My last post might have been a little premature. Because, well… I think I’m falling in love – with Fayetteville!

So yesterday, following a tip from my future landlord, we headed out to downtown Prairie Grove. Here we come across the best vintage flea market I have personally ever seen. Oh my. Ohhhh… my. I picked up some locally made lye soap, some hook rugs, a skin rug, local wool yarn for a knitting project, a step ladder for the kitchen, and then I look ahead and THERE. IT. WAS. :: Here I found my dream dining room table.-It is a looooong (12-15 seater) and thin wood table painted and distressed in a light blue/teal color. I mean, ya’ll – it is the table I have dreamed about for years. Once I pick up cheap, odd chairs I can’t live without at garage sales, and top with vases and buckets of fresh plants and candles, this table will complete a vision I have held for some time. It’s ideal for the long hardwood dining room, with bright orange walls and large old windows… ahhhhhh. Daisies and Olives has found a fan in me!!!

So today, again on the tip of my future landlord, we went down to N. Block St. It was like I stepped onto N. Denver in Portland, (pre-renovation), but with 5 of the best stores from Hawthorne and Alberta on it.

First up – the knit store! Yay! A local knit shop with open knit nights on Thursdays and a Pub Knit Night every other Tuesday at the bar next door. Cocktails and knitting – um, what? I’m SO there.

Next: Cross the street and walk into a local bead shop but with some funky hippie bags, clothes, incense, so on. I got a mustard yellow dread sized bead for .75 cents and met the owner – who happens to say, “You aren’t the family who is looking at a house my friend So and So is renting, are you?” Yep! That’s us! There’s that small town thing again! Turns out this woman has owned the bead shop for something like 18 years now. The place had some seriously cool stuff.

Head next door for lunch at my new favorite place to eat: The Little Bread Company. HUGE fans. My seared tuna sandwich was fantastic, as was my birthday slice of cheesecake. They bake everything fresh each day, in this little funky shop with a great atmostphere. The cashier was from Portland, lol. The owner came over and crouched down at our table and talked to us about all the places we need to check out here, giving me tips on a facebook group for progressive parents of fayetteville, etc. She told us about Terra Tots (cool natural children’s shop), Greenhouse Grille (local, sustainable restaurant), and some coffee shops. One of which is that whole in the wall drive through I told you all about yesterday. This place happens to be like .5 mile from our “future” rental so we decide we must check this out today (more on that coming later)…

But first: next door we enter Good Things Boutique- a shop for local, handmade, recycled, fair trade, etc fashions. Woo hoo! I hit a February sale and snatched up an adorable mustard yellow scarf (what is with me and mustard yellow lately?) with ruffles on the end! Oh, and a locally made feather hair clip – way cute. The owner again talked to me for a long time and gave me all these insider tips on things like food, yoga, etc. It was awesome!

We head out of N. Block to drive through Baba Boudan’s, the coffee shop we keep hearing could be right up our alley. So we’re waiting in the drive through and the young patron comes right out to our window to introduce himself. We tell him its our first time here and he gives us the shmeal: with pride he recounts that this is the first Fayetteville coffee shop ever, that his family has owned it for like 17 years and he began working there when he was 9! He was hilarious. He also tells us they roast their own coffee, about 60 some varieties!, most roasted by his mom! Music to our ears! We order our drinks and were not disappointed – this is the true coffee experience. Baba Boudan’s – who knew?!

From there we stopped into two other new favorites: Handmade and a Seafood Market. At Handmade the patron chats with me, tells me where to find the local leathersmith, tips me off to a great italian restaurant, showcases her new stock of pickled green beans and sends me on my way. But not before hinting to me that I need change the way I am saying things: “You aren’t finding a little bit of Portland in Fayetteville – you are finding Fayetteville in Fayetteville.” I blush. Sorry!

Maudi’s Seafood Market is another gem. Not super impressive upon first entrance, BUT get to talking with Maudi and you know you’re in the right place. The owner expresses her excitement in providing me with environmentally friendly seafood options and we chit chat about the documentary Food, Inc. and the book An Uncertain Peril. She stocked me up on crawfish tails, sushi grade tuna, and nori rolls. She STOPS me from buying pickled ginger from her: “They sent me the kind with Aspartame in it even though I asked them not to – but I can’t let you eat that!” LOL

What an adventure! And what a GREAT birthday! Even in the chilly February of the Ozark foothills, we are turning up rocks and finding treasures.

What impresses me about this town is the community. The owners are so happy to talk to you, to give you pointers, to welcome you. Every one shakes hands, introduces themselves, wants to be on a first name basis. They talk about the economy, the history of their shop, the history of the small city on the whole. They drop names: “Oh, come in for coffee in the mornings and I’ll introduce you to So and So, another mom you’ll LOVE and she can talk your ear off” or “Ask around about So and So, she does yoga classes out of her home and doesn’t charge as much as these other places”. They were all such interesting people and so warm, too.

This is more than a town with a dominate Walmart and chicken farm culture, that’s for sure. And those who are working hard to keep it “funky” are darn proud of it. They don’t want any yuppie Portlanders waltzing in like they know everything about everything (ha!). They take pride in their local roasters, breweries, sustainable farms, and farmers market (which I was told is impressive for a city of this size – I am now REALLY excited about the market that is returning to the city in just over a month). I am so pleased to have met so many local business owners and get a fresh taste of the local flavor – very sweet indeed.

