Posts from — September 2009

Well, I’m outta here as of tomorrow morning to head over to Champoeg campground with just under 100 other Evergreeners for the weekend. If I could describe my excitement about being outside in lovely weather with my family and friends, knitting and reading and staring at the fire all weekend, I would. I am SO needing this!

What have I been up to this week? Mainly just maintaining life with work, kids, a marriage, so on. Had a knit night last night at Posies with the gals, which was nice, especially since I haven’t had my girl time this week with my running group (my neck was too sore to even think about jostling around like that!) In my spare time I have been reading about herbs and deciding on which avenue of learning I would like to take to learn more. I decided on the simple 1 hour recorded sessions of this lady out in Eugene after watching her free intro course online. She is inexpensive, entertaining, and a seasoned “wise woman” (an approach I really like). I’m so exciting about learning more.

Since learning to knit was last winter’s project, this one is for the upcoming season. As I’ve reflected on before, when I lived in Florida for 20 years I felt like I was burnt out. The number of sunny, warm climate days didn’t mix well with me and I constantly found myself out of sorts. I can’t blame that all on the weather, but I certainly felt a release of that particular feeling upon moving to the Pacific NW. The seasons are distinct and beautiful here, and I’ve come to appreciate them more each year. Many people, including myself, feel a sense of rest and hibernation that comes with the rain and shortened daylight. The kids sleep in longer, more tea is consumed, sweaters and good book follow you around the house. I have found that I scale back on social activities and extend myself a little less, spending more time on my own creativity, processing, and family life. I find that there is a little more time to learn something new, more downtime in between the busy life of a work-at-home-mom. Maybe its my own conscious choice to balance myself out after a jam packed, exhausting summer. Maybe its because its raining and cold so there’s only so much I can venture out to do outside the home without a CAR! lol Either way, I welcome it and call this next chapter of my year: RAIN AND HERBS.

Speaking of the next chapter of life, next week Ethan begins classes at Village Home. We ended up in different classes than we began in, which I think is awesome. He’ll actually be taking “Word World” and “Move and Groove”, along with two family classes for members: Knitting and Organic Gardening. The Word World class is with 5-8 year old’s who will learn early reading concepts through story times and picture games. The Move and Groove class is a physical education/dance category, where the young students are introduced to basic dance concepts and listen and move to jazz, ballet, tap, etc. I think he’ll enjoy the musical aspect of that and love to groove to the music as we so often to while we listen to the radio together!

He is doing super with words and reading lately, it is amazing to me. He could spend hours rearranging the letters on the fridge and trying to spell things out phonetically. He reads along in his early reader books already and can’t get enough of it. It’s like all he can think about, which is very cute. Today out of no where he said the word “sit” in a sentence and then like a light bulb went off he said, “HEY! MAMA! I can spell “sit” watch this: “ssihttt…. so that’s sss- ih – tt, which are the letters S, I, and T!” I love seeing him grasp concepts on his own and be genuinely excited about reading.

Stories and narrative are such an important part of our lives, (another post for another time), and to see him get excited about them gives me chills! Tonight for bed we began a child’s version of the classic “Alice in Wonderland”, something he was very curious about at the Enchanted Gardens. We plan to get through the book while camping (it’s rather long) and then have the classic Disney movie version on hold at the library when we get back.

In the meantime he’s been watching movies in the early morning when I simply can’t get up with him because I’ve been up late working (Chris might as well sleep in too because he’s often up folding laundry while I work ). I honestly love hearing his door open at like 6:30am and he hums and sings to himself from the moment he wakes up, heads to pee in the bathroom singing all the while, and then goes upstairs to get himself breakfast. He utilizes chairs and whatever he needs to fetch and toast a frozen waffle or piece of bread, grabs a piece of fruit, gets himself a plate, and heads down to the “playroom” we’ve carved out of the laundry room, where he eats while rocking in his rocking chair and viewing a little movie to keep him occupied while we’re asleep. Lately he’s been on a REAL “Milo & Otis” kick and can practically recite the dialogue, storyline and songs impeccably, lol. He also likes “Charlotte’s Web” like its never going outta style.

