This week (or month?) of restless nights spent going over and over how we will continue to make ends meet, of completely forgetting about our 7 year anniversary with so much on our minds, and of praying for the wisdom to take our next steps financially — in one day so much has changed.

Today my family went through something life changing which has brought us several steps closer to our family goals and vision of living in freedom, simplicity, and generosity.

We are currently: shocked, grateful, and hopeful. To say we feel blessed and humbled would be a huge understatement. The opportunities we now have that we were beginning to think we never would are closer to our reach and we just have to say PRAISE GOD like a southern baptist preacha!

I wish I could say more but I’ll leave it at this: Miracles are all around.

Our Puerto Rican style Christmas Eve was a great idea this year. We began baking the 21 pound turkey we didn’t get around to at Thanksgiving, along with a 5 pound pork, on Tuesday night. I can’t tell you how many garlic cloves I used that night. At least 30. Anyway, once all the good saucey Adobo mess was slathered on, the meats began slow cooking overnight while I finished some handmade gifts. Christmas Eve morning we saw a smattering of snow on the ground and again began cooking, this time to the groove of a salsa Christmas CD. The pernil asado was to die for – nice and salty and garlicy and limey, mmmm… And the turkey came out great too – falling off the bone to reveal the slivers of garlic shoved into the meat, the stuffing of ripe plaintains/rum/dates/cinnamon, and studded with olives. I also made arroz con gandules but had to come up with an old school method for achiote ( sauteing the annato seeds in oil) for yellow seasoning, so that came out kinda bland and not very yellow. I also couldn’t get the thawed (because they weren’t supposed to be!) alcapurias to stay together, lol, however the pasteles Chris’ aunt made were boiled to perfection. I also fried tostones (green plantains, fried, flattened with a plate, fried again and dashed in salt) and maduros (very ripe plantains sliced thick and fried for juicy sweetness). Chris made homemade Coquito which was, well, I had way too much anyway!

We had a great time relaxing with friends over our Christmas Eve meal (Christmas Eve meal is the big one for Ricans, traditionally – that’s what Chris said anyway!) We also have TONS of leftovers that we keep picking at.

After Christmas Eve early dinner we headed to Evergreen Christmas Eve service. Ethan sat intently the whole time, very interested in this gathering. He also was a total STAR (I’m his mama, I can brag) of the “I Saw Three Ships” children’s “choir” – oh he was a riot and had all the moves down pat. Later we drove (yes, our own little christmas miracle- a couple went out of town for 10 days and left us use of their vehicle! thankyoujeebus!) through Peacock Lane to look at lights.

Back home we read some books and left out Santa’s snack, while Ethan hurried to bed. I had the notion that I’d stay up again to 1am like I have been for weeks to get the last minute gifts done- I need to knit something for the waldorf doll I made him and stuff and sew up the knitted gnomes. That didn’t happen. lol I gave up and knew he would be just as happy to watch me knit “Coby” a sweater this week — (that’s what he has named the doll – who he’s carried with him all day and slept with and made best friends with his favorite stuffed animal, the dragon “Scorch” – I can’t tell you how sweet it is when they love the toys you actually MADE with your own bare hands. It’s so special!)

This morning felt very lackluster for me. For one thing, my cold took a turn for the worst (sugar and lack of sleep will do that to ya!), so we didn’t make it to the christmas morning brunch we had planned with some friends. However, Ethan was very excited to open his gifts from us: a ton of new wooden “people” and accessories, a waldorf doll with a hammock, pillow and sheet, thai yoga/lounge pants, an old fashioned locally made wooden Top in his stocking with a large all natural candy cane, a few colors of wool roving and a needle felting kit, a kids’ first knitting needles set, and some new chapter books; Charlotte’s Web, Mary Poppins, and Little House in the Big Woods. From grandma he got a cd player with a cd story book of Little Bear, and from an aunt/uncle he got a Go Fishing game. Verity made out with her new blocks we made her and a wooden rattle and BabyLegs from grandma.

