Dropping the cliche of giving thanks

I’ll be honest – today seemed to be dominated largely by a surprise notification from our corporate bank, U.S. Bank, (as opposed to ING Direct, whom we LOVE to pieces) who charged us over $400 in overdrafts fees yesterday. While, granted, it’s obvious to us at this point that most, if not all, are a mistake, but this notice in the mail came not 5 minutes after I got on my knees (literally!) to pray that God would help me find the money to make it to Florida to see my family whom I have not seen in 1.5 years. It was so disheartening to have to deal with a financial mess just minutes after believing that if I just surrendered and asked for God’s help, I would find a way to see them. What followed was a long day of tears and considering bankruptcy (again) and all those not-so-fun things that I am not-so-thankful for, frankly.

This time last year was particularly difficult for me, having Thanksgiving and holidays without family or friends around, no “surrogate” family here in Portland to take us in. I kept up hope that by this time this year, I would have found a way down there, but at this point that looks less and less likely, as I am not advised to travel such a long trip after mid-January, and we have no extra moolah for tickets anytime soon. Anything that does come in above paying bills is going directly to fund the impending birth in April, that thus far our insurance will not cover.

But while I start this post with a bit of sadness and complaining, I don’t want to leave it there. Before the money woes, I had a wonderful morning with Lil’ E, making a native american headband and smock and doing some dancing to a children’s cajun cd I got from the library last week. I’m ending the day with warm cookies and hot cocoa, flipping through recipe books and reading some poetry.

The point? It’s not the end of the world. In my experience, it never is.

So, I don’t have a big table to serve tomorrow, but I do have the ingredients on hand to make a few special things: beignets for breakfast, our tradition these past 3 years, followed by golden lentil stew with butternut squash risotto and kale souffle (recipe looks better than it’s title sounds!). And the company I will host will be none other than two of my favorite people in the whole world: my wonder-child son and wonder-love husband. Had anyone told me that this family unit would be doing so well 5 months ago, I would have fallen out of my chair laughing at them satirically.

Later, we do plan to help out at the Portland Rescue Mission to serve meals, which is something I have had on my heart to do as a family since I can remember calling us a “family”, so this will in many ways be a very fulfilling experience.

After fighting the crowds and catching the Macy’s Parade downtown on Friday morning, we’ll sort out the banking mess and open an account at a small local bank who actually deserves our support

So I will say adieu with a few interesting readings:

“Thanksgiving is that time of year
when people come from far and near.
The family grows from three or four
to five or six or ten or more.
The table may be large or small,
but room is made for one and all!”
- My First Thanksgiving Book, Jane Belk Moncure (Lil’ E’s book which made me sad this morning!)

dim
i
nu
tiv

e this park is e
mpty(everyb
ody’s elsewher
e except me 6 e

nglish sparrow
s)a
utumn & t
he rai

n
th
e
raintherain
-e.e.cummings

now(more near ourselves than we)
is a bird singing in a tree,
who never sings the same thing twice
and still that singing’s always his

eyes can feel but ears may see
there never lived a gayer he;
if earth and sky should break in two
he’d make them one (his song’s so true)

who sings for us for you for me
for each leaf newer than can be;
and for his own (his love) his dear
he sings till everywhere is here
-e.e.cummings

“While you are walking in this darkness and in these empty places of spiritual poverty you think that everything and everyone are failing you; but that is not surprising, for at these times it seems to you that God too is failing you. But nothing is failing you, nor have you any need to consult me about anything, nor have you any reason to do so, nor do you know one, nor will you find one: this is merely suspicion without cause. He that seeks naught but God walks not in darkness, in whatever darkness and poverty he may find himself; and he that harbors no presumptuousness and desires not his own satisfaction either as to God or as to the creatures, and works his own will in naught soever, has no need to stumble or to worry about anything. You are progressing well: remain in quietness and rejoice…”
-St. John of the Cross, Letter xviii to Dona Juana de Pedraza