In still other news, I recently went back to work with Wiley on a very small scale basis to help out with a new social media initiative. The extra paycheck each month and the chance to work with “the ol’ team” again will be really nice! Chris is still working at networking and has a few events next week where he will go and talk with people and pass out his card. He also interviewed today for an internship in order to gain some skills with a small local (very local, like right down the road) company who is into social media as well. It was funny and reminded us how small Portland can be in some ways, because when he got there the two people interviewing realized they already knew him. One had seen us as Posies ALL. THE. TIME. and another was attending Evergreen at Ethan and Verity’s dedication a few weeks ago! Small world. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that the internship will be his, particularly for the training ground and networking potential. (Shoot, I just realized he might have wanted me to NOT blog about his job hunt so he had some material to post on his sloooooow moving blog at DadaNeedJava! Oops! Sorry, hun. I guess you can always post about how your counseling is going )

In still other news, or update rather, I’ve had a wonderful week eating a “nourishing” only diet. My meals have consisted mainly of a protein, fruit, veggie, nuts, etc. – primarily only “whole foods”. I’ve not had breads, sweets, crackers, nothing like that all week (except one zucchini muffin made by my temptress roommate Lacey today ). You could call it low-carb but the raw honey (for apitotherapy benefits) and fruit don’t put it under that category. Neither is it low-cal or purposefully glutein-free. What it is is SMART calories that give my body the most of what it needs. It’s working so well. My gut feels way less bloated, I’m having tons of BM’s (TMI? LOL), and my hunger is curbed with some nuts or piece of chicken or bowl of whole plain yogurt. I’ve even, get this, lost 2 pounds! lol, hey, it’s something!

Well, I better call this a night and get back to some work and my yummy tea. “See” you all when I get back Sunday or Monday!

I got my Ergo yesterday!!! I heart it, with a cherry and a few backflips on top.

You guys know how much I swore by my Moby. But lately Verity was pushing 16 pounds and the Moby began to get less convenient. I think it would work great if it was only occasionally, but I need something that can withstand 12 hours a day of holding, including while we walk around the city, hop on the bus, etc. My back was not liking that. But MUAW – NOT wear my baby gal? Also not an option!

So enter the Ergo. Everyone swears by it, I see them all over the city (I’m not kidding. I could count at least 20 if I walked around the city for a few hours.) Unfortunately, these bad boys run over 100 bucks new. And I’ve said it before and I’ll said it again: Mama ’tis po’ folk.

Yesterday we finally found the one we wanted on craigslist. It’s an older version, in “terracotta” color, and came with the attachable backpack and wallet (almost like a small fannypack), which is all WONDERFUL when you have no car and your diaper bag consists of everything but the kitchen sink and chickens. The price? An unbeatable fiddy bucks.

Why am I spelling things oddly unphonetically today? Cuz’ I can.

Anyhow.

I’m so glad to have gotten my Ergo in time for the camping trip and Chicago trip later this month too. Yay! I haven’t been able to wear it yet because my neck is still twisted in a nasty knot, but its getting better each day. The thing that made the best difference was a Wild Carrot Herbals salve containing arnica, birch and cottonwood. It worked so well! I am definitely preparing to get more into herbs soon as my next “learn something new” phase. I’ll save that all for another post Vivian the VA… AND a herbalist? hmmmm…

Well I’m at it again: researching my brain out for the health of myself and my family.

A few weeks ago I reported on my son’s cavities and what we were going to do to help support him. Since then, however, I’ve been reading and reading and I wanted to share a bit with you readers but I hadn’t gotten on here to formulate the post yet.

Then I also began feeling down about my baby weight. I’ve been running and not one person on our team of 5 has lost one pound. Luckily, I live with some one who was a fitness trainer for 4 years! So last night she sat with a gal from church and I and went over why running alone will not keep you healthy and what to do instead. She talked to us about pylometrics and how to have a workout that is not just going to make you thin, or ripped, but HEALTHY.

What I’m realizing over time is that the best diet and exercise is about supporting the body – about using the body you have and helping it be disease-free, injury-free, agile, powerful and energetic. Who doesn’t want that, right?