While we were trying to find room on the camcorder to record this morning’s happenings, we came across Ethan’s first Christmas – piles and piles of wrapped presents and battery operated whats its. He was 5 months old! It was crazy to see that in comparison with how simple and even elegant Christmas has become for us: good food, good people, a few special gifts under the tree. Very sweet times.

Despite that this morning I was tired and cranky and felt no spark of magical Christmastime that I always have on previous Christmas mornings, I’m still delighted to see the kids enjoy this day. We had our traditional cajun beignets and mimosas (just OJ for the little guy – another novelty), and all three of us took a nap through the afternoon! Right now Ethan and dad are curled up on the couch watching Polar Express and he is sucking away at his candy cane. We are stuffed from leftover turkey and pasteles and eager to get back into bed on this chilly night.

Well, my matcha tea is calling, along with MY Christmas present – the book “Heaven on Earth” which I can’t wait to dig into! So I will bid you adeiu.

Merry Christmas, my friends. Let the Epiphany festivity preparations begin!

“I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December
A magical thing
And sweet to remember.

‘We are nearer to Spring
Than we were in September,’
I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December.”
- Oliver Herford, I Heard a Bird Sing

Ethan and Caleb gaze at the flames from their handmade beeswax candles

Verity’s Christmas present: blocks cut and sanded by dada, polished with beeswax and emollients by Ethan and mama

Ethan snapped this picture of me knitting Chris a hat in church on Sunday

Despite that I managed to blow up a blender today and send homemade carrot babyfood and glass flying all over the kitchen, (while my 4 year old bolted towards the living room screaming like a lobster in a pot of boiling water… ohhhh, the chaos that is my life at times…):

I am listening now to Sting’s introspective Christmas album (thank you, Maw Maw) and sipping my holiday tonic tea blend and, what can I say? All is well.

Peace, grace, tranquility and surrender: find them. Keep them close.

Brace yourself for a long post written by a lunatic who can’t sleep at 4:30 am.

I’ve been thinking this week about a particular conversation I had with some new sweet friends. They observed how odd it is to them that since moving to the Portland area they actually watch MORE TV, eat MORE fast food, and do more things out of convenience than they ever did in less progressive residences held previously. We talked about how in Portland, getting grass fed beef or raw milk from a local farmer isn’t such a novelty – in some circles its mainstream culture! Homeschooling, having all natural toys, example after example of how living in such a way is not special here, which challenges you, as a transplanted Portlander, to figure out what the real constructs of your value system is; do you do what you do because its trendy, because it sets you apart, etc — OR — do you do what you do because you value the earth and its inhabitants, you value nutrition and health, you value freedom and richness of educational options, so on?

In this conversation, some one remarked about how “living simply” is actually very complicated. You have to adjust to a whole new way of doing things. For us, living simply by having no car means we never have to worry when the Check Engine light is on. We never have to worry when we hear a funny sound. We don’t shell out $200 or more in gas and insurance each month. HOWEVER, living with no car is far from simple. Even in Portland.

To live without a car, for example, I must leave my house a full hour ahead of time to get to Ethan’s ice skating lessons. What would otherwise be a 10 minute drive, tops, becomes an Olympic endeavor to strap the baby on my back, brace the cold, often RUN out the door dragging Ethan along beside me to catch the MAX (only to, more often than not, barely miss it while waiting for the light to cross the street – thus being 15 minutes late despite my best efforts to leave an HOUR ahead of time.) Same thing goes for home school meetups, church on Sunday morning and other church functions through out the week. Outings, errands, and just plain ol’ shootin-the-breeze ventures will almost invariably FLOP without careful planning and purpose. Something like going all the way to Trader Joe’s for a more affordable load of groceries, but forgetting to get flea medicine for the cat at the pet store next door to Trader Joe’s is a tremendous oversight! You get all the way home and realize what you forgot to do and you might as well kiss your time goodbye because nothing is worth the 2 hour round trip again!

