Category — Family Fun

We have had our first snow already, though within a day or two our winter wonderland has melted away. I’m looking out at the street lights glinting off the last of the crunchy ice on the ground. Taking a moment to pause and return here.

I’ve been a stranger to this space and coming back always feels a bit like trying on my skinny jeans when they are starchy and cold from the closet. Will I still fit?

{update}

We have crowded around the table in our little kitchen and shared a grateful meal; grain-free (on GAPS diet currently) and full of love.

Our advent tree has been selected, sawed down by the family who will adorn it with handmade items. Our resident 2.5 year old likes to stand by it and sing, “O tithmas teeee, O tithmas teee!”

Holiday craft/bake sale school fundraiser has been miraculously pulled off without a hitch.


(I made the Indian girl in the foreground, as well as the wool felted red-head in the pink dress holding flowers, and a few scattered items; Jack Frost and Father Christmas dolls, felted wool and knitted ornaments, etc. The handwork group/crafting time this season has been incredibly sweet to my soul. The sale for the school went really well – a major blessing.)

We’ve done our first of the annual “Living Windows” holiday event downtown. Here’s the Robot Family Christmas scene in the window of Poppies:

Lanterns have been walked. Martinmas and St. Nicholas Day has been celebrated.

Chris has a new job! He is enjoying his new gig as grocery manager at Natural Grocers very much, though the bakery crew and customers still hold a special place in his heart.

Ethan is missing a front tooth.

Mr. Merton Pfeffernusse has gotten a haircut.

Christmas carols are being sung; Favorite, curl-up-under-the-blanket holiday tales are being told; festive teas and lots of homemade raw eggnog are being consumed. Indoor games of mancala, go fish, tic-tac-toe, hide-n-seek, explore-with-flashlights, and tent building are happening, with a hearty dose of outdoor play mixed in — until Jack Frost frightens them back inside.

And I, dear friends, am very busy at present with all this and so much more. So this space of words and thoughts and images — it feels too crowded to me at times. My gut tells me to stay away for awhile, to let the moments when I might otherwise come to this blog pass over me in quiet rest – in the sacred doing of nothing.

Warmest blessings to you this advent season… may you find moments where you have nothing to do but be.

mama.

Spending the Labor Day weekend in our ol’ town of Fayetteville, AR. It has been so good to be out in the country visiting relatives, as well as fantastic to see some dear friends Natalie and Luke! We made it to the Fayetteville Farmer’s Market, Little Bread on Block St (heavenly bagels!), stopped in for an amber bead at the bead shop and some marvelous yarn and hand-carved shawl pin at the knitting shop, before heading to the Clothesline Festival in Prairie Grove.

Later, I met up with Natalie and Candice at Brickhouse Kitchen Cafe, where we caught up over a bottle of Prosecco and aged cheddar, followed by an … interesting(!) time at the Karaoke bar. (Suffice it to say, I’m not sure that all the college aged Arkansas State Razorback football fans, decked head to toe in team fan faire in the aftermath of a winning game, truly appreciated our Karaoke rendition of Woody Gunthrie’s “This Land is Your Land”. I am consoled by the most certain fact that Woody himself would have been proud of us )

I’ve snapped a few “keepers” on my camera this weekend but left the necessary plugs to upload at the ol’ tiny house in Columbia, so I’ll post those once we get back. This week begins Ethan’s part-time kindergarten (!!!!!!!) and some new and exciting things are in the works that I’ll share just as soon as details are finalized

So… stay tuned!

It’s been a while since I have shared pictures in this space. We have a bit of catching up to do!

To begin with,… Ethan turned 6 a few weeks ago!

::Here are some other Summer highlights::

The Summer nature table. (I need felted a sun and sun fairies with wool and hung them with a kool-aid dyed piece of silk.)

A contraptions set of wooden planks sent for Ethans birthday from his Nana is a daily example of how many things can be made for marbles with this relatively simple little boards!

Blocks cut and sanded from scrap poplar lumber is a much enjoyed birthday gift from Paw Paw and Maw Maw Su

one of our favorite spots at the park downtown. I sit and read and kids play under this huge pine tree or down by the creek for hours. We spot rabbits, squirrels, birds, bugs, and if you get there early enough, a wild bantam rooster walks around crowing!

Chris and kids explore the creek on Ethans birthday

Ethan on a trail walk this morning

a turtle discovered on our trail walks

huge water spider found at the creek!

fantastic beetle discovered on a nature walk

My summer seed collection on display by my desk

Verity continues to grow into a beautiful toddler, with golden locks, dark eyes, and olive skin...

Ethan tells himself a story about Blue and Yellow while doing some wet-on-wet watercoloring

What to do with old wet-on-wet watercolor projects? Make cards, of course!

Making sun prints in the backyard

Finished sun prints on display

Ver ready for the market with her mama-made knitted sun hat and a handmade dress passed down from our dear friend Misty in Portland

One of my favorite snacks lately: a fresh pizza dip for left over sourdough bread. Simply heat olive oil, garlic cloves, chopped tomatoes, and a jalepeno on a skillet with nitrate-free pepperoni or a spicy local sausage.. Add cayenne, chili powder, achioti, and sea salt to taste. Add fresh basil and cilantro, top with shredded raw chedder cheese. Yum!

Delicious oat groat cereal has been a morning ritual lately. Soaked overnight, the oat groats are cooked in the morning and then raw milk, raw eggs yolks, maple syrup/rawhoney, lavender buds, vanilla extract, and a pinch of sea salt are added to the pot (off heat). Ladel into a pretty teacup, and top with blueberries, blanched almonds, and ground flax seeds. Mmm...

