Hubby and I are just sitting here reading quotes to each other from books we are reading or found online. I thought some were good enough to pass on

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From John Maxwell’s, Winning with People:
Healthy people are…

• more willing to change
• more willing to admit failure
• more willing to discuss issues
• more willing to learn from others
• more willing to do something about the problem
• able to travel light

Hurting people are…

• less willing to change
• less willing to admit failure
• less willing to discuss issues
• less willing to learn from others
• less willing to do something about the problem
• carrying a lot of baggage

“The difference between who you are today and who you will be in 5 years will be the people you spend time with and the books you read.” (Maxwell)

“The way you view others is determined by who you are… If you don’t like people, that really is a statement about you and the way YOU look at people. Your viewpoint is the problem. And if that’s the case, don’t try to change others, don’t even focus on others, focus on yourself.” (Maxwell)

(Maxwell)- THINK before you speak:

Is it:
T – true?
H – helpful?
I – inspiring?
N – necessary?
K – kind?

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“Often the anger experienced in their contemporary relationships is really a displaced anger from an earlier event or situation… Soul wounds do not heal if they are ignored. They continue to govern our emotions, our self-images, and our ways of interacting in relationships…

“I must enter the abject humiliation of needing, of asking for what my soul longs for, instead of protecting myself from the pain of its loss… Most of all, surrendering to God requires that I fully own my personal responsibility to love others well.” – Nancy Groom “From Bondage to Bonding”

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ARE YOU A DOORMAT? (”Unbreakable Bonds” by Meier)

Doing things for others that they ought to be doing for themselves. I give away my praise. I live for the praise of others.

Others make my choices. I give away my priorities. Others direct my life.

Others determine my self worth and define my identity. I give away my personhood. Others determine my value.

Rejection is what I fear most. I give away my purpose. I reduce my purpose to fear.

Mad at myself for not measuring up. I give away my pardon. I am perpetually self-critical.

Afraid of conflict. I give away my power. I teach myself that I do not deserve to be powerful.

True love is missing from my heart. I give away my plenty. I relinquish the abundance I could experience from loving myself unconditionally.”

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“The more clearly we recognize how deep our commitment to self-protection operates in our relational style and the more courageously we face the ugliness of protecting ourselves rather than loving others, the more we’ll shift our direction.” – Larry Crabb, Inside Out

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“Be a light, not a judge. Be a model, not a critic. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem… Don’t argue for other people’s weaknesses. Don’t argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it- immediately. Don’t get into a blaming, accusing mode. Work on things you have control over. Work on you. On be.

Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation. It’s not what they’re not doing or should be doing that’s the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing. If you start to think the problem is “out there,” stop yourself. That thought is the problem.” – Steven Covey, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”

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“If we are to become great lovers, we must return again and again to the love of the Great Lover. Thomas Merton reminds us that the root of Christian love is not the will to love but the faith to believe that one is deeply loved by God.” – David Benner, “Sacred Companions”

“Soul hospitality is also a gift of safety. Think of feeling safe enough with another person that without weighing words or measuring thoughts you are able to pour yourself out, trusting that the other person will keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away….

Soul friendship is the gift of a place where anything can be said without fear of criticism or ridicule. It is a place where masks and pretensions can be set aside. It is a place where it is safe to share deepest secrets, darkest fears, most acute sources of shame, most disturbing questions or anxieties. It is a place of grace- a place where others are accepted as they are for the sake of who they may become.” – (Benner)

“Dialogue involves the risk of revealing what is most precious to me. If I remain in a safe zone of opinions, facts, and information, I have not exposed my deepest self. Nor have I ventured to the place of deep encounter with others that is called dialogue… What I do or say is not ultimately all that important. The most important thing I can do is to help the other person be in contact with the gracious presence of Christ. If I bring anything of value to the meeting it is that I mediate divine grace.” (Benner)

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“If marriage is meant to show people what the oneness of God is like, what happens when everybody is one in the presence of God?

If marriage is a picture of something else, what would happen to marriage if we found ourselves living in the midst of that something else?

Is sex in its greatest, purest, most joyful and honest expression a glimpse of forever?

Are these brief moments of abandon and oneness and ecstasy just a couple of seconds or minutes of how things will be forever?

Is sex a picture of heaven?…

Maybe Jesus knew what was coming and knew that whatever we experience here will pale compared with what awaits everyone.

Do you long for that?

Because that’s the center of Jesus’ message.

An invitation.

To trust that it’s true,

to trust that it’s real,

to trust that God is actually going to make all things new.”

