Posts from — July 2009

This summer, my son began to exhibit the most common type of phobia- fear of spiders. Since I mentioned this on the blog, I’ve received some worried grandparent inquiries. (YES, my parents can read my blog – and it barely even cramps my style, heh?) So the long awaited post on Ethan and his relationship with arachnids follows:

Wiki says:

People with arachnophobia tend to feel uneasy in any area they believe could harbor spiders or that has visible signs of their presence, such as webs. If arachnophobics see a spider they may not enter the general vicinity until they have overcome the panic attack that is often associated with their phobia.

Early in the morning, he gets up to go tinkle and wrestles with himself over whether or not to enter the bathroom. “I need to pee REALLY BAD — but I think there are spiders in there!”

Portland has spiders like SW Florida had cockroaches, and luckily the vast majority of common city spiders are meak and mild- and not poisonous. Especially in the warmer months, they tend to spin webs in even the tidiest of homes. When we went away to the mountains a few weeks ago, we left our rooms a HOT MESS and the spiders were happy campers to take up temporary residence in our piles of unfolded laundry. Upon returning, they scurried for their lives when all of a sudden activity and lights returned to our rooms. We’ve been battling with Ethan’s “fear” ever since.

Some of us, ahem-hubby-ahem, have tried to find a solution in pushing Ethan’s hand towards webs and going “ahhhh!… SEE- they don’t bite!” (MEN?!) Others of us, ahem-me-ahem, have tried to explore the fear and educate the phobic. All of us, ahem-imperfect-parents-ahem, are now trying to be on the same page for the sake of our child.

Lesson one: “mayhaps, my son, you should pick up the piles in your room?” (Mayhaps, myself, I should set the EXAMPLE in my OWN room?!) Some tidying up ensued.

Lesson two: Maybe we should send the critters a message? (This was all Ethan’s idea, including the little spider cross-out-ghostbusters-piece, though I later traced it in pen since the sign was barely visible in yellow crayon.)

Lesson three: Maybe some spiders are not scary, not dangerous, even BENEFICIAL? We learn all about daddy-long-legs (which he is CONVINCED means they are ALL daddies) and we even kept track of one that spun little webs in the corner of our bedroom. We’re letting him hang out with us, because he was trapping any other bugs that came into the room, so we’re pretty much down with having ONE gentle spider in the corner rather than 20 random and unknown bugs that like to sneak in on summer months.

Lesson three learned recently, when Ethan explains to me: “I used to be scared of ALL spiders, but I am not scared of certain spiders anymore. So that means I am learning.” (Mommy’s heart swells with pride.)

Lesson four: Could it be, just MAYBE, that spiders are also INTERESTING?! We find a few throughout the week and instead of playing Miss Muffet and being “frightened away”, we have a special glass jar for cupping them, studying them, and letting them go outside where they belong. This week, we’ll be joining the homeschool preschool group for a viewing of Bugs! at OMSI to further explore our insect kingdom friends.

Letting a baby Daddy Long Leg go outside. I’ve always told Ethan not to kill insects. “They are just trying to find their way home,” I explain.

I am reminded as I watch Ethan’s journey that things that are unknown are often scary to us, and the more we explore it, the greater our understanding of how the world works and what our place is in it. So thanks, kid

I think I was just as excited as Ethan to head out to the berry farm today. This particular farm is about 45 minutes away, has over a dozen varieties, and is a no spray/going organic farm. I’m not sure if the best part is that they have REAL toilets (as opposed to porto-johns!) or that all berries are…. drum roll please… $1.35/lb!!!
I don’t know about where you are, but organic berries run me anywhere from $3 – $6/ lb. at the grocery store, and I don’t even get the amazing experience of walking through the fields and selecting the perfect berries with my son. It was beautiful. I can’t wait to go back!

I took off early this morning with a gal who organizes the homeschool preschool meetups on Fridays and her 4 year old son, with Misty and her two kids following behind us. Ethan ended up getting car sick (my kids are SERIOUSLY not used to the car LOL) and we pulled over twice to clean up regurgitated banana. Yum! Once there, Ethan sucked down an italian soda and wayyyy toooooooo many berries while picking. We ended up with 12 pounds EASY – and if I had known that I could use one of their little red wagons to carry my buckets, I would have likely done a lot more than that!

Afterward we all went to a little Vietnamese sandwich shop where I had a tasty grilled chicken banquette sandwich for $2.95. How awesome is that?!

