As I type, the baby due date countdown on my sidebar says I have roughly 81 days to go, or just under 3 months.

This pregnancy has gone by fast. It came as a surprise of no small significance, conceived during a time of early reconciliation while processing a tremendous “crisis” in my marriage. I grieved this pregnancy. I put off making an appointment with a midwife until I was 14 weeks, and was only able to do that after I began counseling for “prenatal emotional health”. To say that this process has been difficult for me would be a laughable understatement. At each new phase, I had to let go of the denial, sadness, anger over my circumstance. My identity as a young woman, already on shaky ground, teetered even more. That concluded the first trimester, gone in the blink of an eye — or the lurch of my stomach!

Then there was the second trimester. I’ll call that chapter “acceptance”. I began to see the bump. Hear the heartbeat during appointments. Not long after, I felt the kicks. Within a couple of weeks, I braced myself for the sonogram which would confirm what my heart already knew- this was going to be a little girl, her name will be Verity, she will be my daughter. This pregnancy contains a little baby. There’s no longer any denying that I’ve got a bun in the oven, and for all intents and purposes, this little girl will be a part of my life in less than 3 months.

As I enter this last stretch, this third trimester, in many ways I have come to accept this pregnancy, and I have experienced some excitement over my new daughter. Lil’ E draws her pictures and puts them in a “To Verity” pile, with my knits and other simple gifts we make to express our growing love for her. Just before she is due, we will also celebrate Easter and Hubby’s birthday, but I expect the air will be full of quiet anticipation for Verity Rene.

I am beginning to feel the urge to prepare for her arrival, though this time in much simpler, meaningful ways.

There will be no bassinet, crib, swing, jumper, high chair, or other baby products in our home. We bought a “snuggle nest” on craigslist for her to co-sleep with us (in our full sized bed! lol) just as Lil’ E did, and I am looking out for used all natural and organic blankets to line it with, though I suspect our organic sheets and blankets will suffice since it won’t be winter anymore. Since I will breastfeed again, I need no feeding supplies, and know how to steam, puree, and freeze fruits and veggies for when she begins eating, which will coincidentally be a great time of harvest for local NW produce. Lil’ E has made space in his room by getting a new corner bookshelf (which you can always just assume is free or super cheap item purchased from craigslist) and we still need to find a used dresser for all the hand-me-downs Verity is accumulating. I refuse to buy or accept newly purchased outfits for her unless its handmade or something special like that, because seriously, Lil’ E had 21 onesies for every 5 pounds he grew, which is just excessive no matter which way you look at it. I will not have a babyshower because we have no needs. I can make a moby wrap or buy a used one at Bella Stella, and since I will just babywear all day everyday, there’s really no other contraptions necessary. I will continue to look for used cloth diapers, but I plan to give my very best attempt to the elimination control method of no-diapering. I’m not worried about when I’m going into labor because babies come on their own time. And I’m not worried about the labor itself because I survived 12 hours of pitocin induced labor without pain relief with a severe bladder/kidney infection and gave birth to a beautiful 8.7 pound boy, so anything worse will be way beyond my control anyway. I’m no longer reading books on labor or taking classes, all I needed to do was identify a midwife and decide on a homebirth. Simple. (Raising 3 grand for the homebirth, esp since Hubby’s income has just been reduced? NOT simple. Basically impossible, actually.)

It’s my firm belief that most of us are addicted to “extra”. Just look in your medicine cabinet, under your sink, in your dresser drawers, in your trash can, in your pantry. Too many products, too many clothes, too many things in boxes in the garage/basement/attic. We, (by which I literally mean MY family) own too many dvd’s we never watch and clothes we never wear. We believe the commercials and ads. Most people say they need the extra cars, cell phone minutes, and cable channels; they need the gazillion hygiene and cleaning products; the disposable napkins, diapers, dusters, counter wipes — AND they need their stressful jobs so they can afford all the other stuff they need. The lie is that these things make life more comfortable, easier, less time consuming, more instant gratification. But do they? Really?

This time, instead of a house full of plastic, colorful junk, the baby will get a house full of love. It’s simple, really. As simple as using a few natural ingredients for all of my cleaning and hygiene needs – as simple as sleeping when I’m tired – as simple as homeschooling instead of working extra hard to afford pre-k – as simple as soaking beans when I wake up so we have a something for dinner – as simple as taking a walk – as simple as the warmth of the sunlight from the window right now.

I need life to be simple. There are so many complicated things I can’t avoid, like filing my taxes, considering bankruptcy, dealing with a broken heart, and figuring out how to stay connected to my faith community in the midst of emotional mayhem.

Complicated things like not burning my popcorn on the stove when I’m too hungry to think straight.

Complicated things like forgiveness.