We’ll have to check out that Terra Tots and Greenhouse Grille soon, along with a green building supply store we heard about for environmentally paint so we can get started on making the new rental feel like “home”

I have a feeling we are going to be learning a lot from this town…

Though it is really quite chilly, the sun is out over the Ozarks today my spirit is a little lifted. After a lovely weekend spent with family, cousins running around with Ethan and mulling over plans with trailblazers much wiser than we, we decided to stick around Fayetteville and continue to dig in to what God has in store for us here.

Here’s my recap of the last 4 days and my initial impression of our new location:

First, the bad news. Cons:
1. Coffee shops. There are like… 3? I liked a mayan mocha I got at one place but the ambiance was a bit corporate looking (when compared to the thrift store furnished bungalow coffee shops or trendy mom cafe’s of Portland). Plus, I think I had more coffee shops within 2 miles from my last place as I do within the whole city of Fayetteville. The pastry/food offerings at one place was seriously lacking variety and the scones and breads were really too sweet. The other place, supposedly the trendy one on Dickson St., was actually fairly hoyty towty, with a full liquor bar and lunch menu – it was really more of a restuarant and not a family friendly one at that. Not to mention that our 3 coffee drinks and 3 desserts ran a bill of just under $40! Needless to say, I’m not returning there again! There is one more I need to try, or so I’ve heard. It’s more of a hole in the wall place with a drive through – which could mean is amazing, or terrible, lol. I haven’t come across a tea shop or a knitting store yet, though I’ve heard they exist.

2. Vintage stores. There are a few I still need to check out but they are in surrounding towns. The main one I’ve looked into in Fayetteville is decently priced and had a good assortment of vendors (I got a cute old metal trash can, a throw pillow and a book about edible gardening there for just a few dollars). Rather than one or two decent vintage stores in every neighborhood, there is like one in each city here – which makes it hard for a gal who adores “old” things to refurnish her new home Also, craigslist isn’t being used much here and people NEVER seem to delete postings once something is sold! Arg… Isn’t there a “Craigslist Best Practices” guide somewhere???

3. Food. Well, this isn’t a complete “Con”: I tried one restaurant and I really liked it – The Hog Haus Brewery. I had a good “Moldy Fungus” burger with mushrooms and blue cheese, as well as very tasty sweet potato fries. Decent prices too. They are one of the only (or only?) microbreweries in town and I found a few in the sampler that I really liked. Chris didn’t, though, since he is a Bitters fan and they don’t brew that variety. BUT aside from restaurants I am really shocked at how few natural grocery options there are. There is one, to be exact. And its actually good, I mean for a Co-op it has a good variety (though not so much on meats, from others I have seen) and I certainly would want to support a local co-op so we did join up right away. However, the prices. Oh my. A 5 lb bag of organic apples is over 5 dollars! So, as you can imagine, I’m putting in a VERY big order from Azure Standard next week so I can stock up on stuff for the month (or 6 months!) and reduce my need for expensive apples (they must have seeds made of gold or some hidden toy inside…)

4. Corporate chains. Wow… it’s been a long time since I’ve seen so many corporate chains on one 3 mile stretch of a road. I am grateful that this is balanced with a few “city center” streets that seem to be thriving, with many locally owned restaurants and shops (including a used bookstore or two). If I stick to those streets, I start to feel like I’m in my element again and get inspired by the LIFE that surrounds me.

And now for some good news – Pro’s:
1. Church. We did visit Vintage Fellowship on Sunday and by and large we felt welcomed and among friends. We will continue to check it out and get involved in a small group soon too.

2. Family. It sure is different to have extended family around! This is practically a first for us and so far so good!

3. Sights. We’ve barely begun to get around and view “The Natural State” (aka Arkansas) but some things even on our drive to and from town are really pretty. Being at my aunts, on the top of a hill on a wooded 30?40? acre lot offers us the opportunity to open up the windows on the second floor in the morning and let the sun in, look out over a peaceful setting of rolling hills. We’ve been up close and personal with a family of deers that live in these acres, as well as an armadillo that Chris tried his very hardest to catch. We plan to visit Devil’s Den state park and Wedington Lake state park in the coming weeks for caves, fishing, trail and creek walking…

4. A new rental home. We are pretty certain about a new rental home we found (landlord just needs to get utilities turned on to check that pipes didn’t freeze during a stow storm 2 weeks ago, then we sign). It is an old (100 or more?) craftsman home with original wood floors in 2 of the 3 bedrooms and the long living room/dining room. Many large, original windows with original trim line the living room – lots of light and character. The kitchen is roomy as well, albeit cheaper tile, old original cabinets, and small, outdated appliances (but hey – its just a rental). The main perks to the place is that it does offer a 3rd small bedroom, carpeted, which overlooks the backyard with a large window. It is a perfect office and craft room. The older, big living room is darling and even features an entire wall with built in cabinets and bookshelves on either side of a storage bench/seating area, all built around the street facing window. I can picture afternoons spent on cushions people watching, knitting and reading from that window nook. There is a small, (tiny) front porch too. In the back, there is a fenced backyard that is looooong and holds lots of potential, including a storage shed with shelves, lights and electricity that is ideal for my bulk food storage, as well as an old city ally way on the property that is built up with old mason stones and filled in with topsoil for a long raised garden bed. The landlord is also a perk: a self-proclaimed “old hippie” who gave us the thumbs up on 4 backyard hens, raised vegetable beds in the front and back yard, AND the a-okay if I decide to do a waldorf-inspired playschool from the home as side income. We also get to pick out new paint colors and get to work making the house “ours”. We currently have no pets in this home but something tells me it won’t take long before we do… we are going to give a lot of thought to this, however, since we have family members who suffer dander allergies. Anyway, we’ll know about all of that this week once the pipes are checked and we sign the lease. We’ll likely begin going over there with our stuff from the storage pod next week and begin painting and building the beds, compost, and chicken tractor. Also, the neighborhood looks really darling. It’s pretty much a historic neighborhood – lots of old characteristic homes and the mark of “young families” such as wagons on the front porch, etc. It’s only one mile from Wilson Park and walkable/bikable to Dickson St. The end of our road even has two expensive cutesy antique stores on it. Oh, did I mention that the monthly rent is exactly what we budgeted for? 650 a month! Yay! SO – our plan is to stay in this home until we have saved up more and established good credit again, so that in the coming year or two (or 3?), we will be in a better place to find a more permanent “home” plan.