Gladiolas in the sunlight

I think I sweat more in the last 2 days than I have in my whole life. Fortunately, we found some solace from King Sun in the cool creek water at Rock Bridge and the shady canopy of blueberry bushes at Missouri Highland Blueberry Farm.

And rather than go into the details of:

A. what it was like to run out of gas at the farm, completely alone (even the farm purchases are run on the honor system – there was seriously not another person there but us!), with the nearest gas station 10 miles away, or how miraculously the car started again once we got on level ground and actually made it to the gas station! or

B. what it was like to get a flat tire on the highway not 5 minutes after getting gas, and then not being able to get the tire changed because the wrench/bolt remover thing was stripped, and then miraculously a home-based auto repair shop was the first stop on the next exit, who of course had all the necessary tools and got us back on the road to home,

which is why

C. we were concerned about going on the float trip (2.5 hours away) in the first place! (providence!)

I’ll just leave you with a few pictures I snapped from our adventures

I posted recently about our local AHF (A.ccess H.ealthy F.oods) program which selects qualified families who would benefit from an extension on their SNAPS (formerly called food stamps) benefits on edible purchases at the Farmer’s Market. This morning I used just $40 in SNAPS and was able, with the AHF program, to get all of the following (which was quite a site as I made two trips back to the car with armfuls of market bags, and had the sleeping toddler on my back as well!):

MEAT, DAIRY, HONEY
2 whole free range chickens (8-10 pounds of chicken total)
8 .25 lb lean free range ground beef (hamburger) patties
1.5 pounds of local raw wildflower honey
2 pounds hand-crafted olive oil pasta (1 speghetti, 1 rottini)
1 half pound fresh goat cheese
2 dozen free range eggs

PRODUCE (all were purchased from organic, local booths):
1 green onion bunch
2 pounds assorted summer squash and zuchinni
1 pound of beets
2 pounds red potatoes
2 pounds heirloom tomatoes
1 small red cabbage
6 corn on the cob
1 head of lettuce
__________________________
TOTAL: an $80 value

I can officially call our fridge full

These next 3 days Chris is off work, as most of the Uprise/RagTag/9th St Video employees head off on a 3 day retreat/float trip. With many pressing financial things to think about, we weren’t able to swing the trip this year, but we are going to make the best of our “stay-cation” anyway. In the plans are a free folk band concert tomorrow, a state park day with a grill-out of hamburgers and corn cobs, and a blueberry picking excursion to a no-spray u-pick blueberry farm where blueberries are just $2/pound!

How are you all spending your Summer vacations? Any other stay-cationer’s have ideas on how to make the most of your retreat-at-home?

Independence Day’s local weather foretold thunderstorms as we peeled ourselves out of bed to start the day. Lucky for us, the claim proved false.

Instead we enjoyed a day spent almost entirely outdoors, soaking up a mild Summer sun and the comforts of nature, family, and food.

This morning we packed up a small picnic brunch and headed around the corner to Shelter Gardens (go check out the link and come back). We recently discovered this public garden space nearly right in our own backyard, and it is fast becoming an important resource for us. It provides a space to sit among beautiful botany and mindful landscaping, with several water features, a couy pond with waterfalls, windchimes, bird feeders, an herb garden, rose garden, zen garden, etc. It also has a One Room School house replica complete with old desks and chalkboards and a wood stove. It’s totally Little-House-esque. I can’t wait to utilize the space for our daily walks and to do lessons here as well, since it is the nearest space to my home that offers a natural landscape and a little peaceful solitude (I live on a busy urban street with the fire department close by – the noise is constant!)

We took our time at the gardens, I did a bit of yoga in the grass and found some neat collections. The kids played tag and climbed trees, Ethan got a great skinned knee (the markings of a childhood well-spent!), and we ended with a story time around a big tree (readings from Tales Told Again).

Later we insisted on naps for the kids, were pleasantly surprised when they both (even the almost-6 year old) succumbed to Mr. Sandman (give me a dream…). When they awoke, we headed out to drop off today’s milk delivery to a few people in our milk co-op (and found some old metal vanity chairs on the side of the road that I can’t wait to repurpose into totally chic children’s chairs! you can see those in the final picture, as they came in very handy later in the day ) and then finally we were onward to Lake Stephens.

Lake Stephens. I don’t know what I would do without. Here I find a place that is the closest nearby element of that crucial element WATER. Maybe it’s because I am a Pisces. Maybe it’s because I grew up on the Florida Gulf Coast and probably spent more time in the water than in any other play as a kid. But my soul needs water – the liquid, fluid, dreamy element that nourishes me and brings peace to my active mind. Inside city limits in the Midwest, I find some solace in Lake Stephens. A man made lake, slightly funky water (if you’re used to the ocean or fresh water springs), a faux-beach… who cares? I lay out my blanket, take out a book, slip down my straw hat low on my forehead, and let the sun work is magic on me. We go all.the.time.

Today Chris and I brought our suits (vintage finds at the Salvation Army, .50 and $1, respectively!), and SUBMERGED. We played Marco Polo. We dug underwater pits. We collected pebbles from the bottom. Oh yes, we are grown-ass-adults, and we totally did. In such play, children and adults alike connect with so many soul enriching elements at once – the water, the earth of sand and clay at the lake bottom, the fiery King Sun gently toasting your shoulders, and the warm breeze of air giving any part of you out of the water the shivers! It is truly amazing how life giving it can be, how sensuous an experience, to spend time outdoors and get dirty!