Or get this- going to the post office or finding a place to fax something. Oh my gosh. I can’t tell you how inconvenient it is along our common routes to do these things. A month ago I was set to fax a simple letter to my student loans lender in order to get my deferment processed, and you’d think in this day and age I could manage to get that accomplished in a MONTH but no, I haven’t. With two little kids, no vehicle, a job, homeschooling, and the bazillion things on my mind, finding a location to fax something has just not managed to stay in the forefront of my planning.

This is one reason that we are talking about owning a vehicle again, after 2+ years without. Also, the need we have for community while being so far from family is a pretty steep and crucial one — and the not having a car thing has been making it really difficult to participate in community. Hopping on the bike’s used to be a more viable option from our slightly closer-in locale, but a few miles out and an extra child and things get slightly more complicated – just enough to put that straw on the camels back. I feel like we’ve missed out on so much and have so few opportunities to get to know people in a church we’ve been going to for 2 years now. I can hardly ever make it to my favorite yoga studio, either, and I get free classes so – sheesh, what a bummer, right? I just can’t afford to lose the 2 hour bus ride round trip (when you have to take into account wait times) to a place that is less than 10 minutes away by car. But I digress…

There are other things, like eating organic and sustainable foods from local sources, that takes a large amount of intentionality despite that the efforts are in part fueled by the desire to live more simply. This week I took an hour or two comparing my organic produce buying options: this involved literally looking up the items on the produce bin that is delivered every 2 weeks to a cumbersome spreadsheet published by a distributor of large quantity/bulk produce from organic and NW growers, figuring out the unit price for each apple or pound of carrots, so I can effectively cost compare the options and make the right choice. When I order from Azure Standard or other food buying clubs, it takes time to figure out the savings involved in getting a 50 pound bag of rice verses a 5 pound bag of rice, deciding what we really need now and what we can wait on, yada yada yada. Like I said – these things can be complicated!

But what is interesting is that, of course, you do grow to see the extra hour it takes to get some where or the time spent planning bulk food buying as part of every day life. Some one from church a few weeks ago made the following comment to us: “I think about you guys sometimes and I always figure that for every 5 things I am doing each day, you guys can probably only get to like 2… which really makes me think about those extra 3 things my family does and whether or not we really need to do them!”

It’s true! We get a lot less done. lol No but really – sometimes getting to a place in life where things are simple and less dramatic takes concerted effort and — sometimes — blood, sweat and tears.

This aspect of my life lately has weighed on me as we discuss making some major changes. Not quite content with the way thing are going for us in Portland, this week we all but officially announced (that’s how sure we were) that we were moving to North Carolina as early as this Spring.

Yep, back up and read that again. We were practically CERTAIN we were leaving Portland. (And Chris is still sleeping – so he is still CERTAIN. But when he wakes up I’ll fill him in on the change of plans. )

Eventually relocating is still a possibility – actually it is pretty much inevitable. The combination of slightly pricier housing, lack of job market, and distance from family makes Portland a place that works for NOW, but not for EVER. Too bad too, because we love the city – its been a boot camp, a training ground, for so many lifestyle changes we wanted to make. It’s also been where we began recovery, started healing our marriage, had a baby, plugged into a home school group, so on and so forth. And if this week of research and planning has taught me anything, its that there ARE cities in the East that could suit us nicely. Carrboro, NC, for one.

However, our personal situation is, in some ways, quite unprepared to relocate. We have had something major to “do” for so long that staying put and dealing with everything that is catching up to us has been the very LAST thing we want to do. If we weren’t moving we were graduating or having a baby or something every year, something to press on, something to drive us forward to the next big crazy thing – sadly sometimes used as a nice distraction from the here and now.

The present is not something easy to sit in. Yoga reminds me of that. We set out with certain values and intentions and when the cast of characters and scenes becomes boring, tense, uncomfortable, frightening or disappointing, it is oh-so-tempting to place something before ourselves to reach for, to hope for, to work towards, to change things all up a bit.