5. The town. It certainly does have that “where everybody knows your name” Cheers feel. For example, a girl who was in my group at church (they broke us up into groups for a little prayer time) bumped into me the next day at the brewery for lunch. She was so sweet and gave me her card with her contact info. A new friend? Then, when checking out at the Co-op, I discovered that my cashier had just moved to Fayetteville from Portland in December! She told me that while she misses the THINGS in Portland, she likes LIVING here. She also gave me her contact info, as well as a lead on a volvo mechanic her parents swear by named Gary. Well, low and behold, today we purchased a 98 Volvo Wagon and looked up a volvo mechanic in Fayetteville – who pops up but Gary’s Volvo. Ha! THEN, I was asking our new/future landlord about vintage shops and she tells me about a place in Prairie Grove I should check out. I mention that I need to get out that way anyhow, as I had found a family farm on a website that is out that way who cited that they use Weston Price nutrition principles at their farm (i.e. “Nourishing Traditions”). My landlord says, “You aren’t talking about So and So, are you?” YES! The very one. She knew them because she lives in Lincoln and this family has a booth in the Lincoln Farmers Market. She gave me their father’s phone number and said we’d “love them”. It’s just too funny to be in a town small enough for these things to happen, that even towns 45 minutes away, every body seems to know every body. It’s pretty cool.

6. Potential mom friends. I joined a yahoo group for NWA Natural Parenting and already there is a fermentation class in the works, to be more or less demonstrated by Yours Truly. Folks already scramblin’ for my kefir grains and kombucha scobies, lol. In addition, one mom gave me a tip on some local natural whole frozen chickens purchased for a few bucks a pound through the local monastery. AND, one mom posted today asking for some one to split a gallon of raw coconut oil in her next order of Mountain Rose Herbs! What’s so neat about all of that is that knowing such like-minded folks are here is helping me feel more like I am in the right place. It isn’t prolific like it is in Portland, which does make you take it for granted less and work harder to find those “gems” of places and foods to support nearby. It’s valuable to be in new places, to learn new things, to be in a less homogeneous area and stretch your own notions and ideals and bla bla bla. I’m looking forward to the brown grass turning green and for color and life to return to these foothills, though. When I start seeing bulbed flowers, hummingbirds and honeybees, (the world around me all prettied up for Spring), I’m sure things will only get better.

In conclusion: in all of FOUR days we have been here, we have already felt welcomed and a part of this community. We are putting down roots to hold us here awhile, but look forward to visiting friends and family across states in the year to come.

In the meantime, I just might have to open my own coffee shop and bakery to feed my habit

Since my internet connection has been rather spotty tonight, I wasn’t able to get you some pictures of our camping trip due to long uploading times. One of the things I thought about a lot while camping was the way in which intentionally eating well was HARD. Camping, I found out, is considered by many to be like vacation or holidays- as in, no holds bar on crave eating, lol. I had brought only healthy things that for the most part adhered to my “whole foods” diet, (and some creamed raw honey to curb my sweet tooth!), but I still felt at the end of the trip like I was a bit bloated just from the bread for sandwiches, etc. I found people were curious as to why eggs, butter, sausage, etc was okay for me but not things like marshmallows or diet coke or french toast, so I had the opportunity to share how I’m trying to eat to get healthier (losing weight a plus). Aside from what I thought was a pretty healthy diet already, I’m doing more to add nutrient-dense, whole foods and cut, well, the opposite! In addition, I’m going to be using herbal teas to support my vital organs (to clear out and support things like my liver, hoping to also see my skin acne improve).

Anyway, with all the curiosity I decided to post something I had come up with to give me meal plan ideas and so on. It’s an example of what foods would be consumed on an ideal day in my diet. (And I don’t mean diet as in “South Beach” or “Watch Watchers” but in the traditional sense of the word- i.e. “the food I eat”.) I’ve done an okay job with some of these for about a year now, and I’ve gotten more focused about it in the last week or so. This week I plan to be truly intentional because I’m feeling my body saying something like, “I need support; mayday, mayday!”

Example of my ideal diet:

Breakfast:
• 8 oz. homemade raw milk kefir smoothie blended with organic frozen fruit and 1 tbsp of raw unfiltered local honey
• 1 slice of bacon cooked in coconut oil in cast iron skillet, a poached farm-fresh organic egg (yoke unoxidized / runny) on top of a bowl of quinoa and kale, along with a variety of seasonal sautéed veggies(squash, mushrooms, green beans, onion, sweet potato, etc.), sprinkled with nutritional yeast (for a vitamin b complex, etc) and topped with local hot sauce (peppers are anti-inflammatory)
• 6oz. organic fair-trade coffee, 2 tbsp’s whole raw milk

Lunch:

• canned tuna or wild caught salmon (with bones and skin) on salad of leafy greens and veggies, with homemade dressings like EVOO and vinegar, etc
• a fermented cod liver oil supplement – dosage to provide me with at least 20,000 IU vitamin A (needs for nursing women) and comparable vit D support (5-10,000 IU)
• Strong tea of dandelion leaf and root, red clover, red raspberry leaf and nettle (which is a liver, kidney and uterine tonic for hormone balancing and gentle cleansing – as I can’t do a full on liver detox while nursing)

Dinners:

• Stews (bone broth, veggies, pieces of chicken, etc), quinoa bowls (soaked black beans over sautéed kale and quinoa, etc), baked or sautéed meat and veggies (curries!), stuffed peppers, soaked legumes/beans/grains in moderation (quinoa or brown rice, lentils, etc)

Light or In-between meals and desserts:

• a baked sweet potato with skin and butter and raw honey on top
• celery with all natural no sugar peanut butter (ingredients should be peanuts, with or without salt), or raw tahini (almond butter)
• handful of mixed nuts (esp raw almonds)
• stove popped popcorn in coconut oil with nutritional yeast and sea salt (“real salt” brand for minerals)
• steamed edamame in the pod with sea salt
• Occasionally a small baked good, made without refined white flour or sugar.
• Kale chips (kale baked in extra virgin olive oil and sea salt)
• Seasonal variety of fruits and veggies (carrot sticks, sweet bell peppers, cucumber, baked sweet potato “fries”, etc.)
• Fresh, plain whole yogurt with some fruit, cinnamon, and raw unfiltered honey
• raw milk steamer (raw milk warmed on stove with raw honey, cinnamon, cardamon, nutmeg, cloves, fair trade organic powdered cocoa and homemade vanilla extract)



Not allowed:

• sugars– which is in everything from cereals to bars to breads to ketchup to peanut butter these days… (oh, and this includes every type of sweetener except raw honey – and even that can be too much of a good thing — I have to remind myself! lol I have been using Xylitol in small amounts here and there as well, like if I want a touch of sweetness to my coffee)
• refined processed foods (most things that are prepackaged, preprepared, etc fall into this category)
• empty carbs (refined white flour pastas, breads, scones, bagels, fruit juice, yogurts, baked goods, white rice, etc – this stuff WILL mess with your insulin and WILL make you store fat. Period. Tip: If something says “fat free” or “light” on the package, its a good idea to puke on it. Or put it back on the shelf, whatever.)
• trans fats (like hydrogenated vegetable oils) (fast food is a duh)
• foods with soy and corn additives (high fructose corn syrup, soy lecithin, so on)
• basically anything that is not a “whole food” or was not made with strictly whole, natural foods. If you can’t read the ingredients, you are better off not eat it (this includes “healthy” cereals, salad dressings, you name it). Look at nutrition labels and know what you are eating. Bonus: eating whole foods (organic or fresh and local when you can) is NOT more expensive than prepackaged NON-food when you actually look at it pound for pound unit comparison.
• In summation, give your body what it was made to consume. Food. Just food. Kinda easy to remember, heh?

of course, plenty of water is always a good idea as well

To add to my nourishing diet I am hoping to strengthen my body physically. This week I have 3 practice jogs for 30 minutes each before the big race (5k, lol) on Sunday for Race for the Cure. But my goal is to also begin to develop a backyard obstacle course with things like ropes, tires, a soccer ball, orange cones, so on, that I can run through several times a day with Ethan. In addition, I’ll be starting a yoga class.

So if my connection cooperates, I’ll be posting the pics tomorrow, stay tuned!

Is that too harsh of a description of children? Or perhaps too soft? lol

Verity letting me know that she has the hiccups, so PUT DOWN THE DARN CAMERA!

Here is a snapshot of a very common day:

This morning I awoke to my son telling me he went into the trail mix and dumped the whole bag out in his room. I nursed, changed, and dressed Verity, then Ethan sang to her while I got dressed (this is our morning routine). I put her in her moby wrap so I could manage making breakfast for us. I worked a few hours while Ethan ran a circus in my room, pulling off my bedding, dropping rice cake crumbs everywhere, and finding my stash of cough drops so he could incessantly ask me if he could have one while giving his best phony coughing.

At long last, we ventured out to get out of the house, something I TRY to do the middle of each day, be it a homeschooling “field trip”, or storytime at the library, or (since we are on “summer break” from homeschooling while Verity is little) – a simple park adventure.

A coffeehouse called Posies opened around the corner 2 weeks ago that I’ve been excited to try, so we headed there first for some iced tea on this very sunny day. Upon arrival, Ethan’s eyes grew wild and hopeful as he points to a chocolate muffin in the pastry case. Being in good spirits, I make my first mistake. I tell him he can have the muffin if he firsts eats a sandwich: Almond butter, organic jelly, and whole wheat bread- $3! This place is pretty rad! OH- and I should add that they boast a small kids playroom with GLASS WINDOW for viewing your rugrat darling while in the comfort of the semi-quiet, cutesy seating area. Talk about MAMA-FRIENDLY!

What follows is a tale of “I don’t LIKE this!” and “I don’t want to eat the CRUST – EW!” and so on- the rantings of a spoiled 4 year old whose random bouts of pickiness with food hits at the most inopportune times! I repeated 100 times that he needs to finish the darn sandwich, my blood pressure is rising while Verity is not fully sleeping, kinda half crying but not wanting to nurse and Ethan is smearing almond butter across his face and subsequently his forearm to “clean” his face.

Things escalate to me having to take the muffin to go (because I made the mistake of paying for it in the beginning and he is clearly NOT finishing this sandwich!) and Ethan standing on his chair SCREAMING and CRYING that he wants the muffin and “PLEASE DON’T LET DADA EAT MY MUFFIN, THOUGH!!!!” I remain calm on the outside (you know how it is) but take him to the bathroom for some stern reprimanding while I have to literally bite my knuckle to keep from screaming myself. AHHHH! The stress of children. I tell Ethan that I cannot handle him today and we are going home, not to the park as planned. And that we are not leaving this bathroom until he stops crying. (Smooth move, emotion-coaching mom. Note the sarcasm.)

Ethan hangs his head low while we leave the restaurant. He loads himself heavily onto his bike to go home. A woman compliments his “cool bike” and I ask him to say “thank you” but he won’t. I ask him why and he says, “I can’t say thank you right now, I am just TOO sad.”

Okay, my heart is softening at this point. Yes, a minute ago he was screaming at the top of his lungs about a muffin. But now he is my little boy who not only doesn’t get the muffin, he doesn’t get the park either. Okay, okay. I can do this.

At the light, we could turn left to go home, or right to the park. I tell him to go right. When we are literally IN THE PARK, he stops and asks what we are doing there, “I thought we were only going home?!” We talk it out. We talk about him behaving poorly in the restuarant and not always getting what he wants. We talk about me getting too stressed about it in the bathroom and how both of us made mistakes but we can work on it and we can still love each other. He holds my hand and tells me he loves me so much. I feel so proud of him.

We spend two hours at the park, me sitting with Verity under the shade of a big tree. She loves the sounds and sights and just stars off quietly into the blurry space around her. Ethan strips down to his shorts and runs around in the water works, chats up other moms until they have to ignore him- as usual, and rides his bike around the trail in front of me. At some point I cave with the muffin too- we split it under the tree – I weigh the experience of enjoying the muffin with him for the poor nutrition and inconsistent parenting. Oh well. Ya do the best ya can, right?

Back at home, I am typing while he is taking a shower with his toys, he has been in there 45 minutes with some sort of imaginary story and lots and lots of singing going on. I love him. He is so unique, he tries so hard, and we expect so much of him. But he is a really, really awesome kid.

And how lucky am I? I’ve now got another one growing up into a great kid too. As I write, Her Half-pint Highness is sound asleep in her wrap with her mouth hanging open, and I can only imagine all of the mistakes she and I will make with each other and all of the conversations about behaviors and forgiveness we will have.

Okay, I guess I’ll wrap this up since its approaching 1000 words, sheesh.

Verity’s first “cooing” is happening this week.

Last week we were able to secure 3 tickets to FL with some finagling and help from family, so we are FINALLY going to visit my well-missed and well-loved family and friends in January. I am so excited I could pee! (…I guess that doesn’t mean much coming from a pregnant woman.)

The Portland homefront is doing well, tight on $, but well. (We decided to go in the backyard this week to chop the top off a small evergreen because we can’t afford a christmas tree this year, which isn’t the worst thing in the world. Scratch that, we realized we have no saw! ) So far, our backyard has supplied the bulk of our holiday decorating, and its actually really fun! A door swag, a centerpiece, and some stairway garland, pretty cool. Even with our “buy less, love more” desire for Christmas, there’s still this part of me that feels guilty if I don’t have SOMETHING under the tree or in Ethan’s stocking. He has a gift from grandma to open, of course (though we realized its a DVD and we don’t currently own a DVD player! Scratch that- an angel brought us a DVD player ) And I will probably get some oranges in my produce bin that week to put in his stocking. I know its all the same to him, it’s just my own feelings about not getting him some super cool fire truck or something, lol. The good news is that our bills will be paid, and we’ll be going to Florida a few weeks later, so it’s all worth it!

It is somewhat surreal for people of my generation to truly grasp the idea of not having a surplus. We do pray together every night for continued provision, so we can live paycheck to paycheck until we’ve paid our dues, so to speak. Last month, we began to to do a lot more random meals at home, like black beans and rice or lentil stew. Last night, the hearty cuisine was straight from the produce bin: sauteed potatoes, kale, and carrots (you won’t believe how good it actually was! When a 3 year old will eat all of his kale and your husband wonders why there are no “seconds”, you know you’ve scored (or they’re in cohorts to make you think you have!).

It is all very good to do, but boy are there times that I feel like there is a wild animal in me wanting to get to any place with a peppermint mocha or similar “treat”. I figure I’m addicted to three things when that happens: caffeine, sugar, and spending. But I try to stay encouraged here and there for the progresses we have made, such as our dependence on a vehicle. It has been ONE YEAR since we have gone completely carless, using mass transportation, bikes, car-sharing programs, and good ol’ fashioned legs to tote our family of 3 (almost 4!) around the city. It has actually been easier than I thought it would be, esp once we learned to rely less on mass transportation (waiting 20 minutes at night for a bus to take us 1 mile was a pain in the rear, but we did it all the time when we first tried this last year. At this point, we expect to do a LOT more walking, and take the bus less than once a week, which is much better.) There are times I can’t STAND it, like the times about once a month that I miss an appointment or event at church because of our lack of vehicle (which usually is really about our lack of planning or money – for the bus or a zipcar). But when I remember that even with our previous car completely paid off, we saved $2,400 this year on the cost of insurance and gasoline! (That’s a hefty amount in our income bracket!) Imagine getting a 2,400 tax break, would you pass it up? (BTW, Obama- you should provide ENORMOUS incentives in tax breaks for those who have gone carless. I mean, come on!)

The best we can hope for is God’s continued provision for our most basic needs, while honing in the spending, the grocery bill, the frequency of counseling, the frequency of preschool, etc. We know it builds character to pay your bills, pay down your debt, one paycheck at a time, if at all possible. When we do the right thing, it always seems to work out (like selling hubby’s xbox for plane tickets, which was our only dvd player, and then last night the 3 of us got to snuggle under a blanket and watch Charlie Brown christmas special on network television -with our antenna, lol). When times are tough, it usually brings the family together to think of more creative and meaningful things to do together, so I really have a lot to be thankful for.

I will be picking up my last small paycheck today until after the New Year, so I only expect it to get even more bleak as the holidays approach, but I trust that it will work out. Can’t you tell I’m being very optimistic?! (All that counseling is paying off, LOL)

Adios for now -

Despite the ugly remarks I read on facebook this morning from a few conservative christians who, unfortunately, refuse to recognize the kingdom of God is alive and strong regardless of their disappointment in a democratic president elect- I am smiling this morning.

I want to be careful here. I know not every one was hoping for an Obama presidency. Some were downright praying that things would specifically go the other way- (I picture God chuckling a bit at all those well-intentioned prayers! Oh me, oh my.) I hope that those who didn’t favor Obama will be able to move passed their disappointment and join the rest of American’s in hoping for a better future, in supporting and praying for the safety and guidance of our newly elected officials, from the sheriffs to the president. (Hold him to his promise for change – join the petition here!)

As my bff reminds me, and as Derek Webb sings, there will never be a Savior on capital hill. Neither Obama nor McCain rode white horses during this election, (thank goodness!). It is God who has the whole world in His hands, and while those facebookers I spoke of might be filled with dread and fear, I am filled with hope and peace that the message of Christ – the real gospel of good news to the oppressed, to the minorities, to the wealthy and greedy, to those clinging to a religion that has been decaying under the diminishing (if not long gone) modern era and the so called “religious right” of domineering agendas, to the countries around the world who have grown to despise us under the current presidency, – that true message of the Bible, of love, justice, peace and giving will thrive and flourish under the new one.

Will mistakes be made? Most certainly – no matter who was elected last night. But we have the chance now to begin to correct some of the policies that have damaged us in the past. My prayer now is for this country to move forward under new leadership. Today is a new day.

Now I’m going to finish a cup of “holiday blend” coffee and get to work, which will top off my happy morning so superbly that my toes feel as though they might sing jingle bells!

Oh- I forgot to mention – I am going away this weekend on a Women’s Beach Retreat with other Evergreen (church) ladies! I am doing breakfast on Sat. morning, bringing my french press and grinder, my book for book club (Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe), some chick flicks and board games! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Props to you Florida voters! You’ve amazed me!

I think it’s commonly assumed that “going green” will cost more — in cleaning products, wooden toys, organic foods, bio-diesel for the car and alternative energy electric bills! I’ve even been told that to stay on a budget, I should skip organic produce for awhile. (Maybe I’m just being picky, but I just don’t have a keen interest in chemical laced foods…)

Well, there are a few ways to go green without dishing out the extra dough for specialty “green” products and services, including:

• cleaning the house the old fashioned way (hydrogen peroxide, vinegar, baking soda, borax, etc – with cleaning towels and an regular ol’ mop),
• using cloth napkins instead of paper towels,
• buying natural, wooden toys used (or on extreme sale)
• joining an organic farm co-op or grow some of them yourself
• use a car-sharing program, mass transit, carpool, or walk and bike when possible.

I shared last week how tight our budget has been and how my grocery bill tends to be a little higher than I’d like. Well a sweet friend brought my attention to these local workshops regarding living a sustainable life on a budget! This lady has managed to feed a family of 4 on only $65 a week and has eliminated her trip to the grocery store all together, which is really quite impressive when you add that she does so while feeding them all organic, natural, sustainable foods. I hope to take the introductory class with some girlfriends and begin to reduce my grocery bill. If I could manage to spend only $60 a week, it would be a savings of $150 a month, which could go towards debt/savings/health care. I also can’t wait to learn more about canning, since our yard last year was literally SQUISHY with cherries, figs and apples while we wondered what to do with it all! If I get to one of these workshops, I’ll definitely report back with any great tips I learn.

In the meantime, we have been a lot more cautious of where our money is going, particularly if we are out as a family for the day. For example, we normally go to lunch of some sort on Sundays after church, and often this bill is anywhere between $15-30 bucks! This week we went to Cha Cha Cha’s and split a huge grilled veggie burrito, and chips and salsa, and waters between the three of us, for a grand total bill of $5.50, and it was plenty to hold us over until we got home for snacks later in the afternoon. (I wonder just how much that annoyed our waiter, lol!).

And I’m out of creamer for my coffee as of yesterday, but instead of going out to get creamer, I’m just switching to tea for awhile, lol. Baby steps, baby steps…

Hubby forgot to wake me up at the butt crack of dawn today, so I enjoyed a little extra sleep and leisurely began my day (as usual). It’s not often I have to do anything at any certain time, and I think I function best that way. Working from home, and as an independent contractor, I do enjoy certain pleasures when it comes to flexibility. While 15 hour work days alternated between nothing to do for 2 days can be frustrating, I really can’t complain. I get to sleep in a bit if I want to, get up and make coffee, go let the chickens out and enjoy some fresh air for a few minutes in the morning. I can start my work day at 7am, or noon, or 8pm, whatever works best for me on that particular day. If I really wanted to, I could pull extra hours one week and the next only work a couple of days.

