Posts from — August 2009

Turn off your TV
Leave your house
Know your neighbors
Look up when you are walking
Greet people
Sit on your stoop
Plant flowers
Use your library
Play together
Buy from local merchants
Share what you have
Help a lost dog
Take children to the park
Garden together
Support neighborhood schools
Fix it even if you didn’t break it
Have pot lucks
Honor elders
Pick up litter
Read stories aloud
Dance in the street
Talk to the mail carrier
Listen to the birds
Put up a swing
Help carry something heavy
Barter for your goods
Start a tradition
Ask a question
Hire young people for odd jobs
Organize a block party
Bake extra and share
Ask for help when you need it
Open your shades
Sing together
Share your skills
Take back the night
Turn up the music
Turn down the music
Listen before you react to anger
Mediate a conflict
Seek to understand
Learn from new and uncomfortable angles
Know that no one is silent though many are not heard. Work to change this.

-(from here.)

more of a series of general ramblings…

Ethan’s been doing a lot better with the last week of intentional time each day and a somewhat predictable schedule (I do morning meal, lessons, games in his room through lunch, Chris takes over for outdoor play and then a quiet time through til dinner and bedtime). I haven’t been able to work as much or as freely. I’m realizing that I really need to have a good segment of hours to devote each day because otherwise its almost not worth it to try to switch my brain from work mode to home mode and back again all day long for small segments. I am feeling the pressure of being the main earner as of now, which is difficult in that I want more time with family and to devote to the kids but then I also need more work in order to make ends meet. The Great Mom Dilemma of the last 50 years, eh? (Hooray, my friend Feminism. You have accomplished SO much, and yet still so little.)

This “schedule” (more or less) will be changing a bit in the Fall, as we will be spending our Tuesdays and Thursdays at Village Home for classes in: Tae Kwon Do; Sing, Play, Dance; Family Knitting; Organic Gardening; Lego Building Club; and a community services class.

Mondays will be spent much like today: A family walk to the library, hitting Peninsula Park’s beautiful rose garden and playground on the walk back, lunch and quiet time while I work through til dinner. Here are some pics of our family time and Ethan showing off his new “Summer Reading Program 2009″ t-shirt he got for completing however many days of reading. (Also sneaked in are some pics of his lesson time last week.)

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I’ve picked up my library copy of Living Simply with Children and so far I really like it. The tagline explains it: “A Voluntary Simplicity Guide for Moms, Dads, and Kids Who Want To Reclaim the Bliss of Childhood and the Joy of Parenting”. From fewer toys to TV to caring for the earth to being involved in the community to long-term goals to simplify, its all about enjoying your family more and not being on the “Work-Spend-Work treadmill”.

I have wanted that lifestyle since I can remember thinking of a lifestyle at all. If I need to work, I need it to be enjoyable and to not overstep on the boundaries of the rest of my life. When managers for the clock-in-clock-out work I held years and years ago would be upset about, say, me not coming in to fill a low shift, etc, I was always puzzled. And annoyed. I didn’t like, and still don’t, when anyone implies that I am wrong for under valuing XYZ that THEY think I should make a top priority. To them, this job/class/whatever was their life. To me, it was a means to make a little money so I could ENJOY the rest of my life. Having Ethan increased this feeling to the umpth degree. I am praying daily that Chris will be able to get some clients soon and that together we will see this vision of Family FIRST actualized while we integrate a part-time work-at-home lifestyle into our simple lives at home. There is just SO much life to live, so many places to see and things to do, so many conversations and laughs to be had, hobbies to start, — and foods to cook! I can’t imagine spending 6am – 6pm at the same job 5+ days a week and having only a few hours in the evening to give to myself or family.

Anyway, I DIGRESS.

I mentioned hobbies to start. Last night I had a bit of a knitting breakdown. Knitting: it’s amazing. I love it. But sometimes, I hate it. I hate when something simple takes forever but you’re too “in the zone” to put it down. I hate spending like 30 hours on a gift for someone, and seeing their face when you give it to them, like they have no idea how long it took or how much that time was worth, like it was just put into a machine in China somewhere and wa la, its on the shelf at Wal-mart and worth $7! I hate that knitting forces me to be sooooo patient with myself, with my hands, with the yarn and slippery needles.

It is all these things and more that I also love about knitting. Knitting forces contemplation and meditation. Gift giving. Patience. Stick-to-it-ness. I’ve been reading “Knitting for Good” and learning about the whole world of new things knitting can do, both internally (the rhythm, the meditation, the slower pace) and externally (knitting for charities and ill friends, etc).