(Briefly, this is also a theme of my homeschooling life right now. Reading about Steiner’s philosophies on the role of “inner work” – very good stuff and I’ll write more about that soon!)

My son is feeling the reprocussions of this not-so-pretty habit of mine. He asked me today to please stop changing things in his room and listed the various ways I have moved his furniture since we moved here nearly 10 months ago, lol. It’s true. The 10 x 10 room hardly gives me space enough to home school in and my discontent with supplying my child with a cramped basement room gives me cause to creatively unleash myself on its layout every few weeks. Poor kid!

As I continued to mull over this cross-country move, I finally just prayed for some direction. I laid in bed tonight and felt like the whole decision was confusing, not peaceful – not even very exciting. While coughing up a lung and unable to sleep, my restless mind churned the facets of our situation over and over until suddenly things began to get clear.

My roommate commented last night that for them, it is apparent that the two families are outgrowing the space. As much as I want to put a positive spin on everything regarding our community house (which I SO do that, constantly), I’d have to agree on some level. We set out to live amongst another family – to be in an intentional community. It pains me to realize how far we have strayed from those original goals – how we have kept to our corners, for no particular reason or starting point, exactly. I think the minute you replace “community” with “roommate” and see the home as simply a place to keep your privacy and split bills, it so easily becomes a situation where space feels limited and more and more of the home becomes “yours” or “theirs” instead of “ours”. Oh how I wanted this to be a place where my home schooling could thrive, where we broke bread together, where we all had a stocking on the fireplace and felt equally a part of something really special! I think for us, we really wanted something intimate and surrogate – something that had a lot of sharing of lives within the home, not just sharing the home. Maybe we can get back on track, if that is what both families want and need to do. Community living will always be something I want to embrace, regardless of the ideal space, ideal lifestyle similarities, etc etc. I guess if we all waited around for ideal, community would never really happen, would it?

This is yet one more great example of how this simple living thing is also very complicated and intentional! Community doesn’t just happen- it requires careful planning, lots of thought and prayer and talking and on and on. Real relationships must be nourished or else you turn around and the whole purpose has been lost. I know a few people going through divorces right now and I think the same thing. It takes a lot of work and time to cultivate the fertile soil on which a garden can flourish, (to make an analogy to gardening… hey, cut me some slack, I’ve been up since 4am!)

So here we are: where we never thought we would be. With the loss of Chris’ job we are forced to start filing bankruptcy while making plans for him to start school for his Masters. When I look at some of the facts of our situation, I feel pretty disheartened. Mainly because we tried to be diligent for so long – we always worked hard, we always paid our bills, somehow or another. It’s hard not to feel ashamed of how dismal things have become financially, but at the same time we are doing much better and more thoughtful and frugal things with our money than we ever have before. And while I don’t necessarily love this phase of our lives, one I might call “Recalibrating”, I do like the people we are, or at least who we are becoming. I like that our family loves each other, that we discourse about things that bother us rather than push them under the rug, that we band together when the going gets tough. Another wise friend told me a few weeks ago that these are the years we will likely be looking back on with much endearment in the future. How hard we struggled will be seen through rose colored glasses in light of the sweetness of all those good times we had while living on lentils

So here I am, over 2,000 words and 2 hours later (6am). The baby is up and growling. Chris is hitting the snooze on his alarm because he wants to get 5 more minutes of sleep. I suppose this is where the “in conclusion” part comes in… for those of you still reading!

In conclusion: I think we need to stay put. I think we need to deal with the bankruptcy, deal with the co-housing, deal with the vehicle, deal with the loneliness of not having as much of a community base. There are so many things to deal with – no more distractions. No more putting one foot in the next phase before we’ve completed the one we’re in.

The simple life we crave, one rich in quality time with each other and as few bills as possible, is – I am learning – not something we will come by in one new move, in one new house, in one new book, in one new baby, one new arrangement of a tiny bedroom, etc. We have to study produce spreadsheets, miss lots of buses, try out lots of living situations, deal with our debt, be content with smaller quarters, and face our giants squarely.

