Growing Pains

Last night I humorously shared about feeling like an old fart.

But this morning I found myself having to sit down with Ethan to go over some things about getting older, and all the while I was learning some of my own lessons. (Why is it that parenting parents us? You know?!)

At the suggestion of Ethan’s Maw Maw Su, we are using his upcoming birthday as a topic starter for teaching him about what behaviors are and aren’t appropriate. This morning presented the perfect opportunity to begin this conversation.

Walking to the park with William and Brianna, we spot a big feather on the ground. Brianna picks it up first and Ethan snatches it from her. I inform them that the feather is indeed Brianna’s and that if Ethan wants to hold it awhile he may do so until the street light and then he must give it back to her. A few blocks later, we pass the street light, and Ethan Completely.Falls.Apart. Screaming until it causes the other kids to cry, even. Throwing himself on the ground. Running back towards the house. Hitting my arm as I try to get him back to the wagon and other two kids. Melt down mania, I tell you.

I was calm, it was fine, but I knew that when this passed we were HAVING A TALK! I told him that after the other kids get picked up, we’ll be going to Posie’s to split some chocolate bread and that he and I needed to talk and write down what it means to become a 4 year old. We don’t even make it to the park because of all the stopping to deal with Ethan stuff, so the kids get picked up and Ethan and I turn back to Posie’s, he is still crying and screaming (at least 10 minutes later) in the following almost inaudible phrases:

“NOOOO! I don’t want ANYTHING. I want to go to the park! I want to go home! I want to go to sleep! I’m hungry! I don’t like you ANYMORE! I want to say goodbye to Brianna and William! I want the feather! I don’t want to share! I want it ALL NOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!”

(It was hard not to laugh at how little sense he was making.)

At Posies, the cry has become a little miserable murmuring. Katie (yes, we know the baristas by name, its sad) asked Ethan what was wrong and he hiccups something like, “Feather… Brianna… Park… Chocolate bread… Share…” lol

We sit outside for our “date”, as I’ve told him like this is a real special mama and Ethan discussion.

I wouldn’t have proceeded to get into the “talk” about growing up but I saw that he was in fact calm now and inquisitive about “what it means” to become 4.

We start talking about some behaviors he sees in kids younger than him, as well as some behaviors from kids older than him. We talk about growing up, how you get to do more things and you get more freedom and abilities, but that also means you must start to be more responsible for your feelings and behaviors. Some things must stop when he becomes 4 next week.

Long story short, here is the list Ethan came up with, that I jotted down, that will now be hanging on a poster on his door so that we can begin “practicing” being 4 this week in preparation for this milestone on Saturday.

“When I become 4…

I get to:
-Pour my own drink.
-Learn to ice skate.
-Join a sports team.
-Load and start the dishwasher with mama and dada.
-Use glitter and glue by myself.
-Stay up until 8pm instead of 7:30pm.

I need to stop doing:
-Screaming
-Hitting or kicking.
-Interrupting while adults are on the phone or having a conversation.
-Whining.
-Afraid of spiders. (cutie!)”

We talked about how becoming older doesn’t mean he can’t cry or have feelings, but we can talk about how he feels and do other things to show how we feel instead of outbursts. We’ve agreed to explore some other ways to show we are angry (draw an angry picture, for example.) I’m also hoping that Chris, who will be starting some one-on-one parenting coaching soon, will be able to counter some of the Chris/Ethan problems that have played into Ethan’s outbursts.

I’m not sure yet that we will actually enforce this list, but its more of a conversation about what we can now do and what things we need to leave behind because we are getting bigger and have new and better ways to express ourselves. He and I shook hands over this list, and I told him that I will begin to let him do the “I get to” items when I see he is letting go of the “I no longer can” items.

We’ll see how this goes…