I am sitting at my dining table in the kitchen where it is warm; the oven holds baked oatmeal and peaches for tonight’s low-maintenance dinner and does a great secondary job of heating up this small home.

I am knitting again, in between writing and peaking on the oatmeal. On the needles is a gift for a dear friend who was one of the first to “order” something when I put out my request for help so I could pay for my course and trip to Milwaukee last weekend. The yarn in my hands is forest heather, a golden flecked emerald DK weight wool, and I’m crafting a handkerchief headband whose pattern title harkens on the forest theme: Lichen.

The special, community supported way in which beginning my teacher training was made possible fills me with gratitude, and as I work to complete each order I am trying to be mindful of the donor the item is going to, filling myself with love and appreciation for their support. It is especially useful that this course is about meditation, as knitting itself can become quite a contemplative exercise. As I work with my hands, in my mind’s eye I am surrounded by large fir trees and a moss covered forest floor like the moist soils of Oregon. The deep green yarn tells of ancient mysteries that lurk behind the trees.

The truth is, my heart is heavy and my mind is unsettled lately, but when I dig deep I find that weightless joy abounds even in the midst of difficult times and decisions. I am delighted and surprised by this; that peace can transcend circumstances and fruitful hope can arise from the decays of failure is a calming anecdote in a world that is sometimes so damn confusing.

The inviting aroma of maple and cinnamon tells me dinner is ready…

In just over 24 hours, the year 2011 will be behind us. All of the events, thoughts, choices, growth, moves, meetings, struggles and successes will be closed up in a place reserved for “that year when…”

2011 was, for me, completely packed with changes. New: state, job, house, plot of soil, goals, community, school, and the minute details that are involved in each. It was very ebb and flow; for example, a long and lazy Summer, deeply experienced and meditatively approached, was followed up quickly by a fast-paced Fall with a vigorous work schedule and the re-awakening of driven choices.

One major choice was that of returning to further my education. As I wrote about recently, my first choice was giving me pause and I stopped to listen to that pause. I listened long enough to hear a gentle nudge in another direction, and discovered a Waldorf Teacher Training program in Wisconsin that partners with a local accredited college to allow students to also receive federal funding for most of the courses as well as eligibility towards a Masters in Education with Waldorf Emphasis. Being “only” 8 hours away, this solution was gloriously ideal.

I applied to the schools (the training institute and the college) and found out that Foundation Studies begin in 3 weeks! My head was spinning a bit, trying to merge all the logistical details into one semi-organized spot in my brain before brainstorming ways in which it could work for me to start on such short notice. Armed with the strength of hope, I got passed my fears and uncertainty about asking for help and sent out a “campaign” of sorts to raise the funds by taking pre-orders on my handmade goods through the Fall. Within 2 days I had enough orders to pay the registration fee, and within a week a few other generous donations towards other logistical costs (car rental, gas, food, babysitter, books). I was at once humbled and enthralled! The support of my community, both financial as well as emotional/spiritual, was opening a door for me that seems improbable if not impossible a year ago.

Next Friday night I will be sleeping (hopefully!) in a dorm in Milwaukee, having begun the first course that evening in my Waldorf teacher training. To say that I am overwhelmed would end 2011 with the understatement of the year!

The course itself, guided by the texts How to Know Higher Worlds (Steiner) and Meditation as Contemplative Inquiry (Zajonc), is definitely right up my alley and a part of my life that greatly needs more focus to bring my whole self into balance. To slow down and live consciously and mindfully has rarely been my strong point. My will and ambition often bites off a bit more than I can chew, and my fear of failing other people too often drives me to complete whatever I’ve set out to do — even when my health, home, and family are the sacrifice. If I am to become a teacher within a Waldorf model, then this is a wonderful place for me to begin — at perhaps my greatest personal struggle.

I have been repeating a Steiner verse to myself and to the kids often these last few weeks. I gravitate to the very thing I find so hard to do at times: find my Inner Quiet, my Silent Self… Christ in me.