There is also a water feature of sprinklers right behind the man-made beach, which the kids have fun with. Ver adores stepping on them and squirting the water in all directions. This apparently NEVER gets old.

After several hours, we began to get hungry of course. We brought some hot dogs and buns, and a small bag of charcoal, so we headed up the hill at the park in search of a free grill. We were fortunate to find an entire pavillion right next to a smaller playground that was reserved until 11pm, but the reserved party was dispersing as we walked up so we got the whole place to ourselves. We let the kids play, cooked up some franks, and had a race down a HUGE hill. My, how much better hot dogs taste after you’ve played and gotten yourself good and hungry!

Dinner eaten, we took to the streets and found an empty parking lot to let the kids do some Party Poppers.

Later, we headed to the top of the parking garage by Chris’ work and set up camp. Rag Tag theater (connected to Uprise where he works) was open, so we walked down, had a potty break, got some beers and popcorn, refilled water canteens, and came back up just in time for the show to begin (the show went off a mile south at the stadium – a very crowded event happens there so we joined the much smaller crowd on the garage rooftops downtown). As fate would have it, my camera was drained by this point so I have no pictures of the fireworks. But let’s be honest, you’re kinda relieved about that, aren’t you?

The tired kids slugged into their beds around 10pm …

I leave you with a snippet from Care of the Soul, by Thomas Moore (rocking. my. world. — love love love!… more on that another time) that I think is appropriate as we celebrate our nation’s independence:

“America has a great longing to be the New World of opportunity and a moral beacon for the world. It longs to fulfill these narcissistic images of itself. At the same time it is painful to realize the distance between reality and that image. America’s narcissism is strong. It is paraded before the world. If we were to put the nation on the couch, we might discover that narcissism is its most obvious symptom. And yet that narcissism holds the promise that this all-important myth can find its way into life. In otherwords, America’s narcissism is its unrefined puer spirit of genuine new vision. The trick is to find a way to that water of transformation [like Narcissus' pool] where hard self-absorption turns into loving dialogue with the world.”

We continue to bend around the slightly new way of life here in Columbia, as various things in our lives are coming under the scrutiny of our will to evolve and grow without cumbersome bad habits holding us back. Sometimes these ruts in life get started, and things are so strained and stretched that merely surviving is about the highest level of functioning that seems available. The entire year we spent in Fayetteville seemed like that, combined with long hours for Chris at work, and my catching illness after illness. Thank God, truly, for how different things have been in our short time since moving; my health has been stellar (haven’t even had allergy symptoms, and I’m beginning to tolerate gluten again!) – which has afforded me with a little stamina to make some little adjustments; little internal (or external at times) push on the train tracks – ever so slightly array – so that a new course is set.

Today we altered our family course by handing over some checks – solidifying our decision to sacrifice some funds to the enrollment fee to get Ethan in with the waldorf co-op here in town, both for a 2 week summer camp as well as the 3 mornings per week “kindergarten” (ages 4-7) next year. I also went to my second “book discussion” group with the waldorf community (teachers, parents, etc) today – we are reading through Eugene Schwartz “The Millennial Child” – good stuff! (I’m embarrassingly fascinated by the history of educational pedagogies and parenting philosophies – this is my version of GEEKING OUT!)

Today marks day number 10 of our “zero screen time” policy for Ethan. It’s been wonderful, even though at times (like when it is cold and raining outside and BOY that PBS kids could come in handy with my wired and whiney 5 year old!) I have had to really dig in deep to establish this new rhythm and live in a new way with my children – where there is no alternative to living together, playing together, cooking together, gardening together; to set myself (and Chris) as the authority in this way and to respectfully deny Ethan access to ANY screen time (nothing that makes electronic noise – though I have caved to a little music now and then – I don’t think I’ll ever give up listening to the classical music and programming on NPR on the radio during the day!) I’ll go into this facet of our lives more in another post, as I continue to analyze and test this decision for myself (it is not without great theorizing – I am a Mass Communications major, after all!). For now, the TV lies helplessly in the corner of the living room with two big, lovely play silks hung over it – a fluid work of art rather than a black box of digitized entertainment. Of course, Chris and I have no such rules and will on occasion catch up on a show or two, or watch a film together, after bedtime hours.

Ver just insists on hanging by herself on the monkey bars – remember when it was that easy?!

Another post for another time will be my thoughts on how to merge waldorf and unschooling – two driving (for me) and seemingly opposing ways of not just schooling, or even homeschooling, but indeed of family life as well! I am sort of in observation mode at the moment – reading a biography on Rudolf Steiner while reading How Children Learn (Holt) and trying to find the nuggets that build the bridge between the apparent tensions in the two approaches. Also, I have the fortunate opportunity now to be in this book discussion group I mentioned, where one of the leaders is a veteran of “waldorf” and “unschooling” simultaneously with her own three children, all of whom are grown. Such a wealth of wisdom I think all of us younger moms feel when we can “sit at her feet”, if you will, and see how she creatively and by all accounts, successfully, merged these two methods that appealed so much to her (as they do to me). But as I said, that’s for another time. I’m still gathering my thoughts there.

Verity recently celebrated her 2 year birthday, a sweet moment where she shyly hid in my skirt while we sang “Happy Birthday”. Her cake was a gluten-free vanilla cake with cream cheese mango icing, decorated with violets from the yard and two little beeswax candles. Happy Birthday, angel!