Currently on the needles? The jungle animal baby mobile for logan, Fingerless gloves that will probably end up as a gift, a Celtic Cable patterned neck warmer that will also end up as a gift, a rocketship for Ethan, and a hat for Chris.

Should I stop talking about knitting? Yeah, I think so. But not before I show you the hat I made last week for Chris’ aunt: an orange hemp beret:

In other news, Chris aunt/uncle and two teen cousins are here for the week. We spent a good deal of our weekend with them out and about, doing the plethora of Portland markets, including Farmers, Artisan, and the Hawthorne Street Festival. We also went to the wedding reception of our sweet friends Aaron and Joelle, our fellow Lost devotees who have watched the seasons with us since moving to Portland 2 years ago and have (finally) now tied the knot! Woot!

Well, there’s nothing quite like being a woman. The things we go through amazes me. I am in awe of our ability to grow ginormous uteruses, scream out healthy slippery babies, shrink back to size, endure period cramps and hormonal fluctuations, osteoporosis and menopause – the list goes on and on. No wonder men are the ones who traditionally did the “sweat of the brow” work; the woman’s work is all within themselves and the household – and let me tell you – it IS work.

Indeed.

Ok. It must mean something about my personality that I was less afraid and less grumpy about a 15.5 hour natural labor at home with a posterior baby who came out with a hand by her head than I was of getting my IUD today.

I hate clinic rooms. Stirrups. White blankets. Metal clamps. Shots of anesthesia (that, coincidentally went too deep and entered my blood stream, giving me a numb face and a far away feeling for about ten minutes!). I also hate this really bad menstrual crampy feeling I have right now. So… yeah. I am allowing myself to b***h about this, but only for today. I’ll get it all over with in one fell swoop and you won’t hear me gripe anymore after this.

Hubby is on his way home with Coconut Bliss and I’ll be just fine.

Today is birth control day! Might be extra crampy after this. If all goes well, this will have been a really great option for “closin up shop” in my womb for awhile! My heart holds the dream of a third child in the future. I’m excited to see who that little person might be, but for now, we are working on the marriage and two little people we already have with us

Interesting side note: in my circle of siblings, there will have been born FIVE new babies in a one year period of March 09 – March 10. Us Cajuns have always been kinda good at reproducin’, heh? But, sisters, seriously, SLOW DOWN! I can’t keep up with my knitting for all these new babies! LOL

Some thought-provoking quotes in my recent reading of Mothering without a Map:

“In my reading and research I’ve kept an eye out for descriptions of how the ‘ordinary devoted mother’ appears to the child, for glimpses into what it would have been to be the girl or woman standing on a secure base. Robert Karen summed up the mother’s role for older children this way: “To be understood instead of punished, to express anger and not be rejected, to complain and be taken seriously, to be frightened and not have one’s fear trivialized, to be depressed or unhappy and feel taken care of, to express self-doubt and feel listened to and not judged — such experiences may be for later childhood what sensitive responsiveness to the baby’s cries and other distress signals are for infancy.”

“For any woman, mothering in a thoughtful, deliberate way presents challenges. But for those who lack a positive role model and live with the wounds childhood may have inflicted, parenting present additional obstacles. In my interview I talked to many women whose own needs, sometimes even the lowest of them, were not satisfied early in life, and yet who feel both the desire and the duty to provide fully for their children. Although certain specific demands must be met in the child, a wide range of pathways can end in a healthy, successful adult. No one gets a perfect childhood, and no one gets to be the perfect mother. We all must make do, and make peace, with what fate and circumstance provide.”

“The essence of what children need in order to thrive intellectually and emotionally, Robert Karen says, summarizing the whole complex knot, is simply the parent’s availability and responsiveness. ‘You don’t need to be rich or smart or talented or funny,” he says; “you just have to be there, in both senses of the phrase. To your child, none of the rest matters, except inasmuch as it enables you to give of yourself.’”

“If a woman cannot receive, she cannot give. For emotionally healthy women, a balanced give-and-take brings a sense of well-being and leads to maturation… The healthy mother consciously and deliberately provides for her child, giving food and love. This “motherliness” is drawn from a reservoir of motherly behavior that is being continually filled by the emotional gratification a mother receives from her child. The mother is “filed up” by watching the child thrive and respond to her care. If the mother can’t receive from her child, because of her emotional immaturity, then she isn’t refilled and has nothing to give.”