Upon returning home, Ethan made it all the way to the house, got out of the car, and barfed up berries all over the sidewalk. Yum again! Back inside he was promptly made some brown rice in chicken broth, which seems to have done the trick. He helped me sort through jars to store the Lavendar Marionberry Jam I made, while I rinsed and froze the rest of the berry assortment. Among the berries we picked were: traditional blackberries, “Cascade Delight” raspberries, blond raspberries called “aimes” I think, Marionberries, Tayberries (a delicious rasp/black hybrid), Loganberries, Boysenberries, and a few others I can’t remember. The blueberries weren’t quite ready, so we’ll be headed back out there in a week or so, you can bet on that!

Pictures below…

It’s on, baby.

Since posting will motivate me and hold me accountable, here goes:

My friend Amy and I (possibly Misty?!) have plans to follow the 9 week couch-to-5k program in order to run in the Race for the Cure 5k at the end of September.

YEEK!

I ran cross-country in a past life, but otherwise you’ll find I’m not the most athletic person in the world by any stretch of the imagination. BUT I’m excited to get started, maybe lose these 10 pounds of mid-section pregnancy fat, AND race for a good cause. Since I just found out this weekend that some one who, along with her husband, “discipled” Chris and I during our courtship 7 years ago just passed away from breast cancer /related (the stuff just seems to spread and spread) and left behind 4 beautiful young children, I will be thinking of her the whole time.

The Race for the Cure brochure

The Couch-to-5K Program

Wish me luck!

Home/Unschooling: there is little else on my mind lately– (well that’s not quite accurate- there is also bankruptcy, driver’s license test, birth control, on and on and on – but none of that I’m really ready to talk about with you all- nuthin’ personal )

So here’s another predictable Vivian-ramble! Skip if this topic is of little interest to you, lol!

In my homeschooling/unschooling reading I am a roll with a real classic – The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Homeschooling! LOL But you know what, its actually not that bad. Kinda just recaps the basics and then goes to grade/age levels. One of the things I was reading was about figuring out your “philosophy of education”.

I remember this term very distinctly from Intro to Education in college (for those who don’t know, I was an elementary ed major prior to journalism). I’d probably get a kick out of reading my final for that class (which was some kind of report about that term and defining my personal philosophy, based on the major ones out there and the history of education and so on and so forth) because I can only imagine that a LOT has changed about me since then. Seven years may not be a long time, but two kids later certainly IS.

When Ethan was not even a year old, I went to a gathering with some church gal’s every Friday morning. One of them was really inspiring to me, in many ways, including the way she homeschooled. I had known a few homeschooled friends in high school because of the large youth group I was a part of, and I was sooo jealous that they got to whiz through things that came easy to them, but were of little interest, like math, in order to practice opera or be in a play at the local community theatre. So not fair! lol

The thing that has struck me most since I began the research on this homeschool journey is that there is SUCH a variety of approaches to homeschooling. Some are very rigid and structured and require a ton of parental energy for curricula planning and reporting and testing and so on. It’s basically those who do traditional schooling, but at home. My impression from the kids AND parents who do this approach are the ones who enjoy it the least, and who often burn out quickly. That method of homeschooling never intrigued me, not only because it simply doesn’t fall in line with my personality type, but because I can’t imagine my kid being able to learn best with that approach.

Then there’s some others that I DO really like, bits and pieces of them. I’ve read a few books on the Waldorf method when Ethan was younger and I loved the simple natural toys, creative and imaginative play, and natural surrounding and Seasonal/Rythmic aspects of that. Some of it stuck with me but some of it didn’t.

Last week at the homeschooling potluck, we had a conversation about the Charlotte Mason approach and the “Twaddle-Free” term (all of which was new to me). I really like some parts of this method, esp the learning through “living books” and narrative. The Idiot’s Guide sums up this method as follows:

“According to Mason [an early twentieth-century British educator], living books are real books (as opposed to textbooks) that make the subject seem real and alive. Mason coined the term “twaddle” to describe books that contained second-hand, distilled information… [The approach emphasizes] good habits and basics (reading, writing and math) and exposes children to real-life learning through such experiences as nature walks, touring art museums, reading good literature aloud, and attending concerts.”

There are some great points in there that could work really well for Ethan and I. I think most people learn well through a narrative approach (in fact, this is how God and humankind have interacted from the beginning- in sacred books, the Bible for example.) And I have always gravitated towards the idea of real-life learning with him, as opposed to manufactured ones. So I want to do more reading of Mason’s and see which pieces of her method I’d like to implement at home.