Quiet I bear within me,
I bear within myself,
forces to make me strong.
Now will I be imbued with
their glowing warmth,
Now will I fill myself with
my own will’s resolve.
And I will feel the quiet
pouring through my being,
When by my steadfast striving
I become strong,
To find within myself
the source of strength,
The strength of Inner Quiet.
–Rudolf Steiner

2012 will quickly find me GOING – off to start this next adventure, trying not to be insanely worried about my kids back home! (aahhhhhh!) But my intention for the next year is not to be GOING so much. I want to become more of a human being, and less of a human doing. I want to have more time to notice what is right in front of me: when my garden needs water, or my kids’ need some cuddling, or my kombucha needs to be fed, or my sister needs a phone call, … or my body needs to rest.

Simply put, my sole New Year’s resolve is to better live in the present.

Happy New Year, friends.

On Sunday morning the family set out on a hike with our friend/neighbor and her son, along with another family they knew. We didn’t know our destination until we arrived to pick them up, and when she told me Gans Creek trails, at the end of Bearfield Road, I thought, how ironic! You see, we had just been checking out a rental on a road walking distance to this trail the day before (we are still in the process of checking it out, btw). The location was completely unknown to us until this point — seems like the stars were aligning a bit, but who knows?

The hike was lovely. The air was crispy and cool as we set out onto the trail; 5 adults and 5 children noisily bustling ahead. Close in we discover the remains of a crumbled foundation and set out to explore. We balance beam our way along the rocky establishment, mapping out the floor plan and speculating about the era it was built. We find a connected root cellar underground.

I wandered about with my camera, pointing and shooting where it willed. Through the lens I see an old rusty horseshoe, stuck up on a limb of a tree. After some maneuvering with a fallen branch, Chris managed to retrieve my prize and I was totally enamored with this corroded treasure and the stories it told me. My lucky horseshoe.

Nearby I discovered an old electric pole, with little metal house numbers (possibly?) nailed on. I didn’t take the numbers. (But I wanted to.)

The rest of the hike was beautiful. We ended on an expanse of deciduous trees whose turf was rich and mulchy with deer droppings and fallen leaves.

The kids found fairy homes and an all natural jungle gym.

And we found Verity a future husband:

All in all, I’d say it was one very successful outing.

I found this sweet list on The Center for Anthroposophy site about becoming a Waldorf teacher and had to share:

• Becoming a Waldorf teacher requires a willingness to learn–and so to teach–in an entirely new way. Rather than teaching students familiar answers, a Waldorf educator teaches them to ask unfamiliar questions. Instead of teaching from concepts to experiences or examples of these concepts–for instance, from rule of grammar to examples of the rule, or from a principle of physics to evidence of this principle in the lab–the Waldorf educator teaches the other way around: from experience to concept. Sometimes this approach is called the “discovery method” of teaching, or a “phenomena-based education”. This approach to teaching may take longer, but its results last a life time.
• To become a Waldorf teacher requires inner work and self-transformation. To be able to change children, one must first be able to change oneself. Charity begins at home.
• Becoming a Waldorf teacher requires a willingness to work with colleagues on an equal footing and to take responsibility for the school as a whole. Most Waldorf schools are run by their own teachers or those mandated by them to administer the school.
• To become a Waldorf teacher requires trust and patience: trust that the child will grow through foreseeable stages of development (some of them turbulent); patience to guide the child through these stages.
• Becoming a Waldorf teacher requires an ability not only to teach through the arts but to teach artistically so that each lesson is not only beautifully crafted but authentic. Most Waldorf classes are conducted without reference to a textbook, though students read widely in primary sources.
• To become a Waldorf teacher requires a warm sense of humor.
• To become a Waldorf teacher requires special training — first in Foundation Studies in Anthroposophy and the Arts; then in early childhood, elementary, or high school Waldorf teacher training; finally in ongoing Waldorf refresher courses.

I have decided to take a few extra weeks to think about starting my masters in teaching. It is a tough call because some, if not most, of the educational approach I would get in such a degree program is a contrast to the type of approach the student, teacher, and organization described above. I have more to think and pray about.