Let’s see… last weekend, we hit the farmer’s market, potted some herbs in pots from the thrift store, made more stock, hit a few garage sales (found myself a fishing pole – I am beyond excited to go fishing soon!), and weathered a strangely cold and wet May weekend. I, however, got a mama’s day out on Sunday, and spent a glorious afternoon at Uprise working, to be followed by a free movie at RagTag Cinema (a perk of being married to an Uprise employee!) where I enjoyed (immensely!) the film Jane Eyre (SO good!) alone with a $2.75 glass of red wine on a cozy little swivel chair. Have I mentioned how very much I love that Chris works there?! What a treat! (I envision more of these rare and invigorating afternoons in my future!)

our bog…

In other news, we dug a rain garden in a moist area of a backyard to channel the overflow of our rain away from saturating all of the ground into a slippery clay during rains. Er… it is more like a bog at this point. I am awaiting some rain and some toads and tadpoles and dragonflies (hopefully very hungry ones who will happily devour the inevitable mosquito larvae the standing water will attract!). I want it to be more like a wildlife habitat/pond with some native shade loving plants in and around it and a small amount of water to support a healthy little ecosystem. I envision the day when I see butterflies, bees, water beetles, dragonflies, toads, birds, and whatever other critters will find a little tiny spot of nature in my urban backyard. Sigh. Patience!

showing off our backyard clay creations

Ethan has been busy shoveling soil – er, clay – and finding the BAZILLIONS of cicadas hiding a few inches below the surface – our chickens are downright gorging themselves on this steady helping of delicious bugs for several hours a day. Our backyard is an all-you-can-eat buffet for my hefty gals. The four pre-teen hens we got last month are already full of adult feathers and are learning to scratch around the run and eat grass and leftovers. So far, no crowing – a good sign we have all girls, and therefore will soon have 6 hens giving us at least a half dozen of free range eggs a day! To say I have chicken-raising fever would be an understatement. Ignoring the raised eyebrows of our family members several years ago, I set out to raise backyard chickens and have loved every minute of it. So easy, so rewarding, so fun. Every one should have themselves a pair of hens.

I needle felted the kids this caterpillar – I just love these little wool creatures and how “alive” they feel. A satisfyingly quick project for an evening with hubby away at ping pong night with some co-workers (dad’s night out!).

Tomorrow we have plans to visit Rock Bridge State Park to play in some creeks and have a picnic lunch with a family we met a few weeks ago (at their garage sale). The homeschooling mom of FIVE boys graciously called to invite us out – I know Ethan will have a blast. Oh – she is also passing on her huge blackboard to us, how cool is that? Surely a feature in the next “Simple Pleasures” series of gifted, bartered, thrifted, etc etc…

This weekend we head to Fayetteville, AR! Can’t wait to see my dear friends and family I have been sorely missing.

Well, here’s where I wrap up my ramblings and save the rest for another day. Until then…

click the full screen icon on the slideshow to view recent pics of our life a little bigger

I already seem to have a different kid.

For just 3 days now, I have been even more focused on connecting Ethan with nature, keeping all media out of his life, and keeping my explanations and talking to a minimum. The reason for this has been a sincere recommendation from some wise waldorf-inspired mamas/teachers at the local waldorf coop, who I recently had the opportunity to meet and “pick their brains” regarding Ethan’s life stage and whole-child well being. (P.S. I will be enrolling him in a 3-mornings a week kindergarten [his final year of kindergarten in waldorf education] for next year. P.S.S. I have been working again- a small bit each week, from home, with a cherished former client, which will allow me to pay for his part-time schooling. Serious answer to prayer!).

Without going into too much detail about Rudolf Steiner, Waldorf educational philosophy, anthroposophy, etc (for one thing, I wouldn’t be an expert enough to explain it right, and for another, you may not find it very interesting), I will try my best to sum it up as this: Ethan’s adult/thinking/intellectual side was awakened prematurely via adult logic, correction and conversations, over-explanation, etc etc. So he has what appears to be this verbal adeptness, sharp-witted tongue, analytical nervousness, and constant flow of thinking and conversation (as opposed to the “dreamy state” of childhood, play and imagination dominating rather than watching the clock, working on worksheets, worrying like an adult, etc). Sure, some of this is normal development, some of this is Ethan’s personality – but quite a bit of it has come off to me, for some years now, as imbalanced, disconnected, unassimilated… that is to say, the intellectual part is so curious, eager, anxious, reasoning, while his physical, emotional, spiritual self he carries kinda uncomfortably. Hopefully that makes sense.

(For more thoughts on this, two good articles here and here.)

It has been sort of an experiment for me to start in this direction. I have said for many years that we, as a homeschooling family, “set up tent” very near the Waldorf “camp”. There’s been a lot of it that resonates with me, particularly the vision of early childhood being unencumbered by the adult world. That has been extra hard to facilitate at home with Ethan, however, – for many reasons that I won’t go into because it’s not really all that necessary. But having hit this wall of confusion about Ethan’s, for lack of a better word at the moment, behavior, through observing things that felt “off” for me and have been quite a challenge that I didn’t know how to tackle. Some advised public school (keep him busy, put him with lots of kids, feed his intellect?) and others unschool (same reasons, along with “giftedness” and being able to accelerate by following his own interests), but rarely did I consider what I am actually most drawn to as a child development stance in the first place: that he needed to be held close, play more, relax more, more time outside, more time in open-ended handwork (no “right” and “wrong” way, no self-critique) and no time with media (preconceived images, electronic entertainment, stunts his own ability to imagine and be creative, “teaches” too much at too young an age, etc etc), and talked to LESS.