For the last 24 plus hours I’ve been in my little hole. It’s a hole that exists only in my mind, a place I go for retreat and soul searching. It usually coincides with something to keep my hands busy while my mind works away to tackle something that is bothering me.

My hole after the Ethan stuff on Friday looked like this:

I did a hard run on Friday night. Then I watched a chic flick with Misty and ate cookies and knitted while watching Gilmore Girls til the wee hours of the morning together, which was sort of a pre-sock summit party akin to tailgating. On Saturday, I went to the Sock Summit, which is kinda like Comicon or a Trekky convention, but for knitters.

I processed my Ethan struggles in writing on the blog Friday and continued to process them verbally through out the day Saturday, taking in all the varying advice and letting it all muddle around in my head and figuring out which pieces to keep and which pieces to toss; out with the “words of wisdom” that were mainly self-referential, or not relatable, or off-base– (trying to be as objective as one can in determining which is which); keeping those that felt right, that matched my experience and family, that felt gentle and loving and Christ-like. (here or here, for example.) I talked with adults who are actually around when Ethan acts out, who have known Ethan and who can therefore give the best insight. I could sum up the responses something like this: “You’re kid is sweet and well-mannered — when he isn’t he’s just being a 4 year old boy!” or “I WISH I could get my kid to say “excuse me” when she interrupts!” I know Ethan isn’t all peaches and cream, and neither are we as parents. I know this phase has been really hard on him and on Chris and I. But maybe its just growing pains. As a family, we are tighter and spend more time together this year, and we have a new addition to the family who pretty much just sleeps all the time and who he totally adores. I think I expect too much out of him and need to realize that just because he is bright and verbal and can say mature things about his emotions doesn’t mean he is actually developmentally ready to control his behaviors and emotions well, especially socially. As his grandma said to me last night: “He was just THREE years old 3 weeks ago!”

No, I don’t want my kid to be a brat who is addicted to attention. But he knows better than anybody that throwing fits never gets him what he wants, I’m not the type to “give in” unless I realize my demand was unreasonable. I believe its valuable for kids to have choices and have a say, to be respected, to be trusted, to have age-appropriate freedoms and limits. I also believe its valuable for them to see real life; that mama cried when she felt overwhelmed and talked it out with dada, that mama and dada conflict and resolve, that mama and dada make mistakes and are also flexible enough to realize when they actually AREN’T right, even though they are adults.

I think I need to stay the course with addressing what the underlying needs and feelings are, even though that approach is extremely difficult and requires vast amounts of patience I don’t always have! We plan to keep Ethan out of play groups and social outings this week, and each day we will be attempting to follow a slightly more predictable schedule of lessons and backyard time and so on. We will also be doing role playing games with him to teach him how to behave at places like Posies: addressing the barista, sitting while eating, picking up toys, keeping voice down in the main area, so on and so forth. I keep hearing about the effectiveness of pre-event role playing with kids so we’re gonna give it a shot before taking him out again. We also are going to be more watchful of what movies and shows we watch with him around. A year ago, he loved Spiderman for the colors and movement and stuff, but now he picks up on language and repeats things like name-calling or “shut up” (which he messes up and says “shut it up”), something he does not hear from his parents. (Crapola, Shoot, and Freakin’ – if you hear him say that, that’s alllllll me.)

While puddling through it all this weekend, I spanked out an amazing new hat for Ethan. My first color pattern, this hat was a lot of fun to knit with 4 balls of yarn going at once using the fair isle method. It’s super warm and soft, 100% wool in a color scheme I like to call “collegiate” . Bonus that it actually fits! The pattern was purchased at the Sock Summet but I think you could also find it here.

Here are some pictures from Mama/Son Date at Peninsula Park around the corner on Friday, the movie night, the livingroom full of babies, Seth’s nasty peanut butter grill cheese sandwich, and some from the Sock Summit pics:
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Today was another, (I’m realizing its pretty much EVERY time we go out?!) behavior problem with Ethan.
In Posies, a very mom friendly coffee shop with its own playroom and everything, he constantly interrupted me and other homeschooling moms’ conversation. He ran back and forth across the main floor of the shop, even darting out the door. He refused to pick up 5 things in the playroom when it was time to go (a rule of the playroom). Because of this, I told him he need to take a nap because he was acting too tired to have friends over (William and Brianna were scheduled to come back to our backyard and play). He threw a fit the whole way home because Misty carried his bike back in her car (he walked it all the way there because he has officially removed the training wheels and wanted to practice riding at the park, but then refused to take it home. And then threw a fit when Misty took it FOR him.)