Deep breath. Now “publish”.

In our local home school group we are fortunate to have a healthy dose of diversity. We have families from all different religious/cultural backgrounds, including Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish and Agnostic. Personally, I celebrate that. I have found some really amazing mom friends in the group, people I would have never met had I only invested in my church community that is, for the most part, largely homogeneous (composed of mainly white, low-to-mid income, anti-mass church, fairly liberal, trendy, pipe smoking, wine drinking postmodernists and wanna-be-postmodernists and post-post-totally-over-it-modernists).

Family Art Night; Making Watercolor Wrapping Paper (baby asleep in background

Last week I went to a Hanukkah Party with our homeschool group during the day, and then celebrated Christmas with my church community that night. Ethan asked some interested questions about the two celebrations, questions that were, as usual, centered around Jesus and what He means to us, to others, etc. I am SO grateful to be having these conversations, to let his amazing little mind see the world as fluid and open and evolving.

Verity asleep by the electric fireplace in our room (yeah, it doesn’t get much chintzier than that!)

At the same time, I am grateful for my experience with God’s love, for the belief that Jesus is His son, yet one-in-the-same, and that through Him this crazy world that doesn’t make sense to me is comforted. When I listen to Christmas music this time of year, I’m not too jaded and cynical that I can’t still relish the words of adoration and praise. It resonates with my soul on the deepest level, deeper than anything else could possibly dare to reach.

Ethan painting a freezer paper stencil of his ladybug drawing onto his shirt

Again, for that I am grateful. I have had seasons of darkness and doubt, confusion and mistrust. Seasons where my “god” was deconstructed along with the pathetic portrayal of a life I had. Where I thought I had memories of life, (in my own denial), I was awakened to the contrast of death that was below the surface. Things I didn’t choose or deserve, yet there they were, in glaring reality that goes well beyond technicolor or high-def. Even in the confusion and anger at Him, I knew that He was a vital part of all that was happening. He’s in the Truth, He’s in the new found marital intimacy, He’s in the freedom and reality of husband’s (and mine’s) surrender. He’s in the miracle of my daughter’s birth, He’s the Protector of my little boy’s emotional development. The fact of our experiences with Jesus lead me to view this time of year with great, great joy.

Third Sunday of Advent

Growing up, I didn’t have Currier and Ives holidays with extended family and a house bubbling with merriment and myrrh. I admit, I would love to experience this picturesque holiday, and I might have come close a few times, but I think I’ve come to the point where I can also do without it.

Being in Portland has enriched our experience of times set apart for celebration and reflection with family. Striving to create a special experience for ourselves, particularly for Ethan, when extended family and friends with whom we have a rich history are 3,000 miles away has been really difficult but the challenge has been good.

Sweet happy boy

We’ve learned that Christmas can come and go without any visits to the mall or Target or whatever. We’ve dug in our heels with handmade Christmas, (Make Something Day, Advent Conspiracy, etc etc) and its producing a wonderful thing: an entire season of crafts and handwork and simplicity. This is our third Christmas in Portland, (and could in fact be our last if the economy here continues to make housing expensive and jobs scarce), so I am bittersweetly enjoying it. As always, we miss family and friends this time of year the most. Even in a place like Portland, and in a COMMUNITY house for goodness sakes, things are very quiet and lonely. Gotta keep the Christmas movies and music going to keep spirit’s high!

Ethan waking up from nap: hot cocoa and a painting session in mama/dada’s room!

Today, through coughs and illness, we are continuing our preparations. We have beeswax polish for Verity’s blocks and beeswax candles on the to do list, along with some decoupage. You can see some of our morning activities in the slideshow below – making scones and breads for soup!