So that is kinda the why and how with this more focused next chapter of homeschooling/parenting for the kids.

While the playschool (which was waldorf-inspired) that I did from home a few days a week last Fall was where my heart was at, I honestly felt so discouraged by Ethan’s reactions to things – wondering if this approach fits him or not… In this world we live in, a child who does have some media exposure, a variety of peers, and is exposed to any of the massive amounts of commercialism out there, I think it is really difficult to craft this “beauty bubble” of felted wool animals and wooden toys and songs and backyards… I took it personally when he begged for battery operated remote control cars and plastic ramps and movies and candy and jump zone and bla bla bla! I second-guessed myself all the time, and coming from that place of lacking confidence in if what I am doing is right for this child, I didn’t quite know where MY boundaries were, or if it was even OKAY to keep certain things from a kid if he thinks he wants them, or just HOW to do this whole thing without compromising our families values?! Giving in didn’t feel good, being rigid didn’t feel good – I was so unsure!

But then I spoke with the mamas from the coop, was reassured that all of us moms are going through it with this generation of kids and the influences around our families and so on. And then I was given something I think I really needed: the validation that it is okay to be the Mom, in the role they call the “Authentic Leader”, to say – “no” but with confidence and without huge, weighty explanations (i.e. “no, we can’t buy the plastic car because the earth is dying from over-population and pollution, so let’s go learn about carbon dioxide and leaching and landfills and global warming so that you fully understand the implications of XYZ that has marketed to you by the Powers That Be who only have their bank accounts to be concerned about — which as it turns out is ANOTHER reason I won’t buy that car because we have no money.” – YES, that was an only slightly exaggerated version of my answer.) I thought, he is so curious, so verbal, so intellectual – he seems to “get it” so why not tell him the truth? Be straight with him. Right?! Lol

So lately I’ve been praying and trying to be very awake and mindful of how I answer, what I say to and in front of the kids, and keeping things simple and firm, and often playful if necessary. In light of “zero screen time”, (we were already a fairly low-screen family compared to mainstream parenting, but I gave in often with many conflicting thoughts and feelings about it): I’ve kept PBS Kids off, not gone to the library for computer games, not even put on background music (not just because it’s a Waldorf thing, but I actually tested the background music thing on Ethan by asking if he wanted it while we wet-on-wet watercolored, which he replied, “No, I can’t paint very well when there is noise in the room”!) I’ve been trying to remember that while kids deserve the respect and courtesy and empathy you would give another adult, they are NOT mini-adults, and they need the guidance and the strength of their Leader to help them navigate.

I feel like I should just pause here to say — I know not everyone fully agrees, and that, especially with the unschooling-type folks whom I also totally get, some of this is actually counter to what they think kids need (trust, choices, freedom, equality, self-directed?). I think there is a balance to find between the two extremes, for sure, and one that I am always on the look out to find But for now, I feel, personally, a deep intuitive response to this approach with my kids at this time. I feel this is the best way in which to guide them into balance through childhood of unhurried, natural play; with all the choices about what food is served, what toys are played with, what the media policy will be, what time is bedtime, etc made by the loving adults in their lives – not them. Besides, they will have plenty of time to worry about all the responsibilities and choices later. I respect all the hard-working, well-researched mamas who are doing things differently with their broods, and would never intend to put anyone off by talking about this approach as the ONLY “right” way. It is, however, the way that feels best for us. Moreover, it is the approach I feel my children and I need to bring healing to our home — and our homeschooling.

So far, I have been really impressed – had I any doubts and skepticism about the effects of going “all in” with the “waldorf way” right now, I have been gradually shedding them in light of the effects it is having on Ethan, particularly.

This was a child who I thought could NEVER be alone, would chatter my ear off, beg (intellectually) and reason and argue til he was blue in the face. He was nervous, anxious about the clock all.the.time. (for the last 3 days we have put black tape over all the clocks in our home!) and frequently out of bounds in his body, not understanding boundaries. While always a great kid, with a heart of gold and good intentions, he exhausted me to a point that I questioned whether this was just a “normal phase” or just his “personality”. I have sensed in the last year or so that he felt put-off by others, while highly self-critical in his efforts (darn perfectionist mama’s influence, to be sure!), that others were annoyed by his energetic-out-of-bounds-ness and talkative nature, and he seemed sort of adrift in a sea without a lifeline – without a constant strong source keeping him grounded. He seemed like a child who didn’t feel safe. Clingy to anyone who showed him attention, which he hoped would be every one.

I could say a million good things about Ethan – this almost-6 year old kid ROCKS and I couldn’t be prouder of him – and I’ve shared such things many times on this blog. But the above is what had begun to frustrate and concern me on and off in recent years, which is why I’ve shared them here. Most of my close friends and family are aware of these observations and have a few of their own.

Right now, however, I’m feeling hopeful, like a weight has been lifted as I’ve been given the permission to adopt a PLAN and that the implementation has been easier than I thought it would be, and the effects I am observing this past week, of both Ethan as well as myself and MY behavior, are really validating me, like a whisper in my heart: we are going in the right direction, yes, yes, more of this!!!