Back home, he and I melted down. I was sobbing. SOBBING. I told Chris how I feel like the harder I try, the worse things get. I don’t know who he is anymore. I don’t know why he won’t listen to me. I don’t know what to do. I try to understand, I try to set reasonable boundaries and then let him be him otherwise. Even Chris has been really good to him the passed few days, trying to listen better and empathize and be less physically dominating (something I think most guys find hard). Yet Ethan and I are in tears again today, and he is telling me he doesn’t like me anymore. Of course, I reaffirm how much I love him, no matter what. But it is SO hard to hear this from a 4 year old. A 14 year old, I can expect that, but 4?!

Seriously, sometimes I find myself not wanting to leave the house with him. Maybe I should just stay inside until he is old enough and this phase is over? No, that’s not the answer. He needs outings, he needs socialization, he needs physical energy outlets.

And since 90% of my life is about my kids’ needs, I do what I always do – I keep looking for answers.

I found this article on ivillage. She sounds just like me describing Ethan. He seems to love the baby so much, but his frustration is coming out at Chris and I and he “JUST WON’T LISTEN!” I am realizing now that this article has a good point. He is old enough to know he can’t hurt the baby, so his anger comes out on us. As the article points out: “When your daughter is able to safely release some of her angry feelings toward the new baby then she will be able to stop acting out.”

I’m scared to do this. I’m scared that complaining about the baby or pointing out how hard she can be will give him too much fuel at which to direct towards her. It is scary to open that door and allow for him to not like certain things about having a baby around. I have this idea that in my home, we’ll just focus on loving each other and being respectful to each other and that the pieces will all just gel together like one big harmonious union. HA! DOUBLE HA!

What do you think? Should I try it? Do you think that if he can release his angry feelings towards the baby he will stop acting out? God, I can’t wait for the day that Ethan is normal again. This has put so much strain on me and on our marriage, its unbelievable.

As I’m working, Chris is busy getting Ethan ready for bed as usual. This is what I just heard:

Ethan: “Dada, I’m all done brushing my teeth.”

Chris: “Okay… What color is it when you spit?”

Ethan: “It’s gray.”

Chris: “So you need to brush more, because you still have brownie in your mouth.”

Ethan: “… oh, uh, I mean,… it’s white. Yeah, it’s white, dada.”

*(brownies had no sugar, btw. Our cavity prone kid is no longer allowed any sugar!)*

Today Ethan and I had dental exams/cleanings. It was Ethan’s first one ever. The place we went was fantastic – they had their own pediatric dentist who was the wife of the other main dentist and she was fabulous with Ethan. He refused to go when leaving the house this morning, yet she worked her charm on him and he was so happy to go. He let her do the exam, which first timers don’t always get to in the initial visit.

Unhappily, she was dismayed to inform us that Ethan had hereditary cavity prone teeth. Despite our diet of very low sugar intake/frequency, and his hygiene of brushing twice a day, he already has THREE cavities. Oh no.

She spent SO much time with us, going over how great it is that we already don’t give him juice and candy, that we make our own toothpaste (unrefined coconut oil, baking soda, medical grade peppermint – stir.) She went over the “truth” about flouride and how the tablets haven’t shown any good results (ingesting flouride) but that topically she does believe it helps prevent cavities, so she prescribed him drops. She also recommended using the sugar alternative Xylitol to sweeten things for him instead of raw honey (which acts like sugar in helping the bacteria ferment and increase acidity in the mouth which breaks down the tooth.)

I hadn’t done much research on Xylitol and wasn’t too sure about it, but I got home and promptly found out more. Here’s some information:

Xylitol was first discovered in Europe during WWII, during a sugar shortage. Since then, many industrialized countries have used it as a sugar alternative and for its health benefits. It remained almost unknown in the USA because of the cheap prices of sugar cane (and propaganda, if you ask me…)

Here’s some benefits of Xylitol:

