with that ability. Even in the most dire pinch, such work feels like madness to me (this is not an exaggeration – I believe I literally begin to lose my mind!). Without some element of creating happening, I feel panicky, straight-jacketed, and desperate for distraction.

Our family is at a shift, (life is so full of those, isn’t it?) and I find myself drawn to make some changes in my work life and load. While I await the unfolding of Chris’ next path, as he looks for work here in Fayetteville, I know this is an opportunity to fine-tune and adjust many of my personal goals and our goals and values as a family.

As always, I want to work with great flexibility for the sake of being my children’s full-time caregiver. But as Ethan enters Kindergarten age as a homeschooler and Verity is a walking almost-toddler, I am finding the need to revamp my priority of them, much more so than in previous years. This is a very high-need phase of their lives, one that will be over in the blink of an eye, and this fact weighs on me every single day. I don’t want to miss out on their childhood because I was stuck behind a laptop or too tired from a late work night to engage life with them. It breaks my heart, actually.

This shift will entail getting creative (there is that word again!) about how I co-support our family financially, how we make and spend and save money, and what our priorities are. From getting more self-sustainable, to finding ways I can cut back my “laptop” hours in favor of more holistic, integrated work-from-home-mom ventures. I am so eager to share my ideas, but for now I will continue to work them out and see how things shape up over the rest of the Spring. In the meantime, I am trying to stay the course with various jobs that have begun to dry out creatively, as the economy forces more and more companies to budget down to the nitty gritty tasks with little room for initiatives and creative projects. Luckily, I have amazing colleagues which help make the grind worth it. And on the side, I am getting my “fix” for creative expression through hobbies, knitting Verity’s birthday sweater, taking a photography course (will be starting a separate photoblog soon!), starting a nature journal, pen and paper journaling (something I haven’t done in years and years), and dreaming of the day I’ll finally write that book.

So there ya go. My courageous share…

(It’s quite possible that)
this life is all about
silly impressions of each other
while all around us
water.
falls.
(loudly.)

(It’s quite possible that)
this life is all about
noticing fungus
(or flowers.)

(It’s quite possible that)
this life is all about
choosing whether to be
creepy
or cute.
(or both.)

(It’s quite possible that)
life is all about
being yourself
-together.

First – Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Second – I’ve stolen a few minutes break in my day to share some photos with you:

Let’s go through the front door:

You may notice the rad (IMHO) antique forest green couches Chris found for me on Craigslist (for next to no $$$!). Don’t ya just wanna curl up? I love that our living room has no TV, too – its a great area to just hang, play board games, knit, read, whatever. I really love it here. (Good job, babe!):

Babies love it here too:

Ethan spends the bulk of his time in one of three places:
1. the “school room” area of our main room (the dining and living room):

2. his avocado colored, “enchanted forest” themed room, where Verity often joins him:

3. or his kitchen, inside my kitchen:

If you don’t find me in that cozy living room, you might find me in the office/media room/ guest room. Which is almost unpacked – or can’t you tell? HA! At least the mustard yellow paint is drying…

Here (the office), I dream of one day watching copius amounts of Gilmore Girls. For now it acts as a sauna for brooding baby chicks and sprouting seeds:

In current news, today is St. Patrick’s Day, and we are celebrating! We had green eggs for breakfast:

Made green raisin cinnamon bread, properly adorned with butter and raw honey:

Wore green, of course – but took it a step further by making “Hulk” neck vein impersonations, because he is also green…

We also sprouted clover, which was a gift in Ethan’s hidden “pot of gold”. And read stories about St. Patrick. And listened to Celtic music all day. And watched “Riverdance”. And we are going to go see the Irish dancers at the library this evening. And returning home to a dinner of corned beef brisket, cabbage, and potatoes. (When the kids go to bed, we are gladly sipping some whiskey sours.)

What else have we been up to? As if that’s not enough?

Well, we have been spending time in the backyard finally! We’ve hung some linens, marked off the coop/run area and dug out two vegetable beds. We scoped out the prime fort location near a butterfly bush and began a fairy home nearby. This isn’t the best picture, but it is fairly big and brown and daunting…

AND LASTLY, I discovered to my amusement that I really enjoy needle felting. Not the bloody fingers part so much but the wool figurines made in way less time than knitting part. This new craft has helped me quickly fill up our nature table as we prepare for Spring.

