Category — Etc

Enjoy the week in pictures:
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This morning welcomed us as most do: a preschooler ready to up and at’um while I toss pillows at him to go back to sleep (ooooorrrrrrrr chase him to his room, endure his upset crying, raise my voice, wake up the whole house, try miserably to get back to sleep, etc etc etc).

Finally we rolled out of bed (after we gave up and invited him into ours) and found a tad burst of energy (okay, maybe it was the coffee) to make pancakes, pick up the house, watch a little news, and get through a few more small boxes. We all had long-awaited appointments with “Mama the Beautician”, too. Lil’ E was first in line for a short haircut, followed by Mama (me, in case that wasn’t obvious) who treated herself to a warm shower and subsequent lathering of lavender almond oil with freshly painted toenails. Last came Hubby; haircut as well.

I’m looking at those dark red little toenails now and assuming this day will be the last I can reach them until my hiccuping Verity vacates the premises. I can hardly believe I’ve got about a month to go- it seems only a month ago I found out I was expecting again.

Though the beginning of this journey (pregnancy) was very difficult, and still is in a number of ways, I am slowly getting used to the idea– (I even purchased my first item for her this weekend- a sweet little homemade vintage-style jumper dress for 8 bucks at Vintage on Hawthorne — I smile every time I see it and can’t bring myself to fold it up and put it in her drawers yet). I am also so grateful for a healthy body that strongly carries babies to fruition. Maybe that sounds weird, but its true. Even when things are difficult otherwise, I do have much thankfulness and confidence in my body’s abilities when it comes to things like this. I feel, on the whole, capable, well-nourished, and balanced — despite fatigue, hormonal and emotional ups and downs, life stressors and spiritual dryness. Maybe the hot shower, lavender oil, and fresh home-brewed Kombucha has set me into the “my body ROCKS” mentality, but I really am grateful for all it has given me, and of course to God for the blessing. I love how the less I mess with my body, the better it is. For example, I’ve seen a clinic/hospital medical doctor probably less than 5 times in 20 years (I assume I went more in my early years for shots and stuff, but since then it’s been almost nil). I believe in listening to my body and giving it the time and nourishment to heal itself from ailments I have grown a lot stronger. I used to think I was so odd because my dad never took me “in” for antibiotics or check-ups like most of my friends did several times a year. Now I am SO grateful, because that gave me the opportunity to learn to deal with the causes rather than the symptoms, allowing me to heal from the inside out. Though I fail all the time with regards to nutritional and physical neglect, time and again my body responds to gentle aids and preventative lifestyle changes so well, and I feel more healthy this year than any year prior in my life.

What I’m getting at is this: I trust my body with this pregnancy, and with the upcoming labor. I know that God has His hands on me, bringing life into the world in the most miraculous way (not only in the astounding universal physical way, but in our own unique story as a recovering couple and my journey during this pregnancy- with depression, anger, fear, acceptance, forgiveness, boundaries, rest, simplicity, humility, homesickness, helplessness, miracles, surrender, on and on and on! Phew- it’s been a pretty darn exhausting detox!).

Right now, my vision for this birth is one of acceptance. I accept the timing of labor, calling it neither “early” “on time” or “late”. I accept the labor experience, whether an ideal homebirth or not – even a c-section. I just accept it. My natural tendency is to control my situations, to dread the possible outcomes and anticipate my disappointment – all pretty prideful, actually. While I have a hope for the birth, I remember that I am not the scriptwriter for my life, or anyone elses — including my children or husband. 7 years ago, my hopes and ideals for my marriage were so very far from the reality of the experience I have had — and yet, all is well. My hopes and ideals for my son’s life and myself as a mother have also proved to be an experience I was completely unprepared to handle – but all is well there too.

It’s fairly accurate to say that I used to think as through I was the artist of my life, painting out what the finished work should look like (while carefully protecting myself from mistakes). My “masterpiece” was quite a mess, wasn’t it? All those colors kinda became that brownish-gray that comes from the frantic pursuit to correct the “wrongs” and the canvas was soaked and overworked. How much more delightful it is to sit back and watch the real Master at work and accept the patterns and movements as part of His plan.

I have so enjoyed some sweet conversations with friends – fellow mothers – these last few days, and some great laughter too. My heart is filled with gratitude for being able to release through story-telling, confessions, and concern for others as well. I hope to enter the week ahead with a wiser head on my shoulders, with less victim-thinking and more surrender. I hope to step out of my self-condemnation and into true repentance; to get a bit further passed the hang ups of my failures and allow myself to receive the grace of a loving Father.

Sure, I also hope to get some days to sleep in – some mornings to wake up to peace rather than annoyance. But what I really desire is to wake up to ANYTHING and still be able to say, it is well.

Things move all the time. All around; within, without.