Another approach you have heard me talk about on this blog is the unit method. This is what I am most familiar with as a formal method because its more or less what I’ve already done with Ethan. I’ll pick certain themes for the month or week or whatever, and we’ll study things through that lens. For example, “The Ocean” can be a theme, esp for kids his age, that provide us with all kinds of learning, from sea animals (biology) to waves/tides/currents (natural sciences) to colors and mediums for arts and crafts projects. Math is all up in there too, from how many legs does a crab have to numbers for temperatures and statistics of animal populations or WHATEVER. It’s kinda of endless, actually, and we could end up on the same theme a lot longer than I expected once we actually got into it!

One reason I like the unit theme approach is that it gives me something intentional to focus on with him, and we can learn all kinds of things that fall under that unit, and we can end the unit whenever he’s lost interest in it or we can keep going if he is curious and eager for more. It’s way more hands-off in comparison to the school-at-home method, can be pretty self-directed, and yet helps me as a work-at-home mom to have a little direction and motivation for how and why we spend our day the way we do (as opposed to me on my laptop all day every day, lol).

I’ve also written on this blog about another approach, called Unschooling. Folks who unschool seem to have varying levels of commitment to this approach, and it looks different in each one’s home. But the basic idea is that children learn from totally self-guided curiosity and real-life learning opportunities that present themselves each day. The parents job is not to teach, but to follow the child’s lead and inner time table/readiness and then simply providing them with the resources and materials to help them understand the topic (or sport or skill or whatever).

This seems like its basically how most kids were educated prior to mandatory schooling came about in the industrial age. Many famous figures were self-learners and did not attend traditional classroom schooling, some mentioned in the Idiot’s Guide include people as Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, and Charles Dickens. These are folks who learned based on interest, and whose freedom to love learning and search always to fill their insatiable appetites taught themselves a variety of topics and skills, in depth, and landed them as very prominent figures in history. I like picturing little Thomas Edison’s mom who, when his teachers couldn’t handle him, taught him at home using games and adventures- encouraging his interests that later created some of the most famous inventions in history! Never look at a penny the same way again

How I choose to home educate Ethan this year seems to be determined largely by :

• my own personality and lifestyle, (and one might add budget and capabilities)
• my grasp on Ethan’s personality, developmental stage and learning style (which ultimately will determine how successful or unsuccessful a particular approach will be!)
• my view of my role as a parent and my ideas on what children are and are not (including my worldview/spirituality)
• my daily connection with my community, from family and friends, to church, to support groups, to homeless shelters, to community centers, to resources around me like libraries, museums and parks.

This topic, even the micro-topic of simply (ha!) defining my personal philosophy of education, appears for now to be so vast that I will never quite figure it all out. Which is okay with me, by golly I love that I have the flexibility to back off; redefine; plunge through; utilize team sports, private lessons, tutors and classes; pray; pray some more; observe the changes my kid is going through and recalibrate yet again. Basically, I love that this is a part of my journey, Chris’ journey, our kids’ journey, and our journey together as a family unit. It’s an exciting time with my child – to be considering who he is so much, to grapple with my own strengths and weaknesses in yet ANOTHER area of life

More to come…

This morning Ethan asked me about this holiday, the 4th of July; why do we celebrate it? Why the fireworks, the party? I confess: I have done an extremely poor job of teaching my almost-4-year old the basics of government, lol. (I’m fairly disinterested in the topic myself). As we walked, I pointed out the American Flag and reminded him about Obama (who he always recognizes on TV or t-shirts and declares: THAT’S THE PRESIDENT! YOU VOTED FOR HIM!). I tried to tell him how on July 4th we celebrate the fact that no one owns our country, that we are free. That part was a tad over his head. It struck me that I should have been focusing his learning on this these past few weeks, but alas, it fell between the cracks. Good thing there’s a July 4th next year

Freedom, however, is something he gets. Independence? Oh yes.

So I’ve been reflecting today on the concept of freedom, how it effects me in my marriage and my relationship with my children.

In my marriage, we are learning that we have the freedom to make choices and have feelings, to share what’s truly on our minds, and to be different individuals whilst loving and respecting those differences we bring to the table. We have the freedom to make mistakes and make amends.