In the meantime, I am crafting up a storm for the holidays and having a blast! More on that in due time…

Oh, the joys of coming home with an armful of borrowed books. The Daniel Boone Regional Library is incredible, from its amazing selection of music to its old classic children’s books, it’s large section of things I love, like homesteading and knitting books — but add to that no limits and no late fees, and you got DBRL. I heart them.

Today I am pretty excited about the books I toted home for my winter break reading. Garden Gate will be closed until mid-January so I’ve got the full-time kiddo gig back again for the month. I am excited! We have St. Lucia celebrations tomorrow and a Winter Spiral at Garden Gate. I plan to do lots of crafting, lots of baking, and lots (LOTS) of singing.

Having already established a good stack of book’s for the kids this winter, (including three new favs: The Christmas Story Book, Fireside Stories; Tales for a Winter’s Eve, and Jan Brett’s new one, Home for Christmas), today was about mom (that’d be me).

Without further delay, I bring you my winter reading:

Seasons of Celebration; Meditations on the Cycle of Liturgical Feasts, — THOMAS MERTON (Okay, I named my bunny after this guy – I’m giddy about finding this one!)

A Simple Christmas; Celebrating the Old-Fashioned Way in a Post-Modern World — LORI SALKIN & ROB SPERRY

Holy Holidays; The Catholic Origins of Celebration — GREG TOBIN

Tis the Season Holiday Cookbook – MARY ENGELBREIT

Less is More; Embracing simplicity for a healthy planet, a caring economy, and lasting happiness — CECILE ANDREWS & WANDA URBANSKA

Be Thrifty (… Not Cheap) ; How to Live Better with Less – PIA CATTON AND CALIFIA SUNTREE

Organizing Plain & Simple — DONNA SMALLIN

The Candida Albicans Yeast-Free Cookbook; How Good Nutrition Can Help Fight the Epidemic of Yeast-Related Diseases — PAT CONNOLLY

The Everyday Low-Carb Slow Cooker; Recipes That Cook Themselves — KITTY BROIHIER and KIMBERLY MAYONE

They were out of the two books I wanted most: Rhythm of the Family; Discovering a Sense of Wonder Through the Seasons (Amanda Soule) and Simpler Living: A Back to Basics Guide to Cleaning, Furnishing, Storing, Decluttering, Streamlining, Organizing, and More. (But these two are also on my Christmas wish list… hint hint Mr. Ortecho )

So that’s where my nose is stuck — now, what are YOU reading this winter???

We have had our first snow already, though within a day or two our winter wonderland has melted away. I’m looking out at the street lights glinting off the last of the crunchy ice on the ground. Taking a moment to pause and return here.

I’ve been a stranger to this space and coming back always feels a bit like trying on my skinny jeans when they are starchy and cold from the closet. Will I still fit?

{update}

We have crowded around the table in our little kitchen and shared a grateful meal; grain-free (on GAPS diet currently) and full of love.

Our advent tree has been selected, sawed down by the family who will adorn it with handmade items. Our resident 2.5 year old likes to stand by it and sing, “O tithmas teeee, O tithmas teee!”

Holiday craft/bake sale school fundraiser has been miraculously pulled off without a hitch.


(I made the Indian girl in the foreground, as well as the wool felted red-head in the pink dress holding flowers, and a few scattered items; Jack Frost and Father Christmas dolls, felted wool and knitted ornaments, etc. The handwork group/crafting time this season has been incredibly sweet to my soul. The sale for the school went really well – a major blessing.)

We’ve done our first of the annual “Living Windows” holiday event downtown. Here’s the Robot Family Christmas scene in the window of Poppies:

Lanterns have been walked. Martinmas and St. Nicholas Day has been celebrated.

Chris has a new job! He is enjoying his new gig as grocery manager at Natural Grocers very much, though the bakery crew and customers still hold a special place in his heart.

Ethan is missing a front tooth.

Mr. Merton Pfeffernusse has gotten a haircut.

Christmas carols are being sung; Favorite, curl-up-under-the-blanket holiday tales are being told; festive teas and lots of homemade raw eggnog are being consumed. Indoor games of mancala, go fish, tic-tac-toe, hide-n-seek, explore-with-flashlights, and tent building are happening, with a hearty dose of outdoor play mixed in — until Jack Frost frightens them back inside.