Ethan and Chris christmas caroling in the rain

Later this week we’ll have ice skating and more crafts and knitting and sewing to finish up Christmas gifts. We also have very light homesteading duties this time of year: thawing the chicken’s water each morning and covering their run with a tarp at night — which is much easier than shelling out money for Paz’s (cat) vet visit this Friday. I am also placing an order with a new produce supplier to get organic produce directly from the distributor, with an average savings of 35% from the local grocery store (and hopefully our delivery bin as well). I’m crossing my fingers that the new method is cost effective and worth my extra time!

So, that’s an update, and hopefully more of a picture of how we view the holidays and happenings of Christmastime as a slightly unconventional Christian family:)

Here is a slideshow of still MORE pictures…

Today is Dec. 6th, St. Nicholas Day, and as a family new to celebrating all of these wonderful Waldorf festivals, our day was quite an unconventional “festival”.

We awoke to make pancakes and playdough/cookie cutter ornaments for gifts and our own tree. Then we got out the Christmas boxes and adorned the tree, which Ethan was finally just old enough to be very excited about. He was so happy to put the star at the top when we were all done.

After our “exhale” of rest for quiet time, Ethan awoke to a snack and watercoloring images of St Nicholas while I sat with him and made a St. Nicholas doll out of wool felt, white wool roving, and a walnut (for the head).

Then it was dinner time, and we needed to FEAST! So Chris and I got busy in the kitchen and made up a new tradition and recipe for St. Nicholas Stew which we’ll look forward to every year because it was FANTASTIC!

And here it is for you:

1 onion, chopped and sauteed in plenty of butter and/or coconut oil, with spices: pinch of cinnamon, curry, cloves and nutmeg. Stir on low heat until onions are transparent.

Add:
4 cups organic free range chicken brothe
2 cans of diced tomatoes in garlic
4 pressed garlic cloves
1 tbsp of fresh diced ginger
2 large tbsps of natural peanut butter
(And give or take a nice selection of the following chopped vegetables:)
3 carrots
1 sweet potato
1 rutabaga
1 leek

Simmer until soft (20 minutes?)
Add (chopped):
1 cup kale (we used red russian- but whatever you have on hand. The red helps maintain a red/orange look to the soup)
1 cup cabbage (again, we used red. We just happened to have all these veggies in the fridge and needed to use them up, lol)

While that is simmering, add 1 can of Coconut Milk (not light) and salt and pepper to taste

The result is almost like an asian panang curry which was delicious and hearty on it’s own but could also be poured over soft brown rice! MMMmmmm… (optional: we also used half a slice of a very spicy pepper while simmering, but be sure to take it out before you serve!)

Tonight’s bedtime story will be the story of Saint Nicholas, a man who brought nuts and candies to hungry boys and girls in the night.

This week we’ll be making hand dipped beeswax candles to store up for the Solstice celebration, as well as beeswax polish for Ethan to finish off some natural “branch” blocks Chris will be chopping up as a Christmas gift to Verity.

I’m loving the holidays as a time of preparation and anticipation of the returning light, as well as craftiness and quality family time. I continue to work in the evenings when I get spare time on the kids’ Christmas gifts, including wool waldorf knitted gnomes, floor puppet waldorf dolls (for the nature table) and a larger waldorf baby doll (12″ probably), a waldorf hammock for the doll, as well as pj pants for both kids. Then there’s so much to do for gifts for others, some freezer paper printing and we need to ship – however will I finish it all? (Psst… it’s okay- I’m having too much fun with it anyway!)

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

There’s something to be said for the many different ways to celebrate this beautiful time of year. Having a symbolic evergreen inside the home, adorned with tiny memories on little metal hooks and ribbons, is one that it would pain me to skip!

The evergreen shows us that even in the dark, cold winter, there is much life, (and spiritually speaking, EVERLASTING life!)

This morning we loaded up in our friends big ol’ blue VW van and headed out to Corner Crest Natural Farm, where a simple little family (of unschoolers!) handed us a saw and let us wander their natural acreage to find our unsprayed, unshaped, naturally perfected Christmas Noble. I’m so looking forward to spending time decorating this tree with handmade meaning this year.