With Ethan, we are learning that although he is 3 foot nothin’, he is still a person who deserves love and respect, to be listened to, to be given a safe and secure home. He has the freedom to make choices and have feelings too, and to display them — to make mistakes, and make amends. I recently add to my sidebar the slogan “Free Range Kid” because I want to remind myself (at least as often as I come to my own blog, lol) that my child is a gift from God, a small person entrusted to me to guide and facilitate, not to control and mold. He is free. I am free to love him, I am free to respond with gentleness and understanding, I am free to be excited about who is uniquely is. You might think these things are fairly automatic for a parent, but not always. Children have the capacity to wear you MIGHTY THIN, and the daily process can get you stuck in survival rather than enjoyment. So this is certainly a learning process for me, and for Chris.

In other news, I’ve had a busy week, esp with “field trips” and outings. We spent a total of seven hours at Jamison water park this week, and Ethan is now sporting a nice tan line above his crack Yesterday Chris was off for holiday, so the homeschooling group got together for a family-wide potluck/picnic– which was great. Looks like this week we’ll be doing a Berry U-Pick farm perhaps. In a few weeks we are visiting the water plant. It’s been such a blessing to meet the families preschool homeschooling around here. One of them even has an Azure Standard drop near us, so we get to add 15 lb Peanut Butter and 1 gallon of raw honey to the drop this week, a sweet deal. Also, we are bartering our kefir grains for her handmade natural soaps. Another mom is planning a day when us moms can get together to watch Bollywood films. God, I love this city.

We’ve been blessed a lot this week. From expert financial advice, a free clunker laptop for Chris to begin looking for his own freelance administrative work, and an infant carseat we can borrow. I snagged 5 handmade cloth diapers from Craigslist so we are finally back to cloth. Oh, and our roomies are having a rough go this last end of the pregnancy- they’ll be trying to naturally induce via acupuncture this week because of a liver problem that could be effecting the baby, so hold on to your hats folks- we could have the 8th Kenton House addition here VERY SOON! YEEK!

So, our lofty Independence Day plans to go to the fabulous church house party/grill-out were dampened by a lack of transportation, but all is well. We stayed in: Verity slept a bunch, Ethan made flags, I sewed and worked. We went out in the yard for the afternoon and enjoyed the beautiful, healing summer rays. We ate watermelon and Newman’s Oreos while Chris and I shared a cold Reisling. The boys did boy thing with fireworks while I continued a knitting project. Sweet times…

Curtains for Ethan (future Verity) room. Trying to overhaul this room to be a tad more manageable (toy rotation, etc) and less gender specific (away with the blue dragon rug and in with the multi-gendered patchwork curtains!) Sewing curtains for Ethan’s room has been a looooong time coming, so I’m happy to have this behind me, lol.

Remember those itty bitty carrot sprouts? Our garden is really taking off!

Tomatoes… coming soon?!

Verity is so beautiful. And she sure loves to sleep outside!

Wine and watermelon, anyone?

No, I’m not practicing voodoo on an unlucky lion out there who double-crossed me. This is my latest knit project- a jungle animal baby mobile for my nephew Logan, due sooooon! (And yes, I am very aware that these little animals are so ugly their cute. What can I say? They are imperfect because they are handmade, right?)

Ethan’s tribute to our backyard 4th of July party

Chris and Ethan in a watermelon eating contest!

And lastly – 4th of July is not complete until you light something up while in your watermelon soaked t-shirt

HAPPY FREEDOM DAY, EVERY ONE!!!

“Dear Jesus,

I was having night dreams.
But now I’m having good dreams.

Mama and Dada are here so I’m not scared too much.

Spiders aren’t bad,
but I still don’t like them very much.

Thank You for the fun park today.

AMEN.”

7-3-09, 7:30pm

So I was just commiserating the other day about how I’m not sure how I’m going to get through Portland’s drizzly cold (relatively) fall/winter as a baby wearer. I mean, how do you keep yourself and the tot warm without a coat and just, well, how is this possible?!

So some one (THANKS JENNY!) recommended the site CottonBabies for some of my cloth diapering questions and I found this product. As Seth and now Ethan would say: “what.” This product is the bomb diggity. (which is not something either Seth OR Ethan — OR anyone with an ounce of coolness would say.)

I guess it never occurred to me that the geniuses out there who invent stuff would have this babywearing in the winter thing covered. Neat.

I just gotta put a little sumthin’ sumthin’ away before, say, the end of October, so as to get myself one of these bad boys. Passing along the info in case anyone else had the same conundrum. (I really like that word, how it just rolls off the tongue… CON NUN DRUM! …Okay. It’s time for bed.)