And I, dear friends, am very busy at present with all this and so much more. So this space of words and thoughts and images — it feels too crowded to me at times. My gut tells me to stay away for awhile, to let the moments when I might otherwise come to this blog pass over me in quiet rest – in the sacred doing of nothing.

Warmest blessings to you this advent season… may you find moments where you have nothing to do but be.

mama.

So I said I would be here, sharing photos and tidbits, quite a while ago. See, I had this funny idea that once Ethan started school, life would slow down a bit and I would have more time in this space. HA! No one ever prepares you for the life of an involved mother with a child in a school community, even a part-time one, and especially a Waldorf-inspired one. At the same time, what better place to get involved than in such a pedagogical group that honors and protects, vehemently, the rhythm of the home? I’m fortunate to have found a place whose elders speak words of wisdom about balance, a slow and steady pace, and quality over quantity.

I have since become the administrative assistant and web master over at this sweet little school, which includes a lot of hurry-up-wait-slow-down’s as roles and expectations are crafted. I am enjoying, oh so much, my involvement at Garden Gate, from the handwork needs to the Steiner readings to the hand-drawn flyers for publicity — it is all so intentional, soulful, and creative. Even the goodies at the weekly meetings embody this experience of being connected to a living and organic system/organization; goodies like a pot of cardamon tea with a generous helping of crispy nuts, or almond butter and sliced apples. Each meeting is begun and ended with a Steiner verse spoken out loud together, and form drawing exercises to engage us. More times than I can count, I get this inner nudge that confirms the sentiment: I have found my people.

Ethan is likewise in his element. The four hours he spends with his kindergarten teacher and assistant, and group of about 8 other peers, is just the sweetest. He has grown by osmosis in many developmental mile markers in just these last 2 months. His teacher describes him as “so open”, as he takes in the oral-storytelling and Waldorf puppet rendition of the story, later acting it out at the end of the week with his peers, feeling deeply the stories and crafts. Outdoors he leads expeditions around the playground/schoolyard, showing all the younger boys and girls where to find the best bugs. At home Ethan continues to show more and more signs of 1st grade readiness and his 7-year change is definitely upon us. I am enjoying being his mother and feel in many ways like I have my child back, in comparison to the unbounded year of frustration our relationship experienced in Arkansas. Ethan sweet face is always so eager and forward, bright and friendly. Physical developments that I used to worry about when I would observe his “unassimilated” self are beginning to find resolution: he climbs trees constantly, hoola hoops, skips, swings himself, cuts vegetables, folds clothes, and finger knits. Next order of business is to tie his shoes Such important physical developments are indications to me — indications that he is indeed getting what he needs at his age, that is, no media, no academia, no extra anxiety, just the rough and tumble life of a healthy 6 year old boy! I attest through experience that Waldorf education is truly therapeutic — I can see why it is so effective for children with autism and the like. It’s slow, rhythmic, holistic, natural, tactile/experiential approach to early childhood is exactly what the children of this industrialized Western culture so desperately need (and their parents too!)

Verity is warming up to other children at the school in her time there during drop off/pick up, but will likely be home with mama until next Fall (when she’ll be 3.5). Her time with me alone has been very sweet too — we often get her an oatmeal cookie downtown and back at home she nurses and takes a mid-morning nap until its time to get Ethan at 1pm. This has helped her find her own rhythm and to be good and tired for bedtime (8pm). At last she is transitioning a bit from younger toddler to older, as she excepts storytime at night in her own bed next to Ethan, and I sing them to sleep from the rocking chair. Most nights, after I’ve closed the door behind me, there is minimal laughter and whispers and within a few minutes they are both fast asleep and off to dreamland after a full day. Early morning finds Verity paddling through the hall and climbing into my bed to nurse again, which I’m perfectly content to do. Transitions are hard for these little ones. We can ease out of bed sharing, for sure. Besides, I love that feeling of bringing her under the covers, noticing her chilly legs as she tucks them into my thighs to warm up and fall back asleep. She’s still just my baby in those wee hours of the morning.