Beauty.

If we bring an awareness of Advent to the home it still brings light and warmth to winter days. A wreathe, or simply the attractive arrangement of four candles on the table with red ribbon, a bit of evergreen, or pine cones, is a symbolic centre piece… Advent is a time of preparation. Children can busy themselves making cards and gifts… – from Festivals, Family and Food, by Diana Carey and Judy Large

Christianity stands as the external mystical fact for the birth of the light. Christ brought to the earth what had existed from the beginning, although it was hidden from mankind throughout the ages we have been speaking of. Now, however, a new climax was reached. Even as the light is born anew at the winter solstice, so in the fourth post-Atlantean period the Savior of Mankind, the Christ, was born. He is the new Sun Hero who was not only initiated in the depths of the Mystery temples, but who also appeared before all the world so that it could be said, “Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29). When it was recognized that the Divine could descend into a personality, the festival celebrating the birth of the Sun Hero, the Christ, came to replace the festival celebrating the birth of the light.
…
All the great teachers of wisdom — the Egyptian Hermes, the ancient Indian Rishis, Confucius, the Persian Zarathustra — have spoken the Divine Word. In Jesus the Christ, however, the Divine Word Itself walked on earth in a living shape for the first time. Before this time there was on earth only the Path and the Truth. Now we have the Path, the Truth and the Life. The great difference between earlier religions and Christianity consists in the fact that Christianity is the fulfillment of the previous religions, that in Christ we are not concerned with a great teacher of wisdom — teachers of wisdom were present in all other religions — but with a human personality who at the same time must be revered as a Divine Personality. Herein is to be found the importance of the disciples’ message, “We have laid our hand into His wounds, we have heard His message.” The emphasis is placed on the appearance, on the direct impression. It does not merely listen to the word but considers the personality. The conviction prevailed that Christ was, in a unique fashion, the Cosmic Sun Hero.

If we comprehend this, we also understand that the ancient festival of the winter solstice signified something different from the present Christmas festival. In Egypt we find Horus, Isis and Osiris, the archetypal image of what also lives in Christianity. In ancient India we have the birth of Krishna by the holy virgin. We find echoes of this myth everywhere, but what is important in Christianity is what I have just expressed. … The most important event for the men of this age is the fact that the Christmas festival, which always represented the birth of an initiate, now represents the birth of the greatest Sun Hero, of Christ Himself. Thus these two facts of necessity sound together in the world’s course.”
- Rudolf Steiner, 1904, Signs and Symbols of the Christmas Festival: Part 1: The Birth of Light

Ethan creating advent candles from sheets of beeswax for the dinner table Advent celebrations this month

The official Advent dates for 2009 are:

* First Sunday of Advent (Sunday, November 29, 2009)

* Feast of Saint Nicholas (Sunday, December 6, 2009)

* Second Sunday of Advent (Sunday, December 6, 2009)

* Immaculate Conception (Tuesday, December 8, 2009)
Holy Day of Obligation

* Our Lady of Guadalupe (Saturday, December 12, 2009)

* Feast of Saint Lucy (Sunday, December 13, 2009)

* Third Sunday of Advent (Gaudete Sunday) (Sunday, December 13, 2009)

* Fourth Sunday of Advent (Sunday, December 20, 2009)

* Christmas Eve (Thursday, December 24, 2009)

* Christmas (Friday, December 25, 2009)
Holy Day of Obligation

Here is a wonderful article outlining the winter festivals within the Waldorf home school.

This weekend marks the Feast of Saint Nicholas and the coming post will talk a little more about that! Stay tuned…

Enjoy recent pics:

Ethan and I ice skating this week

I awoke to find Ethan’s morning alone time activity: building a bonfire for his “friends”

Just off the needles: slouchy beanie for mama

Ethan helped me with gourmet homemade pizza on family movie night tonight

My first waldorf doll, a floor puppet

Verity in her cutie vintage thrift store bonnet

Ethan’s playtime activity- his nature arrangement of winter elements

I feel this week as though so much has changed. A simple, yet profound, shift has taken place. Will it last? Dear God, I hope so.