Ethan has been responding with a tremendous amount of love and affection towards his family, a sort of gratitude has been coming off him. He keeps smiling, and hugging, and saying he loves us. He seems positive, less critical, even more courageous. When I tucked him in last night, after ample time together, oatmeal maple-sweetened cookies he helped make, “tea time”, lots and lots of books and a story I made up for him, songs, candles, warm foot bath – he said, “I like the way I feel at night when I go to bed now. I feel safe.” (The previous routine was less heart-felt: dinner, bath, commands to get dressed, brush teeth, pick up room, read one book, sing a quick song, say a quick prayer, off to bed and a warning, “go to sleep, okay? Do NOT talk anymore!”) I’m trying very hard to infuse my time around Ethan with more acceptance, less talking, more hugs, more magic/less logic, more mindfulness. Parenting is a lifetime’s journey, but whenever I get back to these basics, for me, it feels right. Connected, balanced, thoughtful, and nourishing.

Another validating moment: I’ve mentioned that we have put black tape over the clocks. This was in an effort to help him forgo his obsession with the clock (no, really, I mean it!), to instead relax, find a flexible rhythm, and to keep him and us more involved in the present moment instead of living in and worrying about the future. But we did so with little explanation of WHY, just kinda “ho, hum, let’s not worry about the clock, what is the sun telling us to do?” kind of thing). Well at first he found this frustrating, of course, but after days of lamenting that we were keeping the time hidden from him – he was going off to bed with no idea of the actual time (roughly 8, at usual), and he remarked, “Now I kinda like that you guys won’t show me the time – I feel like the days are really looooong and fulllllllll and I’m so tired and just ready to go to bed!” *phew, I wasn’t torturing him!*

And the boy that can’t stop talking, who will never give me space, who will never be alone? Well, he seems to be getting balanced even this early in the new program: a boy who is reconnecting with nature through “practical work” (google it in waldorf terms if you need more explanation), who has been getting up before me and heading straight to the sandbox, a boy who can stay in the backyard for hours and hours in his world, hammering things and swinging and digging – therapy for the child who two weeks ago couldn’t think of anything “to do” and lived by the digital numbers on the oven to tell him how long until XYZ would happen. I am so happy for him – to see him just be a child is a mother’s delight.

Isn’t this what childhood should be; long, full days of nature and play and homemade food, leaving you eager for the pillow and the sweet dreams you’ll have? No worries about adult things, no quizzes on how to spell or add, no scientific names to remember, no critics of your work through grades or gold stars or punitive punishments for your mistakes? With an adult who is capable, composed, playful, warm but firm, where boundaries are clear and expectations are reasonable and age-appropriate? Where adults do not yell or hit or mock or belittle, or lack respect and virtue? Simply the child’s world of imagination and goodness and singing and experiencing through the senses the beauty all around them? Simple. Natural. Magical. Slow.

I think so.

There has been some tough financial struggles lately (not uncommon for us, I know) but it has more than any other time in our lives enabled me to dig in deep with the feeling of discontent, impatience, inconvenience, and so on that arise when funds allow only for the most basic of household needs.

{{Before I go on, let me take a moment to apologize for the wordy length of this post. Sorry. Also, you will be rewarded with pictures at the end. But don’t skip ahead just because I told you that, because the content explains the pictures. (gotcha!) }}

I began reading some really excellent financial books that have given me some valuable ideas and resources, but most importantly the validation that living a life of frugality is indeed a freeing and valid choice (however un-American it feels at first!). The topic is exhaustive so I won’t go into all the details, but some resources for me have been primarily Radical Homemakers (my go-to!), Your Money or Your Life, and recently The Scavenger’s Manifesto, Made from Scratch and the Tightwad Gazette (check these out at your library!). There is so much about it that fascinates me as a subject matter and lifestyle choice, as it takes a certain amount of confidence to transcend the idea that voluntary simplicity (and foraging/scavenging/bartering/waiting/and often going without) is a deprived, resource-less, bohemian (though this word might actually be appropriate) life of poverty (or worse – laziness).

I can acutely feel the pressure, on many fronts, to just forget this whole business of living simply and just get a job job, put Ethan in public school, and force myself onto that hamster wheel because what I’m faced with if I do not do so seems too exhausting, lonely, challenging, and doomed-from-the-start. But I have never been one to unquestionably accept the status quot solution without at least researching and utilizing some alternatives that don’t compromise my heart’s values and desires.

To view the lifestyle instead as a challenge in resourcefulness and ingenuity and invention (the daughter of necessity?), a call to radically reject the consumer cycle (as the Scavenger Manifesto calls it, the “Want-Get” mentality) of materialism and waste and the myth of “choices”, and to capitalize on the lack of excess as a catalyst for gaining increased self-sufficiency and experience.

It’s been heavy at times, as I sit with the reality of compulsive choices I have made, the “treats” I wanted to “deserve” over the years and the financial pressures we have incurred both from our own choices or those of the “down economy”. While I have never had what I would have called affluence, often forgoing large things like extra vehicles or a house with more space than I need or vacations or store-bought clothes, I had to recognize that we had made choices with where what little money we had fell between the cracks (where did it go?!) on silly things like convenience food (i.e. “oh, we are going to the library, we’ll stop and grab bagels first”), expensive cheeses (next I need to learn how to be a foodie on a budget!), library fines, shipping fees, so on.

Our plan to move to Columbia and for Chris to take this flexible, enjoyable, sustainably-minded, locally-owned job was a calculated risk and I am in no way making it work without flaws just 4 weeks into this venture… *yet*. For our entire marriage I have worked (I’ve held a job since I was 14, for that matter), I financed over 90% of my private-education undergrad degree with grants/scholarships and work credits, and since having children I have been the main earner generating income from my own at-home business. Yet, for a variety of reasons I have shared in the past on this blog, we have been taking steps to switch these roles for sometime now, as continuing down that path left me stressed, strapped, unorganized, unhappy, and unable to homeschool. So I knew there would be sacrifices, but the idea that I could creatively figure this out was incredibly motivating for me and continues to be as I think of new ways to live and think about the choices we can make to realize this “dream” of living simply, learning more, feeling more enriched and fulfilled by a life of time and resources to live generously — while making as a household income less than we have EVER earned before, even while in college.

