This summer, my son began to exhibit the most common type of phobia- fear of spiders. Since I mentioned this on the blog, I’ve received some worried grandparent inquiries. (YES, my parents can read my blog – and it barely even cramps my style, heh?) So the long awaited post on Ethan and his relationship with arachnids follows:

Wiki says:

People with arachnophobia tend to feel uneasy in any area they believe could harbor spiders or that has visible signs of their presence, such as webs. If arachnophobics see a spider they may not enter the general vicinity until they have overcome the panic attack that is often associated with their phobia.

Early in the morning, he gets up to go tinkle and wrestles with himself over whether or not to enter the bathroom. “I need to pee REALLY BAD — but I think there are spiders in there!”

Portland has spiders like SW Florida had cockroaches, and luckily the vast majority of common city spiders are meak and mild- and not poisonous. Especially in the warmer months, they tend to spin webs in even the tidiest of homes. When we went away to the mountains a few weeks ago, we left our rooms a HOT MESS and the spiders were happy campers to take up temporary residence in our piles of unfolded laundry. Upon returning, they scurried for their lives when all of a sudden activity and lights returned to our rooms. We’ve been battling with Ethan’s “fear” ever since.

Some of us, ahem-hubby-ahem, have tried to find a solution in pushing Ethan’s hand towards webs and going “ahhhh!… SEE- they don’t bite!” (MEN?!) Others of us, ahem-me-ahem, have tried to explore the fear and educate the phobic. All of us, ahem-imperfect-parents-ahem, are now trying to be on the same page for the sake of our child.

Lesson one: “mayhaps, my son, you should pick up the piles in your room?” (Mayhaps, myself, I should set the EXAMPLE in my OWN room?!) Some tidying up ensued.

Lesson two: Maybe we should send the critters a message? (This was all Ethan’s idea, including the little spider cross-out-ghostbusters-piece, though I later traced it in pen since the sign was barely visible in yellow crayon.)

Lesson three: Maybe some spiders are not scary, not dangerous, even BENEFICIAL? We learn all about daddy-long-legs (which he is CONVINCED means they are ALL daddies) and we even kept track of one that spun little webs in the corner of our bedroom. We’re letting him hang out with us, because he was trapping any other bugs that came into the room, so we’re pretty much down with having ONE gentle spider in the corner rather than 20 random and unknown bugs that like to sneak in on summer months.

Lesson three learned recently, when Ethan explains to me: “I used to be scared of ALL spiders, but I am not scared of certain spiders anymore. So that means I am learning.” (Mommy’s heart swells with pride.)

Lesson four: Could it be, just MAYBE, that spiders are also INTERESTING?! We find a few throughout the week and instead of playing Miss Muffet and being “frightened away”, we have a special glass jar for cupping them, studying them, and letting them go outside where they belong. This week, we’ll be joining the homeschool preschool group for a viewing of Bugs! at OMSI to further explore our insect kingdom friends.

Letting a baby Daddy Long Leg go outside. I’ve always told Ethan not to kill insects. “They are just trying to find their way home,” I explain.

I am reminded as I watch Ethan’s journey that things that are unknown are often scary to us, and the more we explore it, the greater our understanding of how the world works and what our place is in it. So thanks, kid