I wouldn’t say I have ever “struggled with my weight”, at least not on the outside. Because I am petite and have small bones, my weight usually looks normal on a scale. My body fat percentage, however, is another matter. My cholesterol? Also another matter. The leanest I’ve been and healthiest I have felt has been when I was supporting my body. In my first year married, I remember reading “The Good Fat” book and discovering the benefits of eating nutrient rich foods and good fats like unrefined coconut oil. I took vitamin supplements and mineral supplements of the highest grade I could find, like some special calcium supplement from the sea and fish oil, etc. I learned around the same time of my dietary intolerance to milk, which might have curtailed my further exploration of the road I was headed down towards optimum health.

Jump ahead, oh my, 6 years. Going pescatarian for a year was good for me. It taught me to use healthy ingredients and look more at what I was eating. It’s when I began again to rid my pantry of juices, boxed and canned things, all the processed gunk that plugs me up and doesn’t support my body. Instead we ate lots of legumes and whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, oats, etc) and then I began the adventure of sprouting beans and seeds and soaking grains and WHEW what a rush! lol

I managed to gain 15 pounds less with Verity than I did with Ethan, yet I was eating at least 2 eggs a day, butter, coconut oil, kefir smoothies, occasional meats (usually grass-fed, farm-raised) and so on. I began gaining towards the end and I believe its because I was unhappy internally, waiting around for the baby to come, and not taking my health into consideration. In short, I ate lots of cookies. LOL

Let me for a moment get back to Ethan’s dental issues, which has played in the background of my life these last few weeks.

I would have thought that trying to get Ethan away from anything with sugar would have been hard. Not that he ate candy and junk food, but I’m talking ANY refined sugar in ANYthing. Go out to the coffee shop and you will be hard pressed to find something with no sugars in the bread, peanut butter, etc. At home, he can have plain yogurt or fruit. No breads with added sugar, no cereals, nothing like that (not that we carry those things at the house anyway- except for Seth that is, lol. He has “special” dietary needs that I’m pretty sure includes Kix )

I was pretty inspired by Ethan’s willingness to give up sweets. He would tell some one offering him a cookie, “NO, I can’t have that, I have 3 cavities and THAT is sugar!” LOL

And because I was so aware of the sugar in these things, I began to make different choices too. Why would I sit around eating a sweet in front of him while he eats a piece of meat, or an egg, or a slice of bread with cream cheese? How unfair!

So I started weaning myself off my sweets too. Not even intentionally. I still love me some Coconut Bliss and Immaculate Baking Company, but I could go without it – especially to lose these last 15 pounds of baby weight. (Yep, that’s right – I have not lost ONE pound consistently since Verity was born four months ago.)

Okay, so combine the sugar-weaning with the losing-no-weight-running (that has also injured at least 2 of us so far with rolled ankles and skinned knees and so on! lol) and then my roommate showing me pylometrics and giving me tips about my individual body structure and which muscles I rely on too much (ahem- calves- ahem) and which ones I do NOTHING with (ahem-butt and belly-ahem) and ALL THIS AND MORE adds up to my getting a little more intentional about losing this weight and getting healthy!!!

SO, I leave you with this interview I read recently when doing our Azure Order this week. They interviewed Sally Fallon, author of Nourishing Traditions, and includes the basics of the traditional diets studied as well as a lot about tooth decay and flouride and so on. I learned a lot, and hopefully you will learn a lot too!

My plan? I’m going to be following the recommended eating for nursing women on the Weston Price website (including nothing refined and adding cod liver oil to my diet) and doing an exercise regime that supplements the running and yoga with high energy “play” movements in the backyard with Ethan a couple of times a day (the only way I can really find the time to do anything like pylometrics AND be a busy mom!)

On a related note, I can’t really do ANYTHING with my body right now because I have a pretty intense whip lash stiffness in my neck that has been there since I went to bed on Friday night. I feel pretty immobile and ridiculous that even typing on the computer hurts, so pray my neck loosens up SOON!

I was cleaning out my drafted posts recently and I discovered an old post I began writing late at night over a year ago. I never did publish it, in fact I forgot all about it. I’ll explain why in just a bit.