In other news, I am applying for my Master of Arts in Teaching, hoping to begin classes in January. This venture will bring me full circle to my original undergrad major in Elementary Education, but this time I know my pedagogical interest and my aim is to some day work in a Waldorf methods setting where my own children are being nurtured and educated as well. Who knows what this will look like and when, but for now I am focused on accomplishing the training to open such doors. Since moving to Columbia, I have felt inspired to further my education (this is a very educated little college town!) and to challenge myself intellectually. I’m grateful to be dwelving deeper into Waldorf education in particular because of the emphasis on whole person (truly) rather than merely the intellect. The ideal is that the mind, soul, spirit, and body work together to progress the human experience and this is something I can get behind, not just for my goals with my children but for my personal, and even societal/communal ambitions.

It’s an exciting time for the Ortecho’s. Stay tuned…

Spending the Labor Day weekend in our ol’ town of Fayetteville, AR. It has been so good to be out in the country visiting relatives, as well as fantastic to see some dear friends Natalie and Luke! We made it to the Fayetteville Farmer’s Market, Little Bread on Block St (heavenly bagels!), stopped in for an amber bead at the bead shop and some marvelous yarn and hand-carved shawl pin at the knitting shop, before heading to the Clothesline Festival in Prairie Grove.

Later, I met up with Natalie and Candice at Brickhouse Kitchen Cafe, where we caught up over a bottle of Prosecco and aged cheddar, followed by an … interesting(!) time at the Karaoke bar. (Suffice it to say, I’m not sure that all the college aged Arkansas State Razorback football fans, decked head to toe in team fan faire in the aftermath of a winning game, truly appreciated our Karaoke rendition of Woody Gunthrie’s “This Land is Your Land”. I am consoled by the most certain fact that Woody himself would have been proud of us )

I’ve snapped a few “keepers” on my camera this weekend but left the necessary plugs to upload at the ol’ tiny house in Columbia, so I’ll post those once we get back. This week begins Ethan’s part-time kindergarten (!!!!!!!) and some new and exciting things are in the works that I’ll share just as soon as details are finalized

So… stay tuned!

Stopping in to this space to say “hullo!”

Has been a busy Summer in ways, not really so much with a packed schedule but in terms of keeping up with everyday life. My garden turned in for the season after battling draught and heat waves and chicken nibblings, so there’s been little to no harvesting this year save 6 small jars of blueberry plum jam. Ah well, that’s okay.

The highlights of the last few weeks have mainly centered around the ending of Summer and beginning of Ethan being enrolled in the 3-morning/week Waldorf kindergarten here. Lots to do before school starts, and when they say it will require community involvement they mean it! From parent work days (painting, polishing, scrubbing, you name it) of the school house and gardens, to home visits (yep – the teachers care enough to visit the children’s homes before the school year starts), as well as a (voluntary, of course) parent/teacher workshop this past weekend. Up this week is a “kindergarten evening” and a “family potluck” School for him begins next Wednesday. Agh!

Suffice it to say, I’m a bit immersed in this world right now. It is difficult for me to articulate just how much inner transformation has happened for me since I moved here, and especially this Summer. Having the TV/movies off the majority of the Summer has been incredible, and has created so much more time for meaningful books and yoga and a prayer life and time outdoors. I have really strengthened my will, my resolve, to tackle things in my lifestyle to reflect a more mindful and conscious approach to every day life. Rather than lofty goals and dreams for each day, I may simply get my bed made, make meals for the kids and I, read a book, knit for ten minutes, keep up the dishes, etc. These tasks in discipline are often more than enough to keep me busy as well as balanced, and leave me more open to observation of the kids and the needs of the family around me. I think the task of a homemaker really is one of balance and harmony, which is so hard when in my selfishness I would rather spend the day doing things I enjoy as an individual and just sort of treat myself to whatever I fancy doing. The kids bring me back to reality: boy, I really want to sit down and paint for an hour — oh, yeah, I need to wipe Verity’s butt. I’m learning, (really, I am!), to accept this and appreciate it for all of the wonderful lessons such a life brings me. I know the mothering of little ones is not forever, and at this time my highest calling is to be present to this home – most importantly its inhabitants- by creating a soulful, flexible, unhurried, creative, nurturing space for us to flourish. Not easy, but so worth the effort. And so much comes not in technique or knowledge or talents, but in simply doing the “inner work”; growing into the person whose light and love permeates whatever is around them. A lifetime’s journey!