-Rob Bell, “Sex, God”

Maybe it’s because my first memory of going to the movie theater was to see Home Alone, or maybe I’m just a Christmas junkie, but holiday flicks really do it for me. They are as much a part of the season as the rest of the fanfare, if not more so.

In keeping with the tradition, this year we are setting aside a christmas movie marathon time after Thanksgiving in order to watch some classics. But unlike in previous years, this time around I am tapped into a little thought of resource- the public library! With such choices, I have been able to secure myself a copy of many Christmas movies that show up on the “best of all time” lists, a few of which I have never seen, for free!

Here is this year’s list for our Christmas Movie Marathon:

A Christmas Story
Home Alone
Elf
Christmas with the Kranks
It’s a Wonderful Life
The Shop Around the Corner
Miracle on 34th Street
Holiday Inn
Christmas in Connecticut
This Christmas
The Family Stone
The Holiday

Movies I hope to see in the theater this year (or get from the library next year!):

Nothing Like the Holidays
A Christmas Tale
How About You
Marley & Me

Happy Christmas Movie Marathon!

We found a spot to watch Portland’s Macy’s After-Thanksgiving Day Parade yesterday morning that wasn’t too crowded (though the crowds really aren’t that large anyway, in comparison to Lakeland, FL where the entire city comes out for that event!). This year, we actually got there on time! Ethan got a huge kick out of it, and I guess Hubby did too since he took pictures of every single float

We then went to find the Victorian carolers at the mall, only to catch them walking in as we were leaving. Did we follow them back in? Oh yes, we did: all the way through the 3 story, 4 block mall while they scoped out the right spot to get started (or so we thought) only to be lead to the bathrooms in the food court. At that point, we gave up! We caught the streetcar up to NW 23rd where there were way less shoppers (a good thing) and found a diner that served kids for only $1.99! I was expecting Ethan’s order to be teeny weeny, but was very happy to see him finish the adult sized plate of scrambled eggs, bacon and 3 pancakes (apple juice included) for only $1.99. Amazing!

After that, we were happy to head home and watch movies for the evening, (though it meant we missed standing in the freezing cold -to us Floridians- to wait for the Christmas Tree Lighting at Pioneer Square… some things you just learn to let go )

I also added a few random pics from the last few months at the beginning that I found on Hubby’s cell phone:

I’ll be honest – today seemed to be dominated largely by a surprise notification from our corporate bank, U.S. Bank, (as opposed to ING Direct, whom we LOVE to pieces) who charged us over $400 in overdrafts fees yesterday. While, granted, it’s obvious to us at this point that most, if not all, are a mistake, but this notice in the mail came not 5 minutes after I got on my knees (literally!) to pray that God would help me find the money to make it to Florida to see my family whom I have not seen in 1.5 years. It was so disheartening to have to deal with a financial mess just minutes after believing that if I just surrendered and asked for God’s help, I would find a way to see them. What followed was a long day of tears and considering bankruptcy (again) and all those not-so-fun things that I am not-so-thankful for, frankly.

This time last year was particularly difficult for me, having Thanksgiving and holidays without family or friends around, no “surrogate” family here in Portland to take us in. I kept up hope that by this time this year, I would have found a way down there, but at this point that looks less and less likely, as I am not advised to travel such a long trip after mid-January, and we have no extra moolah for tickets anytime soon. Anything that does come in above paying bills is going directly to fund the impending birth in April, that thus far our insurance will not cover.

But while I start this post with a bit of sadness and complaining, I don’t want to leave it there. Before the money woes, I had a wonderful morning with Lil’ E, making a native american headband and smock and doing some dancing to a children’s cajun cd I got from the library last week. I’m ending the day with warm cookies and hot cocoa, flipping through recipe books and reading some poetry.

The point? It’s not the end of the world. In my experience, it never is.

So, I don’t have a big table to serve tomorrow, but I do have the ingredients on hand to make a few special things: beignets for breakfast, our tradition these past 3 years, followed by golden lentil stew with butternut squash risotto and kale souffle (recipe looks better than it’s title sounds!). And the company I will host will be none other than two of my favorite people in the whole world: my wonder-child son and wonder-love husband. Had anyone told me that this family unit would be doing so well 5 months ago, I would have fallen out of my chair laughing at them satirically.

Later, we do plan to help out at the Portland Rescue Mission to serve meals, which is something I have had on my heart to do as a family since I can remember calling us a “family”, so this will in many ways be a very fulfilling experience.