Here’s an excerpt:

Marriage is hard. Sometimes it downright sucks. I’ve heard married couples tell me they have never slept on the couch, or they have never felt like they hated the other– and I always think the same thing:

Gag.Me.With.A.Spoon.

All I can think about is the crushing disappointment that I experienced after the honeymoon phase of marriage, and how absolutely unrealistic and impractical the whole wedding/marriage experience can be when we put so much “God called me to marry this person” into it and takes logic out of the equation.

I’ve been in some form of marital counseling for more years of my marriage than not. I am 5.5 years into mine and must say that I HAVE NO FREAKIN IDEA HOW TO DO THIS THING!

…it’s been hell.

How wonderful is it to live your life in an unloving situation? And, I’m sorry, but I’m not Jesus. I’m Vivian! I have my own baggage, my own habits, my own struggles in trying to relate and express and merge. And, yes, I HAVE Jesus, but what does that mean, practically, to a girl who has heard it all and tried it all and is just, in pain?

I remember being in that much pain. It was confusing. Nothing made sense. Chris’ behavior didn’t make sense. If I was asked about my relationship in those years, it would have been tough to not cry. I didn’t know what to do.

Just 4 days after writing that draft, I discovered Chris’ infidelity. The weeks that followed were sucked into a time warp that included some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. It included the confession that his infidelity had begun before we were even married, that in fact it spanned back to his adolescence in the form of an addictive pattern of behaviors. I was horrified by the things I heard had happened during our marriage, as though my life was being deconstructed and an alternate timeline was emerging that was dark and perverse. I slept on the floor in my living room for weeks. My knees felt weak and there was a knot in my stomach constantly. I couldn’t work and I could barely take care of Ethan. While Chris began 12 step support groups every day and counseling and everything while living in the studio in the backyard, I was hurt and angry and embarrassed and lost. I felt divorced in every way. I had no desire to see pictures of our past, even baby pictures of Ethan pained me for a long time. One day, I decided I couldn’t have possession of my wedding ring or wedding pictures. I ripped them up and left the rings on a bench in the Pearl.

Last summer was the worst time of my life. And it was also the best.

At the time, I could barely see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even when I saw Chris devastated and broken and repentant, even when he found a decent new job and even once I decided to let him stay at the house again, I walked around in turmoil often. I felt a cloud of shame, my family couldn’t believe I had decided to stay for even one more minute, to give this any sort of chance at all. Sometimes I would be walking with Ethan around the neighborhood, enjoying his long talking streaks in the weather that was just as it is now, quickly turning to Fall, and a car would drive by and my eyes would meet with some stranger driving it. In an instant my heart would sink. They know, I thought. As though I were wearing a scarlet letter.

Still, we talked all the time. Sometimes ten hours a day. Talked and talked and talked. We rediscovered each other, the real us too, not just the best foot forward. We talked into the late hours of the morning, usually we ended up crying together before falling asleep again on the living room floor and couch. (I couldn’t go back to my bedroom after that, not until we redecorated it and painted the walls and so on.)

I didn’t trust Chris and I didn’t forgive Chris. Our marriage was broken and the thought of it only brought pain. But I put all that on one side of my existence, and decided that I would take it one day at a time in our “new” relationship. There was, in some small way, such promise in what was blossoming that I couldn’t bring myself to throw that all away just yet. I wanted to see what would happen, if this was truly a turning point. If a turning point is even a real thing. I felt my heart beginning to love this man talking to me, even when no love existed before.

I also, and this is key, felt love from Chris. Once I recognized it, I realized I had never been given it until then.

Of course, I conceived of Verity in the midst of our early reconciliation, and the news was shocking, to say the least. Some days were so dark that I actually called an abortion clinic to find out the cost. If you know me, that’s about the deepest darkest confession I could lay out there, but there it is. I felt nothing but the desire to NOT be pregnant for a long time. I cried through my early midwife appointments, began counseling for prenatal emotional health, and slowly began to bond and accept the idea of this new baby.