So rather than recount the unexpected bills and financial upsets to our last 4 weeks (though there have indeed been those too!), I want to move on to the fun stuff, the things that I am finding just slap-knee exciting about learning to be a tight-wad!

First of all, I think being frugal is a lot easier if you live amongst other frugals; in community with swappers, food growers, barterers, pickers, foragers, forgoers, and coupon-clippers. It kinda validates the lifestyle, which is definitely counter-cultural otherwise. I think these folks exist just about everywhere, you just gotta find them — and be willing to be their equal.

Secondly, there are a lot of hidden perks to being frugal that, if you can let go of the concept of “Want-Get” mentality, are pretty rad. Clothing swaps with stylishly-dressed donators are fun and easy. Garage sales and “free bins” amaze me. Bartering goods and services is highly effective. Learning a new skill so you don’t have to pay some one to do it for you is way more satisfying. Paying only a quarter of your previous monthly vehicle gasoline budget when every one on the news is lamenting the climbing gas prices is reassuring. Having even just a few bucks left over at the end of the week, rather than going into more debt, is rewarding. Learning to wait for something you would have just ran out to get as soon as you “needed” it, like a washer/bike/freezer/radio/whatever until you have saved for it and found the right deal (hopefully free!) fosters a feeling of contentment and relaxation, a mindfulness about accumulating goods. Keeping track of receipts, organizing bills, and forgoing “treats” is, well, it’s growing up, (and it also reducing a BUTTLOAD of anxiety at the end of a pay cycle! who knew? )

I will be posting again a weekly series I call Simple Pleasures – a record of things that were bartered, gifted, thrifted, made, grown, saved for, or given away that brought pleasure to my life each week:

Things like…

A family walk to the public library (which boasts NO limits and NO late fees!), where we forage for edible dandelions and violets, sight a groundhog, and work off belly fat – who needs a gym membership when you have legs?!). Our ten dollar weekly budget that gets us 2 gallons of raw milk and 2 pints of raw cream (homemade cream cheese!) every Monday on our neighbor’s doorstep. The bags FULL of amazing books, music and documentaries we bring back from the library. The free use of internet around town. The free movies we rent for family movie night at 9th Street Video because Chris works at Uprise. The free (local) coffee both Chris and I get from Uprise while renting the free movies at 9th street, on our way to getting the free books from the library. The knitted gifts to trade for babysitting. The free movie tickets on our date night and the $5 (total) we spent for the organic wine and beer we enjoyed while watching the movie. The outings of packed lunches at the park and nature trails just outside the city. The Easter baskets filled with sprouted wheat grass (seeds a gift from a friend) and sales on the organic bulk bin candy which filled saved egg shells from breakfast. The downright gourmet meals that can be made with a friends’ surplus garden grub and bulk natural foods from Azure Standard. The upcoming “Columbia’s Really Really Free Market” and the free backyard chicken processing workshop I will attend in the coming weeks (bringing home the bird for dinner!). The fishing I will take up this summer to catch a good supply of trout and the harvest I will reap and keep from my garden beds, whose compost was generously gifted to us in exchange for a half dozen of our chicken eggs and the tomato and pepper starts donated to us from the local urban farms surplus, (thank you Luke!)

… you get the idea. SIMPLE pleasures that offset some of the difficulties we have faced, and brought meaning and blessing to my life in often surprising ways.

It’s really quite fun to get even crazier!

This little home economics notebook from 1917 that I found at a thrift store was really inspiring. I’m fascinated with homemakers of the bygone era, who made due with as little as 1,200 yearly salary. Had to take a picture (but not buy! lol)

A virtually free (did have to spend a little money on the sweets), hand-made Easter tradition…

Easter brunch of whatever is on hand – quail eggs (a gift from sweet friend Natalie), fruit, plain yogurt with raw honey…

A simple park outing can be entertaining, fun, and even a bit of a break… at no cost at all!

Who needs a mall playground (without actually intending it, we haven’t stepped foot in a shopping mall in over 2 years and counting!) when you have nature trails, dandelions to blow, rocks to throw in a creek, and bridges to run across?!

I typically walk out of the library with armloads of books, as there are no limits, no late fees, and a great selection. This week’s focus was homeschooling resources…

Free meals during his shift, Chris enjoys free freshly made artisan sandwiches with locally raised meat sources, along with a glass of organic beer, 5-6 times per week. I have been impressed with how this has reduced the amount of groceries we go through each week! (gosh, his job sure sounds terrible, doesn’t it? )

Family dance jams are a nice way to pass the time…

Foraged edibles from the front yard – violets, dandelion flowers and leaves – beautiful, free nourishment

Diggin in dirt rarely gets old… finding worms, black beetles, grubs and cicada’s is just too fun!

“new” used books from the library used book sale

Tire swings from the tires just replaced on the car – endless hours of entertainment (I’ve lovingly nicknamed this swing Jenna the Babysitter)

This old suitcase ($1) and milk glass saucer (.25) from the end of a garage sale now serves as my undergarment storage and homemade salad dressing dispenser (respectively)

Big pile of great Spring sweaters (free from a clothing swap)

$1 garage sale vintage lamp base that just whispers my name…

Doll clothes found in a “free” basket!