After fighting the crowds and catching the Macy’s Parade downtown on Friday morning, we’ll sort out the banking mess and open an account at a small local bank who actually deserves our support

So I will say adieu with a few interesting readings:

“Thanksgiving is that time of year
when people come from far and near.
The family grows from three or four
to five or six or ten or more.
The table may be large or small,
but room is made for one and all!”
- My First Thanksgiving Book, Jane Belk Moncure (Lil’ E’s book which made me sad this morning!)

dim
i
nu
tiv

e this park is e
mpty(everyb
ody’s elsewher
e except me 6 e

nglish sparrow
s)a
utumn & t
he rai

n
th
e
raintherain
-e.e.cummings

now(more near ourselves than we)
is a bird singing in a tree,
who never sings the same thing twice
and still that singing’s always his

eyes can feel but ears may see
there never lived a gayer he;
if earth and sky should break in two
he’d make them one (his song’s so true)

who sings for us for you for me
for each leaf newer than can be;
and for his own (his love) his dear
he sings till everywhere is here
-e.e.cummings

“While you are walking in this darkness and in these empty places of spiritual poverty you think that everything and everyone are failing you; but that is not surprising, for at these times it seems to you that God too is failing you. But nothing is failing you, nor have you any need to consult me about anything, nor have you any reason to do so, nor do you know one, nor will you find one: this is merely suspicion without cause. He that seeks naught but God walks not in darkness, in whatever darkness and poverty he may find himself; and he that harbors no presumptuousness and desires not his own satisfaction either as to God or as to the creatures, and works his own will in naught soever, has no need to stumble or to worry about anything. You are progressing well: remain in quietness and rejoice…”
-St. John of the Cross, Letter xviii to Dona Juana de Pedraza

Advent Conspiracy

Rethinking Christmas

Buy Nothing Day/Make Something Day (rather than shop on the day after thanksgiving, celebrate Buy Nothing Day!

What Would Jesus Buy

This weekend, I made our list of Christmas gifts and finished our shopping for the holidays. Forty dollars in supplies will send our loved one’s a package (minus shipping, of course) of home-made gifts we’ll make them while on Thanksgiving break this year. I’m excited to make ornaments, bird houses and cookies with our son, and for him to know that we can give without going to the mall.

For some, the concept is harder to grasp, and the tradition of consumerism harder to let go of. Just spend some time rethinking it. Get creative. It’s amazing how great Christmas can be without the trimmings and trappings. To that end, we hope to get the point across those those who love us as well, that needless gifts are not wanted, just your love and time! How easy is that?!

Spend less, love more!

18 weeks, solidly moving along in the second trimester. Been feeling fetal kicks for about 2 weeks now, but a little stronger lately. Typical great 2nd trimester so far, feelin by all accounts NOT pregnant, save the baby bump forming. Next midwife visit is on Tuesday and we’ll schedule the sonogram shortly thereafter. Still no budge from insurance to cover a birth out of a hospital (at a birthing center or a homebirth) (what a freakin’ crazy system here in America…) so I have a LOT of money saving to do. Or I could just do what these ladies do and have an unassisted birth!!!

What a year this has been, I can hardly believe how much has changed. The last thing I ever imagined 6 months ago is that I’d be in-love, pregnant again and doing 3 hours of counseling a week, lol

Hubby shot these of me just yesterday (and there’s some boring pics of the beach last weekend- I need a new camera):

Just in from another short, brisk (51 degree) walk to playschool. This morning I am remarking to myself at just how tired I am sometimes. Can anyone else relate to the feeling that you are so burnt out that you just want to stop moving for awhile? I had a weird dream last night that I was 14 years old and telling my (now deceased) grandmother that I planned to get scholarships through college (which happened) by making straight A’s and being involved in extracurricular activities (the following year I was a cross-country runner, varsity basketball cheerleader, key club member, honor society member, treasurer of my class in student government, played viola in orchestra, in a school play, in art club, worked part-time 15 hours per week, in fellowship of christian athletes, and involved in youth group – all as a freshman in high school.) When I woke up and thought about this, and how hard I pushed myself to do so many things (and never felt I did any of them particularly well because I was so spread out), it is no wonder that I am feeling like I’m at the end of my life instead of the beginning!

When one thing ended, I was already sticking my foot in the next (taking high school courses in middle school and summer school before beginning high school, then planning a wedding by the time I started college, then planning a birth by the time I finished college, etc) that I never got a break. I wish I would have not been so performance driven. I could have done half the things I did and still gotten scholarships through school, but I felt that most people my age were burning the candle at both ends, as my dad used to warn me, so I had to keep up. I wish I had known that life doesn’t slow down unless and until you are lucky enough to retire, and I might as well enjoy my childhood first so I don’t feel like an old maid at 24!