Here you can see some of it – the felted Mother Earth in the back there with a little wooden “St. Patrick”, and their woodland friends – a white rabbit, green turtle, and large whimsical mushroom – all needle felted. In the tree hangs a butterfly and an angel. Spring “flower children” are coming to join Mother Earth SOON – this weekend marks the Spring Solstice! Awake, flowers, awake!

Into week two’s mile markers:

The railing is almost done, along with the window box, courtesy of the Hubster’s handiwork. That Mystery Purple really brightens up the place, no? Since this picture we have added prayer flags and solar colored lights to the top of the front porch, a purple porch swing, and a birdbath right next to the tree in the foreground. Ethan loves the swing we made for him and we do too: it keeps him entertained while we garden

Here’s the house a few days ago – I had to include so you could check out the baby with her mouth planted all over the window on the inside of the house!

The front yard has been our main focus all week. Mainly because the weather was awesome and the backyard is really daunting, lol. We’ve also been discussing Gnomes at length. Yes, gnomes. I know, how Waldorf of us. We found a little book on Gnomes at the flea market and its way cool. Did you know that gnomes are 7 times stronger than humans? Or that they always have twins? Anyhow, in honor of our new found appreciation of gnomes, meet our new garden gnome, whom I have named “Hodgewicket”:

To break things up a bit, here Verity and I steal a “cheese”:

Moving on… I exploded hard boiled eggs this week. If you’ve been on facebook, you know that my kitchen and I are off to a rough start. Here is egg yolk on the ceiling:

Ethan’s paint smeared hands hold a redworm as we put together our first vermiculite compost bin:

(Forgive the mess – we are still in the process of unpacking!)

AND NOW, FOR THE MOMENT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR…

I present to you a video of my husband and son dancing to “Hey Ya!” by Outkast (I believe they call this the brink of insanity, folks!) (Sorry you don’t hear anything – my camera has no sound card. But I think it adds to the irony, don’t you?)

Wow – it has been so crazy this week as we move into our new place. I don’t even know where to start. How about one word: Exhausted!

We spent a total of two nights at the new place so far. Everything is out of storage and loaded up in the nooks and crannies of our home. Home. Wow – that’s weird to say. I can’t say that I feel “home” yet but I’m holding out hope that such a feeling will come in time.

This is my favorite part of the house, and the only one even somewhat settled into. When I need to crawl away to a space that isn’t loaded with boxes, I go here.

While the inside is being unpacked and organized and beautified, the outside is also a major undertaking. Chris is putting together a porch railing to keep the space up there kid-friendly. I found an old wooden porch swing at a flea market for $20 – which we will paint, along with the new railing, a color literally called “Mystery Purple”. Nice way to introduce us crazy Portlanders to the nice little neighborhood, heh? We also excavated (seriously!) an old rock path/walk way leading the porch that we are laying with small pebbles and lining with solar path lights. We’re putting in 2 raised beds (of cedar logs that Chris actually took down!) in the front yard featured peppers, herbs and tomatoes, and planting butterfly/hummingbird flowers through out the flower beds where some crocus(es? crocii? lol) and daffodils are popping up. There will also be a tire swing from the front yard tree.

The chain linked fenced backyard will feature many rows of clothes lines, a sandbox, a chicken coop and 100 sq ft run, and a long rock wall of an old city ally way on the property will be turned into a large raised bed for corn, peas, beans, squash, pumpkins, melons…

Long term goals include cleaning up a storage shed for use as storage for our bulk foods and a chest freezer, and possibly keeping bees to grow our own honey. Fruit trees some day…

Looks like we have our March work cut out for us! Pray that we’ll maintain some stamina, sanity, and fun.

We’re doing what we can to make this place a stepping stone – a place we can remain comfortable in while we get our “ducks in a row” and one day find our more permanent Home. There are so many choices to weigh and await Divine Leading on, but in the meantime we are hunkered down in Fayetteville, AR in our cozy little For-Now-Home.

I’ll leave you with some random pictures: