And then, I was awake.

Since the start of tree pollen season here in NW Arkansas, I have been feeling way more drained and tired than usual. It didn’t help that this coincided with a week or two long teething spell for Verity! I was so sleep-deprived and discombobulated – it felt as though I had just had my wee one, only I couldn’t rest all day because I had two to run after and jobs to keep!

Towards this last weekend, I felt in despair. I thought something must be wrong with me – I have had no energy or attention span to work for more than about 2 hours a day, and I couldn’t focus on the kids very well either. Combined with dizziness while gardening and a few other things, I finally checked in with myself and began to get a regimen for getting back up to “speed”

With the help of some great advice from friends as well as a few chapters of The Fourfold Path to Healing; Working with the Laws of Nutrition, Therapeutics, Movement and Meditation in the Art of Medicine, I realized I need to revamp my dietary laziness. I’m following the recommendation in the book now, as much as possible: 40% animal source, 40% vegetable source, 20% grain source. The animal source must be raw as often as possible (raw butter, raw milk, etc) or pasture-raised fresh meats not cooked at too high a temperature (and bone broths, etc), the vegetable source can be only steamed or raw, and the grain source (and legumes, nuts, etc) must be properly soaked or sprouted.

What does that all have to do with sleep, you ask? Well, you’ll have to get the book or begin following Weston Price literature to get the nitty gritty. In the nutshell, however; eating this way means you are giving you digestive system foods it can properly break down, leaving your body with more energy for the other systems and functions (including brain — hormone! — function). I already eat only organic produce, pasture-raised meat, and unrefined foods. But what I don’t do enough is soak and sprout. Maybe once a week for a split pea soup or black bean side, but otherwise I bake with whole wheat pastry flour, etc. I do get sprouted sandwich bread and sourdough artisan bread, however, because I already had a gist for the logic behind it. What I didn’t understand is was how much I needed to eat, what percentages, and how those 2 or 3 days of eating a muffin and a coffee or something similar was contributing to my low energy level and moods. Man, you slack off just a bit and WHAM, teething, allergies, illnesses – (”I get knocked down, but I get up again!”)

Moving on!

Another thing I changed a few days ago was my sleep pattern. I never take naps, and I rarely fall asleep before 1am. I also can’t fall asleep for at least 30 minutes. Then I nurse a few times in the night and wake up around 8am feeling like I just went to bed. I am not a morning person, never have been. I feel cranky and ethereal for a few hours and can barely function until I have some protein in my breakfast (bowl of cereal = raving lunatic. poached egg on steamed kale = happy mama.)

On Mother’s Day, I took for myself a rare treat. A nap. What was odd, to me, was that I felt tired again early that night and crashed about an hour earlier than usual. Then Chris let me sleep in on Monday morning and do you know when I woke up? 10 o’clock! This was more sleep than I have had in a span of DAYS this year. And finally, I didn’t feel guilty about it – I didn’t fret over all the things I didn’t get done because I was asleep. Instead, I felt calm (no! getting sleep helps you feel calm! Say it isn’t so!) and trusted that this is what my body needed to do to recuperate. If that means I get behind on a few things, maybe those things weren’t that important. Also, maybe I’ll have the attention span and energy to finish them better and faster once I’m rested. For a few days now, I’ve taken naps (which, according to this article, DOES make folks learn better and increases memory function) and getting to bed before midnight. Already, the quality of my waking is more alert and energized. Halle-flippin-lujah!

I should add that I’ve also been more conscientious about taking my fermented cod liver oil (SO important, esp for pregnant/nursing mama’s!) and adding to it a range of therapeutic essential oils to support my immune and digestive system. Also back on the bandwagon is my use of lacto-fermented beverages. I’ve been drinking my homebrewed kombucha daily but slacked off on my kefir smoothies. Until I read that the recommendation for me to fight fatigue is also to drink less water (flushes gut with water – not letting stomach vile do its job in digesting the food) and more lacto-fermented liquids instead (kefir smoothies, yum!)

So I’m going to continue this super nourishing diet, extra sleep to support that I nurse all night still (attachment parenting, respond respond respond! ), and cod liver and essential oils supplements. Besides being a little more energized, calm, and alert, my skin is less red and rashy (woo hoo!). I’ll touch back after a few weeks and let you know if anything else is changing.

THIS is what I love about allowing negative emotions to come to the surface, yet having the perspective that they are not evil or wrong or stupid, but just a message. A message to make a change and shift your priorities. The few weeks of fatigue and restlessness and worry prompted me to take the time to do some soul searching. I journaled about some things I need to do, including getting alone and girl time each week, starting yoga again, along with the diet change and more sleep. I prayed about some of these things, in particular that I would find a good Vinyasa yoga class in Fayetteville, and low and behold, today I was at the co-op and saw a flyer on the bulletin about a new 6 week series for Vinyasa flow. It’s on Sunday afternoons, a great open time block for me, and not very expensive either. I’m soooo relieved!

After a good night’s sleep, I also emerged with some answers to things that were bothering me. Career changes/ timing, Chris’ joblessness, the kids, so many things. What was clear to me when I awoke was this: I need to focus on my faith, writing, art, and family. Period. The financial situation will iron itself out, likely in a way that I can’t even foresee right now. But having mini-breakdowns every week because there is no time for the things my heart and mind is needing more of is making me less productive and less joyful, more tired and more stressed out.

The blog, something I was ready to give up for lack of time to commit to it, might end up sticking around, if only for a place to share my thoughts. I’ll be taking a writing course with my neighbor soon (who actually named herself Ryder – cause she is a writer – which I think is so bold it’s cute). Next I want to take some watercolor courses. I’ve always felt really dyslexic when it comes to watercolor as a medium, and I want to remedy that.

Oh! And I’ll be hosting a summer reading group (through Vintage) to discuss the book “Radical Homemakers; Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture“. Can you see a theme here? Doing things good for my soul, learning to let go of roles I don’t need to cling to anymore, taking a leap of faith – eventually hoping to be more generous and infectiously joyful in a world so riddled with greed, fret, and hopelessness. Wish me luck

Well, I won’t go on – this is getting rather long. And I have a playdate, so…

Be the Light,

Mama