It’s a luxury that I can’t imagine living without, particularly as the primary caregiver for a 3 year old. My hope is that I’ll be able to work at least half-time for myself within 5 years, to be able to apply all that I am learning to advance other people and companies’ businesses to my own ventures. There’s really no work you can apply as much passion to as your own dreams.

Today’s morning coffee is from Trader Joe’s (can’t always afford Stumptown, darn it), a fair-trade organic whole bean from Nicaragua, ground this morning and brewed in my french press. Soy creamer and turbinado always top off my caffeine fix. Lil’ E and I both enjoy a bowl of Kashi cereal and rice milk for breakfast. He usually eats a lot more than me, devouring at least one fruit, a handful of baby carrots, etc etc by mid-morning. I, on the other hand, nibble on a few things I’m feeding him but don’t have another meal until dinner. I also usually eat after he goes to bed, a snack and maybe a glass of wine.

Today’s work agenda proves to be a typical Monday- one which begins around noon and ends around 11pm. I’ve got a newsletter html site to reformat, a portal page and recipe page to create, and a 100+ slides PowerPoint presentation to finish. I’ll take a break around the time Hubby comes home, hopefully take Lil’ E to the park for some good ol’ large-motor movement, likely Frisbee. Until then, Lil’ E will occupy himself with a DVD from the library, some free play with his toys while we listen to music, and an art project I’m going to set up for him with some tracing and cutting exercises. I have no idea, as usual, what I’ll cook for dinner until about 5pm, when I wander into the kitchen and see what I can come up with. After awhile the chickens will go back in their coop for the evening, Lil’ E will bathe and have stories and songs and then be tucked in around 7-7:30pm (probably Hubby’s job tonight, with my workload). I’ll continue to work and finish my day with a shower and crawl into bed, likely around midnight.

So, that’s it, a little snapshot into a very typical Monday for me. If I were to create a pie chart of how I divvy up my time, days like this are a little skewed towards work. But then some days I only work 2 hours, so it kinda all evens out in the end.

Things will be changing soon, when I begin child-swapping TWO days a week at the start of June. I hope that giving myself three days to get all my hours in for the entire week will help me consolidate my time and allow Lil’ E four days of more activities, and a playmate to boot. If I can reclaim most of my late evenings and my weekends in order to spend more quality time in relationships, it will be a huge blessing.

Muy interesante, si?

Dear Diary,

8:45am: I woke up later than I wanted to, for I had to be at work by 10 am which is like SO early for a WAHM to be decently dressed and walking 1/2 mile to pick up the #4 to downtown, ready to pull off my first ever Podcasting experience. It was all the windows fault. There was too much light coming in last night and I couldn’t sleep. So I did what all of us po’ folk do- I grab the nearest blanket I could live without and stuffed it up around the top of the mini-blinds so as to create makeshift drapes. That was about midnight or so, I suppose. So in the morning, when I normally get up by at least 7:30, it was nice and dark and quiet (just so happens Lil’ E ALSO slept in … thankyoujesus.)

9:15am: Catch the #6 instead so I can make a stop at the Starbucks for a quick po’ folk 8 oz. coffee, then catch the MAX from the convention center into downtown. Wait for the MAX for what felt like forever, coffee already cold, and a few sightings of snowflakes. It was a very rainy day and I was cute dumb enough to wear little gray ballet looking slip-ons. Real good, Viv, real good.

9:59am: Arrive to the office with one minute to spare, having bounded through the rain and puddles downtown with my purse and digital camcorder on my shoulders and my laptop case trailing behind me on wheels. Office is still dark and locked up- I’ve beat the boss! Dang I’m good.

10:20am: Call my boss. Realize I missed the e-mail that he wasn’t going to be in until after 11am.

10:45am: Finally get my STUPID VISTA OPERATING SYSTEM to connect to the unsecured network of the ground floor’s coffee shop to plug in to work and enjoy some HOT tea while I wait.

11:45am – 3:00pm: Podcasting 101.

3:00pm: Dismissed from work but its pouring. Sit down at the coffee shop once again and have my lunch- I’m told the “Stinky Hippie” is a soy chai latte. “Ah, that’s a wholesome po’ folk lunch”, I think. I order. I taste. Nope, this is a soy latte. No Chai. (You know, if you can’t get a drink right, how about try NOT naming it things like, oh I don’t know, STINKY HIPPIE, when all it is is a soy chai. Might that clear up some confusion? Just a thought.) But I am really a-okay with soy latte’s so I drink anyway. I forget about my problem of espresso on an empty stomach. (And no, I’m not referring to the BM’s… that is not to say this isn’t also a problem, but for now I simply mean the shaky hands and queasy stomach feeling.)

3:45pm: Waiting for MAX again. Once on, I must decide which way to turn my nose… to my right is a man in black leather with a long gray beard who smells something awful of cigarette’s, while periodically laughing at himself for no reason in particularly. To my left: a fairly normal looking, just-over-the-hill-aged man who must have a cat hoarding problem; he smells like PAH-IS! Naturally, I pick the powerfully odored urine man with the slightly less creepy disposition.

4:00pm: Getting more nauseous from the urine smell and praying I don’t pass out completely. Some one has got to guard my purse, digital camcorder and laptop.

4:15pm: Home again, home again, clickity clack.