The weather here in Columbia has improved quite a bit, with a few days of sweet reprieve here and there where highs are in the 70’s and 80’s (instead of 100’s). I have enjoyed the transitional phase into Autumn and look forward to Fall — HOWEVER, I feel this year that I have no sense of restless anticipation coupled with discontent and fatigue over the previous season. Rather, I feel I lived deeply into this Summer. I did a lot of hiking and lazy days at the park in the creek and ponds; I caught a lot of bugs (vicariously through Ethan!), ate a lot of Summer fruit, really let it all sink in and be experienced with gratitude. I felt myself submerged in water, felt hot sand and rocks on my feet, got a great tan on my shoulders, and wore out my flipflops. After the Sensory Delight of Summer I feel satisfied and calmly ready for the seasons change around the corner.

We head to Fayetteville for Labor Day weekend – we can’t wait to drive up that long gravel driveway to my aunts house and sleep in the dark, absolute quiet of her country house (so opposite our inner city house, with the constant cars, fire engines, and dogs barking, lol). Will be so good to visit with sweet friends and family before returning home to officially begin the school year.

Sorry no pictures in a while – it is so easy to leave the camera behind when trying to conscientiously live in the moment with two young children. I’m sure I’ll find a muse someday soon and pick up the ol’ Nikon again

I plan to be back this week with some insights from the parent/teacher conference last weekend – if I can even mentally and emotionally unpack it enough to share here. We’ll see…

Until next time, enjoy your Summer ending- live it to the fullest!

It’s been a while since I have shared pictures in this space. We have a bit of catching up to do!

To begin with,… Ethan turned 6 a few weeks ago!

::Here are some other Summer highlights::

The Summer nature table. (I need felted a sun and sun fairies with wool and hung them with a kool-aid dyed piece of silk.)

A contraptions set of wooden planks sent for Ethans birthday from his Nana is a daily example of how many things can be made for marbles with this relatively simple little boards!

Blocks cut and sanded from scrap poplar lumber is a much enjoyed birthday gift from Paw Paw and Maw Maw Su

one of our favorite spots at the park downtown. I sit and read and kids play under this huge pine tree or down by the creek for hours. We spot rabbits, squirrels, birds, bugs, and if you get there early enough, a wild bantam rooster walks around crowing!

Chris and kids explore the creek on Ethans birthday

Ethan on a trail walk this morning

a turtle discovered on our trail walks

huge water spider found at the creek!

fantastic beetle discovered on a nature walk

My summer seed collection on display by my desk

Verity continues to grow into a beautiful toddler, with golden locks, dark eyes, and olive skin...

Ethan tells himself a story about Blue and Yellow while doing some wet-on-wet watercoloring

What to do with old wet-on-wet watercolor projects? Make cards, of course!

Making sun prints in the backyard

Finished sun prints on display

Ver ready for the market with her mama-made knitted sun hat and a handmade dress passed down from our dear friend Misty in Portland

One of my favorite snacks lately: a fresh pizza dip for left over sourdough bread. Simply heat olive oil, garlic cloves, chopped tomatoes, and a jalepeno on a skillet with nitrate-free pepperoni or a spicy local sausage.. Add cayenne, chili powder, achioti, and sea salt to taste. Add fresh basil and cilantro, top with shredded raw chedder cheese. Yum!

Delicious oat groat cereal has been a morning ritual lately. Soaked overnight, the oat groats are cooked in the morning and then raw milk, raw eggs yolks, maple syrup/rawhoney, lavender buds, vanilla extract, and a pinch of sea salt are added to the pot (off heat). Ladel into a pretty teacup, and top with blueberries, blanched almonds, and ground flax seeds. Mmm...

Gladiolas in the sunlight