My counselor told me last week that what I just described is textbook for motherless daughters – those of us who didn’t have the role model of a wonderful, yet imperfect, woman – so we constantly tried to measure up to an obscure ideal, as a student, worker, women, wife and mother. I’ll try to write more about my journey into realizing what that all means when I have figured it out a bit more myself. There’s a list of “missing mother syndrome” characteristics in the link above that I highly relate to, esp the last few:

• You experience social stress – you either try to stay invisible, or you have a compulsion to be in the limelight
• You feel homesick without knowing where “home” is
• You are trying too hard to be happy and “perfect”
• You take rejection very personally
• You believe that everybody else gets their act together – except for you

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Becoming a mother at 21 after pushing myself this hard really changed my world. The patience it takes to listen to my 3 year old son ramble and ask questions for 10 minutes while we walk to playschool is exhausting, and the weight I feel lifted when I drop him off is existential! I relish the quiet house when I return; I want to bottle up the silence and release it in my ear every time I get overwhelmed with the noise of motherhood. I love my son to pieces, but I feel sometimes like I can barely express it because its bundled under so much fatigue and distraction with work, marriage, and the rest of life. I know all mother’s of young children, especially those you are the primary caregiver, feel this way. It’s tiring, and I’ve been doing it for 3.5 years without much relief (luckily with only one). I can’t even imagine the pure exhaustion of single-mothers, who don’t have a husband like mine who comes home sweaty from riding his bike home from work nearly 5 miles away, only to start doing dishes, dinner, and putting the kid to bed for you! It’s just amazing to me that they do as well as they do, with such little support. I just pray for my sanity and emotional health as I anticipate starting all over with diapers and breastfeeding in April. Like I said, motherhood changed my world.

By the way, I loved the women’s retreat last weekend. Too bad it wasn’t an entire week (or month, or year!). It’s amazing how connected we all are by our feelings, despite the varying situations effecting our lives. It’s amazing how many of us struggle to leave the house in order to participate in community and fellowship with each other, and were pleasantly surprised at how nice it was to talk and make meals all weekend with people you hardly knew! I needed it, and as the weekly routine begins again I am seeing just how much I needed it! God is good.

cardboard children hold signs that read “SLOW DOWN!”

slick wet leaves blanket the sprawl beneath their mother trees.

quiet here,
save the distant beeping of a work truck and
some rattling glass from a homeless man’s bag of collections.

large historic bungalows – with classy face-lifts;
large windows and front porches
high rocky lawns and japanese maples.

sky is a pure and consistent #EDEDED

one yard has a red wagon left out,
turned upside down
no doubt in the hurry in for supper

now the overriding noise is my boots crunching
colorful piles of fall underfoot
layered thick on the sidewalk

I smell nothing but fresh, wet air and
the occasional wood burning chimney smoke

keep breathing
keep walking
keep feeling
keep living
keep healing.

Check it out

Despite the ugly remarks I read on facebook this morning from a few conservative christians who, unfortunately, refuse to recognize the kingdom of God is alive and strong regardless of their disappointment in a democratic president elect- I am smiling this morning.

I want to be careful here. I know not every one was hoping for an Obama presidency. Some were downright praying that things would specifically go the other way- (I picture God chuckling a bit at all those well-intentioned prayers! Oh me, oh my.) I hope that those who didn’t favor Obama will be able to move passed their disappointment and join the rest of American’s in hoping for a better future, in supporting and praying for the safety and guidance of our newly elected officials, from the sheriffs to the president. (Hold him to his promise for change – join the petition here!)

As my bff reminds me, and as Derek Webb sings, there will never be a Savior on capital hill. Neither Obama nor McCain rode white horses during this election, (thank goodness!). It is God who has the whole world in His hands, and while those facebookers I spoke of might be filled with dread and fear, I am filled with hope and peace that the message of Christ – the real gospel of good news to the oppressed, to the minorities, to the wealthy and greedy, to those clinging to a religion that has been decaying under the diminishing (if not long gone) modern era and the so called “religious right” of domineering agendas, to the countries around the world who have grown to despise us under the current presidency, – that true message of the Bible, of love, justice, peace and giving will thrive and flourish under the new one.

Will mistakes be made? Most certainly – no matter who was elected last night. But we have the chance now to begin to correct some of the policies that have damaged us in the past. My prayer now is for this country to move forward under new leadership. Today is a new day.

Now I’m going to finish a cup of “holiday blend” coffee and get to work, which will top off my happy morning so superbly that my toes feel as though they might sing jingle bells!

Oh- I forgot to mention – I am going away this weekend on a Women’s Beach Retreat with other Evergreen (church) ladies! I am doing breakfast on Sat. morning, bringing my french press and grinder, my book for book club (Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe), some chick flicks and board games! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Props to you Florida voters! You’ve amazed me!