From the moment I saw Verity on the sonogram and gave her a name, I was in love. I didn’t regret my state after that, despite the unlikely and inconvenient timing of her arrival. I still felt insecure and ashamed when my baby bump began to grow, wondering if people thought I was only staying married because I was knocked up which was the furthest thing from the truth. But I came to terms with it. I moved through the last year one day at a time. Chris “celebrated” 1 year sober last June, one year since he did the wrong thing with his pain. He’s been in meetings and counseling all year, and recently began individual therapy to work on his “daddy issues”. We strive to work on our marriage daily, despite the distractions of bills, work, children, so on and so forth. Nowadays, our marriage looks and feels, well … normal. We have arguments, but we try to be respectful and focus on working at the problem together, rather than against each other. We spend time together, enjoy each others company, smooch when we pass each other in the kitchen, cuddle at night (among other things ), talk about our feelings, and apologize when we fail.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned this year, besides a ton about myself and a ton about communicating better and ton about how far I have to go, is that granting some one forgiveness doesn’t let them off the hook. It doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It doesn’t even mean I’m not angry. It’s not even very much ABOUT the offender or the offense, but rather the choice, when ready, to let it go in my own heart – to begin to heal.

And even if, in the long run, my marriage doesn’t make it through this, I know that I will. For all these lessons and more, I am grateful – to Chris, my community of support, my counselors, my family, my children, and of course, my Jesus.

I love seasons. Love them. And I always get super excited for the next one just when I’m getting a bit bored with the current.

With that in mind, FALL IS ALMOST HERE!!!!

Crunchy, leafy, yummy fall! Oh, Portland autumn is just to die for.

There are a plethora of area events going on, making it really hard to have any down time in order to catch it all. We’ll bypass things like the Pirate Festival (aaaarg.), but we’ll plan to make it to a few others. Many are quickly becoming an annual family tradition:

Evergreen Community Camping Trip
Sept 11-13th
(View my coverage of last years here!)

The Shrewsbury Renaissance Faire
Sat. Sept. 19th
I am SO looking forward to this event as the homeschool group heads out here for the day, and can’t wait to see what bits of history Ethan learns! I need to quickly think of some type of costume for us, though!

Sun. Sept 20th
Race for the Cure!
The gal pal team of Misty, Amy, Lindsey, Nicole and I (wow, do those names sounds like the make of a good cheerleading squad or what?!) will be doing the timed race this year. Donation link is in my right sidebar- I really need a little more funding so if you feel so inclined, please make your way over there!

CHICAGO
Sept. 23-27th
I am WAY excited to spend several days with my friend and colleague while we work side by side instead of email to email. (I’ve never been to Chicago, but honestly I’m more excited about late nights falling asleep to Gilmore Girls after a full days work )

The Corn Maize at the Sauvie Island Pumpkin Patch
Oct 5th
The homeschooling group will going together this day, and I might try to fannagle some Evergreeners for another one the next week complete with the bonfire rental like last year… we’ll see what happens.
(View our coverage last year here! – same place as the previous link)

Annual Apple Tasting at the Portland Nursery
(See our post about last year’s here!)
“Portland Nursery
Friday-Sunday October 9, 10, 11 2009
Friday-Sunday October 16, 17, 18, 2009
Every year bring in the holiday spirit, turn on the music, and bring out the holiday cookies. Special children’s area with toys and decorations to delight all ages. Our open house is your first chance to see our stores decorated for the season.”

People’s Co-Op Harvest Festival
I haven’t found the dates on this, but its an annual thing and is sure to fall within this time period…
View our coverage of it two years ago here.

The Fall will be a little busy, yes, as ALL Falls are in Portland with young kids, I’m coming to realize. On top of area events, we’ll be hosting a home community at our Kenton House, hosting the homeschooling group here once a month, and my friend/colleague from Chicago will be visiting mid-October as well! I’m sure there will be the annual Evergreen halloween party and trick or treating on the 31st too. In November, I’m hoping to convince the Hubster that a 2 week trip to FL is in order (esp while the tickets are only $188!!!)

I admit, I can’t wait for Fall this year ESPECIALLY because my adorable kids will look so cute in their mama-made knitted hats Tee hee.

Family announcement: this morning, I made a phone call to two different midwifery clinics and paid off my maternity and Verity’s pediatric bills! I feel SO much lighter and so happy to have been able to pay them off so we can now start the bankruptcy process without involving them.