Anger to forgiveness, hurt to reconciliation, control to surrender, concern to trust, fear to freedom, isolation to being known, judgment to compassion, idealism to practice, sickness to healing, fatigue to rest, false security to reckless abandon. All towards — and often back again at some point.

And so I have moved …

Moved from one residency to another.

Moved from privacy and independence towards community.

Moved from “pregnant” to “oh-my-god-I’m-dilating-so-now-this-sh*ts-for-realz”.

Moved from traditional bed to a cotton futon on the floor which hurt like a mother until I added a 3″ natural latex topper with a 1″ sheepskin on top. Mucho mejor!

Moved from an aunt of two nieces to an aunt of 3 (congrats Rachel!)

Moved inside out by life. Wearing soft flesh outside of raw skin, puzzling and pondering the hours that pass, the changes that occur, the paradigm shifts… very distracting, all this moving.

I wish I could upload pictures but I’m at a coffee shop getting a bit of wifi:
The weather is so nice today. After a looong weekend of moving in the rain, and being sick and pregnant too, I can’t tell you how nice it was to wake up this morning with the sun shining, collect the happy chicken’s eggs, fold some laundry, open the windows… ahhhh… nice isn’t even the right word – it’s FANTASTIC!
More soon, when I can get some pictures on here!

…you would see:

• an expectant mama who can’t bend over her pregnant belly without doing something resembling the squats with a hookie-pokie-and-ya-turn-yourself-around.
• a face that is raw and tired from incessant nose blowing for 3 days (and not sleeping because her and her Hubby sneeze/blow/cough all night long)
• hair that has not come out of it’s rubber band pony tail in 4-5 days (I swear, there’s a female under this mess SOMEWHERE)
• house that is full of scattered packing projects and chaos, dishes in sink, leftovers on stove, oversoaked soaked beans on counter, etc
• laptop that has visited craigslist in the last few days WAY more times than should ever be considered normal
• a mother who has no idea what happened to her normally sweet, energetic boy who has become an attention starved, out of control child a few hours each day to blow off steam
• a wife who makes her Hubby pack boxes and make trips back and forth to new place, despite that he is sick and couldn’t even work these last two days (hey, love is sacrificial! — and I LOVE you too, baby!)
• a cat who wonders why the heck he keeps getting put in the crate while the big wide open door taunts him to come out and play

in a nutshell: an exhausted – yet truly content – slightly ill – pleasantly pooped family!!!
We spend our first night at the new place tomorrow, if all goes well. Finish up moving on Sunday after church, come back next week to clean and paint (back to work for both of us too). Will write again when we get our head above water!

Well, it might have taken the last grueling 9 hours to complete 6 craigslist postings and e-file my taxes, with a major sinus cold coming on and a preschooler who would JUST NOT QUIT!

BUT! I must have been way off with my paperwork when I first figured out my taxes. If there are no mistakes, our refund (direct deposit within 2 weeks!), is supposed to be nearly $2,000 more than we thought! I’m hesitant to get excited about this, but it could just mean that we can pay for the rest of this birth (or at least some of it, we are also behind on some bills so we’d have to catch up a bit there too, lol). ANYWAY, 9 hours of doing that will be worth it if that’s truly what we get back! I also sold a few things to craigslisters so we’ve got a little money for a u-haul this weekend if we need to get one. Woot!

Thank you all so much for all the Happy Birthday messages and stuff! This headache is pretty bad so I’ve kinda avoided anything but essentials today, though I plan to work a bit later (yes, you-know-who-you-are, I’ll get to those assignments you’ve sent yesterday and today- I promise! lol)

Ok, I’m going to make some tea now and figure out where my brain is. (P.S. I smell chocolate from the kitchen! Yee haw!)

Lacey shot some good ones while we walked around it yesterday – check them out!

I’ve reworked our budget according to some new figures, including lower rent and some utilities, sharing food and bulk items with our home-sharing family, so on. I am delighted to see our budget starting to look more realistic, and with positive numbers showing up at the end! With a low guess of my monthly income, we should have enough to put a little in a savings account (WHAT? Did she just say SAVINGS? What’s THAT?), a little to give away to those in need, and $350 a month for the birth (if it isn’t all covered by April, I’ll owe another 350 each month until its paid off, so I’m planning for that now).

I think my biggest challenge will be in keeping grocery and food costs down. I currently have our limit (family of 3, one pregnant) at $300 per month. I want to drastically reduce my need for the weekly grocery trip, instead ordering my reoccuring items in bulk from Azure Standard through a local portland parenting group and splitting a large Organics to You bin. I still need weekly items from the grocery store, (milk, eggs, occasional “treat” ) but I read on another blog that when trying to reduce the need for the grocery store trip, limit yourself to $10/per person/ per week, so that you don’t spend more than 50 bucks more than you budget for each month. Our limit will be a little higher than that, but it’s a good place to start.