A frugal “pantry” of bulk foods, collected eggs, and home brews…

A vintage typewriter for my prose (free in exchange for me learning to tinker with it and get a new ribbon)

So often in life, the things I thought were downright rotten no good luck, indeed clouds of curse following me around my days, turned out to be – as if by some Great Planner – small redirections that probably kept me from worse blunders ahead.

I won’t share the whole fiasco today involving my car and a moment of OHMYGOD-it’s-dead, followed by my OH-DUH-I’m-just-out-of-gas realization after I had dramatized the situation and shed some tears and all that embarrassing stuff. We’ll just leave it at that.

Suffice it to say, I seem to be hitting the same road signs again and again lately (wait, am I going in circles?!), and most of them go something like, “CHILL OUT. TRUST ME. I HAVE A PLAN!”

But I digress.

In other news, we welcomed 4 new members (1 is hiding in the other corner in the photo below) to our urban homestead today, and I can’t say enough about how cute, cute, CUTE these little gals (hopefully!) are! Ethan summed it best when he said, “Oh my gosh, I don’t know but every time I look at them it’s like I’m going to cry because they are just so cute!”

Meet…

Stormy, the barred rock chick, smallest of the quartet, who is spunky, loud and dodges being held like the plague. Her eggs will be brown, similar to our current laying hens, Magic and Daffodil (a Rhode Island Red and Gold-Sex Link, respectively).

Nutmeg, who narrowly escaped the hatchery box to head home with our lot when Chris chimed in that this was his favorite and we kicked out a cute little copper-colored one to make room for this little speckled Americauna. All I can say after careful observation is that Nutmeg is a good eater. I’m not surprised her and Chris felt a connection.

Lulla, another Americauna whose coloring looks slightly like Nutmeg, but with unmistakable chipmunk-like markings rather than speckles (at least thus far, on her chick down – the eventual adult feathers could be quite different!). Ethan named her Lullaby, which we shortened to Lulla. She is robust and docile and seems to mind her own business.

And lastly, my personal fav, is Celeste, a little fluffy angelic cream-colored Americauna with nice green hues to her legs (a sign of good “easter egg” blueish/green eggs which are the signature of Americauna’s, like Nutmeg and Lulla as well). She happens to be the biggest (or just fluffiest) of the bunch and is quiet, sleepy, and seems to not mind being held in the least. She falls asleep in your palm almost immediately. I’ve seen her prance around and eat her fill, but her general demeanor is calm and chill.

I just love chick-raising time of year. This is the 3rd time we’ve brooded chicks and it’s beginning to feel like an annual rite of passage in April. I love watching them, so little for such a very short amount of time, as they provide endless entertainment. Soon they’ll be sprouting larger, darker feathers and looking all gaggly like awkward teenagers and attempting to fly out of their brooding box.

I am crossing my fingers that this group continues down an all-female path (roosters are a no-go in city limits). And I can’t wait, CANNOT WAIT I TELL YOU, for the day that I reach into the nest box and pull out a colorful selection of brown and easter-blue eggs!

I have a special affinity for easter eggers (Americauna’s or Araucana’s). Last month I purchased a dozen eggs at the co-op from a local farm, that upon opening I was enthralled to find every single one a various shade of creamy blue and green hues! I waited a week before cracking them because they were so beautiful. And the yolk is always extra yellow, making scrambled eggs look sort of neon! Even after eating them, I saved a few shells to make some dear friends some beeswax egg candles:

Other than bringing home baby chicks today, I’m happy to report that we got our bazillion loads of laundry done at the laundry mat yesterday (no more fights with the drying lines – for now), and we spent a few hard-working hours in the sun yesterday putting up the chicken run. We clipped the hens wings (they’re rockin’ flyers, but they need to stay lower and confined to their run, for our neighboring yard is full of dogs) and made an area for the compost heap and hanging feeder, as well as a new nesting box made of a storage tote with a hole cut out of the lid (non-wood means less worry about mites). We also recycled one of our used tires as a dusting box for the hens (nice size and the “lip” on the top helps them bathe without kicking up too much dust into their face). They were flippin’ out to have a sunny day to throw a new bag of sand around and scratch up a newly forming pile of winter leaves and rotting kitchen scraps. Seriously, who needs TV when you have these critters to watch?!

Ethan is ever enjoying his new mama-made hoola hoop:

Ver sporting her mama-knitted “spring” cap:

And enjoying the tree swing immensely:

Spring has sprung in our yard with a lone yellow tulip:

Ethan finding himself a bright palette of Springtime colors in his watercoloring:

I snagged the best swing jumping photo ever, of Luke and Natalie our Columbia friendies, at our picnic last Sunday at Lake Stephens Park:

Pots of coffee are now brewed in this old stainless steel percolator that I snatched up for 20 bucks at a resale store several years ago and just recently decided to put to good use. Still works great! (and check out the lovely jar of raw cream from a local pastured dairy farm – just $1.75!)

Another highlight this week was a rare seafood dinner (seafood is a little pricey when you are landlocked as we are here); I scored some wild caught salmon (frozen, but beggers can’t be choosers, eh?) on major sale, so this evening the kids and I feasted on blood oranges and rosemary salmon fillets with amaranth and steamed edamame to compliment.

So that’s the newsy news. I am going back to my books and raw milk maple steamer, while listening to the sound of wittle bitty chirps float through the air…