• Naturally occurring substance found in fibrous vegetables and fruit, as well as in corn cobs and various hardwood trees like birch. Xylitol is also produced naturally in our bodies; in fact, we make up to 15 grams daily during normal metabolism.
• Although xylitol tastes and looks exactly like sugar, that is where the similarities end. Xylitol is really sugar’s mirror image. While sugar wreaks havoc on the body, xylitol heals and repairs. It also builds immunity, protects against chronic degenerative disease, and has anti-aging benefits. Xylitol is considered a five-carbon sugar, which means it is an antimicrobial, preventing the growth of bacteria. While sugar is acid-forming, xylitol is alkaline enhancing. All other forms of sugar, including sorbitol, another popular alternative sweetener, are six-carbon sugars, which feed dangerous bacteria and fungi.
• Xylitol has no known toxic levels, and the only side effects are gastrointestinal discomfort/diarrhea when consumed in very large quantities.
• Xylitol has 40% fewer calories and 75% fewer carbohydrates than sugar and is slowly absorbed and metabolised, resulting in very negligible changes in insulin. About one-third of the xylitol that is consumed is absorbed in the liver. The other two-thirds travels to the intestinal tract, where it is broken down by gut bacteria into short-chain fatty acids.
• Xylitol is a dentist’s dream. It reverses all these destructive effects of sugar on oral health. Xylitol is non-fermentable and therefore cannot be converted to acids by oral bacteria, thus it helps to restore a proper alkaline/acid balance in the mouth. This alkaline environment is inhospitable to all the destructive bacteria, especially the worst variety, Streptococcus mutans. It also inhibits plaque formation.
• Another unexpected benefit came from a Finnish study which showed that children whose teeth are colonised between 19 and 31 months of age by Streptococcus mutans bacteria are more likely to have a large number of cavities. Most children acquire this bacteria from their mother’s saliva through food tasting, sharing cups, and kissing. The study showed a dramatic 70% reduction in tooth decay among children whose mothers chewed xylitol gum.
• Briefly: Studies have linked Xylitol health benefits to ear infections, sinus infections, osteoporosis, diabetes, and hormonal imbalance! (Most of my above information came from this article, learn more here and on the web.)

So Ethan’s prescription was that he must sip from a sippy cup of water containing xylitol and flouride and swish his mouth with it 5 times a day. She believes that two of his cavities will not grow any further if we keep that up, and he can wait until he loses them without further harm. However, one is between two teeth in his molars. He will have to have that one scraped out and filled with an “atraumatic” filling of glass, which could fall out more often but they replace it for free. When he is old enough to sit still, he’ll need to have it drilled.

Needless to say, it looks like I’ll be adding Xylitol to some of my baking and sweets (like plain yogurt, kefir smoothies, etc) we consume daily.

Hope you found this information helpful!

I love the coast – so far any coast I see I’ll take. I might even settle for the bank of a nice big pond, LOL

I moved to the Pacific NW over 2 years ago from Florida, where I had grown up on the Florida gulf coast for the previous two decades (pretty much either right on the water or within ten minutes away). And yet only once have I made a very brief trip to the beach here in Oregon: since we sold our car so shortly after moving here, out of city trips were a luxury we just couldn’t afford.

Well, some incredibly awesome friends from church let us use their vehicle these passed 2 weeks in exchange for transporting them to the airport. I really hoped we could make it out of the city as a family in this small window of time that we had transportation, and today we headed off faster than you can say “Road Trip!” (Of course, with a baby and a 4 year old, you could say “road trip” about a million times and we’d still be fighting about who packed what, who changed the diaper last, who needs to go pee before we go, who brought water bottles, and who still needs to put their freakin’ shoes on. Needless to say, we did eventually leave the house.)

So we headed out (late) this morning on Hwy 30. First stop? Just over an hour away: Astoria, OR – famous in our household for being the filming location of the family favorite Goonies movie. I liked this city- a lot. It wasn’t touristy, it was like a little micro-Portland with local/organic cafes, independently owned book and toy stores, and an old, DIY eclectic kinda feel. We ate a scrumptious lunch, a delicious vegetarian fare at the Blue Scorcher (thanks for the recommendation, Lacey!) and then headed out to our next location: Seaside.

Seaside was entirely different, but still a lot of fun. We walked down Broadway street, which is kinda like Coney Island-ish, with its shaved ice stands and bumper cars and arcade and cheesy tourist shops. But there was lots to do there and I could definitely get why its a nice vacation spot. We spent a good deal of time dipping our feet in the water down at the beach, but it was starting to get chilly and we were getting ready for dinner, so after a brief Ethan melt-down at the showers, we hopped back into our loaned automobile and brisked off to Canon Beach.

Canon Beach might look different from a fresh start on a day, but since we were kinda “done” at this point, the three places we walked in to eat in the bustling, quaint city center were either too full or too expensive. We ended up splitting a small pizza between the three of us and heading home halfway satisfied with our experience of the third and final coastal destination.

Slideshow of pictures below, followed by some stills of my very favorite image captures from the day:

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What a day.