Cup&Saucer yummies




You know you’re moving when your living room looks like this!

You know you’re having a baby girl when she owns more clothes UNBORN than your 3 year old boy does!

Lacey and I went out to turn in our lease yesterday, had a meal at the Cup and Saucer Cafe on Denver, and walked around the new place a bit, scoping out plans for the yard. There’s an ideal corner for the chickens that we will keep fenced in so they can roam a bit but not get into the veg beds and clothes drying lines. There’s a big ol tree that I can’t wait to rig a tree swing to for the boys. The front yard looks like it might have a great sunny spot for a small square bed for herbs, but we really can’t tell until we move in and see the sunlight throughout the day. A funny moment when both of us stood in front of the house looking up at it like it was one of the 7 great wonders of the world , took a deep breath, and tore ourselves away to get back to the reality of packing and moving and dealing with the “past” before we can move on.

We are starting to think that Hubby and I can have us in boxes/bags by Saturday morning, and the landlord is good with us getting keys then, so if we can get a few guys together and a truck or two, we are hoping to get most of our moving, if not all, done on Saturday. That will give me a week, at least, to get back over here and clean, Hubby can paint the kitchen, etc etc. The sooner we get our current place move-out ready, the sooner we can get back our hefty security deposit, so we are motivated! Yesterday we rolled up carpets, spot cleaned the rugs, replaced a cracked medicine cabinet mirror with a $5 piece found at the Rebuilding Center (holy cow- awesome!), boxed up Ethan and Verity’s clothes, Ethan’s toys, etc. Our room is next – not looking forward to it. Kitchen will be last for me and tv/electronics will be last for Hubby (Friday!).

Pregnancy is going really well, btw. Verity is super duper active, keeps me up at night a lot but mostly its fine. My anemia seems to be doing better, but my leg cramping is worsening. I’m taking cal-mag citrate but its at the point that if I flex my BUTT muscle while sleeping, it will get a charlie horse. (Who knew you could get a charlie horse in your buttocks?!) I know its the last stretch that is the hardest, so I’m very grateful that moving will be underway and finished by the time she is due. I’m excited for my sister, who is due in just two weeks, with her first! I can hardly believe it!

Ta ta for now…

I find…
– my debit card pin number (finally!)
– the 30 christmas letters and cd of pictures from 2007 that never got mailed out
– the order form for Lil’ E’s birth certificate (it’s been floating around for 3.5 years)
– bill statement from that last 8 months or so (we pay everything online – I HATE getting bills in the mail!)
– a pack of batteries
– “Caring for Your Chickens” printed e-book
– many, many, many To-Do lists and assignment instructions for work
– a magazine clipping featuring “how to fold a cloth diaper”
– Lil’ E’s immunization card from the hospital when he was born (shot nazi’s!) that I got out for him to start preschool, which he never did. (later began “playschool” – no immunization records asked of me)
– A picture of Hubby and I when we were engaged, about a week before we got married. I feel kinda sad/triggered by this.
– A picture of Hubby and I, one year married, at the mall on Santa’s lap with our little Chihuahua dog, Chica. Also a bit of a trigger.
– A picture of Hubby and I with our 5 month old son in front of the Christmas tree. Another trigger.
– Our wedding VHS (2002). (Pretty much anything relating to our relationship prior to 8 months ago is a trigger for me still. I call things a trigger that give me a bit of anxiety in my heart and my stomach flip/flops a bit and my eyes glaze over… that kinda thing.)

Now that the pile is separated into “trash”, “to file”, “to pay”, “office supplies”, etc piles, I am exhausted and wonder why I started this project… 15 minutes ago! (I know, what a lazy bum!)

Sitting down for a coffee break now.

This day would have had wayyyyy more scores on the things-not-working-out list had it not been for you three!

People’s- For having the fabulous little co-op in SE Portland from which I can buy local, organic groceries at prices often allowing my moolah to ALSO be sustainable. And for the little shopping carts so Lil’ E can help me shop, and for the kids corner when he doesn’t want to. For the locally made nutritional yeast (score! it’s delish) and for .99 cent/lb local/organic apples and navel oranges. For carrying local raw goat’s milk. And bulk bees wax for 6.49/lb. I could go on.

Bella Stella- for the great resale clothes, slings, and more, but more importantly, today, for showing me up to a room full of large boxes and telling me to have AS MANY AS I CAN CARRY! After getting lost driving around in b.f.e. outer SE Portland to get boxes that were no longer there, I could have KISSED you!

Tiny’s Coffee – For the kombucha and veggie sandwich on wheat that sustained me while I ran around running errands on a chilly, windy day.

These establishments DESERVE the support of us Portlander’s! Bravo.

Because so many keep askin!
These are from the ad, but I am also showing the sideview from google maps because the straight on street view makes it look teeny. It’s small, but not THAT small