If I may ask, please pray for our sanity as we navigate this journey and try to make the best decisions for our family. One step at a time…

I saw this post’s title on a job ad recently, and while I have enough sense to know that such a job would most likely be a scam, I still felt myself abrupt with an outloud, “YES!” to answer the question.

Tired. Tired of running uphill. Tired of rent, tired of excess, tired of barely making ends meet. TIRED.

It’s been six month’s since we began this community house, and its been a good process for us. But what I’m finding myself conclude lately is that IT DOESN’T END HERE. The simplifying, the community digging/relationship building, the sustainable lifestyle – we want MORE of it.

We’ve made some 5 year goals that include selling everything and living out of an RV until we have saved enough to pay off what’s left of our debt after bankruptcy, followed by the dream of buying a small plot of land and building some sort of amazing, sustainable “tiny house” on it and continuing to raise healthy, beautiful children within a community of love, love, love.

We dream of the day that we get more personal mail from loved ones than bills from collectors; When we have more potluck meals with our community than peanut butter sandwiches in separate rooms. I hear all the time people talk about the need for space, like it’s a scientific fact. I think we Americans value our space TOO much. The majority of the world lives with their family all their lives, in smaller bedrooms or no bedrooms at all. We don’t need MORE space – we need LESS space. We need to be MORE tolerant, MORE flexible, MORE selfless. We need to be more FREE of the trappings of modern life in order to be FREE to “give freely and fully to anyone who has need”.

With our goals set, the sky is currently the limit with regards to what we need to do to GET there: living in ANYthing (RV? Mobile home? Community home? Commune? In-laws? YES!), living ANYwhere (”vhaaat?! does this mean she is willing to leave PORTLAND?!!?!?!?!” YES!), that affords us the opportunity to save our money, love each other, and grant us the mental/spiritual/emotional/physical freedom to dream of what is next.

While I await the road signs of what comes next, I dream of a life of backyard pleasures, fruit trees, family meals around a fireplace, endless great books, linens drying in the sun, a family bed and a rocking chair; I also dream of friends who have become family and family who have become friends.

Sleep tight. Dream big.

(And let me know if you have a similar dream- maybe we can join efforts!)

In no order of importance:

- “The Family Guy”

- alarm clocks

What are yours?

When you’re a homeschooler, life is your classroom and every where you go can be a field trip!

Today we hung out with a fellow homeschooling mom and her 5 year old boy as we headed to Salem, OR to visit the family owned and operated Enchanted Forest.

For going on 5 hours of sleep (it was a late work night last night and an early morning this morning!), the dread I had for this event far exceeded any actual stress it entailed. I was drifting off on the drive there but once my double americano kicked in I was good to go! The park was shaded and lovely, charming and quaint. Coming from the LAND of theme parks (near Orlando FL), this was a nice alternative to the massive crowds and overwhelmed senses. A true throwback theme park.

I really appreciated knowing the history of the theme park, how the founder and his family literally built and dug and painted and sculpted their way through the forest to create a magical place for families to visit. When we arrived, we were clearly unable to drag the red wagon with Verity’s carseat in it through the hilly cement trails. The founding father of the theme park, Roger Tofte, whose murals and handiwork can be seen in every corner, drove by on a scooter and accommodated us with a left behind stroller tucked away in the gift shop closet. It was like meeting a piece of history, seriously!

It’s hard to pinpoint what was the best part of the day- Ethan getting SO into the outdated “light show” through a lunch of popcorn, or he and I holding on tight in the “sled” together through his first roller coaster experience on the “White Mountain Bob Sled” (pretty intense for a 4 year old!), or watching him hop on board a ferris wheel, something he has wanted to do from the moment he ever saw one on tv. Maybe it was carrying him into the Haunted House, only to have him beg me to turn back as soon as we entered the door. I lovingly obliged. That place was creepy.

It was a really gentle, mellow day. I’m so glad I went, even on such little sleep. Ethan was a sweet gentlemen the majority of the day and truly appreciated the experience, which made it all worth it for me!

Enjoy some pics:
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