First of all, I have home schooled. Really home schooled. It’s been a long time. Since before we moved into the community house nearly, what, 10 months ago. Does this mean we did worksheets, flashcards, field trips and quizzes? No.

This week: Ethan made bread. He made Advent candles. He started ice skating lessons. He watercolored his heart out. He played with his nature table for HOURS each day. He didn’t watch TV and stopped asking for movies. He started taking 1 hour naps at the same time each day. He started whining less. He started reasoning with himself rather than arguing with us for the heck of it. He didn’t fight much at bedtime. He used his imagination. He learned new songs. He played outdoor games. He fell more in love with his sister. He fell more attached to his stuffed dragon, Scorch (who now comes everywhere, even ice skating.) He also enjoyed mama’s raw milk hot cocoa every day after his nap. His low point was a boy fight with a friend on Monday – the next time he saw him, however, I heard him say, “Let’s not fight anymore, okay? I really want to play good with you.”

Another endearing thing he said: “Mama, wow. God gave you really special eyes. They are beautiful. Like the inside of kiwi berries.”

He’s ran up and hugged me out of sheer excitement and joy several times a day. We’ve bowed a namaste to each other to share a moment of appreciation, a new “bit” we share.

This week: I spent time with my son. I gave him my attention. I mustered up more energy. I took two yoga classes. I didn’t work much (sigh. the tradeoff? I hope not…). I knitted two waldorf wool gnomes and made one floor puppet waldorf doll for Christmas presents, purchased an amazing wooden kitchen set made just this week by a local grandpa woodcraftsman to gift my children with for Advent/Christmas morning, made lots of soup, made lots of simple oatmeal cookies, made my FIRST loaf of bread in the oven, finally ordered a copy of All Year Round, ice skated with my son for an hour, and oh so much more. When I wasn’t with the family I was either working or feverishly crafting for the holidays. It’s been a tad glorious.

I also moved to a new blog, but kept the archive for mamaneedjava. In many ways I had outgrown that skin. And staying in it was holding me back creatively. The theme was too scattered and it wasn’t growing with me as I’d hoped. The audience was scattered, too. As delicately as I can put this, I must admit that I am now writing for an audience of peers, not extended family members simply looking for an update on the kiddos.

You see, MamaNeedJava began as an experiment in three things: 1. to exercise my writing, 2. to record mine and my childrens’ happenings, and 3. to integrate all of the various aspects of myself, the different “parts” I show and play for different people in my life, into one open-book, transparent, what-you-see-is-what-you-get-Vivian. And I’m so glad I did; It was a great experiment. It DID do all of those things for me. It totally fulfilled its purpose.

But now its time to scale back. Now its time to be vulnerable and transparent, but with more freedom and purpose. I can send photos and updates via email, but here, at Mama Seasons, is where I journal. Here is where I explore my limits, reflect, and set intentions. I want Mama Seasons to be for me another yoga mat; a place all my own, where I can feel weighted as well as the weightless, where I can feel as small as a child and as strong as a warrior in a matter of moments, where I can even doze off if I want to. I want this blog to be a safe place for me to do all this. A place where insecurities of others isn’t blasted into my comments nor the concerns of well-meaning parents show up in my inbox. This isn’t the place for that anymore. This is more intimate, more private. Please respect.

This is the place where I walk the path, and where ever I am is okay. This is the place where I spot “findings” on the side of the trail and bring them here to share with the walkers beside me, in mutual appreciation for this journey’s highs and lows.

As I continue to format and update the new blog, enjoy old entries of MamaNeedJava (with a grain of salt ), and look forward to picturesque moments caught on camera, Advent thoughts and ideas, and other Mama Seasons findings for the month of December.