5:00pm: We needs diapers, eggs and yogurt. What does a car-less family do in such circumstances? Layer up, walk the mile to the grocery store. Dark outside? Raining? Cold? Minor insignificant details. We are tough cookies, yes we are.

6:00pm: Eating a po’ man’s dinner for a family of 3 with no time to prepare a meal: Cheesy bread – $2.99 (an actual pizza is too expensive). Family dinner? Priceless.

6:45pm: Lil’ E to bed. I tried to think of something witty for this one but I’m at a loss.

7:30pm: Yoga night!

8:30pm: Ouch! The Scorpion. I point out to the yoga instructor, “this is the type of stuff they do on the magazine covers”; Little ol’ noobie Vivian cannot do this. But try, little engine, try. Does any one know about this stuff? Why is it that from this position on I have had some crazy lower back feelings of an almost maternal nature? Some powerful mothering feelings, almost like some deep seated tension from carrying a belly with a hyper-extended back for 9.5 months. Who knows.

9:30pm: My new hobby of skyping (and I’ll have to blog about that another time!) with my best friend for several hours, where I get to practice all of my comedic lines to blog about later. If they fly on her, they are in.

12:00am: Shower. Lay down in bed. The whole room is a-quiver with Hubby’s snoring- his body a 215 pound subwoofer.

12:20am: Up again. Grab some rice milk and cookie dough and start blogging.

12:30am: Dang this cookie dough is da bomb diggity. And 70% organic ingredients too!

Yep, that’s right ya’ll: Organic Fat. Only the best fat for this ass.

(Chat-practiced that line too. Might copyright it, whatcha think?)

For the record, no, this is not my typical diet!

That’s what life feels like for me lately. It seems I should be a little further along sometimes, having gotten my “edumacation”, being married for nearly 5 years, a mommy for 2+pregnancy, working, bla bla bla- those should surely qualify me for a self-titled “intermediate”, right? Instead I feel in so many ways as though life has just begun. As though my lungs are crushing with the weight of my first breath of oxygen: I know nothing.

Yep, the lovely twenties, full blown in effect.

One of my many humble philosophies on life is sort of a “mind over matter” one- with regards to vices, depression, stress, so forth. Though I must have a zillion crutches that I don’t even think about or consider them as such, the ones I recognize I typically do away with rather quickly. Example- if I notice I’m using wine to “relax” too often, I’ll begin to formulate a different way to relax that is healthier, no side effects, etc etc. Aromatherapy, massage, yoga, whatever. I even considered recently the homeopathic medicinal value of herbs such as St. John’s Wort or Kava, though in the end even those had side effects I’d rather not deal with, not to mention that you cannot be on them while pregnant or nursing and that chapter of my life isn’t exactly over yet, so might as well not even get started on the treatment.

Side note: I recently read an article in a parenting e-zine where the writer and mother of the story confessed that she turned her weekend vice of smoking a little weed while her son is not around into a “one hitter” commonality whenever she needed to “get through the day” with her son. I wanted to scream at such stupidity, especially as nearly every single comment (there were over 80) to the on-line article went back and forth between arguing about the legality of pot or the irresponsibility of the mom while she is the care-giver for a young child, etc etc. While all those arguments are interesting, I felt like they really missed the point. Why not get to the deeper issue (IMHO) and learn to deal with your stress and anxiety as a mother without “mother’s little helpers” at all? Perhaps such levels of annoyance indicate a major change needs to happen, as in, more sleep, better diet, a little exercising, prayer (yikes, touchy subject!) or even counseling. I also feel, (though this opinion might get me stoned), that too many (esp mothers) turn quickly to the latest prescription drug for helping them cope BEFORE giving the aforementioned suggestions a hearty attempt. (Okay, that’s all I’ll say now about my extreme skepticism of allopathic medicine! Another day, another post)

As for me, I “confess” that I can fall into mild feelings of lethargy, depression, anxiety or what have you, certain circumstances trigger it more than others of course. I can tell when I want to “hide” that the cloud is over me. Luckily, it rarely effects my ability to fulfill responsibilities, although it does make doing them more difficult. Anyhow, this all to say that I am sort of in one of these periods lately and have the foreboding feeling that it hasn’t even completely run its course yet (it’s only the beginning!)- with upcoming cold, sunless, rainy days of Portland’s winter ahead, the holidays without friends and family around, hubby working double shifts nearly every day, and my only “hey, let’s go chill” friend starting a full-time job and having her mom come live with her, all of this seems to be indicators to me lately that I’ve got to catch this mood at the beginning and prepare for the “dark night of the soul” that could be quite lonely if I don’t proceed carefully.

This post has taken a slight detour from its original “I might finally know that I don’t know anything” but trust me, its all related!

So I’m open to anything, bar substance abuse, traditional Western medicine, lol, and perhaps some others things I haven’t thought of, to help me trudge along this phase with a deeply joyful heart. I have absolute assurance that this won’t happen without a much greater awareness of the daily conversation God is having with me, and perhaps I could even try responding more often in prayer instead of avoidance. From there, I’ve got to start reading some good books, doing my yoga again, and making sure my oil burner is always going with lavender, chamomile, and clary sage. Another tip: avoid too much refined sugars, alcohol and caffeine (yes, even here at “mama NEED java” we can all agree on the “too much of a good thing” factor )

If any one else can relate to what I’ve just shared, here’s a toast to your journey onward. To the other’s, I apologize for wasting your time on a very Vivian-centered subject (esp since my last post was one too!) and promise to upload a great movie tomorrow of Ethan singing songs.